How would/do you handle this?

Mgregory723

In the long run divorce will be better for the kids if you can't stand your wife. They don't need to see mom and dad fighting all time. Eventually they will understand. The most important people in the divorce are the kids. Do not put them in the middle, do not make them choose sides, and be honest with them (if they are old enough to understand) otherwise they will be the ones paying for you and spouses problems. And handle your **** first before entering into another relationship.

JenniTheVeggie

what's meant to be is meant to be.........

i say that all the time. But is there a time limit?

Time limit? As long as the feelings are there.

bunnyklutz

Do you really think staying together "for the kids" is really best for them? What kind of relationship would you want them to have and what kind of relationship do you think they'll have if your current one is their example.

I am not saying to leave or not, that is only a decision you can make as we are not a part of your personal and private life. But if I were unhappy with my husband and it was to the point where I would reach out to strangers, then the kids (depending on their age) can probably already tell things aren't right.

HarleyFatboyFan

what's meant to be is meant to be.........

do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.

so, when they got married it was meant to be but now it's hard so it isn't meant to be.

echofm1

If you married her and had kids by her, what has changed to make it so you can't stand her?

I'd say the first step is finding out what has changed and seeing if there is any way that you can fix it. Don't put all the blame on her (though I'm not saying there isn't plenty for her). What about you has changed? Did you put your all into the relationship, regardless of whether you think she did or not? You have kids and while it's easy to say that there's another woman who will give you love and affection, your wife must have at some point too. Who is to say things won't change with this new partner down the line?

Edit: Just to clarify: Not saying that you shouldn't get divorced. Just saying that you should make sure you do what you can to fix things first.

Muldactus

Do you really think staying together "for the kids" is really best for them? What kind of relationship would you want them to have and what kind of relationship do you think they'll have if your current one is their example.

I am not saying to leave or not, that is only a decision you can make as we are not a part of your personal and private life. But if I were unhappy with my husband and it was to the point where I would reach out to strangers, then the kids (depending on their age) can probably already tell things aren't right.

This. I can tell you from personal experience growing up that parents staying together "for the kids" isn't always the best choice. My parents actually made life more stressful and uncomfortable while they were married and struggling to live together. Once they finally gave up and got divorced and stopped trying to pretend, life got a whole lot easier for the kids. Trust me on that one.

hikezilla

Why can't you stand her? What changed?

mungowungo

I spent 15 years in an unhappy relationship. At the end there was just hatred, anger and resentment. It wasn't a happy place to be and it was really not good for the children either. Ending it was one of the best things I ever did even though it caused quite a lot of stress at the time. The children are now happier and so am I. I can see no point in being a martyr just for the sake of it.

JenniTheVeggie

Why can't you stand her? What changed?

^This. You loved her at one point.

meshashesha2012

to be honest i wouldnt marry someone i coudnt spend the rest of my life with in the first place. i would take the time to get to know the person before marrying hem and not expecting them to change.

DamePiglet

I believe I would first figure out what went wrong with this:

being in a marriage with someone you can't stand?

Before I embarked on this:

especially knowing that there is someone out there that wants to love and care for you

Or you're likely to go from the frying pan into the fire.

1longroad

If you know there is someone you know wants to be with you, does that mean you are cheating on your current Mrs? As if so, you should end your relationship with her as that helps no one. Not her or your children!

VelveteenArabian

I have a feeling the OP just wants "permission" to have an affair.

OMG_Twinkies

Staying together for the kids is one of the worst things you can do to them. Kids are perceptive, and even if they don't understand what's going on, they pick up on tension, however unspoken and passive-aggressive. I provide therapy to kids and teenagers every day, and every day I hear about how they're being affected by their parents behaviors. It's better to split and be good co-parents than to stay together and foster a tense home environment.

AllonsYtotheTardis

I have a feeling the OP just wants "permission" to have an affair.

^^

and he won't get that permission from me. That way lies madness. You end one relationship before you start another.

JenniTheVeggie

what's meant to be is meant to be.........

do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.

so, when they got married it was meant to be but now it's hard so isn't meant to be.

Not hard...but sometimes it becomes impossible. People change.

Muldactus

what's meant to be is meant to be.........

do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.

so, when they got married it was meant to be but now it's hard so isn't meant to be.

Not hard...but sometimes it becomes impossible. People change.

Or, what can sometimes be worse is if one person changes, but the other person refuses to. Growth is normal and healthy, but occasionally there are people who don't want to change - and don't want YOU to change. Hard to grow as a person if the person you married insists that things should ALWAYS stay status quo and no changing or growing is allowed.

JenniTheVeggie

what's meant to be is meant to be.........

do you seriously subscribe to that philosophy?

Yes I do. Everything happens for a reason.

so, when they got married it was meant to be but now it's hard so isn't meant to be.

Not hard...but sometimes it becomes impossible. People change.

Or, what can sometimes be worse is if one person changes, but the other person refuses to. Growth is normal and healthy, but occasionally there are people who don't want to change - and don't want YOU to change. Hard to grow as a person if the person you married insists that things should ALWAYS stay status quo and no changing or growing is allowed.

How long have you been married?

JJordon

Divorce.

The aforementioned.

You know why it costs so much? CAUSE ITS WORTH IT.

A man is three things. What he thinks he is, what others think he is, and what he really is.

At what point in time, is a man fixed and frozen, if he is to live and grow?

He cannot. He must change.

We all slowly transform and become different, perhaps finer beings.

The you, of then, met her, and perhaps loved her. But you today, are not the you, of yesterday. You are an ever changing man and thus the things you loved about her, perhaps have lost its fondness, lost their luster. Often we change inside and our life partners, our heart mates, do not notice this and thus we grow apart.

Sad but true.

You know in your heart what you must do, now you must find the courage to do it.

Warchortle

Asking the question means you already know the answer.