Not interested in my husband anymore

BinaryPulsar

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

It's only unfaithful if you're forming emotional attachments or planning on acting on it. It's only hurtful if it replaces the attraction you feel for your partner (well damn, you don't look like Jessica Biel, so I can't get slippery, sorry...). When lines of communication are open and you're on the same page, it can be extremely liberating to not have to worry about random errant thoughts of 'damn, hot' and realize that it's natural, normal, and okay. My husband is totally fine with the fact that sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm imagining doing naughty things with Jadzia Dax from DS9 while a young Captain Kirk teaches him something naughty. That's not cheating. That's healthy.

Now, nurturing a sexual fantasy involving the man next door, the woman you're 'harmlessly flirting' with online, or someone wherein you may act upon the fantasies or want to act upon them - that's a different animal. But I don't know a person who doesn't at least have some flash of attraction to someone else - the porn industry would be out of business otherwise. Suppressing natural feelings can lead to issues too, such as unnecessary guilt. Save the guilt for the real deal - emotional and physical cheating (cheating being defined as something the couple has not designated as okay, btw - because I'm also okay with open relationships if the legal, consenting adults have agreed to it and can handle it positively).

Agree with this.

I agree also.

Or fantasize about your husband from the time when you were attracted to him.

MapleFlavouredMaiden

I'm quite an active member. "Has one post and no picture"

haha enjoy your dry spell troll.

I think she means she made this 1 post account to stay anonymous otherwise we'd all recognize her, and she wants to stay anonymous.

That said, in this case, fake it til you make it. Pretend he's the sexiest guy in the world. Close your eyes and picture whoever does it for you. Whatever you do, don't withhold unless you really want him to go somewhere else, and it sounds like that isn't the case. And if none of that works, talk to a professional.

I agree. This is the best advice really. Try to encourage him to be active and healthy, but damaging his self image by telling him he's not attractive to you at all will hurt him and probably will not motivate him. I'd fantasize and not feel guilty about it. It is better then witholding sex which can really damage a relationship. Best to you.

Toblave

While this isn't the thread for this debate, I think fantasizing about people other than your spouse is unfaithful and hurtful. It's also potentially harmful in this case. Given that the OP is having difficulty feeling sexual attraction to her spouse, nuturing a sexual fantasy about another man could feed that problem. Since her husband is already not turning her on, he'd have no chance at competing with a fantasy man.

It's only unfaithful if you're forming emotional attachments or planning on acting on it. It's only hurtful if it replaces the attraction you feel for your partner (well damn, you don't look like Jessica Biel, so I can't get slippery, sorry...). When lines of communication are open and you're on the same page, it can be extremely liberating to not have to worry about random errant thoughts of 'damn, hot' and realize that it's natural, normal, and okay. My husband is totally fine with the fact that sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm imagining doing naughty things with Jadzia Dax from DS9 while a young Captain Kirk teaches him something naughty. That's not cheating. That's healthy.

Now, nurturing a sexual fantasy involving the man next door, the woman you're 'harmlessly flirting' with online, or someone wherein you may act upon the fantasies or want to act upon them - that's a different animal. But I don't know a person who doesn't at least have some flash of attraction to someone else - the porn industry would be out of business otherwise. Suppressing natural feelings can lead to issues too, such as unnecessary guilt. Save the guilt for the real deal - emotional and physical cheating (cheating being defined as something the couple has not designated as okay, btw - because I'm also okay with open relationships if the legal, consenting adults have agreed to it and can handle it positively).

Agree with this.

I agree also.

Or fantasize about your husband from the time when you were attracted to him.

To be clear, I'm not talking about "a flash of attraction" , of course it's healthy and natural to find other people attractive. But noticing someone is attractive is far different than fantasizing about them and way different than doing so while being intimate with your spouse.

kmbweber2014

I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..

You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..

Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..

I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..

I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..

Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.

You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..

Yes! This! Marriages are hard work. Put the work into it.

CorvusCorax77

A trying time in your life?

Don't even go there.

I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.

You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.

Is lupus painful? Can you die of it? *fingers crossed*

a-hem. She's not the only person here with lupus, so don't be a jerk about it. Ok? thanks.