Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?

rml_16

Funny how this conversation suddenly changed to this...

Well, the original topic was kinda dumb and this is much more interesting. lol

I don't know what I gravitate to. I read and watch so many things. I think I relate to all of it in some way, even the fantasy stuff. I mean, in the end, it's all just about being human.

Collier78

Oh, I see. But, I still liked it. And the men that do what they do in the book, do hate women (misogynists and sadists)...so I guess that is part of what came from his own experience and trauma from his life experiences. There are men in the story that love women and do not hate women as well.

of course. I actually just read about the author's experience today- sounds like he was working out some of his own trauma in it. I didn't mean to make my comment sound like a condemnation of the book. But for me, I think reading it would not be very much fun given how much sexual violence against women plays a role, even with a strong female character. It's possible I would like it, but having to read through those scenes would be painful.

Yeah, I understand.

I wouldn't say it was a "fun" read, just very interesting and eye opening. I believe the author is deceased now, though I'm not positive. I'm with Binary, the original European films were much better than the American version, but it definitely isn't a book to just read for fun.

rml_16

@Collier: Yes, he died.

hannahlclrk

I aint allowed male friends, my boyfriend aint allowed girlfriends... I dont mind him talking to girls in social groups etc but I dont want him to be meeting up with them n stuff... i feel bad now ive seen everyone in these super trusting relationships...

shining_light

I have one close male friend. He's rather immature, and he's been like a brother to me since childhood. When I've joked about us getting together, he's always said, "eww. That's gross. You're basically my sister and... that's gross." I have no reason to doubt him on that. I've never had a boyfriend who likes him, which doesn't surprise me. He doesn't exactly play nice with other guys. My partner has nothing to do with him and because he doesn't like the guy prefers me to not have much to do with him; however, he admits that he would trust me to be alone with him. There's no other guy that he would trust to take me out for coffee or a meal or whatever. If he's having girl trouble, he always calls me for advice. He told me last night that there's this chick he's absolutely in love with, but she has a boyfriend. >.< *sigh* Some men really never learn.

I suspect this is more common in friendships made before puberty with a member of the opposite sex; they're less likely to be anything more than platonic. That's not true in every case; I've had a few male "friends" get kicked out of my life for this reason. I'm just saying it's a little more likely. I know his mother always hoped we'd get together, but he has made it pretty clear that that would never happen. Lol.

Seriously though, this situation is FAR from normal, and I am not the type of girl to "friend-zone" a guy, I don't think. If he had expressed interest at any time during our high school and early college years, I probably would have given it a shot(despite not ever being attracted to him in that way). He's also not my "type", though. He's sweet to me and other girls, but he's way too much of a wild "bad boy" to have ever been serious relationship material in my eyes.

My fiance told me that men don't want to be friends with women without wanting more, and I do truly believe him. I've been hurt enough to realize that he's right. I mean, look around the internet at men bellyaching about being "friend-zoned". I think that speaks volumes. To guys who say: "I'm a good friend because I want to get laid"? She'd be better off without your "friendship".

valandario

My best friend is male. He is a git to me. Takes the piss constantly, will poke fun at my achievements and s****** wickedly at my mistakes. I am more often than not the butt of jokes. He will taunt me with favourite foods when I'm dieting and all manner of wicked things. Why are we friends? Because although we all have a line that must not be crossed, somehow he has drawn himself a new line, a little further away than other people's. He doesn't cross that line, ever. No matter what. He will listen to me rant on about something that has annoyed or upset for me for hours and hours, not judging, not doing anything but REALLY listen, then take the piss at the end, granted, but by the end I can laugh at myself along with him. When it matters, really matters to me, he picks me up but he doesn't indulge my self pity at all. I need that. I know no matter wether we talk every day or once a year, he is there and it will be as if no time has passed. He was in my life when I met my husband, he gave me a bloody good talking to when I was afraid to get married. He took the indignity of being my maid of honour like a boss. All through the run up he was there with calming talks at 3am when I'd start to panic. He didn't take the piss over the dress, well, not much and not the dress itself, more that I had described it as from the period of pirate of the Caribbean. That led to pirate costumes, inappropriate music and all sorts of nightmare inducing things for a bride. He took the time out to get to know my husband to be, they didn't dislike each other, but were not friends. They ended up sharing a house together for a year before the wedding while my hubby worked away through the week! It was awful! I had to make them go separate ways! They each complained to me about the other. Drove me insane! He is like my brother, we know no matter what we are there for each other but we don't need to live in each others pockets.

Men and women can be genuine friends. It is rare, but it does happen. It's like love. When you meet the right one, there is no choice. It is right. Everything falls into place. It just IS. A true friendship is like that too. It just IS and gender isn't a factor.