Not interested in my husband anymore

skinnybunny_x

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

You're 23......

Wow, you're a smart one. That must take great skill ... stalking my profile, and reposting my personal information.What is the context of my age in relation to my post? Zilch, nada, none.

mlrd2010

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.

This true. I don't take it for grated, it's just hard forcing a feeling that just suddenly diminished for no apparent reason, you know?

skinnybunny_x

But there is a reason OP, you just need to be woman enough to figure it out.

You owe that to your husband and to your child.

CookNLift

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.

This true. I don't take it for grated, it's just hard forcing a feeling that just suddenly diminished for no apparent reason, you know?

perhaps you could resolve it by seeking counseling....or going on a vacation together. sometimes being a parent can change things up a bit and you need to take time to yourselves to remember why you got married in the first place

Mitzki5

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.

This true. I don't take it for grated, it's just hard forcing a feeling that just suddenly diminished for no apparent reason, you know?

So what changes have happened in your life since this feeling started?

FitCurves444

See a counselor/therapist. If you love your husband as much as you say you do and you have the otherwise perfect marriage, you owe it to the relationship to seek consel and even couple's therapy. I would recommend that you go alone first and then take it from there.

I know that no one likes to hear the "see a shrink" advice, but this is over our heads here in MFP. A therapist will not judge you or make you feel guilty or throw in an uneducated opinion..... so how can it be a bad thing? Seek a professional help.... really.

mlrd2010

Did this start once you got in fitness?

yes

also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life),

no

Oh man, I know exactly what you are going through then. I use to be very happy go lucky in my fat days loved everyone unconditionally. But ever since I got into fitness I noticed I became very nit-picky about the most trivial stuff with regards to others fitness levels, and when I catch myself doing it I get very upset about myself for being judgy.

Nothing changes around us most of the time but rather the way we view the world changes. I think you need to come to terms just because you are aiming high in the fitness department it is not fair to expect everyone around you to do it. I'm not saying don't encourage them to but don't make it the only way you judge them. Remember you aren't (none of us are) perfect either but others out there put up with our shlt. You have to retrain your mind to focus on the whole package again rather than zero in to the physical element.

Remember just cause you see all these people with amazing bodies it doesn't mean they have the rest of it figured out. It sounds to me that you have a good life going on and not worth ruining for a mental image you have based on your new found point of view.

This excellent. I never thought of it that way before. I need to do come emotional cleansing or what not, see if that's what part of the problem is. Thanks for your serious advice. :flowerforyou:

msf74

I'm amazed how many people are suggesting giving up what seems to be a perfectly salvageable relationship.

It may take some work but sometimes relationships have their challenges.

Still_Fluffy

I agree with talking with your husband, which is needed. I wonder what will happen when he gets old, his hair falls out or turns grey. What about wrinkles? I know this is crazy but step away from the computer and stop looking at the super fit 20 year olds. How would you feel if your husband compared you to the very attractive women on here? How would you stack up?

Reconnect with you husband. Maybe work out with him. If you tell him how proud you are of his weight loss it may motivate him to work harder at it. My wife married me at my heaviest, through her love and respect I was motivated to work hard to get in better shape. Yes there were other motivations too, but she stuck by and supported me.

pretty dang well, since you asked. I don't really compare my husband to guys on here, though...

Wow, of all I said that's what you took out of it. I think you issues stem from you. Do you think your to good for him now?

kandyjay

I'm amazed how many people are suggesting giving up what seems to be a perfectly salvageable relationship.

It may take some work but sometimes relationships have their challenges.

Agreed.

CeleryStalker

But there is a reason OP, you just need to be woman enough to figure it out.

You owe that to your husband and to your child.

Which is what she is attempting to do here rather than having sex elsewhere or crushing her husband when she knows full well it's not his fault she feels this way, it's hers.

mlrd2010

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

on a real note.

I've probably seen you...that's not the point. what the point is, is that you need to stop posting it here and go do something about it. Or go seek marriage counseling strangers don't know you. Only your friends do. and Asking strangers on their advice is irrelevant since everyone is different.

want an honest opinion....there it is.

He actually is capable of a serious answer?!?!? *gasp* :laugh:

teacupowl

I agree with the thought of a therapist, either alone or as a couple. There's obviously something going on between you two if you feel emotionally attracted, but not physically. A lot of time it's not even something physical with the partner, but something they've done or habits they have that are turning you off. You just have to identify what it is and either talk to him and work with him to change it, or teach yourself to accept him and who he is. If your husband loves you as much as it seems he does, I bet he's willing to do whatever it takes to get you to a healthy sexual place again. You just need to talk to him and let him know what you're going through.

Also, space. My soon-to-be-hubby and I have been together for quite a few years now. Everyone's relationship gets a little stale every now and then. We were just spending too much time together. His job took him out of town for about a year (working four or five days, home three or two) and it did absolute wonders for all aspects of our relationship. We appreciated and enjoyed each other more. Now that he's home again, we've both developed hobbies outside of the home and we make sure we don't spend every waking minute together. You'd be amazed at how just a little space makes you appreciate your partner so much more. You can't let each other (or your kids, honestly), consume 100% of your time.

charliex2202

Sometimes its easier to talk to a bunch of random strangers then it is to talk to people that are close to you...

Clearly this person is at an empasse and rather then coming to her own conclusions on what to do next is her relationship she is asking for help and advice...why judge her for it??

If she had named and shamed her husband from her own profile page then I think you could all judge her and rip into her but she didn't she created a new profile so she could ask for advice anonymously....

~charlie

Tiger2wild

There is a lot said here that I agree with, and a lot that I don't; however, if my words can be of any help, feel free to follow them.

I agree that you need to speak with him about it. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship and you can't have any trust without open communication. Communicating your issues with him is the best thing for you, imo. As many have said, it may hurt him to hear it now, but it may also be better than the alternative later down the road.

I agree that posting everything online may not be the best way of handling it, but hey, you needed to get help somewhere and this is where you thought you could get the most. In that regard, AT LEAST you did it anonymously, so kudos for that.

I was in a similar situation where the roles were reversed and it destroyed my relationship. She never told me what was wrong, just expected me to figure it out and fix it. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but when I asked her about it she always put it off as something that was unrelated: work, her family, school. If only she would have communicated it with me before she decided to cheat, than things may have been salvaged. Lucky for us, we didn't have any kids.

In your situation, if you truly feel like saving it all, you must speak with him. I honestly hope things work out well for you and that this man, who seems to be a godsend for most women, will be as amazing as you say and will understand your plight and help you through it in any way he can.

jazi719

I think you did the right thing getting advice from others. I do not think you are in love with him, you may love him but you are not in love.

If you think that you still are, then address this to him and seek counseling.

You will end up cheating on him if it continues this way.

UsedToBeHusky

This is like so many other TMI posts.

Get professional help.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

You're 23......

Wow, you're a smart one. That must take great skill ... stalking my profile, and reposting my personal information.What is the context of my age in relation to my post? Zilch, nada, none.

How long can you really have been married if you are only 23? How do you know how having children, age and changing bodies effect sex drive? A lot of people fall in and out of love (or attraction) with their partners over the course of a long marriage, and there's no reason judge someone for it, or feel smug and superior because you are still in the "worship" your husband stage. And really good for you. I'm glad you do, really. But you don't need to judge others who are in different places than yourself.

I have been with my husband 12 years. I am very much in love with him right now, and attracted to him, but no, the OP isn't a horrible woman for feeling the way she does and for asking for advice before potentially hurting someone she cares deeply for. Her marriage isn't doomed. Her husband isn't going to automatically leave her. She just needs to figure this out.

CookNLift

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

on a real note.

I've probably seen you...that's not the point. what the point is, is that you need to stop posting it here and go do something about it. Or go seek marriage counseling strangers don't know you. Only your friends do. and Asking strangers on their advice is irrelevant since everyone is different.

want an honest opinion....there it is.

He actually is capable of a serious answer?!?!? *gasp* :laugh:

i have an opposing opinion on the matter. I couldn't tell if you were serious or not but if you are, then I'll offer my advice. But i still think any advice I give is pretty useless considering I don't know you, your husband, or how you guys were / are together. Best of luck though.

auria17

Hi,

Maybe this has nothing to do with your husband? it could be that you are going through something physiological. An example would be have you been on the pill for a long period of time? this can sometimes drop your sex drive super low, and even though you say you are having fatasies and stuff that is a very different thing from the real thing. Start looking into how you are feeling and not putting all the focus on that you don't want your husband, it might be coming from inside on some deeper level.

But maybe he isn't turning you on physically. He has a right to know in the right way, how you feel about being with him. Just don't say the words "I am not sexually attracted to you anymore" that will just make your chances of getting back the romance nill.

vtmoon

Has he noticed your decline in sex drive?

He probably did (most guys do) but he is probably thinking it is the new baby and sucking it up so he doesn't come off as insensitive and all that.

I always feel bad for married his in those situations, you have steak at home but aren't allowed to eat out more are you allowed to go out for burgers. I kid I kid! :laugh:

hikezilla

It is not uncommon for a woman to go through this after having a child. You and your hubby, that you love and adore, should probably seek professional counseling. I sincerely hope you two can get everything worked out.

Briargrey

It can sometimes be hard to feel desire when you're neck deep in life. If we take you at face value, and for purposes of this post, I am doing so, then we can conclude that you love your husband, aren't cheating on him, are emotionally intimate with him, still consider him a friend, and still have sexual desire, but that you no longer have sexual desire for your husband, and that you want to fix this.

So - for me, the first part is for you to really, really soul search and be sure that that is an accurate assessment. If it's not, you have your starting point in digging into it. If it is accurate, it could come down to the fact that the two of you are in the good and the bad and the stressful together (as all marriages/relationships are) and that impacts your desire for him. Your body is all about 'yes, sex please, yum' and your brain is all 'ugh, not with him - we just had to clean up baby vomit together, and he pissed me off last week, and I just spent two hours snuggled on the couch with him, isn't that enough, and blah blah blah....' Whereas the person in your fantasy doesn't have to share any of the drudgery of life with you and doesn't get 'pulled down' by the day-to-day stuff, so he gets to stay in fantasy corner and make you all hot and bothered.

I think most couples at one point or another have these moments, but for it to carry on for so long and to the extremes that you appear to have is quite unusual to me. However, I'm not a therapist so goodness knows my insight is limited. I also could be completely wrong - just tossing one theory out there that might explain it.

You could also be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by dwelling on it too much so even when you could have slid into the 'in the mood' category, you didn't because you have been thinking about it.

I'm not sure if the best route is to go out and be all honest with your husband yet when you aren't quite sure why you feel this way. However, honesty in a relationship is essential. So do weigh that carefully. You may want to talk to your physician and explain these feelings and get some help. They may have some tips to help out.

Just FYI, however, fantasizing in and of itself isn't usually wrong. If you're fantasizing about having a *relationship* with someone else, I'd say that's a huge warning sign, or if your fantasy star is someone you see frequently and have interactions with (like a neighbour) that may be concerning. But a hot person that just 'does' it for you? That's not cheating. It's normal. My husband and I share our fantasies with one another, sometimes as foreplay, but sometimes just for kicks - just to share what gets us revved up. And we also share frequently (verbally and non-verbally ) what gets us revved up about each other, so that neither party ever has cause to be insecure or feel like the fantasy is the only thing going on. And while a lot of that part is about the physical attraction we have for each other, it is deepened by the emotional attraction and bond we have. So I know he thinks Miranda Kerr is hot, and he knows I would like to rip Vin Diesel's shirt off (and those are just the two most superficial and benign ones...they get way more fun <g>).

DebbieLyn63

I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..

You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..

Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..

I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..

I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..

Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.

You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..

^^100% spot on. Read it. Read it again. Then do it.

randomtai

Poor hubby. :noway:

chunkydunk714

Your poor husband

tottie06

Uh ok, so he is overweight. Don't know your relationship, but I think you should talk to him about his weight. It's a touchy subject for some, I know. But that's a part of marriage. Being honest. Be tactful of course. (Not sure I would bring up the whole, "get turned on by everyone but you" thing. No need to do that.) I think he will understand. IDK. I sure as heck want to keep my hubby physically attracted to me! Love when I catch him eying me. And if he is 50lbs over, that's bad for his health. So losing would be a win win.

Chain_Ring

Your poor husband

RIGHT??

jessicameadsstephens

I went thru something kind of like that and found it to be a change in birth control pills effecting my hormone levels etc. Once I got that changed, everything went back to normal and I had no issues. I would check into things with your OBGYN it might not be something that your able to control because its happening internally. Good luck girl...

BinaryPulsar

I don't know what to say. Some options.

1) Go to individual counseling. Switch to a different one until you find one that is helpful to you.
2) Do fun activities with your husband outside of the bedroom. Stuff that is fun, exciting, brings you closer to him.
3) Explore sexual fantasies with him.
4) Do stuff to spice up your sex life.
5) get some books about different sexual positions or alternative ways of pleasuring each other. Something to make things different.
6) go to a sex store and get some outfits and toys.
7) watch erotic videos together.
8) Have a romantic date together, stay at a hotel, make the whole evening very sexually oriented. Buy lingerie, go to the sex shop, etc... Take off your wedding rings. Pretend this is a date at an earlier point in the relationship.
9) reminisce together about your past sexual adventures.
10) do sexy, naked dancing together.