Living with an unhealthy eater

AmandaCherise

So, I have been trying to change my lifestyle for the past 4 months now and it seems nearly impossible. I work in an office for 8 hours a day (which the only physical activity I get at work is walking to and from the printer... pathetic, I know) I bring healthy lunches, and eat a healthy breakfast every morning, but when I get home there's a box of Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on the counter that my boyfriend decided to pick up. Every weekend he's wanting to order pizza or stop by the burger joint that's next to our house, so we don't have to cook. It is the MOST difficult thing ever to try and resist the pizza and the treats when its in the house! I've been trying to motivate him so that we can do this together, (he could stand to lose a few pounds too) but it always seems to back fire! Are there any suggestions on what I should do, or what I can change?! I know the obvious choice is to resist the goodies, but it drives me insane trying to do this on my own without any support!

P.S.- Ive gained 25 pounds in the past 6 months- at this rate, I'm rapidly moving towards obesity! HELP!

Also, my profile picture is definitely not recent. Its my motivation picture. That was me at 120lbs

Phoenix_Warrior

You've got three options.

1. Break up
2. Portion control and make these things fit
3. Don't eat it

seltzermint555

I have seen this topic posted dozens of times, and honestly the best advice I've seen is

1. Do NOT expect your partner to change their habits just because you're changing yours. Sure it is possible. But it is not likely to work unless it is their idea and they really want to change, too.

2. Get used to the idea of buying and eating separate foods much of the time.

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Also, you can still enjoy the occasional treat or even fast food together. Just change the way you view it and the way you behave. You're in control of you, and your partner is in control of himself. The two do not have to be connected.

LoraF83

What's stopping you from eating smaller portions of these foods and/or enjoying them occasionally?

Just because it's in the house doesn't mean you have to eat it or that you have to eat all of it.

liittlesparrow

Refuse to go out with him to get crap food.
Sit him down and explain to him why this is so important to you.
Cook yourself some healthy food while he eats his pizza, or hell, go for a run WHILE he eats his pizza.

jonnythan

Well, you can either control what you put in your body, or you can keep blaming other people.

The choice is yours.

Note: even if you break up with the guy, you will simply put weight back on at some later point unless you change your locus of control to yourself and stop thinking what you eat is caused by your environment.

Your own decisions are the cause of your weight gain. No one else is the cause. The donuts are not the cause. Your boyfriend is not the cause. You are the cause.

mrsvalealvarado

I totally understand my husband eats like a child sometimes...Lol he likes to munch on things and to make it worse he likes the foods that I try to stay away from like chips,donuts,pizza,soda.....I admit it is hard and sometimes I want to smack him for bringing it into the house...but I use that as a test for my self control and i try avoid those foods as much as possible

moeisreal

The easiest option is to break up. I had a similar situation living with my family. But of course if you love him, you cant do that. Think of it as practicing self-control, it'll help you with a lot more than weight loss. Self-control is a great virtue in life. Change your mindset

tworthen79

I have a husband and 4 kids. All of them love pizza, burgers and icecream. As do I. You can have those things in moderation or everyday if it fits into your calories. My husband and kids are at healthy weights, so I don't expect them to live like me. It's called will power. Many times I loved to blame others, "you shouldn't have bought that, now I have to eat it." Wrong! No one force fed me. You'll just have to keep other healthy substitutes of food in the house. He has a donut, you have strawberries and whipped cream. He gets a burger, you get a turkey burger wrapped in lettuce. Good Luck!

KateK8LoseW8

My boyfriend is not a healthy eater. His food is separate from my food. I eat my food, and he eats his food. You can't force him to change, but you can change yourself. There's always going to be temptation around every corner, you just have to learn to flex that little muscle called willpower.

clambert1273

My husband eats like pure crap... I draw the line to the point if he wants it then HE has to go to the store and get it. I refuse.

He can eat what he wants and I don't care - I eat mine and he eats his. He DOES support me and is proud. The most I can hope is he will want to change himself but if not then that is his problem lol I am doing this for ME!

WaterBunnie

Sit him down and explain to him why this is so important to you.

This, and plan meals ahead so you have something healthy and tasty in that you can get on the table quickly. The urge passes as soon as you are eating and it's the health benefits of lower fat and salt that he needs to take on board with you too. Challenge him to a week without junk and see how it goes.

QuietBloom

I live with a 17 year old teenager! I HAVE to expect there to be high calorie foods galore available. I choose not to eat them. If I do have something, I log it.

Bottom line: The only person you can control is you. Choose not to eat the food he brings home, if it doesn't fit your macros. Make sure you are getting plenty of protein (I have found this is critical to avoid binges) and I've also cut way back on the alcohol. Because it increased the likelihood of my binging.

You got this!! (>‿◠)✌

tworthen79

Well, you can either control what you put in your body, or you can keep blaming other people.

The choice is yours.

Note: even if you break up with the guy, you will simply put weight back on at some later point unless you change your locus of control to yourself and stop thinking what you eat is caused by your environment.

Your own decisions are the cause of your weight gain. No one else is the cause. The donuts are not the cause. Your boyfriend is not the cause. You are the cause.

^this!!

teamnevergoingback

Oh I've been there. I decided to learn how to cook and we RARELY eat out because I'm constantly providing and preparing us with healthy and good food. It DOES take time and prep though! I know our lives get super busy with work and school, etc, so it took me a while to get the hang of it. I started with simple recipes and meal planning. I would plan our meals our for 5-6 days in advanced and then prep the food as much as I can, such as precutting the veggies, cooking the meat beforehand, and the most helpful of all was crock pot recipes. Skinnytaste.com has a bunch of EASY, HEALTHY and TASTY meals he won't even know that you're slowing turning him into a healthy eater as well! Also, for my boyfriends unhealthy snacks ( I did not make him give anything up, he has to make his own choice) I try to buy things he loves, but that I do not like very much that way I'm less likely to want it... and we put it on the top shelf, out of my view. I'll always make some room for pizza and burgers though because I am a real person! So if you know you normally go crazy on the weekends, make Monday-Friday hardcore dedication days and plan to eat a cheeseburger ahead of time. You can make it fit.

You can do it! :flowerforyou:

tigersword

Oh boy, here we go, another post filled with the ambiguous, meaningless "healthy food" stuff.

Overall diets are healthy. Individual foods are not. A perfectly healthy diet can easily include pizza, burgers, and donuts. You're just making excuses.

redladywitch

My husband freaking loves Costco Cheesecake. Seriously, we buy it every month. He can eat the whole thing in about a week. He cracks me up! He also eats ice cream every day. That's what he does along with chips, etc.

I am responsible for what I eat. Sometimes, I will have cheesecake if it works into my calories that day.

You're going to have to accept him for who he is. You need to take responsibility for yourself. You really need to get a grip on this. Your weight has nothing to do with him....

Poofy_Goodness

Stop making excuses. Increase self control. You can only change your own actions, no one else's.

MinnieInMaine

Have you tried talking to him about not bringing certain things home that you can't resist (donuts)?

As for the eating out thing - I have a good solution to that. Plan every single meal for the entire week. That way if you're out and about and that close to home anyway and he suggests getting burgers and fries, jyou can say something like "well, I have some chicken thawed that I was planning to make a yummy stirfry so let's just go home and have that. It only takes 15 minutes to make and will be cheaper and healther than fast food". I do this all the time at home. Hubs may want take-out but if I've got meat thawed that needs to be cooked or it might spoil, he's totally fine with waiting another day or two for pizza/chinese/thai. That way too, I've got a day or two to plan out my days well so I can make sure I have the calories for that kind of dinner.

My Hubs has no interest in eating healthier either but I'm the cook and he's not that fussy so he eats whatever I cook. For the most part it's not that much different than what I've always cooked but I make some healthy swaps and keep portions reasonable for me. For instance, I may only be able to have calories for 1 serving of a casserole but he can have 2 or 3 servings if he's hungry enough.

JessAilene86

My boyfriend was the same way and I refused to give in and let him know every single time he brought something home, I wouldn't be eating it. 75 pounds down later, he see's my results and now he wants to hop on board because he realized that looking and feeling healthy are more important.

That being said, I will eat pizza if I can fit it into my deficit. lol You don't have to omit eating the foods you like, it's all about portion control. If you know one doughnut is 300 calories and it's not going to fill you up and you will end up eating 3 or 4, don't eat them. That's the way I see it.

tworthen79

Excuses, indeed.

Does you boyfriend shove the food down your throat? I wouldn't think so. When I was fatter and depressed, I would tell myself I was the way I was because people eat that crap in front of me. Stop that! You are in control of YOU! And until you learn that, you can't go to parties, family dinners, vacations because you will be surrounded by food that is forced on you, right? No. It isn't your boyfriends fault or anyone elses', it's your fault and your relationship with food.

87monkey

I agree smaller portions of the junk is a win win. Toss a salad and have a slice of pizza (eat the veggies first )... go to the burger joint and order a healthier option if possible. I only get to see my boyfriend on the weekends so Saturday night is our night out and it is guilt free. I anticipate eating more calories that day so I save a little all week, and I am experimenting with healthy options. If you are cooking at home work healthy options in, who knows he might love it! But remember your spouse shouldn't have to change their lifestyle because you want to change yours. I know at first it is frustrating but you have to work on you, no one to blame but yourself.

LiminalAscendance

So, I have been trying to change my lifestyle for the past 4 months now and it seems nearly impossible. I work in an office for 8 hours a day (which the only physical activity I get at work is walking to and from the printer... pathetic, I know) I bring healthy lunches, and eat a healthy breakfast every morning, but when I get home there's a box of Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on the counter that my boyfriend decided to pick up. Every weekend he's wanting to order pizza or stop by the burger joint that's next to our house, so we don't have to cook. It is the MOST difficult thing ever to try and resist the pizza and the treats when its in the house! I've been trying to motivate him so that we can do this together, (he could stand to lose a few pounds too) but it always seems to back fire! Are there any suggestions on what I should do, or what I can change?! I know the obvious choice is to resist the goodies, but it drives me insane trying to do this on my own without any support!

P.S.- Ive gained 25 pounds in the past 6 months- at this rate, I'm rapidly moving towards obesity! HELP!

Also, my profile picture is definitely not recent. Its my motivation picture. That was me at 120lbs

I can understand (although not necessarily condone) wanted to get burgers/pizza on the weekends, but you're implying that he picks up "Krispy Kremes" (or some similarly fatty treat) every day?

I don't even think the "moderation" zealots do that. No wonder he "could stand to lose a few pounds!"

Any one who gets such satisfaction from eating those kinds of foods (when it's obvious that you are making a concerted effort otherwise) is most definitely not going to change.

Your choice is either learn to live with it (and adjust accordingly) or find someone whose nutrition goals are more compatible.

seltzermint555

Oh boy, here we go, another post filled with the ambiguous, meaningless "healthy food" stuff.

Overall diets are healthy. Individual foods are not. A perfectly healthy diet can easily include pizza, burgers, and donuts. You're just making excuses.

I'd agree but I also think there is a MAJOR difference between these:

Example #1
Breakfast: homemade wrap with egg, spinach, onion & mushrooms, black coffee
Lunch: medium-sized restaurant bacon cheeseburger, 1/2 order baked sweet potato fries, water
Dinner: large salad of mixed greens, cucumbers, & carrots, 1/3 cup of couscous with spices, 4 oz grilled salmon with a tsp of sesame oil
Snacks: banana, Greek yogurt, 7 raw almonds, 1 oz dark chocolate

Example # 2
Breakfast: Sonic breakfast burrito, small tots, 44 oz Diet Coke
Lunch: medium-sized restaurant bacon cheeseburger, medium French fries, 44 oz Diet Coke
Dinner: 3 slices Pizza Hut pepperoni lover's deep pan, small iceberg lettuce salad with 4 TBSP. ranch, 12 oz beer
Snacks: 2 or 3 Krispy Kreme donuts

Just sayin'

RivenV

Well, you can either control what you put in your body, or you can keep blaming other people.

The choice is yours.

Note: even if you break up with the guy, you will simply put weight back on at some later point unless you change your locus of control to yourself and stop thinking what you eat is caused by your environment.

Your own decisions are the cause of your weight gain. No one else is the cause. The donuts are not the cause. Your boyfriend is not the cause. You are the cause.

^ All of this. Or you can just break up and kick the can down the road for more problems/fun later.

EDesq

You can NOT control Others and what they choose to do. You can ONLY control YOU, so get a good tight grip! You can control: WHAT and How much You eat; Your Attitude and Effort. When You begin to FOCUS on You, as your health improves, as your Lifestyle slowly change, there WILL be a 'Parting of The Ways'; it will happen naturally. Just be True to yourself, because he is being True to himself.

Be Well, Live Well

twixlepennie

I have seen this topic posted dozens of times, and honestly the best advice I've seen is

1. Do NOT expect your partner to change their habits just because you're changing yours. Sure it is possible. But it is not likely to work unless it is their idea and they really want to change, too.

2. Get used to the idea of buying and eating separate foods much of the time.

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Also, you can still enjoy the occasional treat or even fast food together. Just change the way you view it and the way you behave. You're in control of you, and your partner is in control of himself. The two do not have to be connected.

This exactly. I prepare my food separately from my family's because I have different nutritional requirements than they do. I've been doing this for over a year now, through actively losing weight and now in maintenance. There's life long consequences of being overweight and one of them is that you will have to have a different relationship with food, than other people. And this goes beyond weight loss, but also for maintenance. I need to watch portion sizes, avoid trigger foods etc. My husband and kids don't. It is what it is. It's not my husband's fault he can eat three krispy creme donuts and not gain an ounce. It wouldn't be fair to him for me to be upset/frustrated/try to change him. My weight issues are MINE, not anyone elses.

TheRealParisLove

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

jonnythan

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

RivenV

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

So if your husband were to buy, say... a box of some junk food, let's pretend it's Twinkies. Does he have to eat the entire box in one sitting, lest you tear through and consume the entire box, just because it's in the house?

RivenV

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

Obviously that's the cake's fault. ... You know, for existing.

ETA: image was out of control.