How to deal with a hubby that likes the chubby?

jennlos

Thank you to all that responded!!! Seriously I just needed to vent and get some encouraging words no divorce talk or anything like that. My husband loves me unconditionally. I guess I just can not count on him to be happy for me or encourage my progress. I really enjoyed reading the responses, Totally made me laugh especially the keep up with the kegal exercises, and put on a corset.
Responses was getting a bit serious, no need for that. This was just to get some encouragement because I am not getting it. I am motivated enough all by myself to continue, because that is what makes me happy. Plus I look at before and after pics Like HELL NOOOO not doing that again!!!
To the ones who are experiencing the same situation, got to do for you! At the end of the day its about us (weight-losers lol) and how we feel in our clothes.

Again thanks to all that responded with words of motivation and kindness.
Much needed and appreciated.

tamadrummer001

she will be smoking hot and curvy at the same time.

Just pointing out that one does NOT have to be overweight to be curvy. I was curvy when I was a size 3. It's bone structure, not fat.

Wouldn't you rather she be at a healthy weight and have a longer life than be "curvy"?

Nope, I want her to be happy and healthy. I don't push my desire on her but I sure have an opinion and she does as well. We both enjoy the other very much. My wife is not a person that has ever been a size 3 and personally, I would be more turned off than on by that. I do not go much for the teeny tiny little momma. Yup, there are many many many others that do but that just isn't anything I am attracted to. Back in my single days (14+ years ago when I was also a size 26 waist and 150 pounds, yeah I went for a couple little ladies but I just never was attracted enough.)

She wants to be xxx weight, she has a phentermine doctor that keeps telling her that once she hits xxx she will want to go down 20+ lbs and maybe even keep going and she keeps telling them, no thanks. Just get me to xxx and Ill take over from there.

I am very proud of her and I believe she is proud too! Her labs are excellent and her vitals are excellent as well. The outside worlds idea of what healthy for my wife or myself or even someone other than themself is usually wrong. Yes there are general expectations but being an RN and working in the ICU I see the truth daily. Medicine has not even the first iota of a clue when it comes to definite rules for health. NONE! I have had twice now otherwise very healthy 40 year old hispanic females have fatal hemorrhagic strokes completely out of the blue. No known health history and no reason to believe they would be alive making breakfast for their children now and 5 minutes later be brain dead and donating their organs to life link to save other peoples lives.

In a nutshell, I like the way my wife looks and I want her happy, period! No other requirements

itsaboutime71

I think you should use his negativity to motivate you even more. Great job! Get healthy for you first and then he will realize how lucky he is.

kkerri

I am still surprised by the people who comment on their spouses body in a "I wish you were" or "I liked you better when" manner.

I have been with my husband for 23 years (since I was 14, so there have been a lot of versions of me from bone skinny to pregnant and looked like I ate a whale and the aftermath of that). If he ever expressed his "preference" for how he wanted me body to look, it'd be a long time before he came near it.

I get that I owe him something so I try to take care of myself, but again, the "you looked better when" stuff would be met with quite a swift kick.

cranium853

My husband constantly compliments me and offers to share his food with me. I remind him that my weight is going to put me in the coffin years earlier and it's to his advantage to keep me alive and healthy. I think that sometimes it's hard for a person to let go of who we were if they loved us as we were, so in a weird way it's a compliment to say he liked you as you were back then. He also has more power in the relationship if you're unhappy and he's the noble guy who accepts his chunky wife. Health is a heck of a confidence builder and if he's not so confident as he ages then he might not want you to feel strong, either.

My mother-in-law weighed 300 pounds when I met her, used WW to get to 180, and then was just about hand-fed by her husband until she got past 300 again and had that surgery where a foot of intestine was removed. She had diarrhea for the rest of her life, died earlier than one might have expected, and when she got back to 180 he left her for a morbidly obese woman. He was convinced that even at 300 every male on the planet lusted after her and by 180 he just couldn't cope. That was his loss because she did care about him. But taste is taste. If my husband woke up significantly different than the man I care for I don't know how I would adapt. I hope I would know it's still him and still care for him because every day he changes a little as it is. I knew a man in his mid 80's who would purchase women from the streets for temporary love relationships because he couldn't handle touching someone with wrinkles. Pathetic, and sad, and dangerous. If your husband is a chubby chaser and that's not your thing, accept the loss, most of which is his loss, and move on. It sucks, but it's not worth dying ten years early just to have chubby cheeks and a man who likes you to be sick. That old guy died in a nursing home all alone. Does your husband really think that being without you is better than being with you when you are happy and healthy and confident? Again, if he does, let it be his loss.

postrockandcats

My man has always preferred larger women. He liked them when he was thin, he likes them now as he's gotten larger, himself. He likes smaller women, too, but his preferences always lean to the gals with fuller hips, boobs and butts with some extra belly in there.

He preferred my body when it was 240, but he likes ME better at a healthier weight; I'm happier, healthier and comfortable in my own skin.

You like what you like. There's nothing wrong with preferring one body type over another. These things get very emotional, though!

OP- he's used to you at a certain weight. Once you are where you want to be for a while, he'll probably realize that he likes you at that weight, too.

eric_sg61

Maybe he just likes thick girls, which has nothing to do with control or insecurity............it is called a preference.

kapatts

You asked him what he thought.

He gave you an honest answer.

This isn't insecure, rude, or unsupportive.

What would be unsupportive would be to ask your partner for an honest opinion and then penalize him for giving it.

He will probably adjust to your new healthy body. But in the mean time you can respect him by not expecting him to lie to you. If you don't want the answer, don't ask. Go out on a date and have fun instead of fishing for compliments.

Congrats on the weight loss BTW!

Co-sign!