Not interested in my husband anymore

mlrd2010

I think it's healthy in a boring marriage to explore with other people in the bedroom I think you should talk to him about that and see if he's ok with it, or cheat if you know he won't be. Sounds bad yea but if you like the relationship you two have and just not the sex life than I think it's a good solution at least until you're satisfied.
If you don't want to do that than either continue being unsatisfied, get a divorce, or try new things in the bedroom.

I do not see a long lasting marriage, or any relationship for that matter, anywhere in your future.

This and STD's in their future

Inorite?? Wow.

ldrosophila

I didn't have time to read through all the pages, but I'll just add my .02 cents. Years ago I was married and went through this. With that said, it was a physical response to an emotional change. In my case, the "ex" was passive aggressive and did some things that hurt me to the core. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, the trust eroded away. I couldn't be vulnerable with him anymore and I ended a 15 yr marriage.

Buried resentment will kill intimacy quicker than anything.

Seek counseling. If you can't talk to him about it, then sort it out with someone unbiased. It's not fair to remain silent and let it fester. Not fair to him or yourself. "Faking it" only catches up with you at some point.

this is absolutely correct

skinnybunny_x

You're a sicko.

That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.

Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.

Sovictorrious

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

MEH I'm Queen in my house.

mlrd2010

You're a sicko.

That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.

Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.

Wow. I'm essentially agreeing with you, and you still feel the need to attack me. What a hateful person you are. I have problems like everyone else. It's not your or my place to judge others when they're trying to fix it.

I hope you learn empathy and kindness one day. Until then, enjoy your inner ugliness.

CeleryStalker

Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.

What vow did she make that said she couldn't anonymously ask for help preserving her marriage?

Rottnme

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.

I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.

You do it for the end goal, not for today. It's a slippery slope you're on and though you don't know it yet, you're BOTH already sliding because one can't slide without the other and vice versa. The only way to stop is with each others help, together.

likearadiowave

sell him on ebay?

mlrd2010

sell him on ebay?

Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.

angelamangus1

HAHAHA... I am in for this!

mrslcoop

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

I second all of this...

__freckles__

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.

I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.

So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.

Otterluv

I haven't read all of the responses, and I probably won't because I'm a wildwoman like that.

You stated that it's been a few months, I can tell you that in the span of a long marriage that amount of time is a blip. If you were attracted to him before, and aren't now, the change is in you. So, I'd recommend counseling, individual at first until you get down to what it is that's causing the problem.

Think long and hard over whether this is something you want to bring up. You'll want to be damned sure that the reason that you aren't attracted to him is because of his weight BEFORE even considering bringing it up with him. You could do serious damage otherwise. Big time. This is going to take some soul searching and maybe counseling. If his weight is the problem, you need to work with someone together to find a way to have that discussion without causing harm. It's a big deal. Unlike a toddler getting a shot, it could hurt for a VERY long time afterward. You want to make sure that you have the root of the problem first.

mlrd2010

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.

I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.

So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.

Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.

erikamadden84

Cheat on your husband with your husband.... Have you ever seen Little Fockers? It actually works. Make more you and him time. Just remember that intimacy is a HUGE peice of a marriage. If it is gone, you can ALWAYS get it back. You have to want for things to work. You also might want to let him know. Since you guys are BFF I am so sure he will be willing to work with you on it. If that doesnt work, just add alcohol.

Mr_Excitement

I don't know your husband, but I think most of the men I know would drop their spare weight pretty fast if their wife/girlfriend told them it was making them uninterested in sex. I know I would.

This is the sort of thing that needs to be communicated. Delicately, maybe-- or with a laugh, I don't know. But it is something you ought to talk about, imho.

skinnybunny_x

sell him on ebay?

Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.

Yet I'm ugly on the inside. Sure.

mlrd2010

Cheat on your husband with your husband.... Have you ever seen Little Fockers? It actually works. Make more you and him time. Just remember that intimacy is a HUGE peice of a marriage. If it is gone, you can ALWAYS get it back. You have to want for things to work. You also might want to let him know. Since you guys are BFF I am so sure he will be willing to work with you on it. If that doesnt work, just add alcohol.

Lol, that might actually work. We don't drink, but I do know what scene you're talking about :laugh:

wheird

I haven't read all of the responses, and I probably won't because I'm a wildwoman like that.

You stated that it's been a few months, I can tell you that in the span of a long marriage that amount of time is a blip. If you were attracted to him before, and aren't now, the change is in you. So, I'd recommend counseling, individual at first until you get down to what it is that's causing the problem.

Think long and hard over whether this is something you want to bring up. You'll want to be damned sure that the reason that you aren't attracted to him is because of his weight BEFORE even considering bringing it up with him. You could do serious damage otherwise. Big time. This is going to take some soul searching and maybe counseling. If his weight is the problem, you need to work with someone together to find a way to have that discussion without causing harm. It's a big deal.

*Hug* Thank you for confirming that I am not being ridiculous.


It is funny how many people on here are being so self-righteous considering how MFP is like a relationship graveyard.

mlrd2010

sell him on ebay?

Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.

Yet I'm ugly on the inside. Sure.

AND has no sense of humor, apparently. It was a joke. I joked back. Please tell me how terrible I am for the ability to keep in good spirits during a trying time in my life. Go ahead. I'll wait.

vtmoon

You're a sicko.

That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.

Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.

Like the smallpox scar? Cause that lasts forever. (don't worry about the reference it might be too old for you to get)

Schwaineser

You're 23......

Wow, you're a smart one. That must take great skill ... stalking my profile, and reposting my personal information.What is the context of my age in relation to my post? Zilch, nada, none.

How long can you really have been married if you are only 23? How do you know how having children, age and changing bodies effect sex drive? A lot of people fall in and out of love (or attraction) with their partners over the course of a long marriage, and there's no reason judge someone for it, or feel smug and superior because you are still in the "worship" your husband stage. And really good for you. I'm glad you do, really. But you don't need to judge others who are in different places than yourself.

I have been with my husband 12 years. I am very much in love with him right now, and attracted to him, but no, the OP isn't a horrible woman for feeling the way she does and for asking for advice before potentially hurting someone she cares deeply for. Her marriage isn't doomed. Her husband isn't going to automatically leave her. She just needs to figure this out.

True Story. OP - there is something really unspeakably crazy that happens when you have children. You see each other differently, weird out-of-nowhere resentments form and you don't notice them until they are dug in and don't want to let go. Marriage is hard. Sometimes it's exhaustion, or hormones, or just general frustration. Focus on the good, what you love about him, and challenge him with positivity to get on track with his fitness. You don't need to say "hey, I hate having sex with you" - let yourself love him. See him like you used to. And live for him and your family. It may be that as you lose weight, you are just more aware of yourself, your body...and be more self conscious than you realized.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

No matter how great you believe your relationship is...you've shown you do not have open and honest communication about Everything.
Hate to say this, but your relationship is not fabulous, outstanding, honoring, or anything other than friends living together.


Love is a gift for which you give 100% freely and not to be expected in return from another. Either they receive it, honor and respect it with equal in return, or you get coal in your stocking. You have to be able to communicate about anything with control on emotional impact of your words.

You are lacking in the core of all of this. If not, then there would be no reason for this post. There would be no reason why you have not talked with him about it.

Respect. Honor. Return.

vaporhockey83

Having had marital issues (and having them), you have to face the problem. Do you want to fix it? There is no solution in doing nothing. It's status quo. If you think it's worth fixing and are that devoted to your relaitonship, seek every path to what may fix it. If at the end of those paths you've found nothing, the answer will be obvious. At least then you BOTH can have peace knowing you both gave it all. Leaving him out in the dark isn't right...even if it'll break his heart.

vtmoon

sell him on ebay?

Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.

Yet I'm ugly on the inside. Sure.

At this point, I think a bunch of us are wondering if there is anything inside.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.

"Honey. I'm sure you've noticed but I'm having issues wanting to have sex. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Do you think counseling might help us? What about more date nights? Lets go to the sex store..."

Just talk. Just opening up might help. Don't make it about him (yet). Maybe you can get back into it without ever really revealing the real reason.

MireyGal76

You're a sicko.

That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.

Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.

This is where I think your age is a factor that is not doing you any favors. Things become less black and white as you grow up, and if you haven't had your kid go through getting shots, you can't really even comment on that. My first daughter got her shots as a baby and she screamed at the top of her lungs during the shot, and then for four hours after. Not just crying, but piercing shrieks that tylenol wouldn't ease. She wasn't in medical danger, but she did react to the shot.

That was the worst 6 hours I've endured. Did I get gun shy the next time I took her? Yes because I couldn't bear inflicting that sort of pain on her again. But interestingly enough, the second time she didn't react the same way. Why? Because I asked my doctor, and my friends what I could do the next time around to make it better.

It doesn't have to be a one to one relationship between the real life and the analogy that the OP has drawn... the essence is: she cares about her husband and doesn't want to hurt him. She is afraid and hopes theres a way she can fix it without inflicting that pain. Just like I asked for help from others that had gone through what I went through, she is doing the same. She is trying to skip the first shot, and go straight to the second one.

Yes the OP needs to talk to her spouse, but hopefully she can wade through the BS Fit-Slinging posts and find the ones that actually have helpful tips to make that talk the best one possible.

skinnybunny_x

A trying time in your life?

Don't even go there.

I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.

You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.

Mr_Excitement

Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.

I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.

So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.

Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.

You sit down, look him in the eye, and say this:

"Honey, you know how sometimes a dog barks all night and keeps you awake? But if you punish the dog for it, he might not bark later when someone is trying to break into your house.

Also, you're fat."

grentea

I'm not married, but I would think it's best to talk with him about his weight if it is bothering you. I don't think I would bring up that I'm not feeling attracted to him, but that I'm concerned for his health, etc. These kinds of things ebb and flow, so I don't think you are wrong for feeling that way. If your marriage is important to you, make an effort to rekindle the spark. Try to focus on things that you like about your husband and plan a get away together. I would make every effort to invest in my relationship and my marriage. I would even talk with a counselor to get more advice. Try not to fantasize about other men, I think that leads down a bad road. Good luck!