Parenthood is it worth it?

shining_light

I'm a stepmom with no children of my own. I have never wanted children of my own, and I still don't really. Frankly, I never liked children. But something about loving the boy's father as much as I do makes me, by extension, love him too. So while I probably won't have biological children(though it could happen), I'd say it's worth it for sure. My partner says that he didn't want kids until he had one, if that makes sense. I believe that I will be the same way, so we'll see what fate has in store for me.

Erica0718

Not for me, I have never had the desire to be a mom.

Getting to leave on a trip on the spur of the moment, having extra cash, not having the responsibility, the list goes on...I enjoy my life so much the way it is I cannot imagine being tied down.

ktsimons

I was 31 when I had my daughter. I was told by numerous doctors that I would never get pregnant so when the line turned blue it was a stunning surprise...I wasn't married...what was the point! LOL...long story short, we married quickly, still together and my daughter is 17. I cannot even begin to think how horribly lonely my life would be without that amazing human! YES....everything - EVERYTHING is worth it to me. We have the most wonderful relationship and not many mom's of teens can say that!

I think that waiting until 30 or later is a good compromise. I would not be as good a mother if I had kids in my early 20's...that's just me, I was having too much fun! I feel like waiting a little while afforded me the best of both worlds.

markink81

We have two a 20 year old girl and a 23 year old boy they have and continue to enrich our lives. Teaching both my children how to ride bikes, throw, fish, camp you name it we have probably done it TOGETHER.

Did it put a damper on things, did we feel like we gave up going places at a drop of a dime at times, sure but that comes with the responsibility of having children. The question should be did we feel deprived by not being able to do certain things that single folks don't give a second thought about...Well let me put it to you this way, when your daughter takes your face with both of her little hands and looks at you and says' " I love you Daddy" well that's more than enough for me.

AZKristi

I hope so! My little one will be arriving in about three months!

Melionfire

I am 32 and just had my first. She will be five months on Monday and I still look at her in awe and can't quite believe my husband and I made this beautiful little person. The best part is when they smile at you for the first time and I don't mean those first reflex smiles! I mean when their face light up multiple times a day just at the sight of you. There are tough times and leaving the house will hold a new meaning for you but it is definitely worth it. And I agree with one of the other posters as soon as the doctor gives you the go ahead squeeze sex in whenever you can your relationship is also important even if your focus as shifted a bit from him to your baby!!

biorach

Totally brought me to life. I've never been one to party or act like a kid but I always said I wanted a career over having kids. I got pregnant in high school :noway: and am now about to start my second year of college. The moment I felt him kick, I knew that I was experiencing the best type of love... I never thought I wanted children but now I can't wait to have more... (after I get that degree of course) :bigsmile:

Im_NotPerfect

Yep I miss my freedom. And flexible funds. And sanity.

But the pros? Looking at this person that YOU made. Seeing your attributes and those of your partners. Regailing their accomplishments because it's something YOU taught them. Knowing that how you raise and teach them directly affects how they turned out as a person. It's a lot of stress and a heavy load, but it's more than worth it. That child will love you unconditionally and you will know more love for that 1 little person than you ever imagined possible.

As a parent you will lose sleep. Lose money. Realize how little patience you really have. Learn that a little dirt really doesn't hurt. Realize that a messy house is okay because you're just too tired to clean up. Gain an amazing acceptance of puke, poop, and disgusting noises. Have converstations that consist completely of the smell, color, and consistancy of poop. Learn that the terms "Containment breech" and "complete blowout" mean the same thing.

Yes...it's absolutely worth it.

NavyKnightAh13

I had my first kiddo at 23, and he will be 2 years old in Jan. Do I miss the carefree childfree life? Sometimes, but honestly, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gone back to college. if it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have come out of my depression after losing my mom.

It's hard, I am not going to lie. But for me, it's well worth it in the end because I now have a reason outside of proving people wrong and a promise to my mom on her deathbed about graduating from college. I can now be a better mom then what my mom was.

Make sure your relationship gets attention though too as well as yourself. I make sure mine and my husband's marriage gets attention, but I often forget to give myself any attention because I feel selfish for it.

But i wouldn't trade my kiddo and hubby for anything in the world.

vbrent07

My kid made me grow up and changed my life for the better. He has a disability and it's very hard at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes it is so worth it!

Nicolee_2014

The cute things they do, the looks they give, the hugs, the kisses, the feeling of a little person thinking you are their everything (at least until they get older!).. My girls drive me nuts but I'd be lost without them. Heck, they go with their grandparents for a few hours & I'm looking at the clock waiting for them to get home!!

Totally worth it. Unless you are very self-centred.. Then it might be a bit tricky.

Good luck with the birth of your little acrobat

gimpygramma

Who know? 46 years later I find it has been my greatest joy and my worst pain. It is like doubling your skin area. I rejoice when they do. I hurt when they do. Now I have grandchildren and it starts again. One thing I can say though, it keeps you involved. Oh yeah, and it is never dull.

Contrarian

Babies poo their pants all the time.

aprilwilliams2729

My husband and I were just trying to remember what we did before we had our son the other day (he'll be 2 next week)! Honestly, I can't think of anything that we did that gives me more joy than having his little arms wrap around my neck and hearing him say "wuv oo too, Mama"! :smooched: Does he drive me absolutely batty some days - absolutely - but I wouldn't trade one insane, sleep-deprived minute of the past two years for anything!!

BondBomb

I just got back from a week at Disney world with my 3 year old son. I missed seeing so much because I was so busy watching him light up. There really isn't a way to describe that feeling. At one point watching him hug Mickey Mouse it was like seeing the wonders of life through his eyes. I shed a few tears and even had to hug Mickey myself. It's times like that you laugh at freedom. I didn't have my son until my mid 30s so I partied like most people only dream of. And I can honestly say it doesn't compare. I never knew I could love anything so much.

Sovictorrious

Nope those *kitten* are expensive and act like drunks

walterm852

Obviously with the responses, its different for everyone. We have 4 kids
Life before kids = boring
life after kids-= way more interesting

SwitzEngine

I love every minute with my daughter. Some I love more and some less!

Mary407

Full disclosure - I'm in the "totally worth it camp," but spent 34 years in the "so glad that's never gonna happen" camp, for sure. I spent my entire adult life until 34 thinking I was not able to get pregnant, and not trying to prevent it, but then nine days before my wedding I found out that that we were expecting. Stunning. I was freaked out (to put it mildly), but my wonderful husband (who loves kids but loved me enough to get married "knowing" we'd never have any) took it all in stride. Four years later, we have TWO kids and they are the absolute best. I thought I'd miss the adventure of things like travel (which we do less of now) and the generally action packed, fun life we lived, but much of that is still there. We take our kids pretty much everywhere, still live a very fun, social life, and now have two more great people to share it with

This sounds crazy, but everything we do now is more fun with them (yes, even eating out). And I do all kinds of things I never would have done before (petting zoo, anyone?). It's awesome.

Congratulations, and have fun!

Iron_Lotus

I have 6 children, 2 of which are twins. Some days I literally want to shoot myself in the face, but I would die for my babies. I have never loved so deeply or so purely until I looked into the eyes of my baby. I won't lie it is very hard and there is seemingly a never ending stream of bull****, but they are so funny, so loving, helpful, amazing little people that I can't imagine my life without. I don't regret a single one of them and I started super early. I had my first at 20 second at 21, third at 22, fourth at 25 and, fith and sixth at 33

BusyRaeNOTBusty

My 3 year old is speech delayed. He doesn't have a very big vocabulary, his pronpuciation is off, he doesn't use complete sentences. A couple of months ago he starts saying "tell you sum fing mom. Wuv you mom."

hikezilla

Totally worth it...I was 20 when my first son arrived, 22 when the second one got here, we had 5 pregnancies total, but only those two made it to their birthday. I'm 53 now...we have 7 grand children and one on the way. They are awesome.

My life seems to have been lived in 20 year chapters....0-20 I enjoyed my boyhood, my teens, my whole falling in love thing, and being carefree.

21-40 I was the dad,. the husband, the family Alpha dragging home the bacon and sharing it with the tribe, spent hours at sporting events watching my kids, scouts, school plays graduation. Lost my grandparents, lost a few friends, got closer to God.

41-now They got got married, one went to the Marine Corps, both managed to get through college on their own, one spent a year in a war zone (Iraq) helping folks make new lives, watched him watch his kids being born via remote TV camera, saw him come home in one piece, had heart surgery, lost my mom, lost my stepdad, lost my dog...saw my grand kids come into the world, took them on vacation, camping, taught them about the outdoors as much as I can at their age, I watch their recitals, their baseball games, basketball games, football games, spelling bees, I watch them grow up way too fast.

Once your kids get here, time speeds up. Memories can't all be stored, it's awesome.

Inner_Goddess

Let me preface this by saying I LOVE MY SONS and would die for them.......

however, tonight...........

3 boys, ages 8, 6.5 and 5 ........FREE to good home

tanashai

When I was about 7 months pregnant (I was 22), I had a meltdown (quietly). I had just finished my Bachelors, but had gotten pregnant a month after graduating and no one would hire me (I started freelancing instead). I realized that for a while, my whole life would have to revolve around a little kidlet who would require a whole mess of stuff to be done if I just wanted to go to the store. And I was not. happy.

But, that passed and I had my son and you know, I didn't *lose* much. Oh sure, I have to have mad organizational skills to keep on top of a kid, plus a husband plus pets plus myself and my clients, but that's a marketable skill right? And I do still travel-my son is now a real travel bug because we got him started early-like, an eight hour car ride when he was six months old and a ten hour one when he was 14 months old-in fact, I travel MORE now because he's such a hoot to travel with. I still get to go out every so often to the movies, dancing, and dinner and I still get to do my own thing. But it's all enhanced by my little spud. It's hard, it's frustrating, it drives me crazy, but it is worth it

Though I did miss sleep for a loooonggg time and I hated being pregnant and the breastfeeding. Hated. It. Probably not doing that again until they invent a way to let me sleep through all nine months of pregnancy plus labor and find a way to make it sooner that the kiddo sleeps all night XD.

tiggerhammon

99% of the time: I would say it is the best thing that has ever happened to me! My daughter is so bright (in second grade - 5th grade reading level, just started on 4th grade math.) She is the light and joy of my life. Every single thing in my life would be meaningless without her, I do everything for her and almost everything with her. Life is still super fun - even more fun! In stead of going rollerblading by myself, I get to laugh myself to tears watching my daughter waddle like a duck on her skates. Instead of watching a movie on the couch alone, my daughter loves to eat dinner and watch a movie at the same time, its amazing how all the old classics are fun to watch again when you child is laughing hysterically all the way through (George of the Jungle) or clenching her fists and you can't help but laugh (Jumanji.)
1% of the time: I question why in the world I decided to start over. I must be crazy! Being a parent is HARD!

eta: read the person's post above mine and wanted to add: I always hated traveling before having my kid. I dont do driving for long periods very well though. Now, I travel ALL the time! She makes travel fun. The car rides aren't painful, they are full of hours of talking, games and even teaching moments and everywhere I go, it is so much more fun to have her with me. I traveled for work this whole past summer and she went on every trip!

tanashai

My 3 year old is speech delayed. He doesn't have a very big vocabulary, his pronpuciation is off, he doesn't use complete sentences. A couple of months ago he starts saying "tell you sum fing mom. Wuv you mom."

Awww, my son has apraxia of speech--same thing, severely delayed. But when he first said 'Ì wuv oo mum' my heart nearly melted.

BinaryPulsar

I have two daughters: ages 9 and almost 7.

I've loved every moment of it. I loved the babyhood years, the preschool years, and now the school years. We have so much fun together. And they are funny and innovative. We learn about science and do science projects. And they perform in dance performances with me. They get along wonderfully and share a room by choice. They give great hugs too!!!

There are freedoms to be missed, but for what I've gained it is worth it.

I can also understand why people choose to go child free and completely respect that choice.

dumparump

I remember having these exact same feelings after my son was born. It took me a while to realize it, but having him ultimately has embellished my life with so much more than my former self could even fathom.

When we as humans go through a change this drastic, it's easy for us to look back at our past selves and reflect on how good we 'thought' we had it. Once we embrace the change for all the good that comes from it, do we honestly and fully find ourselves in the gratitude we seek.

Give yourself the time to feel what you're feeling, but know that the changes you're about to go through are neither permanent or unable to be adapted into our lives, You'll find that your perception of your situation is the most powerful tool you'll have to overcome any stress you're feeling. Live it and love it, and always stay present.

Congratulations.

suziepoo1984

Tough question! My baby is hyper active, non-sleeper and i have not slept peacefully since 2 years(daughter 17 months old, + last 3 months pregnancy uncomfortable LOL). So i am very sleep deprived, stressed, tired..even though i have my parents to help me out
But she brings so much joy to our lives, smile, laughter, amusement..every little thing they learn, say mommy for the first time..its totally worth it. We think and talk about her even when we are at work/date. She is currently learning so many words in a day, its amusing..its like she is a person now :laugh:
But we have decided not to have anymore, because we are hoping to start sleeping peacefully in a few years(fingers crossed) and we do not want to give that up :yawn:

AdventureFreak

No