Not interested in my husband anymore

MsJulielicious

That's all I got

ToFatT0B3S1ck

In.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

But are you really? Besides sex, do you look forward to spending time with him? Do you laugh with him, flirt with him, have date-nights? You really do have to work to keep romance and passion in a marriage, especially after you have children. Maybe if you work on bringing the romance back the passion will follow. You can even incorporate fitness and health into dates, go hiking, biking, cook together, etc. And I agree that you should have sex anyway, even if you have to fantasize, but NOT because he'll find it elsewhere (WTF?) but because hopefully, it'll build interest in him. Watch sexy movies together, use toys, lingerie, etc.

ksy1969

You need to talk about it and work through it. My DW and I have been married for 19 years now and if we didn't communicate these kinds of issues we wouldn't have made it. There were some pretty scary times in our marriage but we worked through them with communication.

mlrd2010

It's been said before, but bears repeating, intimacy is more than physical attraction. If you have no interest in him physically, I'm willing to bet there's other issues. And since he's been that weight since the beginning, you can't honestly blame it on that. I'd suggest you figure out what's actually bothering you, and work on that.

There really AREN'T any other issues, at all. That's what's frustrating me so much about it. If there was a reason I could pin this down to, I'd really feel so much better, because then I'd know where to start to fix it.

MTBrob

I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin...

When I buy a vowel I make sure it's 100% worth it too.

Blah blah vow.. Sue m e.. On another note..

Your Eyes...... They scare the **** out of me

BlueBombers

You MUST discuss this with him if you want your marriage to work!

^ This!!

Amadbro

How old are you 15? Be a WOMAN and go talk to your husband.

vtmoon

It is okay, a lot of people nowadays don't mean "till death do us part". Why did you marry him? or were you young and just settled cause that was the next logical step?

I would say just divorce but that would kinda suck for the kid.

Depending on what type of guy he might be open to other things. I know this lady who gets railed by other guys while her man watches, they seem very happy. Or open the relationship up and let him get it else where.

Did this start once you got in fitness? also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life), your body could be telling you they want that person now because they are stimulating you in better ways.

mlrd2010

You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

I would bet there is a lot of truth to this!

No, there's not, but he is totally right in that I am putting too much emotion into other things, like school, and working out. So he is right, just not on the subject of other guys. There is no one else. No flirting/.

hbrittingham

OP, how often do you and your husband touch in a non sexual manner? Hold hands? Rub each other as you pass by? Lean in and kiss each other "just because"? All of those are intimate acts, but not necessarily sexual. They are ways to stay connected to each other emotionally and physically, which in turn builds the desire to be together.

RosegoldSQUID

I love you guys.

MuscleAndMascara

..

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin...

When I buy a vowel I make sure it's 100% worth it too.

Blah blah vow.. Sue m e.. On another note..

Your Eyes...... They scare the **** out of me

:laugh:

Good

arghbowl

I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin...

When I buy a vowel I make sure it's 100% worth it too.

Blah blah vow.. Sue m e.. On another note..

Your Eyes...... They scare the **** out of me

I'll sue you for grammatical travesty.

BTW - ellipses have three periods, not two.

gabbygirl78

See a sex therapist or get some toys and have some fun lol.. If you are still emotionally connected to him its not something you need to just give up on because there is no physical attraction. Find a way to put the "spark" back in. He needs to be aware though. Just try to talk through it and see if you can come up with some new things to get your groove back:drinker:

CeleryStalker

If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

That's so far off base and judgmental, I don't even know what to do with it. What a rotten thing to say, and horrible assumptions to make. She very clearly DOES love the guy...loves him enough to not cheat on him, to not crush him emotionally, to WANT to fix the problem without making him feel like crap about himself in the process. Which shows she has nothing but love and respect for him. Disrespect would be screwing around on him, or talking about this with her friends and family behind his back. Asking, anonymously, for help with personal issues, is not disrespectful.

OP, have you done any soul searching to see if maybe your lack of drive with him is a reflection of something internal, related to you? I know that when I have desire issues, it's usually some deep-seeded issue of my own, not something anyone else caused or could resolve. Sometimes inner reflection is the best road to recovery :flowerforyou:

mlrd2010

If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

But are you really? Besides sex, do you look forward to spending time with him? Do you laugh with him, flirt with him, have date-nights? You really do have to work to keep romance and passion in a marriage, especially after you have children. Maybe if you work on bringing the romance back the passion will follow. You can even incorporate fitness and health into dates, go hiking, biking, cook together, etc. And I agree that you should have sex anyway, even if you have to fantasize, but NOT because he'll find it elsewhere (WTF?) but because hopefully, it'll build interest in him. Watch sexy movies together, use toys, lingerie, etc.

I do. We are BEST friends. I can't WAIT for him to get home after work. We cook together, laugh, joke around, snuggle on the couch after the baby is put to bed, and do everything we can, together.

KaylaBushman

You wouldn't happen to have just started a birth control or something along those lines per chance?

When I was on birth control I didn't want anyone to touch me. It was awful and I felt bad for my husband. After a little research in how it can screw with your emotions and hormones I went off of it, and eventually over about 2 months of recovery, I wanted my husband again.

The only difference between you and I is that I didn't want sex at all. BC affects people differently so if you are on it, and there are no other emotional issues like other commenters have stated then it is worth looking into.

TheRoadDog

Perhaps I can suggest an alternative?

Mitzki5

Your not switch hitting in the bottom of the 9th inning, are you? Just kidding

It honestly sounds like you are just bored and need some excitement. Try doing some things you two wouldn't normally do, both between the sheets and activities together.

Still_Fluffy

I agree with talking with your husband, which is needed. I wonder what will happen when he gets old, his hair falls out or turns grey. What about wrinkles? I know this is crazy but step away from the computer and stop looking at the super fit 20 year olds. How would you feel if your husband compared you to the very attractive women on here? How would you stack up?

Reconnect with you husband. Maybe work out with him. If you tell him how proud you are of his weight loss it may motivate him to work harder at it. My wife married me at my heaviest, through her love and respect I was motivated to work hard to get in better shape. Yes there were other motivations too, but she stuck by and supported me.

saffron981

OP, you said you're young.... how young?

MG_Fit

Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

mlrd2010

Did this start once you got in fitness?

yes

also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life),

no

miss_jessiejane

It's been said before, but bears repeating, intimacy is more than physical attraction. If you have no interest in him physically, I'm willing to bet there's other issues. And since he's been that weight since the beginning, you can't honestly blame it on that. I'd suggest you figure out what's actually bothering you, and work on that.

There really AREN'T any other issues, at all. That's what's frustrating me so much about it. If there was a reason I could pin this down to, I'd really feel so much better, because then I'd know where to start to fix it.

I see in another post where you have a baby. If the baby's really young, hormones may be to blame. I had issues after my second. If you'd like to pm me, I'll happily discuss it with you further.

CookNLift

I'm quite an active member. "Has one post and no picture"

haha enjoy your dry spell troll.

You're an idiot. They made up a profile to ask the question.

why the long face horseman

poedunk65

Rediculous

DownsizingAaron

I'm wondering if something like erotic massage may be a spark to get things going again. Intimate but the focus is on the journey rather than the destination. Music, candles, scents, oils. You close your eyes, relax and let his touches speak without your eyes to silence him.

mustgetmuscles1

I feel bad for the dude. I dont know what I would do if my wife told me she loathed being with me sexually and it was nothing that I did.

I mean how can he do anything to fix a problem that is clearly with you?

Go see a counselor or something before talking to him. Try and fix yourself before hurting him.