Moving In Together..

Kiss_Her_Act

What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

littlepinkhearts

it can go whichever way you both decide you want it to go. Some get married, some just stay living together and some separate. Not sure what else there is.

3dogsrunning

I think it is entirely personal decision. It depends on you and your partner, your beliefs and expectations.

I am not against living together before marriage. I personally think it is a pretty important step to get to know the other person, not necessary, but I believe valuable. I moved in with two people, one (the last) very early on in the relationship, but my expectation was always marriage. They knew that. The first one didn't work out because I learned a lot about him after moving in. The second one I married.
Not everyone wants to marry. That's fine. Its something you have to decide within your own relationship.

From a personal and professional experience - it does not lead to marriage. There are many other deciding factors. It can be a huge legal complicator and depends a lot local laws regarding living common law. I deal frequently with people who move in together, live together even for a short time and end up in property disputes.

hbrittingham

My husband and I lived together for 18 months before getting married, but the intention to marry was there pretty much the entire time. It doesn't always lead to marriage, you both need to have the same plan, or else it could lead to heartbreak for the one who was hoping it would lead to more.

sassypants0923

Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

Mia_RagazzaTosta

Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

This. And keep separate bank accounts.

2stepscloser

I think it's totally a personal decision. My husband and I lived together before marriage but only after we were engaged. It did not make sense to be paying for two separate places when we were with each other every night.

GingerLolita

It won't necessarily lead to marriage and you should be clear when communicating about your relationship expectations. It is, however, a great way to find out if you want to spend the rest of your life living with your significant other.

Kiss_Her_Act

Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

This. And keep separate bank accounts.

Kiss_Her_Act

I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

Sabine_Stroehm

It depends on the couple and their shared goals.

Sabine_Stroehm

I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

People have been living together for years. Divorce rates aren't going down. It's a great concept, just not born out by facts.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

That's not entirely true.

ladymiseryali

I don't have a traditional view on these things. If you're ready to move in with your partner, do it. I moved in with my husband prior to marriage. I think it's important to know whether you're compatible with someone and able to live with them before you do anything like marry them.

Escape_Artist

It's a personal decision really! Been living with my SO for over 4 years and we aren't married not even engaged. My parents lived together for 16 years before getting married.

Calliope610

I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

I agree, because there would be fewer people getting married. But the breakup rate would increase.

MissFuchsia

We lived together in a rented property before getting married. We had already discussed getting married 'one day'. He proposed after living had together a year. We bought our own house when we got back from our honeymoon.

I think it depends on the couple. One of my friends feels it's put her partner off marriage as they already live together as 'man and wife'. For us I think it sped things up.

Calliope610

Many couples today choose to live together before they're married, some because they want to spend more time together, and others because it just makes financial sense. But can this have negative consequences once the couple does get married? In some cases, it can. According to a recent University of Denver study, couples that had lived together before getting married contemplated divorce at higher rates than couples that either moved in after getting engaged or couples that began to live together only after getting married [source: Bryner]. The study also found that couples that had cohabitated before marriage were less satisfied with their marriages than the other two groups surveyed.

One estimate shows that as many as 60 to 70 percent of couples today will cohabit before they're married [source: McCarthy]. This number includes millions of couples, compared to only about 500,000 couples who lived together pre-marriage in the 1970s [source: Wartik]. There are several explanations for the fact that couples who have lived together before marriage are more likely to consider divorce -- a phenomenon that holds up in more than one study. One theory is that cohabitating couples tend to slide into marriage because it's the convenient thing to do [source: University of Denver]. (This is the slippery slope of relationships, keeping the status quo or just "doing the next right thing". Getting married is not a conscious and deliberate decision, but rather the convenient thing to do. - my opinion). On the other hand, couples that only move in together after either getting engaged or married have made a clear commitment about living together as a couple forever. Couples that live together before marrying can also use this cohabitation period to see if the relationship has a future; however, if someone feels a relationship has to pass a trial period, that could be a bad omen.

Another reason to tie the knot before moving in? Studies show that married couples are generally happier than cohabitating couples in some ways -- they enjoy better health, more money and even more satisfying sex [source: Steinhauer].

http://curiosity.discovery.com/question/living-before-marriage-increase-divorce

gmhaggie06

I think the research shows that couples who don't live together before marriage are hugely less likely to get divorced.

Some_Watery_Tart

After my divorce, I did a lot of research on this subject. Here are my thoughts on the subject from a blog I wrote awhile back:

I think the chance of divorce has little to do with whether you live together/have sex first and more to do with your views on love and marriage. Two people who take the "love is a feeling" approach to marriage have a much high probability of divorce than two people who take the "love is an action" approach.

The "love is a feeling" view would say the spouses in a failing marriage have "fallen out of love" or "grown apart", where the "love is an action" view would say that if the marriage is failing, the spouses are "failing to love". I can see where divorce would likely be less prevalent in the second case because a failed marriage indicates deliberate personal failure by the spouses.

For spouses who are in a "love is an action" marriage, sexual compatibility and the annoyances that come with living together are viewed as small issues that can be worked through with patience, communication, and mutual respect. Character, fiscal responsibility, religious views and, of course, philosophy of marriage are usually the larger issues at hand. /blog entry

This is just my non-professional opinion. I'm certainly not addressing marriages that fail due to addiction, abuse or adultery. Those are an entirely different story.

33Freya

you don't really know somebody until you live with them for a while. I made the mistake of marrying a man and letting him move into my placebefore I discovered that he was a con man. One financial ruin and divorce later, I won't marry anybody unless I've lived with them for at least a year. I'm living with one right now and we may never get married I don't know. We don't plan to have children though so I think it goes either way.

Buddhasmiracle

Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

This. And keep separate bank accounts.

This. Particulary separate bank accounts.

ItsCasey

I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

This argument about "test driving" is total bull****. I'm not a sports car. You either love me enough that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, or you don't. Let's not pretend that when you're in a monogamous relationship with someone, you don't spend enough time with each other, in each other's homes, to know whether or not you could live with that person. I'm not saying you don't learn things after living together, but honestly, if you've been together long enough to consider marriage, what could he possibly keep hidden from you that would legitimately end the relationship? He sells drugs or moonlights as a hitman? He has a wife and 5 kids? if you're going to say, with a straight face, that some annoying little habit you didn't know about until you moved in is a dealbreaker for you, then there's not enough love between you to support a marriage anyway.

I have never lived with a boyfriend and never would. If you want unfettered access to me, I'm going to need more of a commitment from you than an offer to split the rent.

DavPul

60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

All due respect, what you're citing has more to do with evolving views on both marriage and divorce, and the fact that since a much much greater percentage of women have jobs outside the home so they don't have to stay in crappy marriage strictly for financial reasons.

MercenaryNoetic26

If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.

Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.

xombiebite

I've known my fiancé since we were 15 we've seen each other at our best and worst. so I'm not worried. i still live at home and he just bought his first house. i plan on moving in shortly before the wedding.

skinnyinnotime

I used to think getting married was important. I don't care anymore either way.

BinaryPulsar

My husband and I lived together first to make sure we still worked good together living together. And after a month he proposed to me because living together was great! We just lived together for the summer, then we actually lived apart while I was finishing my last year in college (he graduated before me), and that was tough, so he got a job closer to me until we could get married and move away together.

Broderick50

Although it didn't lead to marriage the last time I did it I'm in favor of it.

jonnyman41

60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

Flawed logic. there has been very many changes in society that will contribute to changes in divorce rates aside from whether people have lived together or not before marriage, including divorce being easier to sort legally (compared with pre 70s) less social stigma for those that do (particularly for women) less acceptance of abusive partners (mainly women but sometimes men too) changes in incomes/working lives for women making them less dependant on the male breadwinner and probably a host of more reasons I have not mentioned. I have no idea if co-habitating does, or does not lead to more divorce, but to take that and apply to increased divorce rates as the only cause just does not make sense. Co-habitating may even mean less divorces as people split up before they get as far as marriage. I am all for working hard to make marriages work though.

HeidiMightyRawr

My partner and I have lived together for 3.5 years now (been a couple for 8 years total) We do plan on getting married at some point, we don't consider it unnecessary because we live together, but we're in no hurry. We're planning on buying the house we're in at the moment in the next year or 2, and to be honest I'd rather get that done for better stability, and be in better jobs / bringing home more money before we do concentrate on the marriage bit. They're higher on my priority list, whether it's the most romantic viewpoint or not. Wedding's aren't cheap (I don't want a registry office just for the sake of it) and I'm not getting into debt for it.

Plus I think living together and testing things out beforehand is a good thing to do, because it's very different to just seeing each other and living separately. You get to know all their bad habits and how they really are. You also have to learn how to manage things such as bills and housework together. Especially in our case, we don't have a lot of disposable income, and in the early days our earnings were very different, so (while we do have separate accounts) our finances/bills are as one. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and it's sure easier to know this before marriage and possibly kids come into the mix.

I will get married before we have children, that's something we've both felt is important for us. Seeing as I'm only 23 though, I don't feel any urgent need to get it done asap.