Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.
Replies
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I would schedule my wedding on the same day as hers, and tell all the guests that they can wear whatever the heck they want if they attend MY wedding. Also loots of free booze. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!
Congrats.
You said what I was thinking, LOL!0 -
I would schedule my wedding on the same day as hers, and tell all the guests that they can wear whatever the heck they want if they attend MY wedding. Also loots of free booze. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!
Congrats.
Oh man, such a good idea! Sounds like something I'd do.
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Soo for those of you who know my anniversary with BF ended with him proposing
my sister said i can't wear my engagement ring because it's not my wedding and bridesmaids apparently traditionally don't wear any jewlery because it takes focus away from the bride. Sany of you know if this is true? my mother says shes puling it out her backside. I told her its fine as i'll tie some roe on my finger since thats not really jewlery. This standing up for myself is pretty fun. 
My fiance sadly for me is no longer attending on account, in his words " I don't want to celebrate your sociopath sisters, i tricked a guy into marrying me so f**k all of you day". Haha he's a silly one, though now im facing this wedding hell alone, so wish me luck and lets hope she doesnt decide her weddingneeds a human sacrifice
Your sister is making it all up. She's ruining her friendships for the sake of a wedding day. It's terrible. My sister bought matching earrings sets for her bridesmaids, so the thing about jewelry, is just nonsense.
My sister was reasonable to her bridesmaids. She picked the colors of her wedding and all we had to do is match the wedding colors in any kind of formal occasion dress that we wanted. Of course, now I'm too small for that bridesmaid outfit. ^_^ But, it was still nice at the time to be able to dress in a way that didn't make me feel foolish. Had I stayed the same size, I would have been able to wear those pieces again. But, I'm glad I didn't have to waste $500 on a flash in the pan outfit.
Good luck on what you do, as a sister I know you feel like you cannot just excuse yourself from the event, but it really sounds like it's going to be horrible. Sorry!0 -
Soo for those of you who know my anniversary with BF ended with him proposing my sister said i can't wear my engagement ring because it's not my wedding and bridesmaids apparently traditionally don't wear any jewlery because it takes focus away from the bride. Sany of you know if this is true? my mother says shes puling it out her backside. I told her its fine as i'll tie some roe on my finger since thats not really jewlery. This standing up for myself is pretty fun.
My fiance sadly for me is no longer attending on account, in his words " I don't want to celebrate your sociopath sisters, i tricked a guy into marrying me so f**k all of you day". Haha he's a silly one, though now im facing this wedding hell alone, so wish me luck and lets hope she doesnt decide her weddingneeds a human sacrifice
Just break up.
Seriously. I bought jewelry for my bridesmaids (two were married and wore their rings).
Leave the wedding party.0 -
Alrighty this is all freaking ridiculous. Why do you even feel like you have to ask people's advice about this? Get out and don't let yourself be treated like that. I'm getting married on Saturday and guess how much I care what anybody else is wearing? NONE. I said buy a short navy dress that you like. DONE. How easy was that? This ***** cray.0
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I hadn't seen this thread before... I read the first page and now the last.
I am totally in shock and can't believe your sister... she is totally loopy - all the wedding stuff must have addled her brain. Surely after losing most of her bridesmaid party, she would get the hint, but no.. she is hanging in there and even getting worse?!
Congratulations on your engagement!
Wear your ring (or go with the most ridiculously clashy string round your finger you can) because that is total rubbish!
I don't know a lot about wedding traditions and have never really planned or had ideas about my wedding in my head (other than hoping to wear a pretty dress), but the last couple of weddings I have heard about or experienced. In both the bridesmaids were gifted jewellery to wear on the day (pretty earrings and a bracelet). And they could wear additional pieces if they wanted and other rings did not come up at all.
The fact that you are still hanging in there through all her rubbish makes you a saint. I would be taking any money you were going to spend on the wedding clothes or whatever and go out on a romantic dinner date somewhere. (since he is free too! :laugh: )0 -
Don't stop your fitness goals at all!
My eldest sister hinted at this to me too, but openly came out and said "you cant be skinnier than me on my wedding".
It is just me and my middle sister (who is already married and wasn't a bridezilla at all! ) who are the bridesmaids, and a 10 year old as a flower girl. My sister bought her wedding dress online at a great price! its really big and beautiful. She had decided then that me and my sister had to also wear a big (pink) dress down the wedding as she didn't want to look like "a disco ball with two pencils beside her" :S
We've agreed to everything as its her wedding, and i'd go down in a bin bag if it made her happy, but then she said she didn't want the combined amount for the bridesmaids dresses to be more than her dress (neither was the grooms suit etc) which is ridiculous as she got her dress extremely cheaply online, yet ours as it was for two of us was coming from a shop, which is always more expensive, plus we are paying for it ourselves anyway. she also had ridiculous budgets for everything for example £50 for a photographer £30 for 150 invites etc and gave us the jobs to do it. I openly said to her that she was being a bit of a bridezilla, and making the whole situation unnecessarily stressful. That we can get things done for her but with realistic budgets and timeframes. (she told us she was getting married in June (i think) and said the wedding is in Oct, Its now in march luckily.) and that she doesn't even like pink so is she sure she wants us in pink and to be reasonable with the dresses as we have to order them or we wont have any.. she let us buy ourselves the dresses in the end !
Basically,, just cause its her wedding doesn't mean she can turn into a b**ch so speak up, and don't stop your fitness goals!0 -
Your sister needs psychiatric help. Fricking psycho. Poor groom.Soo for those of you who know my anniversary with BF ended with him proposing my sister said i can't wear my engagement ring because it's not my wedding and bridesmaids apparently traditionally don't wear any jewlery because it takes focus away from the bride. Sany of you know if this is true? my mother says shes puling it out her backside. I told her its fine as i'll tie some roe on my finger since thats not really jewlery. This standing up for myself is pretty fun.
My fiance sadly for me is no longer attending on account, in his words " I don't want to celebrate your sociopath sisters, i tricked a guy into marrying me so f**k all of you day". Haha he's a silly one, though now im facing this wedding hell alone, so wish me luck and lets hope she doesnt decide her wedding needs a human sacrifice
Looks like your fiance picked up on it too. Jeez.0 -
Please drop out of this wedding party...
Your sister is being completely unreasonable and horribly selfish and should not be allowed to treat ANYONE ,especially a sister like she is treating you. And by staying in the wedding party you are allowing her to treat you that way. NO WAY would I let ANYONE treat me like that!
Wow/ Just Wow.
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I don't believe getting married gives anyone license to treat others poorly, especially family. It is unreasonable to ask you to stop losing weight. That said, should you choose to hold off on your goals or give in to ridiculous demands, that is on you. It is your responsibility to stand up for yourself and not allow anyone -regardless of the relationship- to treat you like crap. It is up to you to initiate a conversation and let her know calmly and clearly what your limits are in terms of partcipating in the wedding. If she cannot agree then tell her you will be celebrating as a guest. If she disinvites you entirely, let her know that you are sorry to hear that, you would enjoy seeing how beautiful she will be but it is her decision.
Remember a bridezilla easily turns into an anniverzilla, mom-to-bezilla etc. Allowing it to continue now sets a bad precedence that can continue for the rest of your lives.
And seriously, not allowing alterations is just stupid.0 -
Two words: boundary issues.
Your sister has them.
QFT!!!
Your sister is the bride, yes, but that doesn't give her the right to tell you how to live your life! Focus in your health; it will matter far more in the end than a singular date in which your sister wears in overly-expensive dress.
For what it's worth... As a bride myself who did micromanage more than I should have, you sister's behavior is appalling. Screw dying your hair or cutting it just to appease her for ONE day. Especially as she has changed her mind once already in regards to dress style and color. You are there to support her, not to be her damn lapdog. And the sooner she realizes this the better. Maybe she will be able to salvage some of her friendships if she does.
Edited to add: During my wedding planning the only requests I made of my bridesmaids was to have the same color dress and to have it around knee-length. Beyond that they were free to choose any cut or style they liked. I also requested that they get nude/champagne colored shoes. They did of have to 100% match but I wanted the color to be similar.
They wore whatever jewlery they normally wear with neutral colored makeup. As wedding gifts they all got fascinators (there was a 50s theme at the reception and partially at the service itself). Beyond that, I just wanted them there I time to help me get ready and be there for pictures. And for the rehearsal the Friday prior.
Your sister is going so far overboard it is painful for me to think of what she is putting you and the rest of your family through. You don't deserve that kind of treatment, OP.0 -
I wouldn't spend a dime on wedding things for at least another 6-8 months. There's a good chance the fiance may get wise and bale out before the big day rolls around.0
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Firstly, if shes going to get all "its MY wedding" about it, then maybe she should be paying for it.
I probably would've quit by now, but if you don't want to do that i'd be telling her i'm not going to stop losing weight so we either need to get the dress closer to the time, or you can guess at the size you will be, but it now and she can pay for any alterations.0 -
Bridezilla nothing. How about SPOILED ROTTEN BRAT.
I thought my daughter's friend was bridezilla. Your sister takes the trophy on that one.0 -
Wow is all I have to say. If it were me I won't be I. The weddings party anymore.
The most important thing is you health and for someone let alone your sister to say don't lose weight and put it on hold is so over the line I can't even put it into words. One of my bridesmaids was preggo and I looked for styles and materials that were forgiving. I did pick the color of the dress but they did have input. I also made sure they were affordable since I wasn't in a position to pay for them.
Congrats to you and your weight-loss journey0 -
If her childish hysterics continue, your sister will likely find herself walking down the aisle toward an empty stage. I suggest medication. For her. In large doses.
Use the $500+ you would waste on this wedding and put it toward a conveniently timed elopement with your honey to some tropical place. Good excuse not to be there, getting married, yourself.0 -
I bet the bachelorette party is gonna be a blast
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Congrats on your engagement! Also, good luck on your weight loss, and future family plans!
Your sister is a bridezilla, in the worst kind. That being said, I won't actually advise you to leave the wedding party. Its your sister. I would attend anything for my brother no matter what kinda fit he thew, so I completely understand that. Don't worry about a formal dress you'll never be wearing again. Honestly, what formal occasions will you be attending later? When one comes up, it will likely be years later and the dress won't fit or be what your looking for anyway. I think you did the right thing by buying your dress small. Continue your weight loss, permanent changes to your body, no one has any right to change but you. Don't dye your hair, or cut it (unless YOU want it), and keep up with your weight loss.
My own wedding for comparison. I had a 'Bring your own Chair' wedding, as in, I told the guests to bring your own chair or stand in this park for 30-45 min. No set up, no clean up and the total cost of the wedding: less than 500$. ( Reception paid for by my parents for less than 300$.). Funny thing tho, everyone seamed very happy with my wedding. We gave everyone bubbles to blow at the 'happy couple', and the kids loved it. I love the picture of me and my husband, with bubbles flowing around us, and then the same picture from another angle showing the line of family happily blowing bubbles in our face.0 -
Congratulations!
And, you know, RUN!0 -
Dayum! I just cannot imagine treating bridesmaids or anyone that badly. These are supposed to be her most loved friends and family and she is treating everyone like absolute crap.
I know my BMs aren't made of money and don't have the same style as me so I will pick a color and probably fabric and have them each pick their own dresses according to their tastes and budget. I always thought the everybody-dress-like-twins thing was weird anyway. And I don't care about their shoes or hair. I can't imagine having people spend that much on any dress, let alone a hideous one.
And you should be able to wear your damn ring. In any bridal party there's going to be people that are engaged or married and I've never heard of such a thing.
This girl deserves a huge slap in the face and you not showing up (hopefully not the groom either) ought to be just the ticket. If you do go, I would show up wearing whatever.
CONGRATS on your engagement!0 -
Don't stop your fitness goals at all!
My eldest sister hinted at this to me too, but openly came out and said "you cant be skinnier than me on my wedding".
It is just me and my middle sister (who is already married and wasn't a bridezilla at all! ) who are the bridesmaids, and a 10 year old as a flower girl. My sister bought her wedding dress online at a great price! its really big and beautiful. She had decided then that me and my sister had to also wear a big (pink) dress down the wedding as she didn't want to look like "a disco ball with two pencils beside her" :S
We've agreed to everything as its her wedding, and i'd go down in a bin bag if it made her happy, but then she said she didn't want the combined amount for the bridesmaids dresses to be more than her dress (neither was the grooms suit etc) which is ridiculous as she got her dress extremely cheaply online, yet ours as it was for two of us was coming from a shop, which is always more expensive, plus we are paying for it ourselves anyway. she also had ridiculous budgets for everything for example £50 for a photographer £30 for 150 invites etc and gave us the jobs to do it. I openly said to her that she was being a bit of a bridezilla, and making the whole situation unnecessarily stressful. That we can get things done for her but with realistic budgets and timeframes. (she told us she was getting married in June (i think) and said the wedding is in Oct, Its now in march luckily.) and that she doesn't even like pink so is she sure she wants us in pink and to be reasonable with the dresses as we have to order them or we wont have any.. she let us buy ourselves the dresses in the end !
Basically,, just cause its her wedding doesn't mean she can turn into a b**ch so speak up, and don't stop your fitness goals!
Edited as i posted without typing haha. She sounds a bit like my sister. Mine called me up and demanded i take work off to make her invites. I told her i need the money to pay for her wedding so she said i had to come in on my 1 day off. Her fiance was like whattt??? Just get some made online and send them over. He picked them they were almost the same as the ones she wanted only like half the price and i didnt have to make them.0 -
This is an entertaining thread. As an almost graduating medical student doing a psych rotation I can pretty much tell that your sister has a narcissistic personality disorder. This behavior is not going to end with the wedding unfortunately. This is worse than other psych issues since she thinks she is perfectly ok and whatever happens is everyone fault not hers. If I were you, I will start distancing myself from this person whether she is your sister or not. She is toxic and dangerous. Attend the wedding but that's that. Try to limit your encounters with her and learn to be more independent of her demands. As for the wedding, I got married last year and this story makes me feel like a saint. I pretty much handled the whole wedding by myself. I don't really need help with planning and I want a simple wedding. I allowed my bridesmaid wear whatever dress they want as long as it is the same color and they can have whatever hair style they want. I paid for mani and pedi and gave they tokens for being such great bridesmaids. If I were you I would get myself out of the wedding. If you are avoiding trouble it's impossible. She will dislike you whether you stay or leave. She will always find something wrong to complain about. Once the wedding approaches, it will get worse. Trust me. Wedding planning is hectic towards the end. She will stress you out of your mind. Leave now with your sanity intact0
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sweetheart, i am just now seeing this thread and skimmed through it.Soo for those of you who know my anniversary with BF ended with him proposing my sister said i can't wear my engagement ring because it's not my wedding and bridesmaids apparently traditionally don't wear any jewlery because it takes focus away from the bride. Sany of you know if this is true? my mother says shes puling it out her backside. I told her its fine as i'll tie some roe on my finger since thats not really jewlery. This standing up for myself is pretty fun.
My fiance sadly for me is no longer attending on account, in his words " I don't want to celebrate your sociopath sisters, i tricked a guy into marrying me so f**k all of you day". Haha he's a silly one, though now im facing this wedding hell alone, so wish me luck and lets hope she doesnt decide her weddingneeds a human sacrifice
I think you should listen to your mom and listen to your fiance because they sound like very sound, smart, down to earth people. I think you should very kindly and sweetly step out of being a bridesmaid and if that means that your sister will have no attendents then so be it - she brought this entirely upon herself. did you stop to think about *why* you are the only one left? and if she throws a fit and tells you not to bother coming to the wedding - well, so be it.
If anybody in my life would tell me to stop taking care of my health (which, in your case, would mean to revert to my previous unhealthy status), for any reason, that would be the last time they talked to me, unless they seriously got help and seriously apologized (not in "i'm sorry you are mad at me" but "i truly understand why you were so hurt and i will take great measures to make sure i never hurt you again"). It is not only unreasonable but downright stupid to tell a sibling to stop looking after their health. just to fit into some stupid dress. it's ludicrous.0 -
^^ QFT!.....
And, you know, RUN!
your sister's a ****ing psycho *****.0 -
Oh dear! Your sister really has gone way overboard in this and I hope she can see the light before alienating folks even further, but, my guess is she hasn't hit that "rock bottom" yet. Like others have said she sounds toxic and so miserable that she has to bring you lower to make herself feel better (think high school) and for that I pity her. I would stop letting it upset you and just be honest that it's too much to handle alone and back out. You don't need the negativity with so much going well for you!
You're doing a good thing for yourself and never, ever put that off for anyone or anything else. If it was something like "why can't you just eat "whatever" for a day and go back to counting tomorrow" for a sit-down meal that otherwise was going to be substitution city.... then, well, I'd have that side. But cutting or dye work to hair? yeah....
If nothing else watching her example has given you a clear guide of exactly what NOT to do while planning your wedding! Big huge congrats to you!!!0 -
When my mother asked why she picked a dress which didn't suit any of our body types, she busted out at my mother yelling " I don't want their tits hangin out!! It's my day!!!" Not that the first dress even showed much cleavage, we didn't even pick the dress...
This is why i've been so calm with her. I'm just telling myself she wants to look good on her day. It's hard to be supportive when she's trying to make you her B****.
OK, wait, i am going thru the thread now and how to respond again. look I don't know you and you don't know me but that's what you get for throwing out your question on a free forum:laugh:
first of all - you aren't being CALM with her - you are being incredibly passive (and dare i say "doormatty"). this is probably just the pattern you two have always held but it has nothing to do with being calm. you are handing over control to your life/health/money to your sister. which brings me to the second point you raise - "she just wants to look good on her day" and again - no. she wants to make sure that NOBODY ELSE looks good. she is being utterly ridiculous, petty, and mean. I was at a wedding a while ago where the bride told her friends and flower girls that they could wear whatever they want as long as it's "in the wedding colors". that's it. and everyone looked beautiful and the bride of course outshone everyone because she is beautiful INSIDE AND OUT. your sister is so insecure that she has to make sure that everyone around her is covered up so that they don't outshine her.0 -
IF there are no bridesmaids there, her goal would have been accomplished. She'll be the prettiest one up there.
By the way, I have this pet peeve. Why do a lot of women say, "This is MY day."? Is it, or is it not, THEIR day? The bride AND the groom? I mean, really. Self-centered much?0 -
I bet the bachelorette party is gonna be a blast
The bachelorette party consists of me, my mother and my sister. The grooms side don't want to attend. His sister in law however, who has not met my sister yet has said she's considering attending and might bring a friend. So that will be 5-6 people tops 2-3 who don't know anyone and a mother and her 2 daughters unless she invites her fiancés 2 sons girl friends. I think 1 is 21 and the other is 22. Either way...It's going to be soooooooooo awkward. Though she still wants us to pay for it. And she want's it at the most expensive hotel/casino in our city.. *Sigh* I'm actually most likely going to miss this one out and say. I don't go to casinos for a new found religious reason... Hahahaaa0 -
This is an entertaining thread. As an almost graduating medical student doing a psych rotation I can pretty much tell that your sister has a narcissistic personality disorder. This behavior is not going to end with the wedding unfortunately. This is worse than other psych issues since she thinks she is perfectly ok and whatever happens is everyone fault not hers. If I were you, I will start distancing myself from this person whether she is your sister or not. She is toxic and dangerous. Attend the wedding but that's that. Try to limit your encounters with her and learn to be more independent of her demands. As for the wedding, I got married last year and this story makes me feel like a saint. I pretty much handled the whole wedding by myself. I don't really need help with planning and I want a simple wedding. I allowed my bridesmaid wear whatever dress they want as long as it is the same color and they can have whatever hair style they want. I paid for mani and pedi and gave they tokens for being such great bridesmaids. If I were you I would get myself out of the wedding. If you are avoiding trouble it's impossible. She will dislike you whether you stay or leave. She will always find something wrong to complain about. Once the wedding approaches, it will get worse. Trust me. Wedding planning is hectic towards the end. She will stress you out of your mind. Leave now with your sanity intact
I had a look into narcissistic personality disorders.. It's some scary stuff. I don't see her socially. She only comes to me when she wants something or needs help. And I've stoped giving her the time so she doesn't come to me for help anymore. Just to drive me nutts with this wedding stuff... Which is now just over FB in messages as I refuse to see her until closer to the date. I will try to keep my distance. My mother how ever, isn't very... how can I say this.. She gets conned by people very easily. So I don't think she will be weary of my sister and how she behaives. My sister is still trying to make her pay a few thousand for her wedding (when her and her fiancé earn a good 150-200grand a year) And my mothers a pensioner and thinks this is okay still as her fiancé is paying child support to his ex wife and is in debt, my sister is also in debt... Though she did see me a few days ago and said that my sister has become a very nasty, jealous hateful women. Maybe she's a lot wiser than i had thought. I will keep my eye on her now and try to help my mother.
Thank you for your post!!! 0 -
I bet the bachelorette party is gonna be a blast
The bachelorette party consists of me, my mother and my sister. The grooms side don't want to attend. His sister in law however, who has not met my sister yet has said she's considering attending and might bring a friend. So that will be 5-6 people tops 2-3 who don't know anyone and a mother and her 2 daughters unless she invites her fiancés 2 sons girl friends. I think 1 is 21 and the other is 22. Either way...It's going to be soooooooooo awkward. Though she still wants us to pay for it. And she want's it at the most expensive hotel/casino in our city.. *Sigh* I'm actually most likely going to miss this one out and say. I don't go to casinos for a new found religious reason... Hahahaaa
Grace it is mind boggling reading through your replies. So far you say :
You HOPE she changes her mind and lets you alter the dress
You cannot wear your engagement ring
You have to do your hair like she wants
You did not HAVE to leave work and do her invitations
She wants you to pay for party at very expensive venue. You MIGHT say you do not do casinos any more.
Why not just say "NO. YOU WANT IT YOU PAY". After all the responses you have received, do you still doubt that your sister is WAY OFF BASE AND WRONG? Or are you scared of her? If so i suggest moving 10000 miles away from her or decide to be happy being her doormat. Sigh.
Edit to add: i would tell her if you want me in your wedding:
1. I do my hair and makeup as i choose
2. I am in charge of my own dress
3. I am in charge of my jewelry
4. I am not paying for any parties or doing your wedding chores. Hire a planner if need be. It is YOUR day, remember?
5. Don't like my conditions? Get a new attendant. None of this is negotiable.
Then MAYBE she will stop pushing you around when she sees you grew a pair.0
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