Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?

Jaimie6171
Jaimie6171 Posts: 37 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I have been in a relationship now for 5 years, and in this time I have started to see some double standards in my own relationship along with friends relationships. Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.), but when a woman in a relationship is friends with another man (same type of relationship as I described above) it is completely taboo? I mean my boyfriend would never tell me I "couldn't" be friends with another man. But he already gets a little defensive if I tell him I grabbed coffee with a male coworker while on a break.

I feel like a woman gets the title of being uncaring or insensitive if she ignores the norm and is friends with a man. I have even heard my female friends say a girl is bring "slutty" if she is friends with men while in a relationship.

It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable. I guess I take part of the blame because I have allowed it to happen, but I would like to hear other insights as well :)
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Replies

  • Greenrun99
    Greenrun99 Posts: 2,065 Member
    Sounds like its the people you know.. If you have a controlling boyfriend then expect double standards all day.. same with your friends with they have a controlling boyfriend.. it really depends.. Some guys care, other's don't.. I don't think a girl is a slut if she hangs out with other guys or goes places with them.. trust issues.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    no just no...... A big majority of my oldest friends are male. Their like my brothers. You have a problem with me having male friends you need to get over it or obviously your not right for me.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    it's only acceptable, if you accept it.

    so speak about your own life, sista - i couldn't care less who my wife hangs out with. if she's going to cheat, she's going to cheat - and me restricting her friends a) takes more time and effort than i want to deal with 2) would likely push her away from me and iii) indicates i don't trust her.

    when i do.

    as long as those friends are chicks (just kidding)
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend". There is a reason all women are strictly prohibited from talking to men or even showing their face/bodies in the middle east.
  • sstan03
    sstan03 Posts: 102
    I am not sure that is all men. I have been married for 21 years and i have never been that way with my wife. Back before cell phones, i would get a call that she was on her way home but several hours later she would show up and then i would find out that she went out to happy hour with some friends, men included. I guess i figure that if something is going to happen, it is going to happen. I do know that she does get upset with me if i get a text or other type of communications from a woman, so i guess it goes both ways..... just for the record, I have never been unfaithful to my wife and as far as I know, she has not been unfaithful to me. It may be a bit of their insecurity.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.),

    Who said that was acceptable?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    If it's not okay for you to hang out with friends of the opposite sex, then it shouldn't be okay for him either.

    That is one of those things that you agree to in the beginning of your relationship.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend".
    and the womens male "friend" always wants to bang them.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Mutual respect. He should not treat you in any way that he wouldn't find acceptable in receiving.
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
    F that *kitten*. My absolute best friend is a guy, so are the vast majority of my friends. Anyone trying to tell me to dump my friends because they have jealousy issues gets dumped out of my life pretty quickly.
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
    That double standard is not acceptable in my relationship. Sounds like jealousy issues.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    I have a good number of male friends and my boyfriend doesn't care in the least. Perhaps it's just your social group / boyfriend who feels that way?
  • michelefrench
    michelefrench Posts: 814 Member
    Pfft, I keep my hos on lock. They know better than to stray. I'm more man than any one woman can handle that's why I gots multiple women but they are only allowed to have me.

    OMG - I laughed so hard coffee came out my nose...THANK YOU :flowerforyou:
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    The guy sounds insecrue at best. RUNNNNN

    I have been married for over 30 years and NEVER stopped my wife from having guy friends, as long as i knew who they were.

    She meets quite regularly with high school frieds that include her guy friends.

    If she is going to cheat she is going to cheat no matter what and there is not much i can do to stop it, lol.

    She thinks the same with me too.

    It's called trust.
  • Leather_N_Lace
    Leather_N_Lace Posts: 518 Member
    I have always remained faithful to my husband or spouse despite the amount of male friends I have had.
    There have been a couple of circumstances where it was my partner that strayed with one of their female friends.

    My husband knows I talk to other guys and even have lunch with them. I have nothing to hide from him. And he values my honesty and respects me for that. I also know he talks to other women.

    It all stems from trust.. Which you can't build if there isn't any communication or boundaries. If I feel jealous, I always take an assessment of whether it is my insecurties that are causing it or not. Same with him. If we feel there has been a boundary breach, then we have to sit down and discuss it and make sure we understand each other's expectations.

    Been together 10 years. It hasn't always been perfect, but it has been far from bad.
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend". There is a reason all women are strictly prohibited from talking to men or even showing their face/bodies in the middle east.
    QFT
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    Pfft, I keep my hos on lock. They know better than to stray. I'm more man than any one woman can handle that's why I gots multiple women but they are only allowed to have me.

    OMG - I laughed so hard coffee came out my nose...THANK YOU :flowerforyou:
    This wasn't a joke. Not sure why you are laughing.
  • IwearBatmanUndies
    IwearBatmanUndies Posts: 324
    Pfft, I keep my hos on lock. They know better than to stray. I'm more man than any one woman can handle that's why I gots multiple women but they are only allowed to have me.

    Hell yea, Short leash, Pimp hand stay strong. GATOR DONT PLAY DAT !! lmfaoo
  • kgreenRDLDN
    kgreenRDLDN Posts: 248 Member
    I had a boyfriend who was like that once. I wound up not talking to any of my male friends because it wasn't worth a fight with him. Definitely not right. My fiancé doesn't care that I have male friends, he has a ton of female friends, and I don't mind. There is always some jealousy there, but as long as you are open in communicating you are fine.

    You either take me for me and my choice in friends or you leave.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend". There is a reason all women are strictly prohibited from talking to men or even showing their face/bodies in the middle east.

    ^^I wish i went this route
  • nonstopper
    nonstopper Posts: 1,108 Member
    hummmmm
  • IwearBatmanUndies
    IwearBatmanUndies Posts: 324
    My male friends dont let me have coffee with their girlfriends/wives. I mean I thought a friendship was a two way street, who cares If i discuss god knows what with your girl while youre at work, and she just so happens to really enjoy my company. pffft.:grumble:
  • FerretBuellerr
    FerretBuellerr Posts: 468 Member
    I was in a relationship like that once...

    It didn't last long.

    Trust issues like that make good relationships next to impossible, and end up being a complete waste of energy IMHO.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    If my boyfriend told me I couldn't be friends with another guy...he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. Period.
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
    The kitchen is a lonely place.




    (kidding.)



    (can you make me a sandwich?)
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Actually, I wouldn't want my husband texting a female friend often either. Maybe I am controlling.
  • running_shoe
    running_shoe Posts: 180 Member
    You teach people how to treat you. Trust needs to be give and take, earned and deserved.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think individual relationships have different dynamics, but I had a lot of male friends before I met my SO and no way I'm giving them up just because I'm involved with someone.

    They were my friends before I met him and nothing happened. It isn't going to happen now. And if he has a problem with that, he isn't for me. I don't mind if he has female friends, but I think it's an issue if he tries to hide something like that because if you're hiding it, you're up to no good.

    I'm not insecure, either. I figure if he's going to leave me for someone else, I didn't want him, anyway, so see ya!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I wouldn't have a boyfriend who tells me I'm not allowed to have male friends. If I am calling someone my boyfriend, that means he has reached pretty rare status with me, and I trust and highly value his opinions on the character of other people. I would want to hear his thoughts in that regard (for instance, if he thought one particular male friend was interested in more than friendship). However, an all-encompassing "ban" on male friends? Absolutely not. I'm a grown woman, and unless our last names are the same, you don't have that much pull with me.
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    Funny. In my experience this double standard works the other way around... i.e. women are allowed to have male friends and no one bats an eyelid, but men aren't allowed to have female friends.

    Most of my male friends are pretty trusting in their relationships and have no issues with pre-existing male friends of their girlfriends, however I have some male friends who have excessively jealous girlfriends who don't 'tolerate' him having female friends.

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