Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?
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Since I was young, preschool, I always played with the boys. My mother told me I use to tell her that girls were mean. As I grew up I always had male friends and very few female friends, less drama having male friends. To this day, I am still friends with those Males friends that I had over the years. Yes, it was difficult for my husband when we first started dating but as he got to know who I was and interacted with my male friends it didn't bother him anymore. It's called trust... without it you don't truly have a relationship.
Food for though on both ends... if you have a friend of the opposite sex that you text/email and you could care less if your partner saw the contents of the conversations then you are truly just friends. If you have to delete your text immediately, then you are not JUST friends. I would never be with someone who couldn't trust me 100%, nor would I want to be with someone I couldn't trust 100%. It's only a double standard if you allow it to be a double standard....
I agree, if you have nothing to hide you will hide nothing and that is probably the biggest difference in some of these friendships.0 -
I didn't read the comments but I would say it all comes down to communication.
I don't care if my husband gets a drink with a female coworker (he doesn't have any though) on lunch break as long as he tells me. If he is always hanging out with this same girl and I found out from someone else, not from him, I would be very upset.
I don't believe in expecting anything of him I wouldn't do myself - so I do just that. If a guy friend of mine calls after he gets off work and asks if I want to join him for dinner (my husband works out of town all week and my friends know my free time is at night) then I call or text my husband and let him know. Not after dinner either, right then. Usually just a text to say I am going to go eat dinner with so and so.
Also, I think its important my husband knows who I am hanging out with. When I met my husband, my best friend was a guy. Today, of my three closest friends - two are guys. I encourage my husband and my friends to be friends, I look for ways we can all hang out together occasionally. I want my husband to know he can trust my friends. He knows he can trust me, but it helps him feel better knowing who my friends are, knowing he can trust them too.
If things get sneaky, weird, uncommunicative and the like - something is wrong. Regardless of whether its the husband or wife.0 -
Sorry, I'm late to the party.....BUT this is how men TALK to each other and really feel. They all run in here like "NOT ME MAN" UH yes you. I know we like to believe they dont think this way or that somehow your "male best friend" sees you differently but its like sorry to break it to you ladies, you are not different, he would sleep with you if he could.
Obviously, I'm a guy. I have lots of male and female friends and frankly, saying that's how men talk to each other is just a moronic statement or flat out lie.
You know who talks like that? Teenage boys. Beyond that, once they become men (with a few outliers), they mostly talk about their SOs and kids if they have them, sports, work, etc.
The worst you might ever hear (and even this is rare) is, "Yeah, she's pretty hot. I would if I weren't married/etc". But even then it's typically about a celebrity or maybe even a complete stranger (someone they know they will never really meet.
I'm divorced (not at all related to cheating...it was her manipulation), but one of my BFFs is a girl (and quite attractive too, she actually made the CHIVE once and does a decent amount of modeling...see I can say that and STILL not try to sleep with her). Even when she and I were both single, it wasn't anything. We're FRIENDS. She's dating a new guy who seems pretty awesome and he and I have hung out a few times. He knows she and I hang out sometime and it's not even the slightest bit weird.
It's ok. I know it doesn't fit your man-hate world view that guys are nothing but drooling sex addicts, but it's the truth.
After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.0 -
I don't decide who my wife has as friends. I know what guys want. Makes no difference. Marriage is about trust; not control.0
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I don't decide who my wife has as friends. I know what guys want. Makes no difference. Marriage is about trust; not control.
QFT!!!
OP - Sorry this got so derailed. Honestly, the advice I would give you is to call him on the double standard and not put up with it.
Good luck!0 -
It's boys not men none the less...I was a WoW player for a LONG time, not exactly the beacon of maturity. Not to mention the whole 'stoner' aspect screams of maturity and adulthood.After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
No I dont hang out with madden players. I hang out with wow playing stoners.
I really think that's what this comes down to. Maturity. Some guys never grow out of the "I can only think with my ____" phase, but most do. You aren't old enough yet to know that.0 -
I feel the double standard is totally true. I have been with my bf for 5 years, and his family comes from a more conservative standpoint, where it was expected I would no longer have males friends once we started dating.
My male friends are necessary to my life. I told my bf so. Five years on, we have had some ups & downs, but he does get it, and has made friends with almost all of them, for the most part.0 -
And I would even add that once you hit that maturity level as a guy and surround yourself with guys that do...the immature constantly thinking with your ____ gets incredibly annoying.
It's boys not men none the less...I was a WoW player for a LONG time, not exactly the beacon of maturity. Not to mention the whole 'stoner' aspect screams of maturity and adulthood.After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
No I dont hang out with madden players. I hang out with wow playing stoners.
I really think that's what this comes down to. Maturity. Some guys never grow out of the "I can only think with my ____" phase, but most do. You aren't old enough yet to know that.
It's just as bad as that guy in his 30s that constantly wants to try and start bar-fights. When you're in your 20s your like, "I got your back". When you grow up a little it's much more like, "Meh, that dumbass. Let's ignore them or go somewhere else." and when 30-something bar fight guy says something you just respond with, "Dude, STFU." and that guy is usually no longer invited out.0 -
Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend". There is a reason all women are strictly prohibited from talking to men or even showing their face/bodies in the middle east.
Taunto, that's because women react to stimuli :happy: :flowerforyou: You love us, we love you back; You neglect us, even but for the slightest moment, there'll always be that other guy, who was always around. The guy she said "No" to. Good thing to be weary; Heat-seekers abound, ever ready to take the plunge.0 -
So I have been in a relationship now for 5 years, and in this time I have started to see some double standards in my own relationship along with friends relationships. Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.), but when a woman in a relationship is friends with another man (same type of relationship as I described above) it is completely taboo? I mean my boyfriend would never tell me I "couldn't" be friends with another man. But he already gets a little defensive if I tell him I grabbed coffee with a male coworker while on a break.
I feel like a woman gets the title of being uncaring or insensitive if she ignores the norm and is friends with a man. I have even heard my female friends say a girl is bring "slutty" if she is friends with men while in a relationship.
It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable. I guess I take part of the blame because I have allowed it to happen, but I would like to hear other insights as well
um. it's not acceptable. if you don't like it, you should find better quality men to date. and if you have female friends who think women with guy friends while in a relationship are slutty, you need better female friends.0 -
I'm a grown woman, I don't respond well to being told what to do. If you can maintain a friendship with the opposite sex without crossing any lines why not? And if lines are crossed then that relationship wasn't meant to be in the first place. Happy people seldom cheat.0
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My best friend is male and has been my bud for 21 years. He is also my husband's best friend. He is a part of the family.
Now other male friends of mine I won't go out to dinner alone with, or to the movies or what have you. But he's my bud. He has a girlfriend he is very happy with. My husband has no problems with us hanging around, even if he can't join us. We call ourselves the 3 amigos. We're the godparents of his child, and he'll be ours.
I'm 36, far old enough to have a male friend and not feel weird about it. We're decades past the awkward stages.0 -
Dear OP:
My experience has been the opposite. I see girls who can do whatever they want, but are sooooo jealously possessive of their mates that the dude can't talk to anyone with a vagina without permission. I have seen this mulitiple times, the most extreme being one in which the man isn't allowed to talk to his own SISTERS.
The gender of the person aint' the problem. It's the insecurity.
Why everyone make everything a gender issue that's not.
Barf.0 -
actually, I DID tell him that evening. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Justin had just moved back to the state and hadn't had a chance to come and see my chickens. SO he texted me and asked if he could stop by, see the chickens ( and ME) and get some eggs. I didn't think anything of it.
Not only would Justin not make a move on me, but he was PISSED when he found out that someone he knows did. I didnt expect a reaction like that from anyone other than my husband.
Chickens, is that what we're calling them now?
Some eggs, that too?
:bigsmile:
LOL!! No, I mean actual chickens, and real eggs.
Untitled by crochetmom2010, on Flickr0 -
No ma'am! I have plenty of male friends, of course they have been past co-workers and new co-workers and the friendship doesn't leave work except for fb. Unless they are also friends with my husband and we have a cookout or something. But I'm good friends with a few males.0
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If I ever had a boyfriend do that to me, I'd tell him to hit the bricks, & we're over. I'd never want to be controlling like that, or have anybody try to control me like that. If I'm in a relationship with someone, they are the only one I'm with, & I wouldn't do anything with anybody else. And I would expect the same from them. If I found differently, it's over.
I wouldn't tolerate that at all. There should be no double standard like that in a relationship, & he needs to realize if you've been with him that long, you AREN'T going to do anything with anybody else, especially a friend or co-worker.0 -
Umm, because most guys are only friends with girls that they want to sleep with and would if given the chance. This doesn't apply to gay guys.0
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If either try to control the relationship then it's already doomed without either one realizing it. Being a guy, I certainly would never think of doing such a thing nor allow the woman try to do it either. 99% of my friends are girls & I will not ditch any of them when entering a relationship. If that can't be respected & she can't trust me, then it's not going to work out. I wouldn't expect the woman I'd be with to ditch her male friends.
I think that it is totally fine for both to have friends of the opposite gender. After all, a social life should still exist outside of the relationship. If the trust level is high, then there should be no worries if your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend will be doing something behind your back. Insecurity will kill a relationship pretty much immediately.0 -
I have not had this issue. My husband is not controlling, or insecure. We both have friends that are male and female. I never get super close to a male friend. But, I will hang out, go to dance classes, travel on the train, go to dance performances, sometimes go out for food after dancing events with male friends, but not often and sometimes alone, but usually in a group with other women (I meet most of my friends in dancing). Everyone knows I'm happily married with kids.0
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This is one of the many reasons me and my husband of five years didnt work out. He was very insecure so if I had male friends he would be defensive and if I went out with my female friends I was probably out cheating (in his mind), when in reality i was faithful. To me it just says they are insecure about themselves and the relationship.0
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