Doing this in secret?
steve2kay
Posts: 194 Member
Anyone else losing weight / getting fit in secret?
I'm not exactly keeping it a secret I'm just not announcing it anywhere other than here, but I got a reminder of why I'm doing it this way at home this weekend.
My wife and I ended up in a discussion about food, nothing serious, but she is critical of the fact that sometimes I'm not hungry in the evenings so don't want to eat, sometimes I eat bad food, sometimes I eat "too much protein", sometimes I have an unnatural protein shake etc.
It got to the point where she said I'd never lose weight and I stupidly told her I'd lost weight recently to which she said "well it doesn't look like it" - ouch.
It was quite funny because it came about 2 days after a friend of hers said that it looked like I'd lost weight. I'm not exactly a poster boy for MFP but I'm making progress - I'm down 10lbs, have knocked 3 mins off my 5k time, have doubled the weight I can squat etc.
It made me remember why I wasn't telling anyone in the real world about my weight loss efforts.
I'm not exactly keeping it a secret I'm just not announcing it anywhere other than here, but I got a reminder of why I'm doing it this way at home this weekend.
My wife and I ended up in a discussion about food, nothing serious, but she is critical of the fact that sometimes I'm not hungry in the evenings so don't want to eat, sometimes I eat bad food, sometimes I eat "too much protein", sometimes I have an unnatural protein shake etc.
It got to the point where she said I'd never lose weight and I stupidly told her I'd lost weight recently to which she said "well it doesn't look like it" - ouch.
It was quite funny because it came about 2 days after a friend of hers said that it looked like I'd lost weight. I'm not exactly a poster boy for MFP but I'm making progress - I'm down 10lbs, have knocked 3 mins off my 5k time, have doubled the weight I can squat etc.
It made me remember why I wasn't telling anyone in the real world about my weight loss efforts.
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Replies
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wow, that your not telling your wife though, you both should be supportive of each other..
and i kinda am kepping it secret, only close friends know, and my partner.i dont announce on facebook when i go to the gym, or that im eatting better...0 -
My wife know, she is on here. My son knows. My daughter doesn't care. (She's 3). I am not telling anyone else really unless they invite me to eat/drink something that would throw me off my plan. Then I tell them I am on a "diet" but that's as far as I go. Part of me wants to surprise people, but my wife has to know so she can help support me on this.
I do feel your pain though. I just had to adopt the outlook that it doesn't matter what my friends think, i NEED to do this.0 -
I did not keep it secret, but did not tell anyone I was using MFP.
Eventually everyone did notice.
Like you, I was reluctant to tell anyone. Did not want to hear the "well, it doesn't look like it" I had lost about 40 pounds before my husband commented. "you have lost weight", I said "a little", he said, "it looks like more than a little".
Stick with it and you will get the positive comments daily.0 -
I didn't announce it when I first started. Of course my house mates knew because I weighed everything before I ate it and I told my sister (who lives in a different country than me) but apart from that I kept it to myself and my mfp pals. I only told people once they started to notice and asked me how I did it. Most of my colleagues still don't know that I didn't just lose the weight from for getting to eat but from actively trying to do so...
But my family and close friends all know about it now. I look quite different and they noticed and asked0 -
" My daughter doesn't care. (She's 3)" HAHA that is so funny :laugh: anyway I'm kinda in the same situation about keeping it in secret but the difference is I say it to everybody else except my relatives. i dont really wanna disclose to them what I do since I like to get that special attention, that I'm fitter than my cousins. Idk, there has always been a mini competition between us cousins lol but we're close. I used to be the pudgy one but now, the tables are turning mehehehe :grumble: :drinker:0
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Yes, I am doing this in 'semi-secret'! My husband knows, because I want him to support me and not offer me biscuits when we're sat watching TV, but mainly because I have two young daughters and I don't want them to hear people asking me how the diet is going! I want to be a good role model for them advocating healthy eating etc and exercise but don't want them growing up hearing about diets and calories.
Also, the other thing I've found in the past are the diet saboteurs that seem hell bent on telling you you don't need to diet and then start trying to get you to eat a load of junk with them! :laugh:
So, that's where I am with it all and wish everyone lots of success. I'm only on day four but am feeling very determined, long may it continue!0 -
I completely understand where you're coming from. I mentioned MFP to a few people last month, because I was really excited about my progress, but felt like my words were falling on deaf ears. Then, I began explaining the website and swore I could hear them getting bored over the phone. So, I forwarded the link and left it up to them to check it out.
In my mind they were thinking:
- Oh boy, here we go again.
- I really don't want to hear this.
- Why does she keep trying these crazy diets?
I've decided weight-loss is a personal journey, so I'm keeping the details either on this site or to myself from here on out. My trip home for Thanksgiving will be the real test. I haven't seen most of them since August, so I'm betting they'll see the difference THEN start asking questions. My reply will simply be, "Check out the link".
Your wife not noticing made me think of this:
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Interesting topic because I suppose I have also taken a view its a secret.
I haven't told anybody because I am trying not to think of the change as a diet at all, just a change in lifestyle. I need to manage stress, get more exercise and care about what I eat and drink, before it’s too late! The weight coming off, the healthier glow of my skin and the more fit state of my body will happen as a result – I hope! So I really don't fancy telling people I am on a diet because what I am doing is slowly changing my eating and exercise and something don’t plan to stop.
I have told my husband about the weight losses when they happen, and he knows I joined the gym. He has been encouraging, saying things like well done - slow and easy - don't weigh yourself every day! He didn't scold me for my lager weekend, not the Scotch egg for breakfast yesterday, which means no weight loss this week! He did note when I came home from the gym last night that "your skin has a glow about it today", which is positive and encouraging.
It sounds like you kept it a secret to protect yourself from the possibility of failure, or setting yourself up for restriction imposed by peers who know. I think it would be hard to tell somebody who is going to "instruct you" and advise you of your doomed failure. However, maybe your wife didn't realise you were serious about the change and felt the need to, where if she had known she would be involved she might not have felt the urge to butt in? Not sure, but she does know now and now she will have an opportunity to be supportive which you were denying her. I would feel sad to think my husband couldn't lean on me, let her in - you have nothing to hide from her because you are not going to fail!0 -
My wife believes that all of my weight loss has come from the gym. While it certainly hasnt hurt anything, thats not how it happens. She thinks im going to put it all back on now that I am injured and wont be able to work out for a while.0
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I did my weight loss in secret also. I got sick and tired of listening to my friends talk about their 30 day cleanses, Advocare shakes etc. I decided to get on MFP, weigh myself, log food and exercise and read these posts. I stopped drinking wine and sugar. I told people that I was having such terrible hot flashes that I was not sleeping and could not take this so I had to cut out all sugar and alcohol. No one questioned it!!! Slowly, people began to notice. I stopped the discipline and slowly gained back 10 lbs. Now back on track and doing good. I don't want people behind my back to say "She is gaining it all back"!!!!
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels0 -
I told people at work i was eating healthier food to control my health problems (high cholesterol, plus I get migraines from chocolate, peanuts, etc). That's all I said, and said that in desperation to get an elderly admirer to stop leaving giant muffins and cake on my desk. I'm a sugar addict and will eat it if it's in front of me.
I've gotten a million compliments (weight loss plus I've grown my hair to my shoulders). I don't offer info, or if asked say something short and simple, because most people (1) don't really care, they're just being conversational and (2) they argue with me if I give details and say I'm not finished yet.0 -
It's honestly better to do it in secret and say you have a problem that's why you can't have certain foods because I remember before, my friends always wanted to eat out but I am trying to save and eat clean at the same time. they mocked me for it calling me frugal and stuff making fun of me lol0
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My best friend and my husband have known from the first couple of weeks. I mentioned it to my mom about a month in. But I did not say anything to anyone else in my life about it until the results became apparent, about 20-25 lb in (I had/have a lot to lose but that was a noticeable difference to most people who know me).
I don't talk about it on facebook though, at all. I see a lot of people on my friends list posting constantly about their diets and weight loss progress but I don't share any of that. I'm kind of private when it comes to those sorts of things, and have always cringed a bit when people get way too sharey with their info. I don't really want to know when a coworker or casual acquaintance has lost 3.4 lb, unless they're a MFP friend because that is the whole purpose of this site.
I do talk about some "workouts" on fb just because it may be amusing to me, when my husband and I play an hour of tennis even though we're terrible at it. But to me that's not directly related to this.0 -
My mum, dad and sister know (they're all on this site after I told them about it). My co-worker knows because she sees me randomly scanning barcodes on foods!
Other than that, nope no-one knows. Not even my housemate!
I just don't want to deal with the 'hows the diet going' questions and the funny looks when I eat chocolate/drink wine. It's just easier if no-one knows!
The disappointing thing - 50lbs down and no-one seems to have noticed!! But then again, 50lbs down and i'm still wearing the same clothes, so I can't expect them to notice
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I have one accountability person, but no I don't announce to the world that I am losing weight. My response is that I am trying to really work on eating better and moving more if asked. I am sure that was hurtful of your wife to say that to you. Sometimes our spouses can be our worse triggers. Remember, this journey is about you and no one else. So, do your work and stay consistent. The best testament of your ability to lose weight is actually losing it. Good Luck to you!0
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love that quote. thanks!0
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I guess I'm the opposite, I told everyone because when I used to keep it a secret I would always quit. Now that everyone knows I can't quit lol0
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I weigh 330 lbs. For a person of my size, prior to taking health into consideration, I personally thought that it was vital for me to tell my family that I am beginning to sought to attaining fitness. Not in person though, but over facebook.
I personally think it's annoying when I see people post on facebook every single day saying "going to the gym", and so on and so forth. That mindset of mind has made me prevent myself from doing the same thing. I mentioned going to the gym once, and that is it. As for working out in secrecy, nope, my family members know that I am working out but I refrain myself from being gym buddies with family members. I'd rather be gym buddies with friends LOL.0 -
I have found that people give you far less stick if you are pursuing a fitness goal and you make out that weight loss is either important to achieve that or is just a side benefit to it. People are weird.
"Yep, I'm really trying to push my functional threshold up and improve my power to weight ratio so I am doing blah blah blah"
*Their eyes glaze over*
*They never give you grief again*0 -
Anyone else losing weight / getting fit in secret?
I'm not exactly keeping it a secret I'm just not announcing it anywhere other than here, but I got a reminder of why I'm doing it this way at home this weekend.
My wife and I ended up in a discussion about food, nothing serious, but she is critical of the fact that sometimes I'm not hungry in the evenings so don't want to eat, sometimes I eat bad food, sometimes I eat "too much protein", sometimes I have an unnatural protein shake etc.
It got to the point where she said I'd never lose weight and I stupidly told her I'd lost weight recently to which she said "well it doesn't look like it" - ouch.
It was quite funny because it came about 2 days after a friend of hers said that it looked like I'd lost weight. I'm not exactly a poster boy for MFP but I'm making progress - I'm down 10lbs, have knocked 3 mins off my 5k time, have doubled the weight I can squat etc.
It made me remember why I wasn't telling anyone in the real world about my weight loss efforts.
Wow, sounds like a real supportive wife you got there.
Not saying you should get a divorce or anything. It's just nice to see us dysfunctional types aren't alone.0 -
To be honest, I lost 60 lbs in "secret," i.e., I didn't make a big deal about it with my friends and family. I just did my thing and if someone complemented me/asked how I managed to look so good, I just smiled and said it was time for me to be/eat more healthfully.
I think we need to be choosey about our support groups. When I had 20lbs to go, I opened up to my roommate and she encouraged me to lose 10 lbs more; when I opened up to my mother... well, I still have those 10lbs!! She makes me feel more self-conscious about my food choices when I'm with her/telling her about my day.
In other words, don't talk to your wife if it makes you feel uncomfortable. MFP is definitely a support to me, and hey! if other people are noticing, bask in that. Your wife will notice and be happy for you as time goes on.
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My mom and one of my coworkers know but only because they're both trying to do something about their weight. I've done the whole telling everyone before and, for me, I just feel like it sets me up to fail. I start to feel like I have to prove myself to these people when I should just be focusing on proving it to myself. Everyone's different. Some people need the support and some people do better on their own. You do what's best for you.0
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Seeing as how it's your wife she sees you on a daily basis so she won't notice until later, it's the people you don't always see that notice first.0
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I'm sorry your wife is being unsupportive.
I am not married so i am not sharing with a spouse - my son knows (he lives with me) and he is very supportive (hoping to get him to start too). my sisters only knew when i had lost 20 lbs. and my best friend knows. after a while i told people at work the very basics (because people started to notice).0 -
I never announced my attempt to lose weight to anyone. I told my husband not to bring me any more apple fritters home and he stopped.
Obviously after about 20 pounds lost people started to notice but when asked I just tell them I'm eating healthier (which is true).
OP your wife sounds like a not very supportive spouse. I would call her by a different name but I'm guessing that would be considered rude. It must suck to have such a critical partner.0 -
hi
well if its a secret or not you do what you need to do for your self the idea that i like on this site is that it doesnt tell you what to eat or not to eat if you stayin the range they show you in calories protein etc then you are doing what your supposed to be if just to say the range said your over your suger limit then you know you have to cut down on something with suger content..im not keeping it a secret but i dont tell noone either im starting out on this site as a first timer but been working out for awhile ,,but my problem was i didnt know what range to be in till i got on this site.. men and women lose weight diffrently.. but its harder on woment to take the weight off then men... but just be you and follow the range tol they have here0 -
wow, that sucks! But every great journey or goal to bring about change comes with doubters, haters, and naysayers.0
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I have told my husband about this, cuz he would've thought i went nuts measuring every bit of food and weighing myself lol but i haven't really mentioned much of anything else to anyone. I haven't received any compliments yet from anyone, but if and when i do,i guess i will mention it then. But anyway, just keep it up and people will surely notice one day. Sometimes our spouses and loved ones just don't understand so i totally get why you've kept it secret0
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For me, at least starting off in secret suited me as I didn't want the attention or people asking, although I wondered if it was wise to ignore the power of accountability or "tips" from others. It's become less of a secret now I seem to have lost sufficient weight for many people to notice. If asked, I'm not going to lie about it.
It's made me realise how good some people are about noticing small changes in people. The odd person made comments when I'd lost only a small amount of weight. For me, people have to change quite substantially for me to even stand a chance of noticing, and then if I did I'd feel self conscious about commenting in case I got it wrong.0
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