Moving In Together..

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  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    If you want to move in together (because it's convenient, you want to see how it goes, or just because it feels right) it's your decision, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with marriage being the end result. Not all relationships have to lead to marriage, because marriage as it stands (eternal, 'til death do us part, etc.) doesn't fit all relationships. Cohabitation isn't part of the marriage contract inherently, especially in this day and age. Even people who are married aren't obliged to live together; for the most part, it's more a matter of practicality than anything else.

    Marriage isn't so much a social obligation or contract any more. It's much more of an option that people take when and if it makes sense. Though of course, in the United States, since so much of the legal aspects of marriage bleed over into societal entitlements (taxes, healthcare, etc.), it's LESS of an option than it should be, so legally, it can be a bit more complicated..

    Bottom line: Relationships are fluid. All have different dynamics, and not all are going to end in marriage. And that is perfectly fine.
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
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    Me and my fiance are best friends. During our dating phase we found that either she was spending the night all the time or vice versa. Eventually we came to the conclusion that it only made sense to move in together, it made sense financially and relationship wise. I think its definatly ok to just date and live together, actually I encourage it as after a length of time you will know rather or not you can stand living with the person. Just like I think premarital sex should be encouraged. To me you have to know what your getting and not doing these things you could be setting yourself up for disappointment (especially the ladies, if you know what I mean).

    This is just how I feel about it, you can argue all day the morality of it all and get no where
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.
    QFT
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    if you're going to say, with a straight face, that some annoying little habit you didn't know about until you moved in is a dealbreaker for you, then there's not enough love between you to support a marriage anyway.

    I disagree wholeheartedly. It's not about little habits that are annoying. If you can't deal with those, you'll never be able to live with ANYBODY... but some people change entirely once they live together. After I moved in with my ex for just a summer, he changed completely. He stopped spending any amount of time with me and I would try so hard to get him to go out with me or watch a movie with me or do anything with me just ONE day a week... he wouldn't. He felt that we lived together so we see each other all the time: no point in spending special "us" time together anymore. He became very unappreciative of the things I would do for him like cooking meals and folding his laundry on occasion if he was too busy with work that week because "if we're living together it should be a given that I appreciate you." I didn't do that stuff to get appreciation, but he used to thank me at least. I wasn't unbearable either... I'm not the kind of person who needs constant attention, I can entertain myself plenty... but one thing I can't do is lock myself into a relationship forever without knowing what tings will change once we live together.

    My current boyfriend and I also encountered some changes once we moved in together, but it's nothing deal-breaking and nothing we can't compromise on. People are different when there is zero alone time and that is all there is to it. There is a LOT more to being able to live together and support a marriage than just how much you love each other.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    Marriage is irrelevant. The question is do you want to live with this person for the next ten years or so?

    Oh ****! Relationships have a shelf life of "ten years or so"? What happened to "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"?
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    Oh ****! Relationships have a shelf life of "ten years or so"? What happened to "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"?

    haha I think what he meant was if you're moving in together, at least make sure you're willing to stick together for a long time.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Weve been living together since the first week we were together. I don't see any reason for marriage at this point.
  • srogers89
    srogers89 Posts: 190 Member
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    I think it is entirely personal decision. It depends on you and your partner, your beliefs and expectations.

    This^^

    For me, it was a no brainer. I was at the age where I needed to move out, so was he. We had been dating for four years and thought why not. The best decision I have made, it has solidified for me that I will be with him for the rest of my life.

    I understand some people do not agree with this for religious reasons as well as personal beliefs, but each to their own.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

    I know of any statistics that back this up, the divorce rate is only going up. I think people change over the years whether or not you're married, I think the key to staying together is to grow and change together. I don't think being married or unmarried living together changes any of that.
  • mteague277
    mteague277 Posts: 145 Member
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    I think it is up to each individual. At the end of the day it boils down to compatibility. I don't really think it makes a difference if you live together before marriage or not.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    My husband and I lived together first to make sure we still worked good together living together. And after a month he proposed to me because living together was great! We just lived together for the summer, then we actually lived apart while I was finishing my last year in college (he graduated before me), and that was tough, so he got a job closer to me until we could get married and move away together.

    Yeah, I also just want to add that my husband and I did not live together to test it out. We lived together because he had graduated college, I was on break for the summer, and we were spending the summer on the other side of the continent. We wanted to do that and we wanted to be together, and we also had a female roommate (it was her apartment and her roommate was away for the summer). We already knew we were compatible before we lived together. And we had already spent our time together at college in fully co-ed dorms with no restrictions on who can come and go at any time. It was a fantastic summer. We had so much fun. And he proposed to me, unplanned at sunset, on the golden gate bridge and then we danced down the bridge together. Mmmm, nice memories!!! :smooched:
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: sounds like my mom! She didn't talk to me for a year.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: sounds like my mom! She didn't talk to me for a year.

    Should have shown her the squat butt. It fixes all relationship ills.
  • Smeltzer2
    Smeltzer2 Posts: 210 Member
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    I guess i am still old fashioned. But than i am old. Why be the crumbs if you cant be the table cloth. I say wait upon he Lord. If a man wants you he will move mountains to get you.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    Fornicating is a h-ll of a lot more fun! Living in sin...why yes! :devil:
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    You are making this consideration as a young mother of one surviving child as you'd shared on your profile intro ~ whatever your decision, it will impact your child's life forever. Is he responsible enough to not only be a husband to you, but also a father to your child? How are you both going to share the bills? Can you afford 'the him' plus your child's expenses? Can he? Will he be a positive influence in the home?

    Good luck and choose wisely.
  • jerbsod
    jerbsod Posts: 48
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    I so hate the moving in part... starts with make up, toothbrushes, wardrobe follows.. it creeps towards you like the tide,
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    You are making this consideration as a young mother with 2 children ~ whatever your decision, it will impact their lives forever. Good luck and choose wisely.

    This is very true.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,523 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
    I've lived with a couple of girlfriends before while in a relationship. What I got to see was whether or not the habits of that person would be something I could tolerate or not. If I couldn't tolerate it, chances are little arguments would end up becoming big ones. And that would directly affect my decision if I would marry that person or not. Luckily, my wife and I (we lived together for over a year) have the same habits.

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  • Rachelc1992
    Rachelc1992 Posts: 246 Member
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    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.

    AGREED! Just because you move in together doesn't make it a done deal. Believe me I know :) and was so glad I kept my own bank as it was the only thing he didnt manage to take! x

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