Living with an unhealthy eater

87monkey

I agree smaller portions of the junk is a win win. Toss a salad and have a slice of pizza (eat the veggies first )... go to the burger joint and order a healthier option if possible. I only get to see my boyfriend on the weekends so Saturday night is our night out and it is guilt free. I anticipate eating more calories that day so I save a little all week, and I am experimenting with healthy options. If you are cooking at home work healthy options in, who knows he might love it! But remember your spouse shouldn't have to change their lifestyle because you want to change yours. I know at first it is frustrating but you have to work on you, no one to blame but yourself.

LiminalAscendance

So, I have been trying to change my lifestyle for the past 4 months now and it seems nearly impossible. I work in an office for 8 hours a day (which the only physical activity I get at work is walking to and from the printer... pathetic, I know) I bring healthy lunches, and eat a healthy breakfast every morning, but when I get home there's a box of Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on the counter that my boyfriend decided to pick up. Every weekend he's wanting to order pizza or stop by the burger joint that's next to our house, so we don't have to cook. It is the MOST difficult thing ever to try and resist the pizza and the treats when its in the house! I've been trying to motivate him so that we can do this together, (he could stand to lose a few pounds too) but it always seems to back fire! Are there any suggestions on what I should do, or what I can change?! I know the obvious choice is to resist the goodies, but it drives me insane trying to do this on my own without any support!

P.S.- Ive gained 25 pounds in the past 6 months- at this rate, I'm rapidly moving towards obesity! HELP!

Also, my profile picture is definitely not recent. Its my motivation picture. That was me at 120lbs

I can understand (although not necessarily condone) wanted to get burgers/pizza on the weekends, but you're implying that he picks up "Krispy Kremes" (or some similarly fatty treat) every day?

I don't even think the "moderation" zealots do that. No wonder he "could stand to lose a few pounds!"

Any one who gets such satisfaction from eating those kinds of foods (when it's obvious that you are making a concerted effort otherwise) is most definitely not going to change.

Your choice is either learn to live with it (and adjust accordingly) or find someone whose nutrition goals are more compatible.

seltzermint555

Oh boy, here we go, another post filled with the ambiguous, meaningless "healthy food" stuff.

Overall diets are healthy. Individual foods are not. A perfectly healthy diet can easily include pizza, burgers, and donuts. You're just making excuses.

I'd agree but I also think there is a MAJOR difference between these:

Example #1
Breakfast: homemade wrap with egg, spinach, onion & mushrooms, black coffee
Lunch: medium-sized restaurant bacon cheeseburger, 1/2 order baked sweet potato fries, water
Dinner: large salad of mixed greens, cucumbers, & carrots, 1/3 cup of couscous with spices, 4 oz grilled salmon with a tsp of sesame oil
Snacks: banana, Greek yogurt, 7 raw almonds, 1 oz dark chocolate

Example # 2
Breakfast: Sonic breakfast burrito, small tots, 44 oz Diet Coke
Lunch: medium-sized restaurant bacon cheeseburger, medium French fries, 44 oz Diet Coke
Dinner: 3 slices Pizza Hut pepperoni lover's deep pan, small iceberg lettuce salad with 4 TBSP. ranch, 12 oz beer
Snacks: 2 or 3 Krispy Kreme donuts

Just sayin'

RivenV

Well, you can either control what you put in your body, or you can keep blaming other people.

The choice is yours.

Note: even if you break up with the guy, you will simply put weight back on at some later point unless you change your locus of control to yourself and stop thinking what you eat is caused by your environment.

Your own decisions are the cause of your weight gain. No one else is the cause. The donuts are not the cause. Your boyfriend is not the cause. You are the cause.

^ All of this. Or you can just break up and kick the can down the road for more problems/fun later.

EDesq

You can NOT control Others and what they choose to do. You can ONLY control YOU, so get a good tight grip! You can control: WHAT and How much You eat; Your Attitude and Effort. When You begin to FOCUS on You, as your health improves, as your Lifestyle slowly change, there WILL be a 'Parting of The Ways'; it will happen naturally. Just be True to yourself, because he is being True to himself.

Be Well, Live Well

twixlepennie

I have seen this topic posted dozens of times, and honestly the best advice I've seen is

1. Do NOT expect your partner to change their habits just because you're changing yours. Sure it is possible. But it is not likely to work unless it is their idea and they really want to change, too.

2. Get used to the idea of buying and eating separate foods much of the time.

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Also, you can still enjoy the occasional treat or even fast food together. Just change the way you view it and the way you behave. You're in control of you, and your partner is in control of himself. The two do not have to be connected.

This exactly. I prepare my food separately from my family's because I have different nutritional requirements than they do. I've been doing this for over a year now, through actively losing weight and now in maintenance. There's life long consequences of being overweight and one of them is that you will have to have a different relationship with food, than other people. And this goes beyond weight loss, but also for maintenance. I need to watch portion sizes, avoid trigger foods etc. My husband and kids don't. It is what it is. It's not my husband's fault he can eat three krispy creme donuts and not gain an ounce. It wouldn't be fair to him for me to be upset/frustrated/try to change him. My weight issues are MINE, not anyone elses.

TheRealParisLove

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

jonnythan

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

RivenV

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

So if your husband were to buy, say... a box of some junk food, let's pretend it's Twinkies. Does he have to eat the entire box in one sitting, lest you tear through and consume the entire box, just because it's in the house?

RivenV

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

Obviously that's the cake's fault. ... You know, for existing.

ETA: image was out of control.

ren_ascent

I have seen this topic posted dozens of times, and honestly the best advice I've seen is

1. Do NOT expect your partner to change their habits just because you're changing yours. Sure it is possible. But it is not likely to work unless it is their idea and they really want to change, too.

2. Get used to the idea of buying and eating separate foods much of the time.

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Also, you can still enjoy the occasional treat or even fast food together. Just change the way you view it and the way you behave. You're in control of you, and your partner is in control of himself. The two do not have to be connected.

Noteable words of wisdom, that's what this is.

lkweber21

My husband buys crap food all of the time. I just don't eat it. Willpower.

highervibes

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

My husband had to stop bringing friends over for a similar reason.

Phoenix_Warrior

Wow, this thread took a turn for the crazy

MysteriousMerlin

You will probably get a lot of responses saying "It's up to YOU to resist the junk!" That's true. But I think it can get much easier when you get away from the thinking that your partner is somehow sabotaging you or that it's not FAIR for them to eat junk while you "have to" eat healthy. Look at it as your nutritional habits differing from theirs.

Great advice!

Have a serious talk with him. COMMUNICATION is KEY! Sit him down, and tell him directly that you're working on your diet, and that you'd appreciate his support. He doesn't have to join you, but that you'd like him to be positive about your food choices (if he puts them down or offers something you'd rather avoid eating). HE's not on a diet, even if he needs to be. There's no reason to expect him to change his eating habits just because you are. There are many more healthy choices to be made for pizza and other fast food, just make it count. Get some extra exercise in if you visit those places.

afat12

Have you asked him to be more supportive of your new lifestyle? Is he for or against it? Maybe explain to him you don't mind if he has that kind of stuff but it is hard to have it in the house... do you guys get in fights about this kind of stuff? Is there open communication.

I know it is hard! I've been there before my ex was a junky eater and I don't think I could go back to that BUT that's probably why I'm single lol

Best of luck.

TheRealParisLove

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

So if your husband were to buy, say... a box of some junk food, let's pretend it's Twinkies. Does he have to eat the entire box in one sitting, lest you tear through and consume the entire box, just because it's in the house?

He keeps his cookies and such in his car or at his job. He's also changed his eating habits to a more healthful form after some scary blood panels and high blood pressure readings.

At first it was probably just for the convenience factor, but now he is enjoying the fact that he can run circles around men 20 years younger than him.

His ex wife had the same issues with binge eating as I do, but she became morbidly obese, suffered a heart attack in her 30's and is now diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. He knows what it looks like when someone loses control and what the side effects are.

I see it like the 12 step programs see it, just avoid the temptation and there will be no issue.

Oh, and I can indulge on occasion. I can stop at one doughnut or cookie or whatever. It's when it is in the house, and I'm alone in the house with it I lose control. See my Food Diary from Sunday 11/17 as reference.

SezxyStef

I banned junk food from the house. I'm married, so the dynamic is a little different, but the principal is the same. No junk food. Or, he can have junk food in the house only while he is consuming it. No LEFTOVERS!

I'm like you in that I can't resist the junk food. A caring person would understand and not leave the trigger items in the house. Would you leave an open bottle of wine out for an alcoholic to find? NO! That is just cruel.

Last year we ended up with a lot of leftover cake after a graduation celebration. It was a full sheet cake, so it was huge and I couldn't resist it. I pleaded with my husband to throw it away while we were cleaning up after the party. He refused. I kept going back to that damn cake. By the next day I took it upon myself to toss it in the nearest dumpster.

He was mad, but I had consumed 2000 calories of cake in 2 days. It had to go! I showed him my food diary and he was more understanding, sort of. He called me weak willed (yep) and that I needed to grow up and learn restraint. I replied that I did show restraint by throwing out the offending item. If you cannot resist temptation, then eliminate it's source.

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

Wow :noway:

I am married to and have a 19 year old son...I would like to see me tell them what can and can't come into the house and how fast they have to eat it...holy crap.


ETA there would go my nightly...."fun"
Lets see what is currently in mine...

Regular pop
chips
fudge sticks
pizza
drum sticks
dunkaroo's
moon pies
chocolate coated granola bars
Lindt chocolate (that's mine and they can't touch it)
bounty bar (my son bought it for me )
oreo's
fudgeo cookies (I Love fudge o cookies and haven't touched em)
chip dip
cheese pop corn ( a huge bag and I have some every night)
ice cream
oh and grocery day is tomorrow so there will be more.

If you actually CAN'T have junk food in the house you need to re-evaluate your relationship with food....

to the OP I eat out with my husband every weekend...KFC, Pizza hut, Dairy Queen you name it we eat it...I just make it fit.

*Fixed spelling mistake

nytrifisoul

Jesus. That poor guy. This story is crazy.

*hears the sound of a whip cracking*

amwoidyla

For me, if the bad things are out of sight, out of mind. Put the donuts in the cupboard instead of sitting on the counter tempting you.
I know the point of going to a burger/pizza place is not to cook, but maybe offer to make these things at home so you can control exactly what's going in/on them. Your guy can slather his in cheese, mayo, and whatever the heck he wants, while you can "healthify" yours. Saves calories and money!