Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?

bernied262

The majority (~80%) of my closest friends are all male. I text them, talk to them on the phone, go out drinking with them, even go away with them. If my partner has a problem with that, it is his problem not mine. If he can't trust me, then we don't have a relationship...end of.

msf74

I swear I must live in a parallel universe to most of the people who post on these forums.

You either trust your partner, or you don't. If you don't then your relationship needs work.

all relationships (love or friendship) need work, your reply is null and void.

It's sad you consider that to be work.

taunto

I as a married woman, wouldn't just have a friend who is a male, the same way as my husband wouldn't just be a friend with a woman, it's a complete respect issue, our friends are couples that we do things together with, or I will go out with friends who are women and he would go out with friends who are guys, but as far as going out alone with a friend of the opposite sex, I would never do that nor would my husband. As the saying goes, you play with fire you're going to get burnt, have more respect for your spouse to not do that.

Now, I will say that if he says you can't have male friends but he can have female friends, then there's something wrong there and he should stop but, you need to tell him how you feel about it.

Yes in the real grown up world this is how it works.

Today I learned I'm not a grown up

whierd

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

i think it depends on how you react when hit on. I mean xbox girl gamers.........Come on now.....

Agreed. Those dirty console peasants cannot be trusted. PC gamer or gtfo.

firstsip

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

Are you 12? WTH is "do dirt?" I don't think anyone here was talking about "constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex." Sounds like you're projecting....

huh? Oh projecting, thats another attempt at insulting. Try again.

Projection is actually a psychological concept. If you tend to resort to it, it doesn't have to be an insult. However, it should be something to look into about yourself if you feel you're unable to deal with an issue, but feel it necessary to "project" it onto others. Have you considered talking to someone?

I know what it means, its a generic insult people use. Try again Doctor Phil

Hmm, insults are all in the receiver. That's the second or third time you've resorted to a "Try again __" response. You seem to be deflecting any information outside of your own rigid worldview. Would you like me to refer you to a professional in your area?

Collier78

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

i think it depends on how you react when hit on. I mean xbox girl gamers.........Come on now.....

What's wrong with girl gamers?? Am I some sort of clingy, needy, female because I game? I'm 35 with 3 kids, I game because it rocks...

SkinnyFatAlbert

Wasn't there a thread last week where the female OP was wondering if her longtime male friend, who she happened to of accidentally slept with years before, was hitting on her?

That said, it's case by case for me. Long time friend she goes to coffee with and hears from every so often? Fine. New guy friend she feels the need to get drinks with and text with every day? Maybe not.

taunto

I swear I must live in a parallel universe to most of the people who post on these forums.

You either trust your partner, or you don't. If you don't then your relationship needs work.

Trust is for kids.

Just like trix

firstsip

It is acceptable because you have allowed it to be.

^^^^ This is who your BF needs to watch out for!

+1. Married women should never be my friend.

Oh noez! Too late

You weren't married yet when we became friends. Now that you are...can I buy you a drink or ten?

Ten, please.

IwearBatmanUndies

Ok can we add a variable to this equasion? Lets say everyone was allowed to be friends with whoever they wanted too..And all your friends are just plain normal looking guys with solid reputations and no other interest in you other than for commentary. And all of his friends were gee I dont know, Scarlett johansson, Megan Fox, Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson, and other beauties alike with questionable backgrounds...How much coffee (in ounces) would you allow to be shared then on a daily basis?

firstsip

I dont know, this whole bestfriends with the opposite sex thing is total crap. Like you shouldn't be sitting on the couch with your significant other texting another chick/dude. Most of the time these "bestfriends" are being told things the boyfriend/girlfriend should be told, they are confiding in someone else. Most married people I know have mutual friends. Like in the real world married dudes dont go out to lunch with random single "friends" thats peoples excuse to do dirt. When I was single I only wanted to text the opposite sex for one reason, to flirt and feel better about myself, now that I am married I have no desire to be friends with men, I mean no offense, I have chick friends, why do I need a male bestfriend I text all my problems to? Anytime I have seen my friends in relationships do this it ends bad, like 99% of the time they had gotten drunk and hooked up in the past, they use the guy when their boyfriend treats them bad to feel better about themselves, they get those warm feelings when the person texts. That is emotional cheating, laughing, joking, kidding around can quickly turn into "harmless flirting" ...People in relationships have no business texting people of the opposite sex. You want friendship? YEAH RIGHT

So ... because you ae insecure, immature and have no self-control, no one does?

lol nice try honey. That is the response of people who want to do dirt. I have an amazing marriage. Married people have no business constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex. I have tons of self control, nice try though. Who even needs self control? What are you even talking about? I have no interest in tons of male friends because I am married with a life, why would I need to have all kinds of male friends around? EVERY SINGLE female that I have been best friends with that defended the whole "bestfriends with guys girls are to much drama" did HELLA dirt behind their boyfriends back, or used these guys to EMOTIONALLY feel better about themselves. You need to look at how damaged your relationship are, that you NEED the fulfillment emotionally from the opposite sex, whom isn't your significant other.

Are you 12? WTH is "do dirt?" I don't think anyone here was talking about "constantly texting or going out to dinner with the opposite sex." Sounds like you're projecting....

huh? Oh projecting, thats another attempt at insulting. Try again.

Projection is actually a psychological concept. If you tend to resort to it, it doesn't have to be an insult. However, it should be something to look into about yourself if you feel you're unable to deal with an issue, but feel it necessary to "project" it onto others. Have you considered talking to someone?

I know what it means, its a generic insult people use. Try again Doctor Phil

Hmm, insults are all in the receiver. That's the second or third time you've resorted to a "Try again __" response. You seem to be deflecting any information outside of your own rigid worldview. Would you like me to refer you to a professional in your area?

you aren't very good at this

I certainly don't claim to be a psychologist! That's why I think you should see a professional; they can help you much more than those of us here on the forums.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

It would be great to get some insight and understanding into why this double standard is acceptable.

In my relationship double standards aren't acceptable. My husband and I have known each other since we were 12, which may be why our dynamic isn't following with some of the others on here, or it could be that once we decided to start our relationship in our mid 20's we lived a 10 hour drive apart for the first 18 months. We have the utmost respect and trust in each other, we fought hard to be together, I tend to not get along with other women well, I choose my friends wisely as does he. We each choose friends because they enrich our lives, regardless of gender, and the relationships are never inappropriate. Not to say that there haven't been relationships that have become ackward, at that point the relationship fails to really enrich your life and generally the friendship ends.

Collier78

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

i think it depends on how you react when hit on. I mean xbox girl gamers.........Come on now.....

Agreed. Those dirty console peasants cannot be trusted. PC gamer or gtfo.

But what if you likes both??

rml_16

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

i think it depends on how you react when hit on. I mean xbox girl gamers.........Come on now.....

What's wrong with girl gamers?? Am I some sort of clingy, needy, female because I game? I'm 35 with 3 kids, I game because it rocks...

I don't game, but I do enjoy Star Wars and Game of Thrones.

I'm not sure if that makes me a slut.

Sovictorrious

I am forbidden to speak to anyone......ANYONE

IwearBatmanUndies

It is acceptable because you have allowed it to be.

^^^^ This is who your BF needs to watch out for!

+1. Married women should never be my friend.

Oh noez! Too late

You weren't married yet when we became friends. Now that you are...can I buy you a drink or ten?

Ten, please.

I'd buy you a few too..#j.s

rml_16

Ok can we add a variable to this equasion? Lets say everyone was allowed to be friends with whoever they wanted too..And all your friends are just plain normal looking guys with solid reputations and no other interest in you other than for commentary. And all of his friends were gee I dont know, Scarlett johansson, Megan Fox, Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson, and other beauties alike with questionable backgrounds...How much coffee (in ounces) would you allow to be shared then on a daily basis?

What they look like isn't relevent to me. And it isn't about their reputations. It's about whether I trust HIM.

InForBacon

I am forbidden to speak to anyone......ANYONE

Except me.

whierd

I think it's more of them feeling threatened by us females. I know in my relationship I have been married 6 years and because of my weight loss am getting a lot of attention then I have ever, on Xbox, MFP and random strangers.

He feels threatened by the fact that I could "like" one of these males friends one day and leave him. Insecure I guess.

i think it depends on how you react when hit on. I mean xbox girl gamers.........Come on now.....

Agreed. Those dirty console peasants cannot be trusted. PC gamer or gtfo.

But what if you like both??

Then that makes you a transient. Gross.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

It's really just easier if neither of you have any friends. This way you have to spend ALL of your time with each other. And only talk to each other. And brush each other teeth and ....