Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?
Replies
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I think it depends on the couple and where they are in their lives.
if you are 20 something and newly married, and both parties have friends of the opposite sex- then its ok.
30 something - a little less OK but maybe tolerable ONLY if both people have friends of the opposite sex.
By 40 if you are married you probably don't need to hang out with other peoples husbands or single guys. I know I get uncomfortable around my friends husbands - probably because when I was younger I had friends whose husbands came onto me.
Now if you are not married- then forget it - see who you want. If the other person wants you stop- they you better put a ring on it!0 -
Come sit on the forever alone couch with me and we can cry all night.
You must not be hot.
You call it being a tool, I call it staying honest with myself!
But seriously, IF YOU ARE HOT! Try running the experiment!
That guy you thought was such a nice guy and just wanted to be your friend will ruin your thoughts of him in an instant!
MEN ARE MEN!
Meh. Not true. One of my best friends is a dude. I've known him since college. He's never tried a thing, nor have I.
I mean HOT!
Yep. Children burst into tears when I walk down the street.
Wait Wait Wait...there's a forever alone COUCH??? WTF...do you have cookies?? I'm in if there are cookies...0 -
Never.
Ever.
Quote Ke$ha.
What about Nicki Minaj? Gotta listen to the Minaj!
He had the Rolls in his Royce, the tone in his voice
Don’t want a good girl, now hoes is his choice
D-D-**** on H, ***** on W
Mouth on open, *kitten* on smother you
*kitten* on the cover too, Elle Magazine
Vroom, vroom, vroom, get gasoline
Could I be your wife? Naw we could bang though...
I'll accept it.0 -
Lets clear up some of the idiotic assumptions here.
First off, no one can tell you who to be friends with, my husband doesn't tell me who to be friends with and vice versa. When you are married, you typically do things with your spouse or together as a group, our friends both male and female are mutual. Do I think going out to dinner with an ex or going to a party with an ex while your S/O is sitting at home alone is appropriate? NO. Every single female I have ever been close friends with, who surrounded themselves with nothing but guys, who texted other guys all the time, who had the "male best friend" they told everything to, were underhanded doing inappropriate things. Like if he texts and your heart skips a beat or you get excited thats NOT a friendship. Most of my female friends shamelessly flirt with their "male friends" in text and act like its nothing. Most 50 year old married people I know generally hang out with each other, they aren't "BESTIES" with their exs or hanging out with the opposite sex daily. They are living their adult lives.
This just speaks to the quality of person you choose to be friends with . . .
The quality of person I choose to be friends with have friends of the opposite sex but don't spend all evening sitting around texting and flirting with them. The quality of person I choose to be friends with generally the texts go more like this:
Person A: Hey, I'm going to be in your neck of the woods tomorrow, wanna grab lunch?
Person B: Yeah, just send me a message tomorrow and let me know what time!
or:
Person A: I'm bored and want to go out on the boat today!
Person B: Cool, I'm setting sail at x:xx
^This. Glad my friends are respectful grown ups who don't "do dirt."0 -
I think you are smart by the way to avoid temptation. Any woman who doesn't feel like their man COULD be tempted to cheat is an idiot or he is in desperate need of Viagra.Secondly, I don't subject myself to situations where self control can become an issue like hanging out with hot female friends.
I find it most important to Keeps issues at bay before allowing them to rear their heads!
If you have to avoid being alone with women who aren't your wife in order to remain faithful, I'm glad I'm not your wife.
Awww! I'm glad your not my wife too!
Finally we agree!0 -
I'll start baking!
Come sit on the forever alone couch with me and we can cry all night.
You must not be hot.
You call it being a tool, I call it staying honest with myself!
But seriously, IF YOU ARE HOT! Try running the experiment!
That guy you thought was such a nice guy and just wanted to be your friend will ruin your thoughts of him in an instant!
MEN ARE MEN!
Meh. Not true. One of my best friends is a dude. I've known him since college. He's never tried a thing, nor have I.
I mean HOT!
Yep. Children burst into tears when I walk down the street.
Wait Wait Wait...there's a forever alone COUCH??? WTF...do you have cookies?? I'm in if there are cookies...0 -
Oh, sweetie, you wouldn't know what to do with me.
A man with so little control over his mini me is probably a great disappointment, anyway.Secondly, I don't subject myself to situations where self control can become an issue like hanging out with hot female friends.
I find it most important to Keeps issues at bay before allowing them to rear their heads!
If you have to avoid being alone with women who aren't your wife in order to remain faithful, I'm glad I'm not your wife.
Awww! I'm glad your not my wife too!
Finally we agree!
You would never know either way!
ROFLMAO!
And on that note I'm Outta here!
C Ya!0 -
I have a strange desire to yell "I'm rubber, you're glue...whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you" at the top of my lungs....I'm hoping it will pass...0
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So I have been in a relationship now for 5 years, and in this time I have started to see some double standards in my own relationship along with friends relationships. Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.), but when a woman in a relationship is friends with another man (same type of relationship as I described above) it is completely taboo? I mean my boyfriend would never tell me I "couldn't" be friends with another man. But he already gets a little defensive if I tell him I grabbed coffee with a male coworker while on a break.
I feel like a woman gets the title of being uncaring or insensitive if she ignores the norm and is friends with a man. I have even heard my female friends say a girl is bring "slutty" if she is friends with men while in a relationship.
It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable. I guess I take part of the blame because I have allowed it to happen, but I would like to hear other insights as well
According to MY male friend, society tends to have problems understanding that men and women can have a platonic relationship. My husband is one of those who has trouble understanding it, even though HE has had several platonic female friends over the 19 years we have been together.
Several months ago my husband found out that my friend, who he has never met, had stopped by the house and had coffee with me. he told me he wasn't thrilled with it. I told him that with all due respect, I understand that he is worried about my safety around "strange" men, but that my friend is NOT a strange man. My friend is VERY respectful, and would not poach another man's wife...heck, he wouldn't even call me or text me until I did it first. I feel 100% sure that I would not come to any harm alone with my friend, and he has never gone further than to hug me.
Why wouldn't you let your husband know the DAY the guy stopped by? Isn't that something you mention when it happens?
actually, I DID tell him that evening. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Justin had just moved back to the state and hadn't had a chance to come and see my chickens. SO he texted me and asked if he could stop by, see the chickens ( and ME) and get some eggs. I didn't think anything of it.
Not only would Justin not make a move on me, but he was PISSED when he found out that someone he knows did. I didnt expect a reaction like that from anyone other than my husband.0 -
Don't do that if you're at work.I have a strange desire to yell "I'm rubber, you're glue...whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you" at the top of my lungs....I'm hoping it will pass...0 -
actually, I DID tell him that evening. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Justin had just moved back to the state and hadn't had a chance to come and see my chickens. SO he texted me and asked if he could stop by, see the chickens ( and ME) and get some eggs. I didn't think anything of it.
Not only would Justin not make a move on me, but he was PISSED when he found out that someone he knows did. I didnt expect a reaction like that from anyone other than my husband.
Chickens, is that what we're calling them now?
Some eggs, that too?
:bigsmile:0 -
I think you are smart by the way to avoid temptation. Any woman who doesn't feel like their man COULD be tempted to cheat is an idiot or he is in desperate need of Viagra.Secondly, I don't subject myself to situations where self control can become an issue like hanging out with hot female friends.
I find it most important to Keeps issues at bay before allowing them to rear their heads!
If you have to avoid being alone with women who aren't your wife in order to remain faithful, I'm glad I'm not your wife.
Awww! I'm glad your not my wife too!
Finally we agree!
No, my husband just isn't walking genitals. Again, he knows how to choose respectful friends. The issue isn't that there isn't a time or place that any of us COULD be tempted by another person, the issue is that not every situation where men and women are friends ends up in sexual encounters because friendships between men and women do not have to by their innate nature have to be sexually charged and can be fully respectful.0 -
Never.
Ever.
Quote Ke$ha.0 -
i used to think i had issues but the more and more i read from people on here i realize im actually normal0
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i used to think i had issues but the more and more i read from people on here i realize im actually normal
you can't keep it in your pants either?0 -
My last boyfriend was like that and it ended up with us splitting. He had this lady friend and she ended up moving in with him too... instead of asking me to move in which he admitted to wanting to talk to me about before he moved her in instead.
I kept asking him how he'd feel if the situation were reversed and think about how upset he'd be if I'd done that, and he just kept responding with "it's not the same, you're a girl." - little bit of a different story but with the same "guys can know girls who're just friends but girls can't know guys who're just friends" thing.
No idea.
Double standards are stupid.0 -
Do these friends fit your macros though?0
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Do these friends fit your macros though?
:huh:0 -
Since I was young, preschool, I always played with the boys. My mother told me I use to tell her that girls were mean. As I grew up I always had male friends and very few female friends, less drama having male friends. To this day, I am still friends with those Males friends that I had over the years. Yes, it was difficult for my husband when we first started dating but as he got to know who I was and interacted with my male friends it didn't bother him anymore. It's called trust... without it you don't truly have a relationship.
Food for though on both ends... if you have a friend of the opposite sex that you text/email and you could care less if your partner saw the contents of the conversations then you are truly just friends. If you have to delete your text immediately, then you are not JUST friends. I would never be with someone who couldn't trust me 100%, nor would I want to be with someone I couldn't trust 100%. It's only a double standard if you allow it to be a double standard....0 -
A man who was speaking for himself.A guy once told me men are only as faithful as their options.
If this is true, I'd rather stay single than have to police an adult's behavior.
Agreed. That was kind of a scummy, man hating statement to make. I know many women who've been unfaithful and I know plenty of men who are cheaters too. Its a HUMAN BEING issue, not a gender issue.
Well to be fair, it was a man that told me that.
A lot of women say nasty general things about women as an entire gender that are not actually true.
Maybe so - just in my experience it has been pretty much every guy, every age group. I know 3 men that have been faithful (as far as I know) to their girlfriends/wives. I know 2 women that have not...so my perspective is skewed but it is my perspective none the less.0 -
Since I was young, preschool, I always played with the boys. My mother told me I use to tell her that girls were mean. As I grew up I always had male friends and very few female friends, less drama having male friends. To this day, I am still friends with those Males friends that I had over the years. Yes, it was difficult for my husband when we first started dating but as he got to know who I was and interacted with my male friends it didn't bother him anymore. It's called trust... without it you don't truly have a relationship.
Food for though on both ends... if you have a friend of the opposite sex that you text/email and you could care less if your partner saw the contents of the conversations then you are truly just friends. If you have to delete your text immediately, then you are not JUST friends. I would never be with someone who couldn't trust me 100%, nor would I want to be with someone I couldn't trust 100%. It's only a double standard if you allow it to be a double standard....
I agree, if you have nothing to hide you will hide nothing and that is probably the biggest difference in some of these friendships.0 -
I didn't read the comments but I would say it all comes down to communication.
I don't care if my husband gets a drink with a female coworker (he doesn't have any though) on lunch break as long as he tells me. If he is always hanging out with this same girl and I found out from someone else, not from him, I would be very upset.
I don't believe in expecting anything of him I wouldn't do myself - so I do just that. If a guy friend of mine calls after he gets off work and asks if I want to join him for dinner (my husband works out of town all week and my friends know my free time is at night) then I call or text my husband and let him know. Not after dinner either, right then. Usually just a text to say I am going to go eat dinner with so and so.
Also, I think its important my husband knows who I am hanging out with. When I met my husband, my best friend was a guy. Today, of my three closest friends - two are guys. I encourage my husband and my friends to be friends, I look for ways we can all hang out together occasionally. I want my husband to know he can trust my friends. He knows he can trust me, but it helps him feel better knowing who my friends are, knowing he can trust them too.
If things get sneaky, weird, uncommunicative and the like - something is wrong. Regardless of whether its the husband or wife.0 -
Sorry, I'm late to the party.....BUT this is how men TALK to each other and really feel. They all run in here like "NOT ME MAN" UH yes you. I know we like to believe they dont think this way or that somehow your "male best friend" sees you differently but its like sorry to break it to you ladies, you are not different, he would sleep with you if he could.
Obviously, I'm a guy. I have lots of male and female friends and frankly, saying that's how men talk to each other is just a moronic statement or flat out lie.
You know who talks like that? Teenage boys. Beyond that, once they become men (with a few outliers), they mostly talk about their SOs and kids if they have them, sports, work, etc.
The worst you might ever hear (and even this is rare) is, "Yeah, she's pretty hot. I would if I weren't married/etc". But even then it's typically about a celebrity or maybe even a complete stranger (someone they know they will never really meet.
I'm divorced (not at all related to cheating...it was her manipulation), but one of my BFFs is a girl (and quite attractive too, she actually made the CHIVE once and does a decent amount of modeling...see I can say that and STILL not try to sleep with her). Even when she and I were both single, it wasn't anything. We're FRIENDS. She's dating a new guy who seems pretty awesome and he and I have hung out a few times. He knows she and I hang out sometime and it's not even the slightest bit weird.
It's ok. I know it doesn't fit your man-hate world view that guys are nothing but drooling sex addicts, but it's the truth.
After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.0 -
I don't decide who my wife has as friends. I know what guys want. Makes no difference. Marriage is about trust; not control.0
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I don't decide who my wife has as friends. I know what guys want. Makes no difference. Marriage is about trust; not control.
QFT!!!
OP - Sorry this got so derailed. Honestly, the advice I would give you is to call him on the double standard and not put up with it.
Good luck!0 -
It's boys not men none the less...I was a WoW player for a LONG time, not exactly the beacon of maturity. Not to mention the whole 'stoner' aspect screams of maturity and adulthood.After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
No I dont hang out with madden players. I hang out with wow playing stoners.
I really think that's what this comes down to. Maturity. Some guys never grow out of the "I can only think with my ____" phase, but most do. You aren't old enough yet to know that.0 -
I feel the double standard is totally true. I have been with my bf for 5 years, and his family comes from a more conservative standpoint, where it was expected I would no longer have males friends once we started dating.
My male friends are necessary to my life. I told my bf so. Five years on, we have had some ups & downs, but he does get it, and has made friends with almost all of them, for the most part.0 -
And I would even add that once you hit that maturity level as a guy and surround yourself with guys that do...the immature constantly thinking with your ____ gets incredibly annoying.
It's boys not men none the less...I was a WoW player for a LONG time, not exactly the beacon of maturity. Not to mention the whole 'stoner' aspect screams of maturity and adulthood.After reading all of your comments, I'm convinced you hang out exclusively with meat head / knuckle dragger / neanderthal types. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
No I dont hang out with madden players. I hang out with wow playing stoners.
I really think that's what this comes down to. Maturity. Some guys never grow out of the "I can only think with my ____" phase, but most do. You aren't old enough yet to know that.
It's just as bad as that guy in his 30s that constantly wants to try and start bar-fights. When you're in your 20s your like, "I got your back". When you grow up a little it's much more like, "Meh, that dumbass. Let's ignore them or go somewhere else." and when 30-something bar fight guy says something you just respond with, "Dude, STFU." and that guy is usually no longer invited out.0 -
Because women are the weaker gender and they cannot be trusted with their feelings. Who knows when feelings will overwhelm you and you will jump on that "friend". There is a reason all women are strictly prohibited from talking to men or even showing their face/bodies in the middle east.
Taunto, that's because women react to stimuli :happy: :flowerforyou: You love us, we love you back; You neglect us, even but for the slightest moment, there'll always be that other guy, who was always around. The guy she said "No" to. Good thing to be weary; Heat-seekers abound, ever ready to take the plunge.0 -
So I have been in a relationship now for 5 years, and in this time I have started to see some double standards in my own relationship along with friends relationships. Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.), but when a woman in a relationship is friends with another man (same type of relationship as I described above) it is completely taboo? I mean my boyfriend would never tell me I "couldn't" be friends with another man. But he already gets a little defensive if I tell him I grabbed coffee with a male coworker while on a break.
I feel like a woman gets the title of being uncaring or insensitive if she ignores the norm and is friends with a man. I have even heard my female friends say a girl is bring "slutty" if she is friends with men while in a relationship.
It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable. I guess I take part of the blame because I have allowed it to happen, but I would like to hear other insights as well
um. it's not acceptable. if you don't like it, you should find better quality men to date. and if you have female friends who think women with guy friends while in a relationship are slutty, you need better female friends.0
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