Doing this in secret?
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Anyone else losing weight / getting fit in secret?
I'm not exactly keeping it a secret I'm just not announcing it anywhere other than here, but I got a reminder of why I'm doing it this way at home this weekend.
My wife and I ended up in a discussion about food, nothing serious, but she is critical of the fact that sometimes I'm not hungry in the evenings so don't want to eat, sometimes I eat bad food, sometimes I eat "too much protein", sometimes I have an unnatural protein shake etc.
It got to the point where she said I'd never lose weight and I stupidly told her I'd lost weight recently to which she said "well it doesn't look like it" - ouch.
It was quite funny because it came about 2 days after a friend of hers said that it looked like I'd lost weight. I'm not exactly a poster boy for MFP but I'm making progress - I'm down 10lbs, have knocked 3 mins off my 5k time, have doubled the weight I can squat etc.
It made me remember why I wasn't telling anyone in the real world about my weight loss efforts.
To be fair it can also be difficult to notice when someone is losing weight initially if you see them everyday. You dont lose all the weight at once, its small deductions in weight or measurements along the way. Usually for those closest to you that you see on daily basis, it takes a while longer for them to notice..Don't let your wife's comment put you off though, im sure she will love the results lol0 -
Well, I said that to my best friend. She answered, I don't need to loose weight and took me to fast food. And then I said that to my mom. Her common reaction? "You've always been fat, you can't be slim."
Ok, in that case, I gave up (as i said that to them) but continuing secretly. Plus After surgery I can't do too much work out and being on liquids so they think I gain everything back and even more...But I prove them they are wrong
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Tell your wife and nobody else.
I was most successful when I didn't talk to anyone about it but my husband and that was limited. Actions speak louder than words. The last thing I wanted from everyone was a bunch of advice, especially when it has been unsuccessful for the person giving it.
Just do it and once you proved that your way works ( at least a few months later), you can start talking about it with others. You then have a leg to stand on and when other people give advice you can say, "well, this is working for me but thanks".0 -
Oh btw, your wife seems like a downer and mean. I just re-read your message and I would still tell her but don't involve her. Dont give in to her temptations to eat when your not hungry. Eventually she will stop asking.
Too much protein is fine Its good for men, especially when they exercise. 0 -
I find it easier to keep my weightloss/fitness effort to myself. I'm doing this to prove something to myself, not other people; that I can get back to being as fit as I was a few years ago by my own willpower and effort. I don't really need the feedback of other people for this.
Plus, people can be notoriously unreliable on observations about weight gain/loss. At my highest weight about 3 months ago, when I was just over a stone heavier than I am now, a friend said I looked like I'd lost weight. What the hell?!
The only person I have told is Rocky Balboa. He gets it. We both run in converse to Eye Of The Tiger.0 -
For starters, I just want to commend you on making an effort to lose weight, and don't let your wife's less-than-stellar comments take the wind out of your sails.
As for me, I keep it to myself for the most part. I figure that if no one else notices, then there is no point in bringing it up. The only people who know are my immediate family, my husband, and a few close friends.0 -
I'm sorry she treated you like that. I can't believe she isn't being more supportive. Heck if my husband wanted to do MFP I would cook the meals for him to help or do anything I can to encourage him. I'm really sorry, But yeah I would try even harder just to shut her up. Maybe she is jealous of you
Also is she a dietitian? Who is she to say your eating to much protein, just because its more than she eats.
I wish you the best of luck!0 -
Outside of the people you trust, downplaying can help because sometimes people act weird about it. Sometimes they get threatened and defensive and take whatever your efforts are as a reflection on themselves, or they try to put you down, dissuade you, or treat it like a competition. ("You've lost 8 pounds? That's great! I've lost 12!") And then there are the smug ones that roll their eyes at the food you eat or flaunt whatever junk they're eating.
Just weirdness all around.
At work I've been "cutting back on sugar" when I don't want sugar in my coffee and "getting in shape/strengthening my back to avoid re-injuring it" if someone asks about me going to the gym. I am pretty casual about it.0 -
I wouldn't say I'm keeping it a secret – to me, that implies willful and deliberate truth-keeping – but I'm not shouting it from the rooftops, either. My husband knows, obviously, and we talk about it quite a bit. My parents saw me weighing my food, so I gave them a basic one-liner about watching my calories. And two of my IRL friends are on MFP, so we support each other here and offline.
So, secret? No. But just like anything else I'm doing, not everyone in my life needs to know about it (and most wouldn't be interested). Health is a personal thing anyway, right? I'm still me; the only difference is now I only want one or two cookies, not the whole sleeve.0 -
You are trying to get fit and are keeping that a secret?
There aren't enough gif's in the internet to express the amount of lol's that produces.
Getting fit takes time. You have to exercise one way or another to be fit. Are you sneaking one in at lunch time, going for midninght rendezvous with your short-shorts while she sleeps, secret dates with the kettle bells?
C'mon, you can't keep real fitness secret - it's a major lifestyle change. Dela with it, have an open discussion (and there are probably other issues going on if you can't). Discussions around "too much protein," "bad food", etc. can be had and myths dispelled in a calm way.
You don't need to annouce it on the roof-tops but real partners are in it for the journey one way or another or collateral damage.
Well, if you go on his profile, (I know, work....) he states that he IS an active guy by nature but it is his eating habits that need tweaking. He describes himself as one who can't out-exercise what he eats....or something like that.
That's even better.
Look honey, a gint pink elephant.
>Hides dinner plate while wife looks away<
Secret eating habits.
Did you just weigh that donut, dear?
No honey, I placed it on the scale while I was getting some fine burgundy in this useful measuring cup. Would you like 1.3 ounces or 1.8?
Honey, that's not a big *kitten* container of whey protein, it's ah.... ah.... food for my tropical fish. What? Oh, yeah... the fish, I'm going out ot buy now.
All the secret exercisers, and the secret eaters are in secret ....
Oh, you've got to appreciate the irony of this.
My point was that people have different views of the right way to do things, so I'm not announcing what I'm doing because I don't really want their negative comments and opinions.....and then I announce it on MFP and get some people's negative comments and opinions.
In the whole thought I think there have been lots of really useful comments so thank you to everyone that took the time to comment.
If I gave the impression I'm keeping secrets and sneaking out at midnight to eat donuts and run around the block then I apologise. I also apologise if I gave the impression my wife was mean or unsupportive - she's very supportive, sometimes too supportive
While it's not a secret, I do run and lift weights at lunchtimes so that it doesn't eat into the evenings and weekends I have with my friends and family. Equally my wife does things during the day that I'm not interested in so that in the evening we can do stuff together. Maybe she just knows better than to mention it to me incase I make a mean comment about it.
Thanks to all those who shared their thoughts - it seems like a common thing to just get on with it without publicising it too much.0 -
I would say I'm being somewhat secretive, I suppose. I haven't shared MFP with anyone. Last time I was around a member of my family--my older sister--I started tracking because she was. I wound up stopping because I combined a transition--moving from college to summer residence--with a calorie restriction, which was really bad for me. I have some mood regulation problems that don't respond well to environmental changes. I did my best to eat well during the summer, had weight loss jumpstarted at the very end of the summer by appendicitis, and then started tracking a couple of weeks into school. I'm doing a smaller reduction than last time, and I'm hoping I'll be able to take it with me when I relocate to home for winter break and the coming summer.
At school, it's not something I advertise. I don't want my friends/colleagues (EMS squad; those things tend to overlap) thinking I'm being obsessive. One of them used MFP for a little while this summer, but he didn't stick with it, and he's not someone I would talk to about it anyway. I'm within normal weight range for my height, so I think a lot of them would raise eyebrows. For me at this point, it's more about eating better and making sure I don't gain weight, which I have while at school in the past.
I wouldn't advertise it at home because my mother struggles to lose weight. I can't really give her advice, because I'm not home enough to see what her habits are. But if I were to bring it up, she would start talking about how she eats so little and still doesn't lose weight. And I never know what to say when she talks like that. My dad would be supportive of the overall idea, but I don't know how he'd feel about tracking. My sister, who is often home when I am, would probably say I don't need to because she didn't start tracking until she was way overweight. I don't know if she intends to keep tracking once she hits maintenance.0 -
I am not keeping it a secret or broadcasting it to the world. I post on MFP I keep in contact with my friends on here regarding my 'diet' but all other's out here in the real world really do not know. My husband and kids know but just because I cook different. I do not want to be the person that is better then anyone just because I am changing my life style - I am doing it for me and no one else.0
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I am keeping it a secret to most people, only my mom knows for now. BUT it isn't because I care what other people will think about me, it's because I am doing it for me and not looking for some special recognition of people until I reach my goal!0
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Am I too late to this party?
Minus the handful of people I came here with (and the friends I've made here, obviously), I kept it a secret as long as I could. I still keep it as secret as I can. Let me tell you about that time I got caught jogging and then had to put up with constant jokes and haranguing about it for the next few weeks. So, yes, secret.
I'm at the point where it's hard not to notice something is going on, so those same people now mention that I'm 'so lucky' that the weight is just dropping off (because obviously, it has nothing to do with any kind of effort or work on my part, it's just magically happening). And then still try to find issues with my eating habits and exercise habits and anything else they can think of that can possibly relate back to my "sudden" smaller-ness (and then get snotty and demeaning when they can't). Or try to imply that there must be some sort of underlying illness.
The people I see every day during the day are a little different, and a few have asked me about it, and I've told them what I do. But I'm not advertising, I'm not talking except to those who truly want to know, and that's fine with me. I have great support here from my friends list, and also among my few friends who know, why would I even try to get support from people who would never give it in the first place? Or from random people in general, who already have more than enough of their own problems to deal with?
'Secret' may be the wrong word for most people, now that I think about it. Perhaps 'quiet' is better. But I say, do what you need to do for *you* - if it helps to keep it to yourself, do it. If it helps to tell everyone you meet, do that instead. What matters is that you're doing it at all.0 -
I didn't announce it the world when I started working out and then using MFP to change my eating habits, but if anyone asked, I wasn't shy about sharing. I get a lot of blow back now that I'm at my goal weight and am maintaining. People are so afraid I'm going to continue to lose weight, and I have to reassure them that my only goal now is to gain strength and lose body fat, not weight. It sometimes helps them to see me enjoy the same foods I always have - I just watch the quantity and frequency now.0
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Secret-ish... My fiance knows, he's always been super supportive and he's my accountability partner. My mother vaguely knows I'm "trying to be healthier", but I haven't told her I'm specifically watching what I eat, because she and my father have both been overweight my entire life, and they tend to try and sabotage me a lot when they think I'm "dieting" - I don't think it's intentional, but it's frustrating. Otherwise, I keep it to MFP, and I don't have IRL friends on my FL here.
I used to be pretty vocal/public about it, and I realized that I definitely fit into that psychological thing where, if you tell someone your plans, you feel satisfied with yourself and waste your motivation, so when the time comes to do it, you fail. The less I talk about it, the better I do with my food intakes and my exercise.
ETA: I guess, after a little more thought, I'm going to steal what another user in here said: I'm not doing it in secret, just quietly. If someone asks me, I'm not going to lie, but I'm not advertising, either.0 -
My teenage son was the only one who knew when I was doing weight watchers for a very short time. He and I shared a desktop and the site was always open and minimized. I stopped when I reached my goal last year. Between this summer and about a month ago I gained almost 10 lbs back so I restarted logging here on MFP which I had found earlier this year. No one in my family or circle of friends knows about MFP. Everyone, including my husband, is aware that I walk almost everyday for exercise, pay careful attention to what and how much I eat and have lost a considerable amount of weight over the past 4 years or so. I'm not talking about MFP because none of them are as committed to this as I am (they all talk about losing weight or getting healthier but don't do much about it) and like another poster said, I don't want to seem like I have the monopoly on weight loss and healthy living. If and when they ask I give them my strategy in general terms: exercise, read labels, measure portions, drink lots of water, calories in, calories out.0
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Yep, I am always trying to lose weight in secret - God if I told my mates they would think I am bonkers wanting to lose any
Shhhh don't tell them!0 -
I don't think keeping it a secret is bad unless you know your spouse has wanted to lose weight and you keep bringing unhealthy stuff home to snack on not telling your spouse that you are secretly power walking at lunch, lifting weights and starving yourself during the day to lose weight. When I realized that my spouse was losing weight he denied it....well after about 25 pounds he could'nt deny it anymore and that is when he told me what he was doing during the day. I guess it hurt my feelings because I would have loved for him to say "hey baby, I know you are trying to lose weight and I wouldn't mind losing some myself so let's do this together". So while I was eating muffins at 9:00 at night (that he purchased and brought home), I was starving myself all day and burning 500 calories at lunch to offset the muffin!
Oh well, at least I know how it goes now and I am inspired more than ever to stay disciplined and do this for myself.0 -
". So while I was eating muffins at 9:00 at night (that he purchased and brought home), I was starving myself all day and burning 500 calories at lunch to offset the muffin!
Sorry - while WE were eating muffins at 9:00 pm, I wasn't starving myself all day and burning 500 calories at lunch to offset the muffin.0 -
My husband, my bestfriend and my mother knew. That was about it. I kept it a secret because I didn't want people to see me fail. I've kept it up since January and everyone is seeing the progress I've made and comments from coworkers have recently came out within the last month. I'm getting a few people on board and it's fantastic.0
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I love reading everyone's different views! I'm really gutted because I'm only on day four and I went and blabbed in work to a few people about how I'm exercising now, and now I think about it, I can picture their faces with the "oh yeah?trying to loose weight again are we?!" look....wish I never said anything and then could surprise them with my secret weight loss! Oh well have decided I will just have to stick to it (this time) and show them!0
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It's honestly better to do it in secret and say you have a problem that's why you can't have certain foods because I remember before, my friends always wanted to eat out but I am trying to save and eat clean at the same time. they mocked me for it calling me frugal and stuff making fun of me lol
I'm doing this in secret too, only my fiance know's about me on here. I have a hard time gaining weight so I'm trying to gain weight, but I want to do it the healthy way with healthy foods. When my friends hear my talk about wanting to be healthier and working out they are so unsupportive I just stopped even mentioning it since in the end I would just feel worse about myself.0 -
*raises hand*
Being thin as it is, I tend to get a lot of rolling eyes when I mention that I'm pushing myself to get into even better shape. People tend to chalk it up as obsession or having body dismorphia. My pops is an older gentleman too so he equates weight lifting to masculinity and strongly believes women shouldn't do it. At the end of the day, you gotta stick to your guns:) I'm putting on weight, building muscle, and couldn't be happier!0 -
As others have said I'm not keeping it a secret but I'm also not keeping it from anyone either. I feel weird talking about myself whether it is weight loss or anything else really so not many know exactly what I'm doing.0
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Hubby knew but he was wanting to lose a few too.
I broke down and told my mom at 48 lbs. I was planning a visit and was scared of gaining weight.
My mom told everyone >.< how much weight i lost (i hadn't even told hubby how much). I know she was proud but i wanted to die lol. What do you say when someone you met once before, and her husband congratulate you on your weight loss? :mad:0 -
I would tell your spouse at least and wow is she having a ***** moment or what! that's crazy!0
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I read an article once about how telling people your goals or intentions makes you less likely to achieve them. (I don't know if this was the original article, but you get the idea: http://sivers.org/zipit)
Anyway, that being said.. the only people who know are my doctor, my boyfriend and my mother. My doc is the whole reason I began. I was having lots of health issues and she had a nice long chat with me about her own life change. She gave me the encouragement I needed to make a change, rather than just a lecture. I didn't have a problem telling my boyfriend, and he has been 100% supportive so far (altering our meals, joining me for workouts, etc.). My mother was a little more difficult to tell. She has yo-yo dieted for as long as I can remember. Her weight has always been an issue, and therefore weight-loss in general has always been a sour subject. I don't share too much information with her, but she does know that I am making a solid effort to change my lifestyle.
I have not connected my MFP or RunKeeper apps to Facebook, and I don't plan to. I am losing the weight for myself. I am exercising and learning to run for myself. I don't need to announce my progress to my friends to feel accomplished. No one has made any comments to me so far (granted, I'm only 10 pounds down), but that is perfectly okay. I feel better, and I can tell my body is changing for the better. At this point, I am planning on keeping my decision to live a healthier lifestyle to myself. I don't need to tell everyone I know about my weight-loss to eventually make it a reality.0 -
I have a giant poster on my fridge where I put stickers if I dont drink anything, go to the gym, and/or dont go over my calorie goal. So...anyone who comes into my kitchen knows! I dont talk about it other than that, though 0
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That's terrible about what your wife said, I'm so sorry you have had to go through that. People you love and that supposedly love you should always be a supportive shoulder and care about your goals. I can feel upset at this because some people who I expected to give me more support in my life do not, and it saddens me. But now if I ever know of someone trying to lose weight or get healthy or achieve whatever goal they may have, I will be very supportive of them.
I've told most of the close people in my life about losing weight, including my parents, siblings, my four closest friends, a couple of other friends and some classmates that have noticed I lost weight. The only two people who I can say really care about my weight loss and have been supportive are my mom and my best friend. I'm kind of disappointed with everyone else. I know it's my journey that I have to do alone, but all I want are some comments here and there, like supportive and motivational things, you know? Especially since they know full well that what I'm doing means the world to me. Anyone else hurt that some people are not as supportive?0
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