Not interested in my husband anymore
Replies
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Hate to say this, but your relationship is not fabulous, outstanding, honoring, or anything other than friends living together.
And you get all this from an anonymous post on the internet? That's incredible! Posting here for advice is really no different from seeking individual counseling. She's asking for help in figuring out what is wrong with HER, without having to drag her husband through the mud.
I can't believe how much people glean from a few words across a handful of posts.0 -
I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..
You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..
You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..
Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..
I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..
I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..
Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.
You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..
I really like this!0 -
How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
Hiding things from your husband and potentially rendering him unable to connect with another woman EVER again is not the same as a kid getting a shot. Seriously? I guess you just care that little about your spouses. I hate it when mother's over dramatize ... your child is probably terrified because you put it in their minds it was going to be a negative experience. Good job.
Is there some "Kids Who Got Icky Shots And Grew Up To Be Depressed" support group I'm not aware of?0 -
Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.
I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.
So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.
Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.
I would tell him the truth. He's going to be hurt, there's no way around that. But would you rather have him be hurt, you guys work it out in counseling or whichever way you go and try and make things better........OR hold this all in, eventually have it all blow up and you actually end up getting a divorce?0 -
Wait, don't answer that ... you probably just made one yourself and are going to send me the link.0
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A trying time in your life?
Don't even go there.
I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.
You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.
So because you have lupus means she can't possibly have factors in her life that are considered a struggle? Makes sense.... I see your lupus doesn't prevent you from raking random people over the coals from the safety of your keyboard. And fwiw, she's not moaning or groaning, she's seeking advice to make her relationship with her husband better. Big difference.0 -
A few points at random...
Emotional:
- stop right now and make a list of 50 things you love about your husband. Include things that are physical (his eyes, smile, scent).
- how is he with your child? make sure that you spend time as a couple, where the child is not part of the equation. Also get some alone time, if you find that you are always with your child, you may need time alone.
- I would recommend NOT fantasizing about someone else, real, movie, or imagined. Doing that, while being intimate with him, detracts from your moment with him and will destroy your connection with eachother. If you don't want to cheat on him in body, then don't allow yourself to cheat on him in your mind.
- start flirting with him, in person, in text
- don't say anythinig to another man on here, that you don't currently say to him. Before you tell anyone (male) on here how great they look, or how awesome they are... think about him, and send him a SINCERE compliment first.
- don't fall into the MFP Fake Compliment trap... a lot of people are highly supportive and kind, but a LOT blow sunshine up your *kitten* too.. take it all with a grain of salt
Practical:
- has he changed his deodorant, body wash, or shampoo lately... humans are naturally pheromone driven - if his base scent has changed, then maybe that has some sort of factor
- is it possible that maybe a new scent is in order? change your laundry detergent, or go shopping for a new cologne or body wash for the both of you.
(Before you laugh... I am incredibly scent driven... I LOVE the smell of my guy... just the smell on his shirt gets me in the mood... maybe a change in such a small area could make a difference.)
- take a shower right beforehand, spend extra time grooming and peparing yourself, get yourself aroused in the shower
- try some of the Lora Corn challenge books (101 romantic nights, 101 quickies, etc... suggestions to build anticipation and sexify your life)
ETA: maybe it wasn't random after all... and maybe you should also get some bloodwork done to check your nutrient levels... maybe things are out of sync in terms of body chemistry now that you are exercising.
These are great! I haven't heard Lora Corn's name in years, nice call! I'm scent driven, too. The smell of Jovan Musk makes my pants fall off faster than tequila!0 -
How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
Hiding things from your husband and potentially rendering him unable to connect with another woman EVER again is not the same as a kid getting a shot. Seriously? I guess you just care that little about your spouses. I hate it when mother's over dramatize ... your child is probably terrified because you put it in their minds it was going to be a negative experience. Good job.
Is there some "Kids Who Got Icky Shots And Grew Up To Be Depressed" support group I'm not aware of?
For claiming to be an "intellectual snob", you are short-sighted, mean-spirited, and altogether unpleasant.0 -
First, the fantasizing about other guys will only lead you into a downward spiral. That needs to stop. (To be fair, you sound like you're probably already aware of that.)
Second, do you have anyone you can talk to in real life, ideally someone who knows both of you well? A pastor, parents, trusted older friend, etc.? Someone in a long, stable marriage, who has been around the block a few times, could probably be more help than a whole Internet full of message boards.
Third, if you think your husband's weight is the issue (although I tend to agree with others who say there may be something more going on), is there any way you can come alongside him to help him put it off faster?
Finally, I don't know if you're a person of faith, but I'm praying for you and your marriage tonight.0 -
When people, whose profiles I view and laugh at, don't like me ... I pat myself on the back.0
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How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
Hiding things from your husband and potentially rendering him unable to connect with another woman EVER again is not the same as a kid getting a shot. Seriously? I guess you just care that little about your spouses. I hate it when mother's over dramatize ... your child is probably terrified because you put it in their minds it was going to be a negative experience. Good job.
Is there some "Kids Who Got Icky Shots And Grew Up To Be Depressed" support group I'm not aware of?
Yep, you're right. you DO know everything.
Congratulations on that.0 -
On a side note, I had to hold my 55 pound 7 year old down for her flu shot. Yeah, that was fun. The 3 year old didn't even cry.0
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I don't know everything, but I do know I birthed a child from my hoo-hah.
Know what I mean, Vern?0 -
This. And I love him. Can I fantasize about him?
*Maybe OP should fantasize about him. Solve ALL the problems.0 -
When people, whose profiles I view and laugh at, don't like me ... I pat myself on the back.
Otherwise, I might just be lame. Or fat.
*slow clap* Well done. Are you going to tell us how much you don't care about things now?0 -
There is an old story about a divorce lawyer who tells a client who cannot afford the divorce to go home and spend three months treating the spouse the way they think they should be treated, do stuff for them, compliment them, talk, flirt, date, touch, hold hands, be the best friend and lover they can be and then in 3 months come back and if they still want the divorce the lawyer would do it for free.
In three months the person called the lawyer back and said they saved the marriage, as they started doing all of these things for the spouse the spouse then started treating them the same way, with love and respect. They rekindled what they had in the beginning and no longer wanted a divorce.
My opinion, Say nothing about this to him. It's not your husbands problem, it's yours. Start by figuring out what the real problem is and work on that first. Work on you and your commitment to him. Then if you feel like his weight really is an issue you can talk about that in a loving way with him. Tell him you are concerned about his health and that you want him to be around for your child.0 -
This thread is
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On a side note, I had to hold my 55 pound 7 year old down for her flu shot. Yeah, that was fun. The 3 year old didn't even cry.
but it wasn't difficult at all, right? for your 7 year old... the idea of being stabbed with a needle isn't nearly as terrifying to her as lost sex drive is to a man...
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sell him on ebay?
Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.
Yet I'm ugly on the inside. Sure.
At this point, I think a bunch of us are wondering if there is anything inside.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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I care about everything (sans fat & ignorant people). That's why my life is insanely awesome.
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Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.
"Honey. I'm sure you've noticed but I'm having issues wanting to have sex. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Do you think counseling might help us? What about more date nights? Lets go to the sex store..."
Just talk. Just opening up might help. Don't make it about him (yet). Maybe you can get back into it without ever really revealing the real reason.
I like this. This is a really good way to approach it, I think.0 -
There is an old story about a divorce lawyer who tells a client who cannot afford the divorce to go home and spend three months treating the spouse the way they think they should be treated, do stuff for them, compliment them, talk, flirt, date, touch, hold hands, be the best friend and lover they can be and then in 3 months come back and if they still want the divorce the lawyer would do it for free.
In three months the person called the lawyer back and said they saved the marriage, as they started doing all of these things for the spouse the spouse then started treating them the same way, with love and respect. They rekindled what they had in the beginning and no longer wanted a divorce.
My opinion, Say nothing about this to him. It's not your husbands problem, it's yours. Start by figuring out what the real problem is and work on that first. Work on you and your commitment to him. Then if you feel like his weight really is an issue you can talk about that in a loving way with him. Tell him you are concerned about his health and that you want him to be around for your child.
I completely agree with this one.0 -
When people, whose profiles I view and laugh at, don't like me ... I pat myself on the back.
Otherwise, I might just be lame. Or fat.
*slow clap* Well done. Are you going to tell us how much you don't care about things now?
I smell a MFP Social Climber. She wants sooooo bad to be popular.
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A trying time in your life?
Don't even go there.
I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.
You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.
Is lupus painful? Can you die of it? *fingers crossed*0 -
I care about everything (sans fat & ignorant people). That's why my life is insanely awesome.
Omg... Maybe you ought to just move along. This thread is probably harshing your insanely awesome life.
:huh:0 -
I care about everything (sans fat & ignorant people). That's why my life is insanely awesome.
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How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
...But you don't. So they were right.0 -
I'd love to meet some of you people in real life. It would definitely be a trip.
I'm cool with all the insults. After all, if people like you didn't have the interwebz ... there'd be virtually no social interaction. Except maybe with your clinical psychologist, or proctologist.
Have fun. I'm off to eat sushi and watch a Keanu Reeves movie.0 -
I care about everything (sans fat & ignorant people). That's why my life is insanely awesome.
I think you should stick with the Rate Me threads.0 -
How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
...But you don't. So they were right.
I have two daughters. Didn't you read my previous post? I guess not. Fail.0
This discussion has been closed.
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