Not interested in my husband anymore

msf74

You've lost the intimacy in your relationship and I suspect much of this is emotional intimacy.

It can happen, especially when you have kids.

Work to get it back and your love life will change from cool back to red hot.

CookNLift

From prior experiance you just have to be brutally honest. rather hurt his feeling a little now, than loose complete interest and break his heart if you end up cheating on him or break up with him. I can totally relate. feel free to friend me! There is nothing wrong with you!!

It can't get better til it's out, I guess.

that's what she said

norcal_yogi

I've been in this situation. I'm sorry to tell you that we are no longer married.

yes i have too.... and yep, we are no longer married. obviously there are a whole host of reasons other than sexual attraction (including emotional intimacy). hopefully you two will be able to work through this...

CeleryStalker

Has he noticed your decline in sex drive?

colin_mccomb

It doesn't matter if you're posting anonymously or not: you are airing out your dirty laundry. How would you feel if your husband posted an anonymous blog saying that he doesn't find you attractive anymore? Good?

This is utterly childish. What's wrong with your marriage is you.

mlrd2010

". He had his birthday a few months ago, and I knew he was really looking forward to some, so I gave the poor guy a break." <

---

THAT'S F*CKED UP.

Maybe. But I had NO IDEA I would hate it as much as I did. Usually if I let things happen even if I'm not in the mood, I GET in the mood really quick. But not this time.

skinnybunny_x

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

WaterBunnie

A lot of posters seem to be being unnecessarily tough on your thread. Perhaps you're ringing bells they don't want to hear!

Could this be nothing to do with his weight but more to do with a change in your roles? Seeing as yourselves as parents rather than just the two of you? Less carefree and spontaneous? Are you secretly afraid of getting pregnant again maybe? That could explain the wanting sex but not wanting to go through with it?

Are you expressing anger you secretly feel about anything? Could you be depressed? Unless you're 100% sure it's his weight that's putting you off it isn't right to hurt him with that information but maybe instead you should set joint fitness goals which will help speed up his loss too? Then praise his success to encourage more?

Just a few ideas, only you can know.

Ninkyou

First, I would recommend reading this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html

Then, after you've read this, talk to your husband. Honesty is the best policy. Yes, it may hurt him. But perhaps he can help you get over this. You made a vow to him and it's up to you to keep your end of the bargain. If that means seeking counseling, or readjusting your life to include date nights without the kid (which is important, btw), or whatever, you have to do whatever it takes.

GTAFrank

Wow... just WOW.

This is getting crazy!

On the surface, that may seem to be the case. But really, the OP has taken an important first step here and posted explicit details of her sex life to a forum of internet strangers. I'm sure we'll get this sorted for her quickly.

CookNLift

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

she probably sends junk pics on KiK

Cranquistador

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

From prior experiance you just have to be brutally honest. rather hurt his feeling a little now, than loose complete interest and break his heart if you end up cheating on him or break up with him. I can totally relate. feel free to friend me! There is nothing wrong with you!!

Thanks a lot. I'm not sure how to break it to him, but I will soon. It can't get better til it's out, I guess.

You don't have to say "I still want sex, just not with you". Tell him you have little interest in having sex with him, don't blame him, blame yourself, but ask him for help. If he's really your friend and partner he'll want to help. Read books, go to counseling, whatever, but yeah, you can't just bury the issue any longer.

aStrongerSteph

I think that you have a legitimate problem. I'm relieved to hear you acknowledging that you love your husband and have no desire to end the relationship. So many people would be super quick to just yell DIVORCE or AFFAIR.

You're in a tough spot and I've been there before, not in my current marriage but, the last one ended for VERY different reasons. It's awful feeling like you have no physical attraction to the man you love. Maybe counseling is in order for you. Not necessarily couples counseling as this seems to be your problem. I agree telling your husband your feelings would be really devastating to him. It's nothing he's done according to your post. So work through the mental block with a counselor if you can.

I pray that this works out for you guys. I really do feel for the situation you are both in.

Best wishes.

skinnybunny_x

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.

Holly_Roman_Empire

If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

How do I know I wouldn't betray my husband's trust by discussing our sex life with random strangers on the Internet? Because I'm not a liar. Because I would never stand before God and everyone who ever mattered to me and promise to LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH a man and then share very private, intimate details about our life with ANYONE, let alone strangers. That's how I know I wouldn't do what you did.

And there is no such thing as being in love with someone "emotionally" but not physically. Being IN love is an all-encompassing thing. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't.

Come back after having been married for several years (not that anyone would want you, with a nasty attitude like that) and see if you'd feel the same way.

No bearing or experience in the subject? Didn't think so. So shut up and take your judgments elsewhere. Idgaf what you think of me.

I'm married, and I think she's spot on.

mlrd2010

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

vtmoon

Did this start once you got in fitness?

yes

also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life),

no

Oh man, I know exactly what you are going through then. I use to be very happy go lucky in my fat days loved everyone unconditionally. But ever since I got into fitness I noticed I became very nit-picky about the most trivial stuff with regards to others fitness levels, and when I catch myself doing it I get very upset about myself for being judgy.

Nothing changes around us most of the time but rather the way we view the world changes. I think you need to come to terms just because you are aiming high in the fitness department it is not fair to expect everyone around you to do it. I'm not saying don't encourage them to but don't make it the only way you judge them. Remember you aren't (none of us are) perfect either but others out there put up with our shlt. You have to retrain your mind to focus on the whole package again rather than zero in to the physical element.

Remember just cause you see all these people with amazing bodies it doesn't mean they have the rest of it figured out. It sounds to me that you have a good life going on and not worth ruining for a mental image you have based on your new found point of view.

Holly_Roman_Empire

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

This. You are not being a good friend to him right now.

Cranquistador

So you don't want to bang your husband, you don't want to cheat, you don't want to leave him, and you don't want to discuss this with him.

Way to be an adult. I guess the only way out is suicide then.

totally uneccessary

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

You're 23......

firstsip

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

Oh the intrigue.

CookNLift

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

on a real note.

I've probably seen you...that's not the point. what the point is, is that you need to stop posting it here and go do something about it. Or go seek marriage counseling strangers don't know you. Only your friends do. and Asking strangers on their advice is irrelevant since everyone is different.

want an honest opinion....there it is.

CeleryStalker

Wow man, a lot of these posts are downright cruel. If posting your dirty laundry anonymously isn't something YOU'D do, then don't do it. Dragging this poor woman over the coals for TRYING TO SALVAGE her marriage/sex drive is what's truly pathetic.

OP, please don't let these people get you down. Take the positive, useful information you're getting from this thread, and try not to let these rotten, judgmental posts derail you. You came here for advice, not to be persecuted. MFP is not showing its best colors today.

Cranquistador

LOL at everyone bashing her for discussing this here.

she is doing it anonymously. Why do you care?

Cranquistador

Wow man, a lot of these posts are downright cruel. If posting your dirty laundry anonymously isn't something YOU'D do, then don't do it. Dragging this poor woman over the coals for TRYING TO SALVAGE her marriage/sex drive is what's truly pathetic.

OP, please don't let these people get you down. Take the positive, useful information you're getting from this thread, and try not to let these rotten, judgmental posts derail you. You came here for advice, not to be persecuted. MFP is not showing its best colors today.

jinx:flowerforyou:

GothyFaery

This is a really hard place to be in. I've not been in your shoes so take my advice with a grain of salt. For the sake of your marriage, you need to find a way around this. If you are having a hard time with his physical appearance, maybe try to spice things up with a new position, one where you are not facing him. This way you can fantasize more freely without having him right in front of you. You might also try a blindfold. I disagree with some of the other poster about opening your relationship to other people. If you guys didn't start out with an open marriage, it's not going to work and someone will get hurt. I know you don't want to confront your husband but you might also want to consider seeing an sexual therapist. You wouldn't have to directly tell your husband it's because you're not attracted to him. You could tell him you haven't been in the mood and you want to be and that's why you want to go. During your private time with the therapist you can discuss your true problems and maybe they can help you work it out. I hope you and him get back on track.

Hauntinglyfit

Sex?
I don't understand, you guys already have a kid...

vtmoon

If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

How do I know I wouldn't betray my husband's trust by discussing our sex life with random strangers on the Internet? Because I'm not a liar. Because I would never stand before God and everyone who ever mattered to me and promise to LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH a man and then share very private, intimate details about our life with ANYONE, let alone strangers. That's how I know I wouldn't do what you did.

And there is no such thing as being in love with someone "emotionally" but not physically. Being IN love is an all-encompassing thing. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't.

You must be a pleasant person to have around parties.

chelstakencharge

I've been in this situation. I'm sorry to tell you that we are no longer married.

I have been right where you are....I hate to inform you but we are in the middle of a divorce. That is NOT the only reason but it was a factor.