Marriage: Is it worth it?
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In my opinion, YES! We will be married 40 years this coming summer. Got married the day after I turned 18 (so yes, now you know how old I will be too). The odds were against us all the way at that age. Has it been easy? Sometimes. Four kids, college for both of us (after the kids), cars, mortgages, pets, in-laws, life! Now we are empty nesters with 7 grandkids, it's just us again (as it was for the first 5 years) and it's still good. Easy or hard, and knowing all I know now, I would still do it all over again!
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THIS^ Our first year of marriage was def the hardest. We had a lot of hard losses during that time by pure happenstance, but we also had a baby and after nine years together, we are in a relationship of deep comfort and love... and, yes, there is still sex.I've been with my husband for almost 3 years, married for almost 2. We have a nine month old daughter, and unlike a lot of couples, having a baby has solidified our union even more. He's the perfect lover, co-parent, and best friend. We of course have times filled with pointless bickering, but we've come out of it with better communication skills and an appreciation for who we married, regardless of the little annoyances. We will beat the odds. So worth it.
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This is a good topic. I have been married 19 years and am not attracted to my wife we have 3 girls together my youngest is 13, anyway. I have tried several times to leave but got the guilt trip and I couldn't just walk out and leave her to have to deal with everything. I want to see her with someone who can love her the same way. I just can't. Last time I said I wanted out she told me she had a dream that she was on her motorcycle and drove it into a semi truck on the highway. She has completely let herself go she doesn't care how she looks she is not the same person I married 19 years ago. she is about 200=+ lbs and I have tried to help her lose wgt but she just doesn't put in any effort. We get along great we never fight Im just not attracted to her. I pretty much work 40-50 hours a week in overtime because I would rather be here than home.. My biggest thing is seeing her break down when I say I want out0
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I've been married so long we've lost track. Very long time. Ok the calculator says 27 yrs. Been together way longer than that.
Absolutely worth every minute we argue, make love, live our lives doing the boring things everyone has to do, see our kids grow and hopefully get to see grandbabies one day, work together towards retirement and our travels then and taking care of each other.0 -
I am a newlywed as of 5 months ago and been with my husband for 3.5 years. I might be new to being a wife but marriage has made us stronger. We talk more and are truly friends and are in love. If I did not have him I do not think I would be having this weight loss. I had a horrible time motivating myself when I was single. My husband loves me at any weight but he encourages me to stay on track because he knows this is what I want for myself. He is loosing weight with me and we are great at keeping each other on track.
Long story short, I like being married.0 -
I think for me the best part of being married is not having to search anymore. Knowing that there was someone actually out there just for me and fell for me as is. We are polar opposites yet we are on the same page about important issues. For one, I cannot say if marriage is right or wrong for anyone else because we define our relationship our way. I think people need to stop judging what they do by what other people do. Second, whomever said it was just a piece of paper must have been burned or something. My marriage is more than what this society says it is. It is a commitment that is built on a foundation of love, trust, understanding, and friendship. My husband is my help mate, my other half, and soul mate. We look at everything that we do as a family as a unit; a team with no I in it. What we work hard for each day is to build a great life together which we pretty much achieved already.
Yes, I get on his nerves and he gets on mine. But no matter how mad I can get I know that he is mine. Marriage is a continual thing that grows and takes work. It is not something that stays stagnant. It is like a plant that if not tended to can die. Yes, work, kids, and whatever else takes priority but so does your mate. Just because you two closed the deal does not mean the work is finished. Both individuals have to be committed and give 100% of themselves. Don't get into this if you plan to do it half-assed or be selfish. If you want to be selfish stay by yourself.
My marriage is wonderful for me and it is better than the most fun time I had single. I cannot say if it is right for others but I can say it is right for me.0 -
Depends on what you want. A figurative ball and chain that you cannot detach from without losing half (or more) of your assets OR a significant other that you can leave and keep your assets
I'm a total pessimist and believe that one or both parties in a relationship are eventually going to do something to warrant a separation. The reason my grandparents are still together after 40 something years is because they put up with one another's nonsense and/or turn a blind eye. I for one am completely unwilling to "put up" with any nonsense from a partner.
Then you have marriage... which derived from religious ceremony (according to anthropology). Marriage has some good qualities but in today's America, boys and girls are being raised in a society that promotes lying, cheating, stealing, and violence through TV, movies, and music. I can't expect someone to be honest anymore, so how could I expect someone to be faithful?
Wow. So jaded for someone so young. I'm sorry you haven't had good examples in your life. I don't raise my children to support lying, cheating, stealing or violence (and the TV doesn't raise them either). Yes, some people lie, but I honestly believe that "most" people are good honest people. I definitely believe my husband is, or I wouldn't have married him. My grandparents stayed together 60 years because they loved each other and supported each other. It wasn't easy (we found divorce papers, signed but never filed, when we cleaned out their house) but at the end they were each others everything. My grandfather was crushed when she died first, calling her his "bride" at the funeral.
Young, yes. Jaded, ehh not generally. I'm just pessimistic when it comes to human behavior, more specifically honesty and morality. To clarify, I didn't mean that the media raises our kids even though I made it sound that way! lol What I meant is that our social behavior is 100% learned and people are just not raising their children like they used to. Media, politics, and finance (the only 3 coming to mind at this moment) are consumed in lies. Ok, so your kids aren't exposed to dishonesty but eventually they will be exposed to people who were.... It's a snowball effect. Even if we raise our kids to have morals and be honest, we can't usually shield them from all outside influences. I've absolutely never known my mother to lie and so I believe that it is possible to be honest. I Just can't EXPECT it anymore, at least with my generation. I am positive that there are honest, benevolent people in this world but I don't necessarily want to take any more chances with my emotional or intimate stability. I learned my lesson after 3 years of having "faith".
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and it's great that they had a good life together
The first point I wanted to make was that married or not, your assets can still be at stake. I am in Canada, but I am aware that many states also recognize common law in the same respect so the fact you aren't legally married isn't exactly a factor. Now, tax wise, etc, it may be a different story. I'm talking asset wise.
The other point, I do see your point. I am pretty cynical. In my line of work, I see the worst of people on a daily basis. I deal with break ups on a regular basis. I see a lot of the bad stuff, the lying, cheating, etc. I prefer to think that there is still hope, that there are relationships like some have described here but its hard when you see so much, like how bad are the odds stacked against me. I am still a newlywed so I guess time will tell with me. I know most people don't go into it with the idea of breaking up and we have made that committment to each other. I love my husband. I can't imagine anyone else who I could spend my life with. He gets me, my good, but more importantly, my bad. We are best friends, as trite as that sounds, however, marriage still scares me.0 -
This is a good topic. I have been married 19 years and am not attracted to my wife we have 3 girls together my youngest is 13, anyway. I have tried several times to leave but got the guilt trip and I couldn't just walk out and leave her to have to deal with everything. I want to see her with someone who can love her the same way. I just can't. Last time I said I wanted out she told me she had a dream that she was on her motorcycle and drove it into a semi truck on the highway. She has completely let herself go she doesn't care how she looks she is not the same person I married 19 years ago. she is about 200=+ lbs and I have tried to help her lose wgt but she just doesn't put in any effort. We get along great we never fight Im just not attracted to her. I pretty much work 40-50 hours a week in overtime because I would rather be here than home.. My biggest thing is seeing her break down when I say I want out
that sucks to read brother....0 -
I have been married for going on 14 yrs.....
Sometimes I do wonder if it is worth it.....
There are good times and there are bad times......
And plenty of times I don't think she wants to be in it......
I guess I have yet to make a final decision.......
Wish there was some magical book or something that has all the answers. :bigsmile:0 -
I have been married for going on 14 yrs.....
Sometimes I do wonder if it is worth it.....
There are good times and there are bad times......
And plenty of times I don't think she wants to be in it......
I guess I have yet to make a final decision.......
Wish there was some magical book or something that has all the answers. :bigsmile:
^^^ if you ever find that magical book.. let me knw.. lol 0 -
^^^ if you ever find that magical book.. let me knw.. lol
Back at ya.0 -
I used to think yes, even though I have never loved my husband. For the last year, no. He was attracted to me when I was fat, and finds me unattractive now, although I will give him credit for at least trying. When he is in sweetheart mode, it can be easy to forget all the bull, but I can never forget what he is like when things aren't going his way, or he perceives that I have made a mistake.0
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You sound like an ungrateful wench.0
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It's just a piece of paper.
If you are lucky, it is far more than a piece of paper.0 -
If you marry the right person.....yes. I have been with my husband for almost 14 years.....married for 7 of them. We have gone through good times , bad times, loss of jobs, loss of family, the birth of our beautiful son, arguments, laughter and tears but we respect, communicate and are honest with each other. So if you marry the right person....yes.0
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I married my high school sweetheart. We have been together 39 years and married 36. We have 2 incredible children and so far 5 grandchildren. We have been through good times and bad, health issues and the loss of friends and family. If he were to pass tomorrow I would probably never be involved in another long term relationship because I don't think it would be fair to any man who came into my life. He is my friend as well as my life partner, to me that is the secret.0
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my husband is my very best friend in the world! i think marriage is definitly worth it if you're a loyal type of person who thinks that being married a long time is something special. We do everything together and no matter how many fights there are, i can always count on my husband. A good marriage takes a special couple to make it last! It totally is worth it0
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my husband is my very best friend in the world! i think marriage is definitly worth it if you're a loyal type of person who thinks that being married a long time is something special. We do everything together and no matter how many fights there are, i can always count on my husband. A good marriage takes a special couple to make it last! It totally is worth it
Like your handle.
My daughter's nickname is Bean, so she gets called string bean a lot of times.0 -
my husband is my very best friend in the world! i think marriage is definitly worth it if you're a loyal type of person who thinks that being married a long time is something special. We do everything together and no matter how many fights there are, i can always count on my husband. A good marriage takes a special couple to make it last! It totally is worth it
Like your handle.
My daughter's nickname is Bean, so she gets called string bean a lot of times.
haha i do to!0 -
For sure.0
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You sound like an ungrateful wench.
I am a lot of things, but an ungrateful wench is not one of them. I have fought way too hard to know that I deserve better than what I was taught growing up was all I was worthy of. Abuse of any form is never acceptable, and trust me, if I could leave with my girls tonight, I would. As it stands, making plans to get out and with my girls.0 -
I have been married for going on 14 yrs.....
Sometimes I do wonder if it is worth it.....
There are good times and there are bad times......
And plenty of times I don't think she wants to be in it......
I guess I have yet to make a final decision.......
Wish there was some magical book or something that has all the answers. :bigsmile:
^^^ if you ever find that magical book.. let me knw.. lol
Please loan the book to me when you are through, I need it.0 -
I read that completely wrong at the end sorry
My husband has been my best friend since I was 14. We do everything together. Yes we fight all friends do and spouses as well. It is hard work and it is very rewarding.0 -
i feel like couples need to remember to say yes to eachother more often! If both parties are being the giver then things work out a lot better!0
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sounds like your being selfish OP sometimes after a long time you just don't to it happens to everyone at some point.
My husband has been my best friend since I was 14. We do everything together. Yes we fight all friends do and spouses as well. It is hard work and it is very rewarding.
How is she being selfish? I read her OP a totally different way, that her marriage has come to a good place and she is trying to see why some people don't see it the same way.
i only say this because I often ask the same question - why are others unhappy? How can I avoid that/can I avoid that?0 -
Been married, now divorced, but although I married the wrong person, I can say with my whole heart that I love marriage! What's not to love? For those who can't see the difference between marriage and living with someone, there is one. Apart from the fact I believe that marriage is a covenant with each other and God, I also know that it has a beauty to it that surpasses that of living together. I have done both before. I do want to get married again. This time to someone who is my friend as well as partner.0
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i feel like couples need to remember to say yes to eachother more often! If both parties are being the giver then things work out a lot better!
You might be right....
But there does need to be some mutual respect between the two people.
Sadly that is not always the case.0 -
sounds like your being selfish OP sometimes after a long time you just don't to it happens to everyone at some point.
My husband has been my best friend since I was 14. We do everything together. Yes we fight all friends do and spouses as well. It is hard work and it is very rewarding.
How is she being selfish? I read her OP a totally different way, that her marriage has come to a good place and she is trying to see why some people don't see it the same way.
i only say this because I often ask the same question - why are others unhappy? How can I avoid that/can I avoid that?
misread it sorry lol I am not sure why no more talking and reading0 -
Aww this is so touching!!! Love it.0
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This is a good topic. I have been married 19 years and am not attracted to my wife we have 3 girls together my youngest is 13, anyway. I have tried several times to leave but got the guilt trip and I couldn't just walk out and leave her to have to deal with everything. I want to see her with someone who can love her the same way. I just can't. Last time I said I wanted out she told me she had a dream that she was on her motorcycle and drove it into a semi truck on the highway. She has completely let herself go she doesn't care how she looks she is not the same person I married 19 years ago. she is about 200=+ lbs and I have tried to help her lose wgt but she just doesn't put in any effort. We get along great we never fight Im just not attracted to her. I pretty much work 40-50 hours a week in overtime because I would rather be here than home.. My biggest thing is seeing her break down when I say I want out
This is so sad. I am so sorry. I can totally see you sitting this out for the sake of your children. And, if your wife is in this kind of sad mental state, it is probably best. They need someone stable. I truly hope you find the courage to leave in 5 years when the children are no longer the reason.0
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