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  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    It's not like we say things like "just stay fat"

    We? Can I gently remind you that you don't speak for me.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.

    It's not like we say things like "just stay fat"

    In the context of the last thread I was in, that was what the author was saying. The OP hadn't asked for advice, another member replied and attacked the way he was eating. The OP said he hadn't asked for his opinion and the member basically said he wouldn't keep the weight off and would fail. I think that's a crummy ****ing thing to say to someone on a health site who never asked for opinions.
    Then why don'[t you say it in that thread instead of here, where it isn't relevant and you don't even know if anyone it is directed toward will actually read it?
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    KeyboardWarriors.jpg

    That's me. 2 row on the left. <nods>
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
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    internet_white_knight_colored_4350.jpg
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Anyone?

    Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?

    QQ
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    When you go to a doctor and ask for his advice and in return you start yelling at him and stay in denial, the doctor is bound to tell you that you are stupid and crazy.

    I think she just wrote "patient is non-compliant" on my chart .....
  • cookiealbright
    cookiealbright Posts: 605 Member
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    I think I'm going to eat a cookie.
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    Anyone?

    Is it an 'either or', really? So people can EITHER have friendly, polite, encouraging replies OR honest feedback. They can't have both? Why?

    Usually, it's because when someone offers honest advice, or asks for more information, the OP will get defensive and attack, resulting in the person trying to help getting defensive and snarky, and it perpetuates until a thread like this, or a "Mean bullying" thread is generated. Those threads then generate a large number of parody threads, and then my head explodes because of the derp level.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
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    If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.

    Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?

    They are when the recipients claim they want honesty but really only want validation for some cockamamie plan and view all honesty (either tactful or blunt) as non-supportive, trolling or bullying.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Imagine there's no countries
    It isn't hard to do
    Nothing to kill or die for
    And no religion too
    Imagine all the people
    Living life in peace...

    You may say I'm a dreamer
    But I'm not the only one
    I hope someday you'll join us
    And the world will be as one...
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    . If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.

    Y'know I have been wondering about this statement for a long time. I usually let it go, or get hung up on the "all here for the same reason" or bullying aspect of this statement that gets thrown around a lot.

    Where does it ever say we need to support everybody who is here? I support the people on my FL. I offer advice on occasion on the forums. I try to be supportive of those who are making healthy choices, or that are earnestly seeking help and advice. I do not remember ever seeing anything in the TOS that stated that i was required to offer supposrt to every person who has an account on this site. There are some I just absolutely refuse to. I will not support the pro-ana folks. I will not support the folks who are being unhealthy on purpose, or those who just seek validation for unhealthy practices. I just refuse.
  • silenceinspace
    silenceinspace Posts: 142 Member
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    I just saw this and was kind of upset about it. Like I said in that thread, giving a different opinion can be done in different ways. Sarcastically saying to someone, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall" is purposely being immature and expecting that person to fail. If MFP's community is about support (and it is, or it should be), then maybe everyone should grow up a little.

    It's not like we say things like "just stay fat"

    In the context of the last thread I was in, that was what the author was saying. The OP hadn't asked for advice, another member replied and attacked the way he was eating. The OP said he hadn't asked for his opinion and the member basically said he wouldn't keep the weight off and would fail. I think that's a crummy ****ing thing to say to someone on a health site who never asked for opinions.
    Then why don'[t you say it in that thread instead of here, where it isn't relevant and you don't even know if anyone it is directed toward will actually read it?

    I did say it in that thread. I was just pointing out something I had noticed on the forums, that's all.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    I'm so sick of these sort of threads. Just log of if you don't like it here. This is the best site ever and there are very few on here that aren't here to honestly help others, not our fault if people don't like the truth.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    If people don't want honest feedback that could potentially be something less than purely motivational handholding, then they shouldn't ask for advice in a public forum.

    Are 'honesty' and 'motivational handholding' mutually exclusive?

    They are when the recipients claim they want honesty but really only want validation for some cockamamie plan and view all honesty (either tactful or blunt) as non-supportive, trolling or bullying.

    Truth is truth, it doesn't have to be 'the brutal truth'. My main concern is that this environment, for whatever reason, is not inclusive. That is not a good thing.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    is there cake here?
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    A day in the life of an MFP poster:

    1) Post something wondering why you're not having the success expected.
    2) Get responses saying that you need to open diary, weigh and measure food, etc.
    3) Get bent out of shape and proclaim that you weren't asking about diet, that you strictly want exercise advice.
    4) Get told that success is keyed in to eating less and monitoring what is consumed, can't outrun a bad diet, etc.
    5) Get bent out of shape some more.
    6) White knights and "mean people" threads to follow.

    Rinse, repeat.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Someone can't tell the difference between being "incorrect" and "lie."
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    So...how about when people are asking for help DON'T berate them or call them liars just because their food diary doesn't look like yours and they are doing things DIFFERENTLY.

    >> OP uses uppercase (internet form of giving strong emphasis) to scold people for berating others.

    definition of berate:
    verb (used with object), be·rat·ed, be·rat·ing.
    to scold; rebuke: He berated them in public.
    There are MANY ways to get the job done. If people are asking for help in SPECIFIC areas, don't leave comments berating their slow progress because they are doing it differently.

    We are all here supposedly for the same reason. To be healthy.

    >> OP criticizes others for making assumptions (that people are doing it the same way), while assuming we are all in it for the same reason.
    We don't know each person's history...or personal struggles/issues that can interfere with weight loss.

    Just because TODAY you are more motivated and handling it...doesn't mean you are perfect either.

    >> OP seems to think that by offering suggestions and guidance, those making the suggestions think they are perfect, motivated, AND handling it.



    My comment:
    Some people are kind and have valid points to consider - there's stuff to learn from them
    Some people are blunt and have valid points to consider - there's stuff to learn from them
    Some people are rude and have valid points to consider - there's stuff to learn from them

    Some people are rude and sarcastic, with little value to add - there is still stuff to learn - even if it is how to be sarcastic, how NOT to be rude, or how to ignore the jerkfaces that you run in to from day to day
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    You know what I do? In a contentious thread, I peek at people's profile and listen to the ones that have been most successful.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    is there cake here?

    No, but I'm about to go buy an ice cream cake. You want me to save you some?
This discussion has been closed.

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