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Happymelz
Posts: 536 Member
So...how about when people are asking for help DON'T berate them or call them liars just because their food diary doesn't look like yours and they are doing things DIFFERENTLY.
There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.
We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.
We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.
Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.
There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.
We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.
We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.
Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.
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Replies
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Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
^^^ This. It doesn't solve a problem to just have everyone hold your hand and tell you that you must be special.0 -
If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.
Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
Spot bang on.0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
Spot bang on.
x30 -
Anyone?
Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?0 -
It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD0
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It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD
S'nothing. Did you see the 'avocado death threat' thread earlier? :bigsmile:0 -
Anyone?
Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?
What is impolite about pointing out the errors in their method(IE not logging consitently, using HRM without a chest strap, not using a kitchen scale) in a matter of fact way or telling them they are eating more then they think beause they "eyeball" portions???? This happens often and then the OP gets defensive and mean because they are being called out on somethign they don't even want to admit to themselves.0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
god thank you.
saved me the effort. LOL
we ARE trying to help- but it's really hard to help people who are deluding themselves. Seriously.0 -
It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD
S'nothing. Did you see the 'avocado death threat' thread earlier? :bigsmile:0 -
We are all here supposedly for the same reason.
No we are not. :flowerforyou:0 -
We are all here supposedly for the same reason.
No we are not. :flowerforyou:0 -
So...how about when people are asking for help DON'T berate them or call them liars just because their food diary doesn't look like yours and they are doing things DIFFERENTLY.
There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.
We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.
We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.
Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
Touche.
Dangit I don't know how to put the little accent over the 'e'. Oh well, you get the idea.0 -
I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.0
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If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.
Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?0 -
I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.
It's not like we say things like "just stay fat"0 -
Alternative hypothesis:
How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?
If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.
I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
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This discussion has been closed.
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