Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?

calibriintx

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

Are you 12? WTH is "do dirt?" I don't think anyone here was talking about "constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex." Sounds like you're projecting....

sugarkissprincess

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

whierd

It is acceptable because you have allowed it to be.

^^^^ This is who your BF needs to watch out for!

+1. Married women should never be my friend.

Contrarian

I as a married woman, wouldn't just have a friend who is a male, the same way as my husband wouldn't just be a friend with a woman, it's a complete respect issue, our friends are couples that we do things together with, or I will go out with friends who are women and he would go out with friends who are guys, but as far as going out alone with a friend of the opposite sex, I would never do that nor would my husband. As the saying goes, you play with fire you're going to get burnt, have more respect for your spouse to not do that.

Now, I will say that if he says you can't have male friends but he can have female friends, then there's something wrong there and he should stop but, you need to tell him how you feel about it.

Yes in the real grown up world this is how it works.

This may be how it works for you, but people have a tendency to want to live their lives in ways that work for them. Your way isn't the right way for all of us.

firstsip

So I have been in a relationship now for 5 years, and in this time I have started to see some double standards in my own relationship along with friends relationships. Why is it that it is completely acceptable for a man in a relationship to be friends with women (and by relationship I mean texting each other, gong to events on occasion, getting lunch, etc.), but when a woman in a relationship is friends with another man (same type of relationship as I described above) it is completely taboo? I mean my boyfriend would never tell me I "couldn't" be friends with another man. But he already gets a little defensive if I tell him I grabbed coffee with a male coworker while on a break.

I feel like a woman gets the title of being uncaring or insensitive if she ignores the norm and is friends with a man. I have even heard my female friends say a girl is bring "slutty" if she is friends with men while in a relationship.

It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable. I guess I take part of the blame because I have allowed it to happen, but I would like to hear other insights as well

It's not acceptable. It's called "an abusive relationship."

Oh, I see other people think it's a "respect" thing. Wow, what town do you guys live in that you are instantly going to be attracted to and/or sexually active with members of the opposite sex? Sounds like they should check the water.

rml_16

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

If you think having an opposite-gender friend means sex is your intention, you lack maturity and self-control. If you think your SO having having an opposite-gender friend means sex is the intention, you lack trust.

I am not married, but have lived with my SO for nearly nine years and we're discussing marriage. He has female friends. I have male friends. Neither of us has ever cheated. It doesn't bother me in the least that he has female friends. Some of them I've met, some I haven't (work people that he only sees there).

I have several male friends I knew before I met my SO. We hung out all the time, sometimes one-no-one alone at my house watching funny movies and things like that and we never even held hands -- and we were both single. The lovely thing is, we can go to each other with issues that are too clsoe to home with our SOs and get opposite-sex advice that can actually help within our relationships because it helsp us understand our SOs better. I love having those friends. I encourage my SO to talk to his female friends about things so it doesn't result in an argument between us.

I am not an insecure, jealous person. If he doesn't want to be with me, I don't want him to be with me. Therefore, an external peson is no threat.

Cranquistador

I as a married woman, wouldn't just have a friend who is a male, the same way as my husband wouldn't just be a friend with a woman, it's a complete respect issue, our friends are couples that we do things together with, or I will go out with friends who are women and he would go out with friends who are guys, but as far as going out alone with a friend of the opposite sex, I would never do that nor would my husband. As the saying goes, you play with fire you're going to get burnt, have more respect for your spouse to not do that.

Now, I will say that if he says you can't have male friends but he can have female friends, then there's something wrong there and he should stop but, you need to tell him how you feel about it.

Yes in the real grown up world this is how it works.

NO.

MassiveDelta

As the saying goes, you play with fire you're going to get burnt, have more respect for your spouse to not do that.

As with all things if you learn the behavior of fire and how it reacts to certain situations you are more than capable of handling fire without getting burned.

Learn the Fire

Fozzi43

Pfft, I keep my hos on lock. They know better than to stray. I'm more man than any one woman can handle that's why I gots multiple women but they are only allowed to have me.

OMG - I laughed so hard coffee came out my nose...THANK YOU :flowerforyou:

This wasn't a joke. Not sure why you are laughing.

firstsip

It is acceptable because you have allowed it to be.

^^^^ This is who your BF needs to watch out for!

+1. Married women should never be my friend.

Oh noez! Too late

Collier78

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

I don't agree with either of you really...my best friend is a man...and he happens to be the person that introduced me to my husband. We still text, talk, and hang out just like always, My husband is included alot more than before I met him, but we still have the same friendship we hadbefore he introduced me to my husband. No self control to it. I'm married, I love my husband. If my friend ever became inappropriate in the way he approaches our relationship he would be outta here. Same for my husband, one of his best friends is a former co-worker. It's more of a big brother/little sister relationship and she and I are pretty close too. It's about being an adult and recognizing when an relationship is kept appropriate and when it's not.

rml_16

I swear I must live in a parallel universe to most of the people who post on these forums.

You either trust your partner, or you don't. If you don't then your relationship needs work.

The synopsis of what I said.

whierd

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

I take the opposite approach. If you want to leave, then by all means please do. Why would I want to stay with someone who cannot be trusted?

ArroganceInStep

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

Are you 12? WTH is "do dirt?" I don't think anyone here was talking about "constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex." Sounds like you're projecting....

huh? Oh projecting, thats another attempt at insulting. Try again.

Sucks to be in a crappy relationship that's hella devoid of trust because of dirt.

InForBacon

Any ladies want a male friend, HMU :flowerforyou:

rml_16

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

If you think having an opposite-gender friend means sex is your intention, you lack maturity and self-control. If you think your SO having having an opposite-gender friend means sex is the intention, you lack trust.

I am not married, but have lived with my SO for nearly nine years and we're discussing marriage. He has female friends. I have male friends. Neither of us has ever cheated. It doesn't bother me in the least that he has female friends. Some of them I've met, some I haven't (work people that he only sees there).

I have several male friends I knew before I met my SO. We hung out all the time, sometimes one-no-one alone at my house watching funny movies and things like that and we never even held hands -- and we were both single. The lovely thing is, we can go to each other with issues that are too clsoe to home with our SOs and get opposite-sex advice that can actually help within our relationships because it helsp us understand our SOs better. I love having those friends. I encourage my SO to talk to his female friends about things so it doesn't result in an argument between us.

I am not an insecure, jealous person. If he doesn't want to be with me, I don't want him to be with me. Therefore, an external peson is no threat.

lol nice little picture you painted. He is at work and you are watching movies with a dude friend at home. Oh ok. Then you claim to talk to these friends about opposite sex advice and probably your sex life with your boyfriend to get advice? lol oh lordy

Ah. I see. You can't actually read. That explains a lot.

wolverine66

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

i think the point is, really, is that this is a decision you made. you said you have "no interest." That's fine. Then don't have "all kinds of male friends" or even, one...or two.

but, if you were told that you could not have a male friend, even if you wanted - I think that is something quite different, don't you?

firstsip

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

Are you 12? WTH is "do dirt?" I don't think anyone here was talking about "constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex." Sounds like you're projecting....

huh? Oh projecting, thats another attempt at insulting. Try again.

Projection is actually a psychological concept. If you tend to resort to it, it doesn't have to be an insult. However, it should be something to look into about yourself if you feel you're unable to deal with an issue, but feel it necessary to "project" it onto others. Have you considered talking to someone?

whierd

It is acceptable because you have allowed it to be.

^^^^ This is who your BF needs to watch out for!

+1. Married women should never be my friend.

Oh noez! Too late

You weren't married yet when we became friends. Now that you are...can I buy you a drink or ten?

mmm_drop

I think it just depends on the relationship and the people within that relationship. I have a lot of male friends and my boyfriend has no problem with it and vice versa. I think it all just depends on trust and security within the relationship; some people are too jealous or controlling to allow opposite sex friendships.