Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.
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How is your sister normally? have you been fat all or most of your life? maybe she just looks down on you and maybe you need to just stand up to her and really say something.0
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I thought my bridezilla was bad when she told me I couldn't lose any weight 6 months before the wedding because our dresses were being hand made and the alterations would be too hard. I ingored her and lost 45 pounds in that 6 months. It's your life, it's your health and don't let anyone tell you you're not allowed to get healthy...0
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Is it just me that thinks a wedding, although being the bride and grooms big day, is supposed to be a happy occasion? If no one involved is happy to be there then it's going to be a pretty dour affair and won't matter how everyone looks. The photos will tell the true story and she'll have to look back at them in years to come knowing that she made eveyones life miserable.
I'd tell her to take a step back and have a reality check or if she continues no one will be coming to her wedding. Either that or she could hire a load of models that all look how she wants them to as bridesmaids and leave you and her friends to be guests and wear what you want......or is she going to start on what the guests can/can't wear next?!
To be honest I hate that phrase anyway, a wedding is really the joining of two people in marriage it's THEIR big day not hers. How is her fiance coping with his bridezilla?
This is from someone who got married 2 months ago....it was a relaxed happy day with no stressing about things being 'perfect' and by not getting up tight everyting was indeed perfect.
Everyone gets a little anxious over big events like weddings but really this is way beyond that....is these are her true colours I'd be worried that the groom may have second thoughts about turning up himself!0 -
;3 Thanks guys and gals, She is sadly unreasonable. If i at all try to say anything to her like i need to keep losing for health reasons she will freak! Example, when i sat her down and told her i had been told i need to get to a healthy weight or i may not be able to have children she said "That's not my problem". To me that says it all about how i'm going to cope over the next 9-10months of hell.
Anything that is not 100% her way is the wrong way and if you say you're okay with what's she talking about, she will try to change it for an arguments sake. Luckily i'm fairly passive and just don't care so i nod and agree. Probably why i'm still sadly in the wedding =/ I will try to the ignorant approach. Keep losing weight.. and say 'Losing? Nah", then when it's a month to the wedding, get the dress altered. The only issue is i think she knows i was planning that, as she's still reminding me the dress is going to in her little hands until the day before the wedding. Hoping mum will tell her i've gained weight and i need to try it on again... Then we'll get it altered <.< >.> Feels a little bad sneaking around though =( i need to toughen up.
If you are the one paying for the dress, it shouldn't be put in her hands. Inform the dress shop that you will be the one to pick up the dress beause alterations will need to be made and be sure to keep your receipt. It depends on the shop as to if they are strict on pickup, but I hope they are in this case.
If you haven't ordered the dress yet, there is still time to drop out (save your sanity). She has 9 months to hopefully realize what she's done and find other bridesmaids. Sister or not, you don't deserve that treatment. Good luck.0 -
As a former wedding coordinator i can assure you she is scared, a wedding is set up as this huge *kitten* big deal , when in reality , its just a big formal party celebrating the commitment ,
but Tv shows set unrealistic expectations, the concerns you have are valid
She needs a heart to heart , often times the wedding b!tch bride is just worried about everything , from the wedding to being married, to the changes , etc . and perhaps unsure of her commitment to her partner .
you need to talk to her, politely and honestly, there is no way for you to be a member of the bridal party if she continues her behavior, your health must come first, and in this case its weight loss and your own future health ,
talk to her from the future perspective
, honey , if you affect my future like this, how can you expect me to be supportive for you and your future?!?!?!0 -
I'm clearly missing a trick here...our wedding is in just under 4 weeks and I ended up changing my whole colour scheme to suit the red dress my 9 year old tomboy bridesmaid fell in love with! Plus I bought the dress 8 weeks before the wedding in case of growth spurts...!
In my view, it's a DAY. An important day, but just a day. I'm more bothered about everyone around me being happy than pushing a "perfect wedding".
I wouldn't suggest mentioning ALL the above to your sister...but it sounds like a little perspective is needed...how perfect is this day going to be if she drives everyone away?
And to echo what others have said, your health is far more important than any of it!0 -
So.... your sister doesn't care about your health or the enrichment of your life with any potential children.
I'm just going to leave that right there and tell you to drop out. That's just...sad.0 -
We had another brides party meeting yesterday and my sister announced we have to have our hair cut short or tight in a bun. No light hair colours. The shoes have to be open pep toe stilettos, orange and we have to also buy them. Her reason for picking pep toe was.."The shoes have to be open pep toe because it's winter and they are the best option" The last bridesmaid is no longer apart of the brides party she sent us all an email last night explaining why she is no longer available.
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What do i do? I don't want to be apart of her mind games anymore, i really don't want to spend $500+ on wedding clothing i will never wear again. And i would at least like to be able to alter the dress..but i'm not allow to. I don't want to feel guilty that i'm getting my life back on track, i want to continue my fitness yet this is making me feel horrible. Have you got family members or loved ones trying to stop you from your goals? Any advice? I'm damned if i do i'm damned if i don't. =(
Telling you to wear your hair up: acceptable. Telling you what color your hair has to be: unacceptable.
Altering your dress to fit your body is completely up to you. Order it in the size you are now, and before the wedding have it fitted to whatever size you end up being. Chances are, when she sees the dress on you in a too big size she'll "force" you to alter it so her pictures won't look bad.
She's right- it's HER day. That means it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU- so feel free to live YOUR life and continue to lose weight!
How she chooses to react to your choices is up to her. If she wants to throw a fit then let her- it has nothing to do with you.0 -
Your health comes first. Period. If your sister doesn't care about that, she doesn't care about you. I hope you can find the strength to take care of yourself and keep getting healthier -- whether that means being in the wedding or not. If you can afford it, it might be useful to see a counselor to help you with your anxiety and setting boundaries.
Just for comparison, when I got married there were 4 women in the wedding party, all with different body types. I picked the color and told them to get whatever dress they wanted in that color, so that they could get whatever looked good on their body and would feel beautiful too. They did whatever they wanted with their hair and shoes.0 -
I don't understand why she is so adamant that you can't get the dress altered closer to the date? Why would she want you to look like crap in a dress that is too big for you in all her wedding pictures? That makes absolutely no sense. Is she overweight? Is it perhaps that she doesn't want to look like "the fat sister" on her wedding day?
This is exactly what i was thinking. It sounds like she wants you to stay heavy for her wedding so that she can feel better about herself.
Honestly, I'd tell her to pound sand, and that I'm happy to attend her wedding, but being a part of it isn't in the cards right now.
Sounds like a pretty awful person, to be totally honest...0 -
Tell your would-be brother-in-law what's going on. Ask him if he really wants to spend his life with that sort of materialistic drama queen. The problem should solve itself.0
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Wow. Well, maybe you should recommend she signs up for Bridezillas! Kidding aside, I think your sister should get a reality check on the prices. Also orange shoes? Bleh. Keep trying to talk to your sister and see if there could be an alternative that could happen. Otherwise, tell her you would love to attend her wedding but for the sake of your relationship you can't be a bridesmaid anymore. She should be happily supporting your weight loss!!!! You are doing great and I hope you keep it up.
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I didn't read the threads but seriously I can't believe ur sister. FYI I purchased my wedding dress the size I was and proceeded to lose 70 more pounds. It was a pretty intricate dress but I got a fantastic tailor and looked awesome on my wedding day. So, I would pay whatever to have it altered.0
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Is it just me that thinks a wedding, although being the bride and grooms big day, is supposed to be a happy occasion? If no one involved is happy to be there then it's going to be a pretty dour affair and won't matter how everyone looks. The photos will tell the true story and she'll have to look back at them in years to come knowing that she made eveyones life miserable.
I'd tell her to take a step back and have a reality check or if she continues no one will be coming to her wedding. Either that or she could hire a load of models that all look how she wants them to as bridesmaids and leave you and her friends to be guests and wear what you want......or is she going to start on what the guests can/can't wear next?!
To be honest I hate that phrase anyway, a wedding is really the joining of two people in marriage it's THEIR big day not hers. How is her fiance coping with his bridezilla?
This is from someone who got married 2 months ago....it was a relaxed happy day with no stressing about things being 'perfect' and by not getting up tight everyting was indeed perfect.
Everyone gets a little anxious over big events like weddings but really this is way beyond that....is these are her true colours I'd be worried that the groom may have second thoughts about turning up himself!
My mother was thinking the same thing ;( Though i remember when it came to organizing the photographer (Which i did as i'm an Ex photographer) I told her she doesn't need to spend $1400 on a package from a company she could look at portfolios and pick something with a style she'd love to keep.. And the matron of honor said "It's true plus most places off 2 photographers, one behind the scenes and one doing set up port rates for A LOT less. . She said "It's not like they're going to be taking pictures of any of you, it's my day, i only need the 1 and i want a professional" ..Without even seeing the quality of pictures the so called profession took. "sigh" Hopefully though she'll see common sense towards the day and let me at least alter the dress so i'm not walking around in a loose bag. =/0 -
My EX friend was getting married for the second time and she was still in her early 20's and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I had just moved countries and my life was in boxes. I explained to her I would do the best I can being a single parent having just moved countries on my own so she shouldn't expect me to be at her beck and call. I told her if she requires someone to be there with her all the time then she should pick someone else. I am not the type of person who agrees to something then lets people down so I wanted to make sure i covered all the bases first. She said it would be fine and then a few weeks later started making demands on me. I had spent my life savings moving and could not afford to pay for anything she knew this but still acted like a total B to me. She made up stories and rumors and in front of the other girls she made fun of me and tried to make me look like a looser. I did not say a word i gave her respect as it was her wedding time.
She was being very immature and unreasonable and would get her fiancee to call me making demands he also called me one night to ask for help because she was throwing things at him. I told him not to marry her if that is what is going on. One night we were having dinner at her house my son was 3 and her fiancee said something she did not like and she threw a full size Vegemite jar a ONE KILO jar at him but it missed him and clocked my son in the head! And she did not even apologize! I had witness her slap her fiancee in the face just for paying for groceries and smiling at the check out chick!
I simply said to her look I love you you are my friend but right now this has got to stop. I will be your bridesmaid but i cant be shopping with you almost every day and paying for these things you want me to pay for you need to cal down. Well her attitude got worse and I told her that I will come to her wedding as a guest not a bridesmaid.
I went to her wedding she put me on a table facing a wall and all the wedding was happening behind me literally she spent her wedding day being a cow to me and to her new husband when they were doing the speeches she yelled at him and made him look like a fool in front of everyone and the party went so silent and someone broke the ice and said WELCOME TO MARRIAGE to him and he laughed nervously yea she cheated on him a few years later and abandoned their baby daughter and took off across the state with some houso looser whom now she lives out in the bush with and has about 5 more kids she cant handle she is now grossly obese and unhappy and looks 10 years older than she really is and has no friends other than her new husbands family. She was teeny tiny skinny pretty and rich but not anymore she is broke as living in a dust bowl.
Karma my friend that is what i call KARMA.
So don't worry about your sister just be loving but almost be firm tell her that you love her and understand how stressed she is and nervous too (tell her this over wine) then say whilst i am your sister you have alienated me and your other bridesmaids you may not realise what affect you are having on others and whilst i understand its your day you are not an island and it takes a team of people to make YOUR day happen the way YOU want if you act like this people are not going to on board with you and your dreams of a perfect wedding will not come to pass and that is all up to you.
If she goes off on one stay calm and say like I told you i love you but your attitude has to stop and then lay down the law say my health is my business not yours I am going to get my dress altered if needed I am willing to be there for you I am willing to give up my time to be there for YOU but you need to meet me some of the way lets work on a compromise when it comes to the dress i am sure you'd rather have me smiling and happy and strong for you on the day rather than unhappy and stressed out as you seem to be i will not stop loosing weight you have no right to make those demands on me.
If you do not stop calm down and be reasonable I am unfortunately going to have to come as a guest only. I will still be there to support you but not as a bridesmaid the choice is yours.
That way you have empathized with her and let her know you understand how she feels then you have let her know how you and other have been feeling and then acknowledged her authority in a sense but then put things in context and reminded her that her authority is limited and does not include your body and then concluded with the consequences for her behavior if it was to continue.
That way you have been mature calm loving respectful and drawn those lines the next step will be to STICK TO IT! If she crosses those lines give her ONE warning remind her of the conversation you had face to face at the bar over lunch etc and if she crosses it meet with her face to face again remind her of the conversation and now let her know the consequences of her actions. That way you have covered all the bases and have resolved it in a mature methodical loving way and can walk away with your head held high knowing you went about it in the right way!
There is nothing wrong with telling people NO but you have to do it in a way that is non argumentative because as soon as you get on their energy level and make pot shots you have lost your position entirely. Dont let her waver from the subject when you peak to her stay on point stay calm stay focused if she makes pot shots at you just wait silently correct her go back t the subject until you have said all you need to say.
Wow Karma indeed! Makes me feel good when those get what's coming to them. Thank you for sharing
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UPDATE: I went and got the dress with my mother, also got it another size smaller from my own measurements.
My mother is very odd in social situations and doesn't think before she speaks which in this case was kind of funny... She told my sister she intends to keep the bridesmaid dresses since my sister doesn't look after anything and it will probably get eaten by silverfish under her care. My sister chucked a tantrum saying who gives a s**t if it gets a little damage and she's not allowed to have it altered! She can't have everything when it's my wedding! And my mother told her to calm down, as I probably wont need it altered as I got it smaller. And my sister went absolutely bonkers over the phone making some pretty horrid sounds, screaming that I should have just stayed the same fat *kitten* weight...sounded like she may have been jumping up and down also. (Probably didn't know I was listening to the phone)
So I've pretty much figured out she's insane. She picked the dresses, she picked the shoes, she even said how we'd all have our hair and she did everything to make sure it was what no one wanted to wear, while being rude and disrespectful...so all the bridesmaids left. Now it's just the flower girl, the matron and me...She made us pay for all of it even though we can never wear them again and yet somehow she seems to think, in her crazy *kitten* mind that i'm getting what I want. I don't understand why you would try to make your bridesmaids look fugly, make them uncomfortable and suffer and be okay with it. I thought your bridesmaids are meant to be those closest to you, people you love and trust. I'd NEVER treat someone I loved that way in any situation especially not my wedding way.. Sweet lord this makes me look at humans in a whole new light... Well i'm going to continue to get fit. I'm not going to let her push me around emotionally.
I'm going to get on with my life and if she want's to borrow me for 1 day then i'll pop out of my life for a day. But that's all she's getting. Can't believe some of the cr@p that came out of her mouth. What is going through her mind? As it's clearly not just wedding stress. I can't even look at her anymore just thinking she was happy to have me be so unhealthy, i'd never have kids just to suit her wedding wants. I just don't know what to do other then ignore her bs up until the wedding day. Get it over with and not speak to her until she stops being a nutt job.
I've never been this disgusted with someone, I've always been a doormat. I guess i'm more confident now and the new me doesn't want to be treated badly by people. =/
Well i'll keep you updated maybe some pictures too0 -
Good for you!!!!! :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:0
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I guess i'm more confident now and the new me doesn't want to be treated badly by people. =/
Good for you. Put the above phrase somewhere you can see it every day.
You are kinder than I am. I would have told her to take a hike and never looked back.0 -
Wow she is craycray and the poor guy that is marrying her!!!!
Good luck0 -
Congrats to your sister, but she has NO RIGHT to tell you to stop losing weight and being the best you can be. Just my 2 cents.0
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