Doing this in secret?

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  • KaterinaTerese
    KaterinaTerese Posts: 345 Member
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    To be honest, I lost 60 lbs in "secret," i.e., I didn't make a big deal about it with my friends and family. I just did my thing and if someone complemented me/asked how I managed to look so good, I just smiled and said it was time for me to be/eat more healthfully.

    I think we need to be choosey about our support groups. When I had 20lbs to go, I opened up to my roommate and she encouraged me to lose 10 lbs more; when I opened up to my mother... well, I still have those 10lbs!! She makes me feel more self-conscious about my food choices when I'm with her/telling her about my day.

    In other words, don't talk to your wife if it makes you feel uncomfortable. MFP is definitely a support to me, and hey! if other people are noticing, bask in that. Your wife will notice and be happy for you as time goes on. :wink:
  • kerry981
    kerry981 Posts: 8 Member
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    My mom and one of my coworkers know but only because they're both trying to do something about their weight. I've done the whole telling everyone before and, for me, I just feel like it sets me up to fail. I start to feel like I have to prove myself to these people when I should just be focusing on proving it to myself. Everyone's different. Some people need the support and some people do better on their own. You do what's best for you.
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 661 Member
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    Seeing as how it's your wife she sees you on a daily basis so she won't notice until later, it's the people you don't always see that notice first.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I'm sorry your wife is being unsupportive.

    I am not married so i am not sharing with a spouse - my son knows (he lives with me) and he is very supportive (hoping to get him to start too). my sisters only knew when i had lost 20 lbs. and my best friend knows. after a while i told people at work the very basics (because people started to notice).
  • TravelDog14
    TravelDog14 Posts: 317 Member
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    I never announced my attempt to lose weight to anyone. I told my husband not to bring me any more apple fritters home and he stopped.
    Obviously after about 20 pounds lost people started to notice but when asked I just tell them I'm eating healthier (which is true).

    OP your wife sounds like a not very supportive spouse. I would call her by a different name but I'm guessing that would be considered rude. It must suck to have such a critical partner.
  • stormcarey
    stormcarey Posts: 5
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    hi
    well if its a secret or not you do what you need to do for your self the idea that i like on this site is that it doesnt tell you what to eat or not to eat if you stayin the range they show you in calories protein etc then you are doing what your supposed to be if just to say the range said your over your suger limit then you know you have to cut down on something with suger content..im not keeping it a secret but i dont tell noone either im starting out on this site as a first timer but been working out for awhile ,,but my problem was i didnt know what range to be in till i got on this site.. men and women lose weight diffrently.. but its harder on woment to take the weight off then men... but just be you and follow the range tol they have here
  • Still1Workoutatatime
    Still1Workoutatatime Posts: 250 Member
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    wow, that sucks! But every great journey or goal to bring about change comes with doubters, haters, and naysayers.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I have told my husband about this, cuz he would've thought i went nuts measuring every bit of food and weighing myself lol but i haven't really mentioned much of anything else to anyone. I haven't received any compliments yet from anyone, but if and when i do,i guess i will mention it then. But anyway, just keep it up and people will surely notice one day. Sometimes our spouses and loved ones just don't understand so i totally get why you've kept it secret
  • catnip_craze
    catnip_craze Posts: 4 Member
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    For me, at least starting off in secret suited me as I didn't want the attention or people asking, although I wondered if it was wise to ignore the power of accountability or "tips" from others. It's become less of a secret now I seem to have lost sufficient weight for many people to notice. If asked, I'm not going to lie about it.
    It's made me realise how good some people are about noticing small changes in people. The odd person made comments when I'd lost only a small amount of weight. For me, people have to change quite substantially for me to even stand a chance of noticing, and then if I did I'd feel self conscious about commenting in case I got it wrong.
  • Slrajr
    Slrajr Posts: 438 Member
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    I don't talk about it either. Weightloss and diets are talked about too much IMO, especially around women. If someone asks, however, I am happy to share.
  • ItsAliciaMarie
    ItsAliciaMarie Posts: 130
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    I am completely in secret with my weight loss as well. I don't tell my friends/family for two reasons.

    1) Everytime I've told people in the past, it seems like there is a eye on me at all times. They''ll comment on what I'm eating or drinking, give me advice based on fad diets, etc.

    2) If I fail, for any reason, I don't want to hear about it. I want to be able to pick up right where I left off without my friends and family knowing how I've fell off of the bandwagon.

    My MFP friends give me the encouragement and advice that I NEED when I ask for it. They aren't my best friends, so they don't feel the need to judge everything that I do. If I fall off MFP friends send messages like "where ya been" instead of saying that they didn't expect me to succeed.

    It's just easier that way!! :)
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    It took me a while to tell anyone, I actually didn't tell anyone until I had lost 40 lbs (people who never see me, I posted on FB). It's hard to hide it at home though, I'm weighing all my food and you can't exactly hide that.

    But it should be a good motivation for you to prove her that she's wrong!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    Like many others, I've not kept it a secret as much as i have just not advertised it. My reasoning is because I don't want to inconvenience anyone else. I think that if I can change my habits without altering the behaviors of the people around me, then it is more sustainable than getting special considerations from those people. Maybe that doesn't make sense.

    My wife knows I am dropping weight. But here's the thing - she can barely tell i have lost anything - because she sees me every day. When she sees me she mentally compares me to the last time she saw me (which may be as much as 4-5 hours) not to a year and a 1/2 ago when i started. So that's why people who haven't seen you in a month or longer can tell.

    This doesn't really excuse your wife's comment, because - the way you tell it - it seems like she was saying it to hurt you.

    Anyway, to answer your question, yes. I am not advertising my weight loss. This is something I want to do on my own.
  • lauraspberry
    lauraspberry Posts: 655 Member
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    When I tell people I did Insanity they tell me I was just on a fad diet and I should stop. WTH RIGHT?!
  • eheinze12
    eheinze12 Posts: 58 Member
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    My husband, best friend, and my immediate family know what I am doing but other than that, nobody else really needs to know. Personally, I hate compliments.. I don't take them well.. I am not doing this for them but I am doing this for myself. I don't get up everyday and workout and prep my day based on what people say or think. Besides, I'm pretty sure everybody will start noticing at one point.. my ultimate goal is to lose 75 pounds and you can't not notice that!
  • TheBackStory
    TheBackStory Posts: 263
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    Like many others, I've not kept it a secret as much as i have just not advertised it. My reasoning is because I don't want to inconvenience anyone else. I think that if I can change my habits without altering the behaviors of the people around me, then it is more sustainable than getting special considerations from those people. Maybe that doesn't make sense.

    My wife knows I am dropping weight. But here's the thing - she can barely tell i have lost anything - because she sees me every day. When she sees me she mentally compares me to the last time she saw me (which may be as much as 4-5 hours) not to a year and a 1/2 ago when i started. So that's why people who haven't seen you in a month or longer can tell.

    This doesn't really excuse your wife's comment, because - the way you tell it - it seems like she was saying it to hurt you.

    Anyway, to answer your question, yes. I am not advertising my weight loss. This is something I want to do on my own.

    I think you jumped in my head and took my words! The people I see everyday can not tell a difference. #1: They don't pay attention to our bodies like we do. #2: Most don't care unless you are making them look bad or stealing their glory (mostly catty types I steer clear of).

    I heard this from my husband this morning. "You can't change the body God gave you." Oh no... That's the last thing someone needs to tell me, I can't do something. I can change it to something better and more healthy and I'm going to prove my point.

    Keep at it and be healthy and happy for you, not anyone else.
  • randomhelena
    randomhelena Posts: 17 Member
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    I just told the family at first because my strong point was cooking for the size of an army even though there was only 5 of us and I didn't want them to think I was going insane :) My husband joined in after he saw it working and has lost weight too now. I had to tell my best friend because she LOVES TO EAT and is always inviting me out for the most high calorie food which I am just not down with. Now if we go out I suggest this awesome Asian place where I can load up on low cal high nutrition foods and at the same time she can load up on cals and fattening stuff which she loves....it's a win-win. The only other time I mention it is when people give me a compliment or ask what I am doing because finally the weight loss is noticeable.
  • photojunk
    photojunk Posts: 135 Member
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    Your wife may be feeling threatened?
    Does she need to get healthy too? Is there anything you could do together?
    Maybe everytime you lose 5lbs you could treat your wife with something nice, a meal out, a new pair of shoes or something that way you losing weight becomes a good thing to her

    Last year when I started my journey I would often sacrifice my workout or diet to entertain or keep the bf happy, then when I explained to him my reasons for doing it.
    And convinced him that I was doing it for me not to impress anyone else he started been more supportive. We started doing activities like climbing and cycling together too.

    If you feel your wife is just not been supportive as long as you do not let her sabotage you keep doing what your doing. But I bet you she's feeling insecure about herself.
  • DaddyDave101
    DaddyDave101 Posts: 72 Member
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    Im not saying this is the case for your wife as I don't know her but I would honestly say alot of the time this is all to do with Jealousy

    I went on a stag do a couple of months ago and got ribbed a little bit for being the fat one (I have always joined in on it and made light of it, just like I have with my name on here)

    But really I knew after looking at photos and my wedding 6 months away I needed to sort myself out....

    Anyway a few people at work and definitely family have noticed and said you are doing great, keep it up etc... BUT some mates have almost not wanted to pay those compliments... I was talking to a good mate (similar size to me) I have known pretty much all my life the other day and we have constant banter and can say anything to each other. He hasn't commented on my weight loss at all and I told him I had been going the gym and how much I had lost and he still didn't say anything other than oh right... I then said can you tell and he said yeah you can really tell but even then I could tell he just didn't want to pay me the compliment as he would much rather be the one to say ahhh look how Dave's diet is going to the rest of the lads when I am tucking into some really unhealthy food when we are all out.

    I don't mean offence by this post at all as I am not saying everyone gets jealous but those around you who can't be a-rse-d to put the work in sometimes like to sit there and pick fault because they don't have the drive to get up and do what you are doing...

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