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So...how about when people are asking for help DON'T berate them or call them liars just because their food diary doesn't look like yours and they are doing things DIFFERENTLY.

There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.

We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.

We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.

Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.
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Replies

  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.

    ^^^ This. It doesn't solve a problem to just have everyone hold your hand and tell you that you must be special.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.

    Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?
  • Wetcoaster
    Wetcoaster Posts: 1,788 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.



    Spot bang on.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.



    Spot bang on.

    x3
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    Anyone?

    Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
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    It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD

    S'nothing. Did you see the 'avocado death threat' thread earlier? :bigsmile:
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    Anyone?

    Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?

    What is impolite about pointing out the errors in their method(IE not logging consitently, using HRM without a chest strap, not using a kitchen scale) in a matter of fact way or telling them they are eating more then they think beause they "eyeball" portions???? This happens often and then the OP gets defensive and mean because they are being called out on somethign they don't even want to admit to themselves.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.

    god thank you.

    saved me the effort. LOL

    we ARE trying to help- but it's really hard to help people who are deluding themselves. Seriously.
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    Options
    It's the internet - can't avoid it. I had my food diary berated one time when I had started the thread in the "success stories" forum and wasn't even asking for advice. xD

    S'nothing. Did you see the 'avocado death threat' thread earlier? :bigsmile:
    I'm a sucker for some good MFP drama. Did it get deleted already? xD
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    We are all here supposedly for the same reason.

    No we are not. :flowerforyou:
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
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    We are all here supposedly for the same reason.

    No we are not. :flowerforyou:
    Seriously. I came here for tacos and all I got was this silly ticker. I put a pokemon in it.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    Options
    So...how about when people are asking for help DON'T berate them or call them liars just because their food diary doesn't look like yours and they are doing things DIFFERENTLY.

    There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.

    We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.

    We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.

    Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.
    Stop telling people what to do.
  • awtume9
    awtume9 Posts: 423 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.

    Touche.

    Dangit I don't know how to put the little accent over the 'e'. Oh well, you get the idea.
  • silenceinspace
    silenceinspace Posts: 142 Member
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    I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    :angry:
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    Options
    If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.

    Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?
    Considering the fact that almost every thread you post in ends up getting locked, I hardly think you're in a position to tell other people how they should or shouldn't phrase their help or advice.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    Options
    I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.

    It's not like we say things like "just stay fat"
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
    Options
    Alternative hypothesis:

    How about, when people ask for help, they accept all forms of advice and critique without perceiving it as being attacked. It's almost always the case as I've seen it here on these boards. If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum. People will try to get at the root of the problem in the spirit of helping. That means making sure that the asker is being honest with themselves. If someone isn't losing weight, there's a reason. It's either medical or personal accountability (usually unintentional). Which one do you think is more often the case?

    If people just get coddled in the face of trying to discover the problem, that problem may never get solved and the asker will continue to either make no progress or just give up.

    I'd rather people dig for the reason I'm messing up instead of just giving me a placating pat on the back.

    tumblr_m85bw9fGtf1rqfhi2o1_500.gif
This discussion has been closed.