Marriage: Is it worth it?

MrsFowler1069

Yes.

jaireed

I LOVE being married!!! I truly love and trust my husband and he loves and trusts me! We have a little 7 week old baby girl who has made our marriage even stronger. Marriage isn't for everyone, but it suites me!!!

tiggerhammon

This is funny because there is a "Marriage" and a "Divorce - Is it worth it?" posts going on right now.

My answer to both: yes!

I have been married, divorced and married again.

First marriage: suck in every way, never regretted the divorce for a second.
Second marriage: beautiful, wonderful and enjoying every minute. Never regretted it for a second!

AlyssasDiet

It's just a piece of paper.

no, its much more than a piece of paper. its a committment, before family, friends, (GOD) and to eachother. its vowing to give your self to one another, for better or worse, and even when the grass starts dying, or not as green, you honor your committment, and find a way to make the grass grow again, to make it greener. much more than a piece of paper. thats like not allowing your child a birthday party, because its just a date on a calendar...

I disagree, I think marriage really is just a piece of paper. You don't become more committed to your significant other because you got married. You get married because you're already at that level of commitment. (At least that's how it should be!) I am very happily (and newly) married, we just had our first anniversary, and really not a single thing has changed within our relationship since we've gotten married. So while having a significant other whom you live with, share everything with, are entirely committed to (and receive that same commitment) and love unconditionally is a wonderful, amazing thing...the fact that you're married is really just a legal matter.

I think that's one of the reasons we have so much divorce (one of many). People think that something great happens by just being married, and that being married will automatically give you a good relationship but it doesn't work that way.

no1utefan

My husband is my very best friend in the whole world. He's the perfect complement to everything about me. We are similar and different in many ways. He makes me smile, even when I am not with him. He is super sexy, handsome and wonderful! I love that we think the same way, share similar values and have found things that we love to do together that we didn't even do alone before. Marriage (at least mine) is about giving my whole heart to him and getting the same in return. We are each other's other half. Truly. He just completes me and makes me a better person! He teaches me things every day that help me to be a better companion to him, a better mother to our children, and a better person to everyone around me. Marriage to me isn't just a piece of paper. It is sharing myself and my life with someone who loves me unconditionally. It is having someone there through the good and the bad. When it's bad, we have each other to lean on. This is going to sound so cheesy, but when I think about him, I think about all the good things in life all rolled into one. All the good memories I have had with him make the hard days at work worth it...because I know at the end of the day, I get to come home to him. He doesn't try to change me or make me into something I'm not. He loves me the way I am and I love him the way he is. But, just by being around him, it makes me want to be my best self for me, for him and for our kids.

A good marriage is an incredible thing. Don't enter into it lightly, but don't be afraid to grab onto it if the right opportunity is there for you. I wouldn't trade my marriage to him for anything in the whole world. He's everything to me and each day, I learn more and more about what a lucky person I am to have found someone that is so perfectly matched with me. I hope you have found or will find a love that true.

When you get married, there is a deeper something that happens...more than just living together or dating. You choose willingly to join your life and heart to someone else. Dating for me felt different than being married. I loved dating, but I LOVE being married more.

biorach

Depends on what you want. A figurative ball and chain that you cannot detach from without losing half (or more) of your assets OR a significant other that you can leave and keep your assets I'm a total pessimist and believe that one or both parties in a relationship are eventually going to do something to warrant a separation. The reason my grandparents are still together after 40 something years is because they put up with one another's nonsense and/or turn a blind eye. I for one am completely unwilling to "put up" with any nonsense from a partner.
Then you have marriage... which derived from religious ceremony (according to anthropology). Marriage has some good qualities but in today's America, boys and girls are being raised in a society that promotes lying, cheating, stealing, and violence through TV, movies, and music. I can't expect someone to be honest anymore, so how could I expect someone to be faithful?

tiggerhammon

My 5 year old told me she was never getting married. I told her that was fine and she didn't have to but asked why. She said because kissing is gross and she never wants to do it. Then she relented and said she would get married.... to nachos. My 3-year old replied he would marry spaghetti.

Lol, my 7 year old asked me if it was possible to have kids without a man.. I said "yea, sort of, but why would you want to have to raise kids alone?" She says "I know I want kids but I dont want to get married.... Oh, wait, unless I meet someone as awesome as my dad and he is as nice to me as dad is to you, then it would probably be nice." I told her she better not settle for anything less, lol.

lithezebra

It's just a piece of paper.

no, its much more than a piece of paper. its a committment, before family, friends, (GOD) and to eachother. its vowing to give your self to one another, for better or worse, and even when the grass starts dying, or not as green, you honor your committment, and find a way to make the grass grow again, to make it greener. much more than a piece of paper. thats like not allowing your child a birthday party, because its just a date on a calendar...

I disagree, I think marriage really is just a piece of paper. You don't become more committed to your significant other because you got married. You get married because you're already at that level of commitment. (At least that's how it should be!) I am very happily (and newly) married, we just had our first anniversary, and really not a single thing has changed within our relationship since we've gotten married. So while having a significant other whom you live with, share everything with, are entirely committed to (and receive that same commitment) and love unconditionally is a wonderful, amazing thing...the fact that you're married is really just a legal matter.

I think that's one of the reasons we have so much divorce (one of many). People think that something great happens by just being married, and that being married will automatically give you a good relationship but it doesn't work that way.

Commitment is overrated. I've stayed married because we help each other do the things that we want to do. I stay because I'm having fun. It's not just a piece of paper. It's a statement of your intentions and your fundamental desire to spend your life with the other person.

FredSetToGetFit

It is really easy if you marry your best friend.

paperpudding

Depends on what you want. A figurative ball and chain that you cannot detach from without losing half (or more) of your assets OR a significant other that you can leave and keep your assets I'm a total pessimist and believe that one or both parties in a relationship are eventually going to do something to warrant a separation. The reason my grandparents are still together after 40 something years is because they put up with one another's nonsense and/or turn a blind eye. I for one am completely unwilling to "put up" with any nonsense from a partner.
Then you have marriage... which derived from religious ceremony (according to anthropology). Marriage has some good qualities but in today's America, boys and girls are being raised in a society that promotes lying, cheating, stealing, and violence through TV, movies, and music. I can't expect someone to be honest anymore, so how could I expect someone to be faithful?

I'm not in America.

I am honest. I am faithful. So is my husband. We have been married for 27 years.
I don't think honesty and faithfulness are unrealistic expectations.

Marriage has been worth it for me.

However, I do not think it is for everyone, some people are happier single and some people are happier leaving their marriages.

_errata_

I got a laugh out of this:
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/married-men-post-here-if-you-hate-your-life-2/

Just spent a few hours reading this.

Colorburst29

I agree! I should have listened too.

dbanks80

My past marriage was very good. We were a nice partnership and got along well.

My current marriage is 100 times more awesome. We are a nice partnership and get along well. We're also fascinated by each other, motivated by each other, and can't keep our hands off one another.

I am confused...if the first marriage "My past marriage was very good. We were a nice partnership and got along well. " then why did you divorce?

It's none of my business I was just confused by your statement.

*nods* I can understand your confusion.

I explained this earlier today in a different thread, which is kind of a funny coincidence as I must be extra reflective today...I honestly don't think/talk about my divorce much these days! Anyway...I hope you don't mind but I'm gonna cut and paste that here:

"I wasn't in a horrible terrible marriage. I was in a marriage that lacked love, passion, and excitement. It lasted for 9.5 years and I probably would have stayed in it permanently, and been happy in a half-a**ed way for my whole life. My ex husband was a nice, funny, smart guy and we generally got along. We doted on our dog, made a good dual income, and watched BBC America and shopped for furniture. Did we have regular sex? Nope. Did we really cherish and adore one another? Not any more so than our other good friends. Did we need to actually stay married? NO, and I'm so glad that he realized that and brought the issues to light instead of living this mediocre life.

Now I am remarried to a man who is truly my partner, lover, etc. He is amazing and makes me feel so wanted and loved and fantastic. I am no longer holding back my feelings, emotions, or sexuality. I know we are on the same page with so many things in life and it's amazing to have a mate with the same kind of positive attitude and high level of energy that I have. I didn't even realize how much my ex was holding back, or in how many different ways! Just in the past two years I've experienced more new & exciting things in life than I did with my ex husband in a decade.

Honestly in some ways life's harder. I don't have the same level of financial security I once did. We argue sometimes. I never argued with my ex, really. But am I happier? 110% YES"

That is the most important thing. Someone you can truly call a soulmate and makes you a happier, better person!

MartialPanda

Been with my husband for 20 years, married 12 as of last week. We are the idiot happy couple you see groping each other in Walmart. :smooched:

Yeah! That would absolutely be me and my girl. We're at 2 1/2 years now. Not married but this thread is super adorable.

Mborroto25

I got a laugh out of this:
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/married-men-post-here-if-you-hate-your-life-2/

Just spent a few hours reading this.

That site was disgusting. That's why all those men are unhappy. what I saw were a lot of men saying they needed to dominate their wives. F-ing ridiculous.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Depends on what you want. A figurative ball and chain that you cannot detach from without losing half (or more) of your assets OR a significant other that you can leave and keep your assets I'm a total pessimist and believe that one or both parties in a relationship are eventually going to do something to warrant a separation. The reason my grandparents are still together after 40 something years is because they put up with one another's nonsense and/or turn a blind eye. I for one am completely unwilling to "put up" with any nonsense from a partner.
Then you have marriage... which derived from religious ceremony (according to anthropology). Marriage has some good qualities but in today's America, boys and girls are being raised in a society that promotes lying, cheating, stealing, and violence through TV, movies, and music. I can't expect someone to be honest anymore, so how could I expect someone to be faithful?

Wow. So jaded for someone so young. I'm sorry you haven't had good examples in your life. I don't raise my children to support lying, cheating, stealing or violence (and the TV doesn't raise them either). Yes, some people lie, but I honestly believe that "most" people are good honest people. I definitely believe my husband is, or I wouldn't have married him. My grandparents stayed together 60 years because they loved each other and supported each other. It wasn't easy (we found divorce papers, signed but never filed, when we cleaned out their house) but at the end they were each others everything. My grandfather was crushed when she died first, calling her his "bride" at the funeral.

_errata_

I got a laugh out of this:
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/married-men-post-here-if-you-hate-your-life-2/

Just spent a few hours reading this.

That site was disgusting. That's why all those men are unhappy. what I saw were a lot of men saying they needed to dominate their wives. F-ing ridiculous.

Yea, those guys have some serious issues and a whole hell of a lot of pain. I watched my Dad go through a divorce and it drove him to madness. It basically ruined his life. It's easy to judge, but when you put 20 years in a marriage, male or female, and then someone hands you divorce papers, your life pretty much implodes around you. It was probably already imploding.

The point I take away from that link isn't to dominate your wife. Getting married to the wrong person results in a ruined life. The words of those men in that thread ARE disgusting, but it is wise to understand where that anger and frustration comes from. 47% of marriages end in divorce and a large portion of the ones that don't end in divorce are unhappy marriages. Roughly 14% of marriages are actually "happy" marriages. Love is a game of numbers. It's like gambling. You could get married and end up the happiest person on planet earth, but the odds are against you. The odds are that you will end up wasting 20 years of your life.

Get married, by all means, but for the sake of everyone involved now or in the future (children), don't settle. If you get married, make sure that person is absolutely perfect for you.

jessupbrady

Having been married, divorced and remarried I would say it does have value. There is a unique side where some folk say ‘it is just a piece of paper’ and going through a divorce I understand that mindset. My divorce cost me $45,000 (of course $10,000 was because she ran away with our daughter and I had to find her and another $15,000 because I was still responsible for our credit debt and she ran that up $30k while on the run, and another $20,000 for the lawyer) and I have a stack of papers about 4 inches thick in a file cabinet. It was that simple since we agreed and never had to go to court. If you can sit down and think about what that little piece of paper means and the responsibility it shows you have for one another and are willing to legally commit to such an agreement, then yes it is worth it. If you are almost there but want to hold something back (like you do not want her taking half your business), then I suggest a prenump. Before anyone asks, no I did not get one when I remarried – it wasn’t necessary. However, we did talk about all those responsible things signing that paper would mean.

biorach

Depends on what you want. A figurative ball and chain that you cannot detach from without losing half (or more) of your assets OR a significant other that you can leave and keep your assets I'm a total pessimist and believe that one or both parties in a relationship are eventually going to do something to warrant a separation. The reason my grandparents are still together after 40 something years is because they put up with one another's nonsense and/or turn a blind eye. I for one am completely unwilling to "put up" with any nonsense from a partner.
Then you have marriage... which derived from religious ceremony (according to anthropology). Marriage has some good qualities but in today's America, boys and girls are being raised in a society that promotes lying, cheating, stealing, and violence through TV, movies, and music. I can't expect someone to be honest anymore, so how could I expect someone to be faithful?

Wow. So jaded for someone so young. I'm sorry you haven't had good examples in your life. I don't raise my children to support lying, cheating, stealing or violence (and the TV doesn't raise them either). Yes, some people lie, but I honestly believe that "most" people are good honest people. I definitely believe my husband is, or I wouldn't have married him. My grandparents stayed together 60 years because they loved each other and supported each other. It wasn't easy (we found divorce papers, signed but never filed, when we cleaned out their house) but at the end they were each others everything. My grandfather was crushed when she died first, calling her his "bride" at the funeral.

Young, yes. Jaded, ehh not generally. I'm just pessimistic when it comes to human behavior, more specifically honesty and morality. To clarify, I didn't mean that the media raises our kids even though I made it sound that way! lol What I meant is that our social behavior is 100% learned and people are just not raising their children like they used to. Media, politics, and finance (the only 3 coming to mind at this moment) are consumed in lies. Ok, so your kids aren't exposed to dishonesty but eventually they will be exposed to people who were.... It's a snowball effect. Even if we raise our kids to have morals and be honest, we can't usually shield them from all outside influences. I've absolutely never known my mother to lie and so I believe that it is possible to be honest. I Just can't EXPECT it anymore, at least with my generation. I am positive that there are honest, benevolent people in this world but I don't necessarily want to take any more chances with my emotional or intimate stability. I learned my lesson after 3 years of having "faith".
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and it's great that they had a good life together

HouseWolf1960

Don't Know.
My wife just tells me what hers is hers. What's mine is hers and if at any time I don't understand that, she's got a lawyer and he will be happy to explain it to me.