Not interested in my husband anymore

RivenV

I am sorry that your lupus has made you bitter and unpleasant. I hope that it becomes more manageable in the future.

It's really a miracle I'm not bitter. and if you think I'm unpleasant, ignore me.

I have gotten so many laughs out of this thread, you wouldn't believe it. :]

Goodnight everyone.

Double-flounce. I wonder if this one will stick. Fingers crossed!

wheird

I am sorry that your lupus has made you bitter and unpleasant. I hope that it becomes more manageable in the future.

It's really a miracle I'm not bitter. and if you think I'm unpleasant, ignore me.

I have gotten so many laughs out of this thread, you wouldn't believe it. :]

Goodnight everyone.

Thank you for confirming what I asserted. And GJ for learning to quote!

skinnybunny_x

That's just me being brutally honest.

People either love me or hate me. I'm cool with that.

People don't love you. they feel sorry for you. If you were older and wiser you would understand the difference.

My husband doesn't love me? My kids don't love me? My parents don't love me?

Of course not. They're just faking it ... because I have an illness that will eventually kill me. It's all just pity.

Wow, some people might kill themselves over something that ****ty.

Rest assured, everyone who hates me, this IS my last post on this thread.

Sovictorrious

That's just me being brutally honest.

People either love me or hate me. I'm cool with that.

No dear, you are not being brutally honest. You are being nasty. -I- am brutally honest.

She really is quite sad. Trying so hard to be cool on the forums.

wheird

That's just me being brutally honest.

People either love me or hate me. I'm cool with that.

People don't love you. they feel sorry for you. If you were older and wiser you would understand the difference.

My husband doesn't love me? My kids don't love me? My parents don't love me?

Of course not. They're just faking it ... because I have an illness that will eventually kill me. It's all just pity.

Wow, some people might kill themselves over something that ****ty.

Rest assured, everyone who hates me, this IS my last post on this thread.

Irony.

kyleekay10

That's just me being brutally honest.

People either love me or hate me. I'm cool with that.

People don't love you. they feel sorry for you. If you were older and wiser you would understand the difference.

My husband doesn't love me? My kids don't love me? My parents don't love me?

Of course not. They're just faking it ... because I have an illness that will eventually kill me. It's all just pity.

Wow, some people might kill themselves over something that ****ty.

Rest assured, everyone who hates me, this IS my last post on this thread.

This makes me want to rage-quit.

Again I say, please stop making 23 year olds look like nitwits.

When you were told "people don't love you" the 'people' they were referring to were us random internet strangers. Not your family. Christ.

And again with the lupus...

Last post? We'll see.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

A trying time in your life?

Don't even go there.

I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.

You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.

Is lupus painful? Can you die of it? *fingers crossed*

My aunt had lupus, and she died on September 2. She was in her mid 50s, and it was unexpected. She was getting fusions, which I think is like radiation, and she was on meds. My father-in-law said they believe it was just too much, and her heart couldn't take it. She was a very kind and loving person, and nobody ever had a bad thing to say about her. She reaped what she sowed. The memorial was only just this past Saturday, because nobody could bear to face it.

Guinivere

I have been in your shoes OP twice. The first time ended in divorce but was best for both of us, the second is now where I have become fit and healthy but battle daily with my man over food, exercise and I'm just not fancying him like I used to. I try to tap into my earliest "honeymoon" feelings to remind myself of that buzz and thrill of even a kiss. I make plans for doing things together that have made us so happy before, long walks in the country, a silly bike ride, when I took him to his first musical.

We are so busy and we are in different healthy places but I have to want to get the thrill back. I have to manufacture situations that I can get "into" that work for me so we can be close, shutting out the stresses of life. I have to make the time, I have to make the biggest effort because it's my brain I need to retrain, not his.

I can help him be more healthy by making all the meals and organising exercise together without telling him I'm doing it. We are both currently on a booze embargo until 29Nov (his works Xmas do) I joined him for solidarity and support because he drinks too much beer for his health. 3 pints every night to ease his stress from work. We play quizzes and watch sci if tv to unwind together instead.

Just gotta be imaginative....

RonnieLodge

I've been married to my husband for a couple years. I adore him to pieces, he is a hardworking, loving, hilarious, smart guy and he is my very best friend. We have a toddler together, who is the center of our worlds.

Normally, I'd just chalk this up to a "dry spell", and not be too concerned about it. I know it happens to some people, and while it may be annoying for the unaffected party, it's not usually detrimental to the relationship.

MY problem is...I still want it. All the freaking time.

Has anyone in a committed relationship experienced this before? What is wrong with me? Can I hope for it to go away eventually? What can I do?

Of course this is just a dry spell.

Make time for each other and take the matter in hand. Literally.

Get a toy and ask him to use it on you.

Close your eyes and think of whoever. If after a few weeks you are still finding it a hassle or finding him completely repugnant, get counseling.

I wouldn't recommend attempting a conversation with him about it though - how would *you* feel if he sat down and said he loves you, thinks you are great, is up for a shag all the time but just finds you unattractive and a turn off because of how you look? Especially when it is something you are working on already?

I mean, that just looks like a big horrible maze with NO cheese at the end. I can't imagine why anyone would think communicating that sort of thing was a good idea.

CorvusCorax77

therapy. did you really have to ask?

MireyGal76

That's just me being brutally honest.

People either love me or hate me. I'm cool with that.

People don't love you. they feel sorry for you. If you were older and wiser you would understand the difference.

My husband doesn't love me? My kids don't love me? My parents don't love me?

Of course not. They're just faking it ... because I have an illness that will eventually kill me. It's all just pity.

Wow, some people might kill themselves over something that ****ty.

Rest assured, everyone who hates me, this IS my last post on this thread.

For the record... I do not hate you. I DO think the way you have chosen to explain yourself has not done you any justice.
I DO think perhaps your battles with a disease that is horrendous have brought out the fighter in you, which is needed to keep battling.

But the thing is... a battle did not NEED that to be fought here. The OP is fighting a battle herself, and is looking for compassion and help.
Just like you probably hurt (whether you admit it or even realize it) when people minimize your battles, the way you minimize hers is just as bad.

I wish you health and happiness and do offer you sincere wishes for wellness... And the ability to extend the support you've received from your loved ones... To others in pain.

Lissa_M

i walk away for 3 minutes and this thing blowsssss up! now i have to read all the way back... thanks everybody :mad:

^^
this

calibriintx

A trying time in your life?

Don't even go there.

I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.

You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.

Please stop making the rest of us 23 year olds look like immature know-it-alls.

I am a know it all when it comes to lupus, I've had it since I was 14.

:huh:

I wasn't referring to your lupus.

I'm referring to all the marriage advice, and now apparently fat-shaming that you're doing.

ETA: I also have chronic health issues. But it doesn't make me cool and I don't run around on the forums trying to solicit sympathy from complete strangers.

I got enough sympathy this weekend at the hospital. It drives me crazy when nurses apologize for sticking me, it's like just do it and get it the **** over with so I can resume my life.

Having lupus is definitely not cool. I have RA like a 60 year old man. During a bad spell, which is about once every couple of months, I'm puking and ****ting every thirty minutes because of my migraines and vertigo.

Today is one of my good days. Which is why I'm in a fabulous mood, here eating my Paradise Roll and watching The Matrix, even though I'm being bashed. :]

Toblave

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man. I agree completely with counselling.

AlongCame_Molly

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

Agreed. Fix things with your husband, OP. Introducing other people, whether they're real or not can't do anything to help matters. Find out what is going on, and work on that. Good luck.

eileen0515

Good men are hard to find, fix it.

Briargrey

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

It's only unfaithful if you're forming emotional attachments or planning on acting on it. It's only hurtful if it replaces the attraction you feel for your partner (well damn, you don't look like Jessica Biel, so I can't get slippery, sorry...). When lines of communication are open and you're on the same page, it can be extremely liberating to not have to worry about random errant thoughts of 'damn, hot' and realize that it's natural, normal, and okay. My husband is totally fine with the fact that sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm imagining doing naughty things with Jadzia Dax from DS9 while a young Captain Kirk teaches him something naughty. That's not cheating. That's healthy.

Now, nurturing a sexual fantasy involving the man next door, the woman you're 'harmlessly flirting' with online, or someone wherein you may act upon the fantasies or want to act upon them - that's a different animal. But I don't know a person who doesn't at least have some flash of attraction to someone else - the porn industry would be out of business otherwise. Suppressing natural feelings can lead to issues too, such as unnecessary guilt. Save the guilt for the real deal - emotional and physical cheating (cheating being defined as something the couple has not designated as okay, btw - because I'm also okay with open relationships if the legal, consenting adults have agreed to it and can handle it positively).

Briargrey

And yes, I realize that the OP is perhaps not there yet because she hasn't figured out what is causing her to not get all hot and bothered about her husband again. But negating normal fantasies will only hurt in the long run, in my opinion.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

It's only unfaithful if you're forming emotional attachments or planning on acting on it. It's only hurtful if it replaces the attraction you feel for your partner (well damn, you don't look like Jessica Biel, so I can't get slippery, sorry...). When lines of communication are open and you're on the same page, it can be extremely liberating to not have to worry about random errant thoughts of 'damn, hot' and realize that it's natural, normal, and okay. My husband is totally fine with the fact that sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm imagining doing naughty things with Jadzia Dax from DS9 while a young Captain Kirk teaches him something naughty. That's not cheating. That's healthy.

Now, nurturing a sexual fantasy involving the man next door, the woman you're 'harmlessly flirting' with online, or someone wherein you may act upon the fantasies or want to act upon them - that's a different animal. But I don't know a person who doesn't at least have some flash of attraction to someone else - the porn industry would be out of business otherwise. Suppressing natural feelings can lead to issues too, such as unnecessary guilt. Save the guilt for the real deal - emotional and physical cheating (cheating being defined as something the couple has not designated as okay, btw - because I'm also okay with open relationships if the legal, consenting adults have agreed to it and can handle it positively).

Agree with this.

Toblave

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

It's only unfaithful if you're forming emotional attachments or planning on acting on it. It's only hurtful if it replaces the attraction you feel for your partner (well damn, you don't look like Jessica Biel, so I can't get slippery, sorry...). When lines of communication are open and you're on the same page, it can be extremely liberating to not have to worry about random errant thoughts of 'damn, hot' and realize that it's natural, normal, and okay. My husband is totally fine with the fact that sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm imagining doing naughty things with Jadzia Dax from DS9 while a young Captain Kirk teaches him something naughty. That's not cheating. That's healthy.

Now, nurturing a sexual fantasy involving the man next door, the woman you're 'harmlessly flirting' with online, or someone wherein you may act upon the fantasies or want to act upon them - that's a different animal. But I don't know a person who doesn't at least have some flash of attraction to someone else - the porn industry would be out of business otherwise. Suppressing natural feelings can lead to issues too, such as unnecessary guilt. Save the guilt for the real deal - emotional and physical cheating (cheating being defined as something the couple has not designated as okay, btw - because I'm also okay with open relationships if the legal, consenting adults have agreed to it and can handle it positively).

Agree with this.

That's your opinion, mine differs. I choose not to, I am faithful in mind as well as reality.