Divorce: is it worth it?

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Replies

  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
    it depends on the situation. If your just bored and want something different or if you just disagree on certain things than I would think not but if your marriage has some pretty serious issues then divorce may be the better option for you both.
  • lobster888
    lobster888 Posts: 861 Member
    Getting a divorce was one of my best decisions ever.

    This was me! I am actually a better person because it! I tried so hard to make it work...but we were both so unhappy.
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
    God yes it was worth it.

    He emotionally and verbally abused me every day for almost 2 years. Got the hell out of there.

    Hopefully my second marriage will be happy and sticks for life. :)
  • Khisalandra
    Khisalandra Posts: 100 Member
    I am so much happier now. I would be a totally miserable person if I was still married to my ex. He's a good guy, but we just ended up wanting completely different things out of life.

    Very much this. It's not that my ex was a bad person... he was just bad for ME. I finally stopped trying to be the "good wifey" after 9 years and realized that. I'm much, much happier now with my second husband. We fit together much better and want more of the same things.
  • 1dce
    1dce Posts: 238 Member
    I'm happier, a lot less stress and tension and so forth. However I think this is something you shouldn't be basing on others experiences. This is not something that is a black and white area. You need to figure this out with your spouse. Good luck :)
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    YES YES YES.

    I spent 10 unhappy, lonely years with my first husband. Now that I am happily married to my best friend? Best decision ever.

    You gotta do what's best for YOU.
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
    The thing about divorce is that you without that other person is STILL YOU.
    If they are abusive, hateful worthless people- you are probably better off. If they are decent people, you are probably better off where you are. I have had MANY friends divorce decent people and live to regret it. I don't know of anyone who was actually better off. Many lost their children's trust, friends respect, the list goes on and on. Some of my friends kids even chose the other parent eventually and then they lost the joy of raising their own kids.
    Figure out why you think divorce is a good idea first. If it has anything to do with YOU - and not the other person - then work on you and don't get divorced. If it is the other person - they are mean, abusive, hateful, then consider it as an option.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    IME, grass is never greener, it's just different grass.

    So it comes down to your ability to be happy given the situation. I'm happier on my own than I am with someone who sucks the life out of me. Not everyone is.

    Part of me can't help but think that if you have to ask this question, your marriage isn't that bad.
  • missyj1115
    missyj1115 Posts: 1,220 Member
    ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!

    The grass will never be greener on the other side,
    the grass is greener wherever you choose to water it!
  • Silent1980
    Silent1980 Posts: 24
    I regret for not doing it sooner
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    Life is simply brilliant and euphoric now that my boat doesn't have an anchor of drama and selfishness.

    I am stealing this, it is the best quote of the day.
  • sassypants0923
    sassypants0923 Posts: 7,188 Member
    When he's an alcoholic A Hole, yes, yes it is.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    Yes. Probably the best decision I ever made.
  • Maddiewin1
    Maddiewin1 Posts: 5
    In my situation it was MUCH better for me. My ex was a lying, cheating, stealing jerk, and I knew that I had made the wrong decision after only about a year. I tried to 'stick it out' but it just continued to get worse and worse. When I told him I wanted a divorce, his response was 'okay" like I had said 'let's order a pizza".

    Best...Decision....EVER

    That being said, I will echo a former response that these are just our own personal experiences, and you should definitely not be making any decisions on your relationship based on an internet forum. (Just wanted to put that disclaimer out there again). :)
  • abickford82
    abickford82 Posts: 207
    I was separated for a long time, so though I was legally separated for a 3 year span -- the divorce took forever. I did marry about 6 months after my divorce was finalized. Many people think I moved on too soon but what they don't realize is I was separated for a long time. The bad part? The shared custody. I live in Washington state and he lives in Pennsylvania. I only get my sons in the summer (and holidays if I can afford to fly them out here -- they're still very young 7, 6, and 4 so they can't fly alone) though we share 50/50 custody. One day I pray they'll live with me year round, and his dad will just get summers but it's the only downside with our unique situation.
  • MsTT80
    MsTT80 Posts: 59 Member
    Every situation/relationship is different, but for me, divorce was the best thing I could have done.

    I was depressed, cried all the time, lost contact with friends, overeating....generally miserable. My marriage was not working. We tried, well I tried but it did not work.

    I have now found the most amazing man. My soul mate. I married too young. Now I have a man who has the same views, morals and goals in life. Someone who I can share my every secret with. Someone who supports me trying to loose weight and will go for a walk with me on an evening.

    I was a lonely and depressed person with no real contact with the outside world, now I am happy, we are out doing something every weekend even if it's just a walk......I am very very lucky for fate to have given me a second chance :)
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
    Life is simply brilliant and euphoric now that my boat doesn't have an anchor of drama and selfishness.

    I am stealing this, it is the best quote of the day.

    Also stealing this. :P
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    If I had known the impact it would have on my daughter... She was 4 at the time and is 9 now. I can honestly say that I would have done things differently had I known.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    Depends. For some I can not see any other option for others they would be better off growing up and working things out. My parents are divorced and it was great for them. They were able to raise us as friends rather than at each others throats. For others it is an excuse not to see the negative in themselves and make some changes. My husband and i have had to adapt to each other's habits and flaws. I think it has made us better people as a result. Do we hit rock bottom from time to time. OH yeah, but it is about readjusting just how far you let rock bottom go. You can not call one another names constantly and degrade each other. If you can't communicate in a sane healthy way, then yes you are better off divorced.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone who has ever made the decision to get divorced that has ever regretted it.

    I'm pretty sure anyone who was forced to get a divorce is happy to be free of the legal bondage to someone who doesn't love them.
  • dreamer4
    dreamer4 Posts: 27
    I am glad to hear everyone saying this. I am going thru the divorce process right now and will be a single mother with two kids (8 and 6). My husband has some mental health issues. I can say that our household is calmer without him in it. He has been gone for eight months and even without him contributing anything to the household I still find myself much less stressed out. I am not sure if I will be happier in the end or not. I am not sure if the divorce will be worth it in the end or not. I have no idea how things will wash out yet because in our state we have to be separated for a year before we can push the divorce to court. (...and he is going to get his *kitten* handed to him.) I find I miss the good times when he comes down to see the kids. When he visits I also think of all the pain in the marriage. He is on medication now and seeking counseling so it appears he is doing much better, but that's not what I lived with. Part of me is happy the kids get to know their father sane and happy and the other part makes me angry that what we lived with was such hell. I am thinking that for me it will take some time to know if it was worth it or not. I do know I am no longer tied to his rants and scary behaviors. I know longer have to wait for him to make a choice for me to make a decision about my life. Since he was a VERY slow decision maker it would put stress on the marriage if something which needed a quick decision came up. Hoping to see more posts about what a good choice it was, but right now I am just wishing the whole thing was over because a divorce is a very emotional and stressful thing for everyone involved. Watching the kids deal with it and helping them cope has been the hardest part of it all.
  • HikerRR50
    HikerRR50 Posts: 144 Member
    Ask yourself why you married him in the first place. Has that changed? Go get couseling IMO Marriage isnt always going to be perfect
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    IME, grass is never greener, it's just different grass.

    So it comes down to your ability to be happy given the situation. I'm happier on my own than I am with someone who sucks the life out of me. Not everyone is.

    Part of me can't help but think that if you have to ask this question, your marriage isn't that bad.

    Yes yes yes, this!

    If you're unsure, then don't do it. Work on it and do your best to try to fix it! Religion and marriage vows aside, the financial and emotional repercussions are not for the faint at heart!
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,226 Member
    not for me but i see people who are happy and proud that they've done it. maybe it depends.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone who has ever made the decision to get divorced that has ever regretted it.

    I'm pretty sure anyone who was forced to get a divorce is happy to be free of the legal bondage to someone who doesn't love them.

    I agree with the second sentence. Never been divorced, but been through plenty of break-ups where I was sad at first, only to realize later that I was better off without.
  • Phoenixchichima
    Phoenixchichima Posts: 416
    are you hoping to do better or trying to leave a bad situation? better question identify why you want to leave. .
  • dirty_dirty_eater
    dirty_dirty_eater Posts: 574 Member
    Absent some sort of real abuse that you need to get away from, no one can answer this question for anyone else.

    If you think of life time commitments in terms of where the grass might be greener, perhaps marriage isn't for you. It's a sure bet that at one time or another in a marriage, the grass on your side of the fence is gonna get downright brown.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    I remember sitting down with my first husband, the father of our 2 sons and telling him I had fallen out of
    love with him (long story as to the reasons why) the children were going on 2 & 4. I remarried again to my now husband (who I met on the internet) we have been married 11 years in March 2014. Kids are all grown up.

    The divorce was it worth it....yes for me.....It was a difficult decision but the right one, he is now remarried 10 years also.
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    Asking divorcees if their divorce was worth it is akin to asking drunks in a bar if the alcohol tastes good... Or asking people in happy marriages if keeping their marriage together is worth it.

    Equally stupid questions all around.
  • shelly4now
    shelly4now Posts: 2 Member
    it depends on WHY you got divorced. If your former spouse was in any way. Selfish, Verbally/Physically/Financialy Abusive, did not contribute to the marriage, basically sucked life, love and energy from you.. then yes divorce is a happy place.. if you divorce because you want something selfish you usually find that your not happier. I have been seen both ways from friends and loved ones..

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