Angry at husband for refusing to take care of his body

Hauntinglyfit

Wow, seriously, what a big jerk for letting himself get so out of shape and develop such poor habits in just a couple of short months since your wedding. I'm just appalled that he would change so much in such a short amount of time, and that you, you know, WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT HE WAS LIKE THAT BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO MARRY HIM or something.

It doesn't matter,man.
We all know that she'll "fix" him now that they're married.

la8ydi

Well here is what happened in MY situation when my (now ex) husband used to question my eating habits...he would say something snotty like "Oh do you really NEEEEED that cookie, chubby?" And so I wouldn't eat one cookie...I would eat FIVE. He has to decide for himself it's something he wants - you can't change anyone who doesn't want to change - it only causes resentment. Very tough way to start a marriage.

jennk5309

Those who are suggesting my marriage is not happy- if I weren't happy, I wouldn't give a crap about his health. We have a wonderful relationship and are best friends. I know his shortcomings and I know I agreed to accept and live with them when we got married. I do that well, for the few other flaws that he has that bug me (there aren't many).This, however, hits a particular nerve in me when I get lab results for him that are this bad. I DO NOT want to lose him until he's really, really old. I have seen the HORRIBLE things that diabetes does to people. I can't stand the thought of him going through all of that.

cuinboston2014

you give him your concerns, you tell him where he is headed especially with the sexual dysfunction, and you tell him you need him to take care of himself because you love him. after that you drop it.

the rest is on him and hopefully he'll hear you and do what he needs to make his life better.

continue to role model healthy behaviors and hopefully he will follow

This. And do you think he realizes the severity of the health problems he is facing? So many people hear "diabetes" and aren't too concerned. They don't realize the seriousness of it.

Do you think he does?

I would have a meaningful conversation with him, without nagging. Yes you love him for who he is but you have legit concerns after seeing his labwork. If you get on the elliptical and he said, while you are on it, I will go on when you are done - do you thinik that you could jump off, let him go and then go after him?

Try to find active activities to do together - walking, bike riding, etc.

You can't and wont' change his life, opinion, or mind. You CAN however express your love and concern and wait for it to "click" for him and support him.

Chain_Ring

Just break up.

tottie06

You will not be the first or last woman who thought she could change her blokes habits once they were married

As I said earlier, do not nag, when & if he wants to change he will

Yep, never ever nag!! Guys shut down and run the other way. Gonna have to just be a good example for him and let him come to his own conclusions. With all respect, I don't understand why you married him if you had such issues?

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Also, my husband has offered sexual favors for every 2 pounds lost.

eileen0515

When my slim husband, at 54 was diagnosed pre diabetic. It never occurred to me, that I would not do whatever I could, to help him reverse it. I am the cook, and the person who does the marketing. That day of diagnosis, you would not believe how much stuff I removed from my house. I changed my cooking habits, food shopping, everything that day. I made sure I did not buy things that would tempt him.

Very rapidly the condition was reversed. Four years later, his blood work is still great. He did do his part though.

It is my belief, if you are the cook and person planning the meals. You are also part of the solution. I love my husband, I was happy to change, if that helped him. And it did.

PS: We have an attitude of we are in this together. You might want to delay those baby plans.

thopkins56

The best thing you can tell him is that you love him and want as much time with him as you can get. Take care of yourself by eating right, exercising and being a positive role model. Your example will be a much greater influence than telling him what he should or should not be eating. I don't want to jump on you for nagging because I understand that it comes from a good place. However, people ultimately change because they want to and not because someone else wants them to. I'm a guy and I haven't met too many of us that respond well to someone telling us what to do. That may mean we are stubborn, even stupid in some cases but I think what you are really after is strengthening your marriage by helping each other and striving for common goals in all aspects of the relationship. IMHO our job as spouses is to be a hero for our partner not their mothers or their conscience.

BTW, My wife and I have been married for 34 years and we recently have lost over 50 lbs between us. She started, I followed. Neither one of us has told the other what to eat. We just high-five each other on the successful days. Which, have been increasingly more often than not. Good Luck.

mdhummel

My husband and I have gone up and down in our weights and have loved each other through thick and thin. Instead of nagging at him to lose weight why don't you try being more active together? Ride bikes, hike, go bowling, walk on the beach... do something active, but fun! And DON'T tell him you are doing it because he needs to exercise more. That will backfire.

As far as cooking healthy meals for him? Don't serve him pasta. A serving of pasta is only half a cup and no man is going to eat half a cup of pasta for dinner! If you serve healthy foods with less calories he can fill his plate without feeling like you are starving him. A 5oz baked fish fillet with steamed broccoli and a spinach salad with balsamic dressing is only about 250 calories. If the kid's junkfood is too tempting than hide it out of his eyes. I don't let my family keep ice cream in the house because it is my guilty pleasure and I can't control myself around it.

Obviously his health issues have not scared him into wanting to make a change so you are going to have to wait until he is ready to make the change. The only thing you can do in the meantime is try to be a good influence.

cwolfman13

people change in their own time...and some never do. I went a handful of years with bad blood work, etc before I made any changes. I was a heavy smoker (2-3 PAD) heavy drinker, and heavy eater...and nothing was going to change that except for me...my wife never nagged me though she would tell me her concerns from time to time...but nagging would have just caused me to tune her out completely.

Ultimately, I changed because I wanted it...that is all

tottie06

oh he WILL take care of his body, once you are so bloody hot that everyone is looking at you.
he will want to keep you.

Word. hahaaaa

silver_arrow3

Also, my husband has offered sexual favors for every 2 pounds lost.

I think I'd be losing weight a LOT faster if I had such a good incentive.

LoraF83

There's been a lot of this lately...

And it always makes me wonder how the wives would feel if their husbands were posting personal issues about their marriage on the internet.

tottie06

The best thing you can tell him is that you love him and want as much time with him as you can get. Take care of yourself by eating right, exercising and being a positive role model. Your example will be a much greater influence than telling him what he should or should not be eating. I don't want to jump on you for nagging because I understand that it comes from a good place. However, people ultimately change because they want to and not because someone else wants them to. I'm a guy and I haven't met too many of us that respond well to someone telling us what to do. That may mean we are stubborn, even stupid in some cases but I think what you are really after is strengthening your marriage by helping each other and striving for common goals in all aspects of the relationship. IMHO our job as spouses is to be a hero for our partner not their mothers or their conscience.

BTW, My wife and I have been married for 34 years and we recently have lost over 50 lbs between us. She started, I followed. Neither one of us has told the other what to eat. We just high-five each other on the successful days. Which, have been increasingly more often than not. Good Luck.

Very wise man!!!

Phildog47

Those who are suggesting my marriage is not happy- if I weren't happy, I wouldn't give a crap about his health. We have a wonderful relationship and are best friends. I know his shortcomings and I know I agreed to accept and live with them when we got married. I do that well, for the few other flaws that he has that bug me (there aren't many).This, however, hits a particular nerve in me when I get lab results for him that are this bad. I DO NOT want to lose him until he's really, really old. I have seen the HORRIBLE things that diabetes does to people. I can't stand the thought of him going through all of that.

Don't nag him. I have the same problem with my spouse.

tottie06

Also, my husband has offered sexual favors for every 2 pounds lost.

I think I'd be losing weight a LOT faster if I had such a good incentive.

BAHAAAAA

Achrya

There's been a lot of this lately...

And it always makes me wonder how the wives would feel if their husbands were posting personal issues about their marriage on the internet.

I'm gonna lean towards 'not very pleased'.

greenhudler

The best thing you can tell him is that you love him and want as much time with him as you can get. Take care of yourself by eating right, exercising and being a positive role model. Your example will be a much greater influence than telling him what he should or should not be eating. I don't want to jump on you for nagging because I understand that it comes from a good place. However, people ultimately change because they want to and not because someone else wants them to. I'm a guy and I haven't met too many of us that respond well to someone telling us what to do. That may mean we are stubborn, even stupid in some cases but I think what you are really after is strengthening your marriage by helping each other and striving for common goals in all aspects of the relationship. IMHO our job as spouses is to be a hero for our partner not their mothers or their conscience.

BTW, My wife and I have been married for 34 years and we recently have lost over 50 lbs between us. She started, I followed. Neither one of us has told the other what to eat. We just high-five each other on the successful days. Which, have been increasingly more often than not. Good Luck.

Wow great first post! We have a winner!

greenhudler

There's been a lot of this lately...

And it always makes me wonder how the wives would feel if their husbands were posting personal issues about their marriage on the internet.

I'm gonna lean towards 'not very pleased'.

My husband does it and I don't mind. He doesn't have a lot of friends, and none of the ones he has are married or have children and so he reached out for help to people who may have gone through the same thing. Of course we also talk to each other and discuss things, but I have no problem for him seeking out third party advice and some advice he has gotten was amazing and made our marriage stronger.