Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.
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Grace215lbs
Posts: 129 Member
Hey Guys and Girls,
I've spoken about this before but i guess i really have no idea what to do about this or what my options are, if i'm out of line or if my sister is. I guess i really feel like i've lost motivation because i'm being guilt tripped into stopping my fitness for my sister wedding.
As some of you know my sister is getting married and she asked me to be her bridesmaid. After many weeks of saying i wasn't really up for the role, she showed me the dresses we had to wear, said it will all be nice and easy, so i finally agreed to do it.
Before i had agree to this i was 215-220lbs overweight and was told if i didn't lose this i may risk not being able to have children as well as i was at risk for diabetes. So i started a nutritional science course and joined MFP. My sister found out i was losing weight and sent me a TxT saying i have to stop or the dress won't fit. This was 14months before the wedding.. before any dresses were purchased. She then went on to tell me the dresses were going to be purchased ASAP and i would have to stop. This telling me i have to stop went on for a few months but thanks to people telling me to keep going and ignore her...i'm around 160 still overweight, out of danger, glad i didn't stop. I really don't want to stop any time soon.
I'm now paying for the dress as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. >.< So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to continue my health and pay for the dress size to be altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, so i could continue my fitness as i don't want to hold off my health for another 9 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i can't wait until after her wedding to lose the rest of the weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.
Any who the dress she picked changed again. We are to buy them at the end of this month... Even though the wedding is 9-10months away. She chose the opposite of what she wanted and what the other bridesmaids were happy with. It's now short, grey high round neckline. One of the bridesmaids left, stating my sister was clearly trying to dress us to look like garbage and pay for a $250 dress we'd never wear again. + $100 for alteration considering we'd have it way before the wedding date.... if she'd even let us alter them.
The matron of honor sent me an email a week ago telling me she is about to take a holiday during the wedding as she doesn't want to see a friendship end over my sisters rudeness....Her name is Elly she is 46years old and is a little self conscious and agreed she'd be the matron as the dress that was picked was long and covered her legs and wasn't revealing.. The other bridesmaid agreed to liking the first dress as it suited her body type being very top heavy and was the reason she was okay with paying for it, but she didn't want to have to buy this new dress she'd never wear again.. So i had a chat to my sister over the phone updating her about how getting the others to like the new dress was going and i mentioned they we're okay but a little upset the length, colour, style, material changed and she didn't talk to them about it before she made the change and she went nuts! "Who says any of this has to be about them! IT'S MY WEDDING!" They can where what they want at THEIR stupid weddings. Tell them to suck it up.
We had another brides party meeting yesterday and my sister announced we have to have our hair cut short or tight in a bun. No light hair colours. The shoes have to be open pep toe stilettos, orange and we have to also buy them. Her reason for picking pep toe was.."The shoes have to be open pep toe because it's winter and they are the best option" The last bridesmaid is no longer apart of the brides party she sent us all an email last night explaining why she is no longer available..
I am now the only 1 in the bridesmaid party. The matron of honor is pretty keen on leaving. I really don't care if she dresses me up like a clown, i'm just concerned for her asking me to stop my fitness.. And i'm pretty annoyed i'm looking at paying $500+ for clothing i will NEVER wear again.
What do i do? I don't want to be apart of her mind games anymore, i really don't want to spend $500+ on wedding clothing i will never wear again. And i would at least like to be able to alter the dress..but i'm not allow to. I don't want to feel guilty that i'm getting my life back on track, i want to continue my fitness yet this is making me feel horrible. Have you got family members or loved ones trying to stop you from your goals? Any advice? I'm damned if i do i'm damned if i don't. =(
I've spoken about this before but i guess i really have no idea what to do about this or what my options are, if i'm out of line or if my sister is. I guess i really feel like i've lost motivation because i'm being guilt tripped into stopping my fitness for my sister wedding.
As some of you know my sister is getting married and she asked me to be her bridesmaid. After many weeks of saying i wasn't really up for the role, she showed me the dresses we had to wear, said it will all be nice and easy, so i finally agreed to do it.
Before i had agree to this i was 215-220lbs overweight and was told if i didn't lose this i may risk not being able to have children as well as i was at risk for diabetes. So i started a nutritional science course and joined MFP. My sister found out i was losing weight and sent me a TxT saying i have to stop or the dress won't fit. This was 14months before the wedding.. before any dresses were purchased. She then went on to tell me the dresses were going to be purchased ASAP and i would have to stop. This telling me i have to stop went on for a few months but thanks to people telling me to keep going and ignore her...i'm around 160 still overweight, out of danger, glad i didn't stop. I really don't want to stop any time soon.
I'm now paying for the dress as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. >.< So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to continue my health and pay for the dress size to be altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, so i could continue my fitness as i don't want to hold off my health for another 9 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i can't wait until after her wedding to lose the rest of the weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.
Any who the dress she picked changed again. We are to buy them at the end of this month... Even though the wedding is 9-10months away. She chose the opposite of what she wanted and what the other bridesmaids were happy with. It's now short, grey high round neckline. One of the bridesmaids left, stating my sister was clearly trying to dress us to look like garbage and pay for a $250 dress we'd never wear again. + $100 for alteration considering we'd have it way before the wedding date.... if she'd even let us alter them.
The matron of honor sent me an email a week ago telling me she is about to take a holiday during the wedding as she doesn't want to see a friendship end over my sisters rudeness....Her name is Elly she is 46years old and is a little self conscious and agreed she'd be the matron as the dress that was picked was long and covered her legs and wasn't revealing.. The other bridesmaid agreed to liking the first dress as it suited her body type being very top heavy and was the reason she was okay with paying for it, but she didn't want to have to buy this new dress she'd never wear again.. So i had a chat to my sister over the phone updating her about how getting the others to like the new dress was going and i mentioned they we're okay but a little upset the length, colour, style, material changed and she didn't talk to them about it before she made the change and she went nuts! "Who says any of this has to be about them! IT'S MY WEDDING!" They can where what they want at THEIR stupid weddings. Tell them to suck it up.
We had another brides party meeting yesterday and my sister announced we have to have our hair cut short or tight in a bun. No light hair colours. The shoes have to be open pep toe stilettos, orange and we have to also buy them. Her reason for picking pep toe was.."The shoes have to be open pep toe because it's winter and they are the best option" The last bridesmaid is no longer apart of the brides party she sent us all an email last night explaining why she is no longer available..
I am now the only 1 in the bridesmaid party. The matron of honor is pretty keen on leaving. I really don't care if she dresses me up like a clown, i'm just concerned for her asking me to stop my fitness.. And i'm pretty annoyed i'm looking at paying $500+ for clothing i will NEVER wear again.
What do i do? I don't want to be apart of her mind games anymore, i really don't want to spend $500+ on wedding clothing i will never wear again. And i would at least like to be able to alter the dress..but i'm not allow to. I don't want to feel guilty that i'm getting my life back on track, i want to continue my fitness yet this is making me feel horrible. Have you got family members or loved ones trying to stop you from your goals? Any advice? I'm damned if i do i'm damned if i don't. =(
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Live
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The bride is supposed to look better than everyone, she is the one that gets the best dress and the ring and the guy remember ?
But she should not, WILL NOT , look better than you if that means you need to but your personal weight and health goals on hold just to be the fast bridesmaid.
You need to carry on, buy the dress in several sizes too small and slim into it.
If she is mad with you, then that is her problem, not yours.0 -
Honestly it sounds a lot like she is being very unreasonable about it all, but I'm sure she's very stressed out at the moment, there could be lots of reasons for wanting to get things sorted out early and a lot of people have very specific ideas about their wedding in their head....including bridesmaid dresses that look horrible.
Definitely keep up with getting healthier, in the same way you shouldn't try and loose weight because someone tells you too you shouldn't stop because they say so either! Congratulations on your progress so far, it sounds amazing by the way
I think its very sad that friends would bail out on someones wedding because they don't like the dresses though, I think the best thing to do is probably sit down and have a friendly chat with her and let her know how unreasonable you all think she is being. Try and avoid being too angry and judgmental, she does sound like a bit of a b***h but its very possible she's just freaking out and doesn't realise.....sorry this has been so long!0 -
I agree with emaren...live your own life. You cant make her happy she is all controlling and it will backfire and sounds like she's going to lose her friends along with her sister over this. If she is your sister and she loves you she should completely understand that your life and future is at risk. It's selfish of her to tell you to hold off on your health and possible potential to have kids because her wedding is more important. Will she pay for invitro or adoption if you are unable to have kids due to health concerns? My ex-husband wouldn't quit smoking due to me having COPD. Did you read the ex in that statement! You shouldnt have to compromise your health for anyone. You are in control of YOU! If you let others control your health where will it stop. Order the dress in the size you feel you will be able to achieve. Pay for it and the alterations. If she throws a fit then tell her its this option or you will have no other choice than to not be in the wedding because you won't compromise your health for her and that you love her but you're not budging on this. Good luck!0
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Well, since you seem to be the only one left, tell her that you can pick out a dress that will be flattering to you as the date gets closer. But if it was my sister and she said that about hair length and color, I will admit I would have been through and told her that was enough and I would not be participating either.Yes it is her day, but sounds like she is way too controlling,,,and WHAT THE HECK is a bride party planning anyway?????0
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This is YOUR BODY, YOUR HEALH, YOUR GOALS. Don't quit for anyone, especially a dress! Stay the course!0
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If I were you, I would have already quit the bridal party. Your sister is being a spoiled brat. What's more important to you? Your health or your bratty sister's ONE DAY of all attention being on her.
Whether or not you drop out is up to you, but tell your sister that her demands are ridiculous and that you NEED to get your health in check. Her wedding doesn't take priority over health and well-being.0 -
Well, since you seem to be the only one left, tell her that you can pick out a dress that will be flattering to you as the date gets closer. But if it was my sister and she said that about hair length and color, I will admit I would have been through and told her that was enough and I would not be participating either.Yes it is her day, but sounds like she is way too controlling,,,and WHAT THE HECK is a bride party planning anyway?????
Yep. And do your hair how it looks best for you.0 -
If your description is accurate, the "Bridezilla" diagnosis fits. Meanwhile, you are her sister so that puts you in a different category from the others. Wear whatever she wants you to but don't change your life around her current druthers. She is likely to change them to trip you up. Stop losing weight and she'll change the dress again to something tiny that fits you like a sausage casing. You will be more comfortable when the day comes in a dress that's too big than one that's too small. You can always hold it up with safety pins if necessary.
If you have a sympathetic parent, discuss your dilemma with them and take into consideration what they want you to do. See if they have a few bucks to chip in toward the gown. Stop talking to the rest of the bridal party about it so you are a less likely target for Bridezilla's wrath at all of them. Just quietly smile and be glad you are not marrying her.0 -
Tell your sister to get over it and if she has a problem with you getting healthy and happy then she is officially out of brides maids..
I person I really feel sorry for in this story is the poor *kitten* that's marrying her!0 -
I don't know where women get the notion that being a bride means everyone else has to cater to your every whim. It's ridiculous. You don't get to have the world revovle around you just because you're getting married. You should just be happy to be getting to marry the person who you love.
Anyway, I think the following: If you can afford the dress, shoes and alterations no problem, then buy them, stay in the wedding party. If not, I would leave the wedding party.
Regardless of which you do of the above, you should not stop your weightloss and fitness just because your sister says to. It's your life and health, not hers. You need to do what's right for you. It is her wedding, yes, but only for one day, not for 9+ months.0 -
Thanks for the support. I was feeling like i was being selfish for not just going with what she wanted me to do, but she has a way of doing that. I can't really afford to pay for all of this. I think she even wanted the bridesmaids "party" to pay for her hens night.. Which was looking to cost around $2000 but since i'm the last member i'm not paying that. I wouldn't even pay 1/3 of that.
I have $6000 dental bills, my 6 yr anniversary holiday $4000, new camera and photo software $3000 for Uni and Uni fees for next year $6000. I need to save up $19,000 - $20,000 for 2014 already. And i'm a full time student who pays rent. So i'm just hoping my Tax back will pay for the dress and shoes and alterations.
I'll keep pushing on and hope i don't go crazy, thanks again! 0 -
Your sister sounds like a psycho b from hell. Do what you want and if she doesn't like it......well then she won't have a wedding party.0
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Yeah, it's your sister's wedding. But it's your health! Is a dress that you would only wear for a few hours really worth the strides you've made and will continue to make. For your sister to put her wedding ahead of you in such a fashion strikes me as utterly selfish.0
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Your sister is a mentalcase.0
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She sounds like a controlling b**ch. Honestly, I would have dropped by now and suggest you do too but..... I can feel your love for her and want to just make her happy. You could tell her that you want to wait until closer to the day to buy everything in order to give you time to collect the money and make sure it's the attire she's set on. That's a large investment on your part for a one time event and if it's possible she might change her mind, you may not be able to afford it. You could, perhaps, go ahead and buy the shoes to show her you're committed to being a part of the wedding. (Your shoe size also won't change as dramatically with more weight loss.) Your health is more important than her one-time event. Don't give up your fitness goals.
Side note to suggest, my best friend and I are both planning our weddings for next summer. For our's and every wedding I've been in, the bride picks the dresses from a selection the bridesmaids choose or in some other way takes their feedback. Price has always been extremely important in our group. For shoes, we had a set color (like black or ivory) and the bridesmaid was free to choose the actual shoe. This is an area that could save a lot of money, insure they can wear it again, and make sure they're comfortable. If your sister was willing to be more flexible, I'm sure the others would be more willing to come back and everyone happier in general. It's her fault for causing the situation and you have no reason to feel guilty.0 -
What they said ^^^.
Here's one of my biggest concerns: if she's that hard to get along with, what are the chances there will even BE a wedding? If you go along with her -- and yes hopefully staying with your health program (which is more important than any one single day btw) and buy the dress, have it altered etc etc, and she doesn't get married because she's having such control issues ... where will that leave everyone? Angry as hell.
Tell her you love her but she's being absolutely unreasonable, and if she doesn't 'approve' of your new lifestyle then maybe now is a good time to start looking for a new bridesmaid as your needs are every bit as valid as hers.
Is she purposely sabotaging you? I doubt it. I suspect she can't see far enough past her own wants and needs to even recognize yours.0 -
I find myself wondering what the heck your sister was like before the wedding plans came in to play.
She is most definitely vying for the gold medal in the Bridezilla competition. Is there anyone with any sway with her? Fiance? Parents? Clearly her friends have had it with her.
Anyway, if it were my sister my response would have been 'No. Sorry. You don't get to make decisions about my life and my health. I am more than happy to help you with the wedding, I am more than happy to wear whatever you want me to wear for the wedding, but you're going to have to wait until closer to the wedding for me to get my dress because it's unrealistic to get it now, even if I weren't losing weight.'
If she's not accepting of that, then that's her decision and you should leave her to her self induced wedding hell.
I will never understand why brides to be think it's acceptable to behave like the evil queen. Somewhere what is important about a wedding seems to get lost.0 -
Two words: boundary issues.
Your sister has them.0 -
Wow....just......wow. Lose the weight and tell your sister to chill.....and change the shoes colour !!!0
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So peep toe during the winter, eh? Sounds... uh... nevermind.
Honestly - I'm surprised you made it that long. Maybe if you bail along with her other bridesmaids she might come to her senses. Just have an all out screaming match with her and maybe some of what you say will sink in - but for her to ask you to CUT your hair and stop being healthy is f**king stupid as all **insert string of obscenities**
In any case - keep on trucking. Eventually it'll work itself out.0
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