Moving In Together..

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  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
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    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.

    This. Particulary separate bank accounts.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

    60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

    This argument about "test driving" is total bull****. I'm not a sports car. You either love me enough that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, or you don't. Let's not pretend that when you're in a monogamous relationship with someone, you don't spend enough time with each other, in each other's homes, to know whether or not you could live with that person. I'm not saying you don't learn things after living together, but honestly, if you've been together long enough to consider marriage, what could he possibly keep hidden from you that would legitimately end the relationship? He sells drugs or moonlights as a hitman? He has a wife and 5 kids? if you're going to say, with a straight face, that some annoying little habit you didn't know about until you moved in is a dealbreaker for you, then there's not enough love between you to support a marriage anyway.

    I have never lived with a boyfriend and never would. If you want unfettered access to me, I'm going to need more of a commitment from you than an offer to split the rent.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

    All due respect, what you're citing has more to do with evolving views on both marriage and divorce, and the fact that since a much much greater percentage of women have jobs outside the home so they don't have to stay in crappy marriage strictly for financial reasons.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.

    Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.
  • xombiebite
    xombiebite Posts: 273 Member
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    I've known my fiancé since we were 15 we've seen each other at our best and worst. so I'm not worried. i still live at home and he just bought his first house. i plan on moving in shortly before the wedding.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    I used to think getting married was important. I don't care anymore either way.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    My husband and I lived together first to make sure we still worked good together living together. And after a month he proposed to me because living together was great! We just lived together for the summer, then we actually lived apart while I was finishing my last year in college (he graduated before me), and that was tough, so he got a job closer to me until we could get married and move away together.
  • Broderick50
    Broderick50 Posts: 851 Member
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    Although it didn't lead to marriage the last time I did it I'm in favor of it.
  • jonnyman41
    jonnyman41 Posts: 1,031 Member
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    60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

    Flawed logic. there has been very many changes in society that will contribute to changes in divorce rates aside from whether people have lived together or not before marriage, including divorce being easier to sort legally (compared with pre 70s) less social stigma for those that do (particularly for women) less acceptance of abusive partners (mainly women but sometimes men too) changes in incomes/working lives for women making them less dependant on the male breadwinner and probably a host of more reasons I have not mentioned. I have no idea if co-habitating does, or does not lead to more divorce, but to take that and apply to increased divorce rates as the only cause just does not make sense. Co-habitating may even mean less divorces as people split up before they get as far as marriage. I am all for working hard to make marriages work though.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    My partner and I have lived together for 3.5 years now (been a couple for 8 years total) We do plan on getting married at some point, we don't consider it unnecessary because we live together, but we're in no hurry. We're planning on buying the house we're in at the moment in the next year or 2, and to be honest I'd rather get that done for better stability, and be in better jobs / bringing home more money before we do concentrate on the marriage bit. They're higher on my priority list, whether it's the most romantic viewpoint or not. Wedding's aren't cheap (I don't want a registry office just for the sake of it) and I'm not getting into debt for it.

    Plus I think living together and testing things out beforehand is a good thing to do, because it's very different to just seeing each other and living separately. You get to know all their bad habits and how they really are. You also have to learn how to manage things such as bills and housework together. Especially in our case, we don't have a lot of disposable income, and in the early days our earnings were very different, so (while we do have separate accounts) our finances/bills are as one. Sometimes people just aren't compatible and it's sure easier to know this before marriage and possibly kids come into the mix.

    I will get married before we have children, that's something we've both felt is important for us. Seeing as I'm only 23 though, I don't feel any urgent need to get it done asap.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    We lived together 1.5 years before we got married. We've been together 12 and married 9.5 years.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    It's not logic. It's the juxtaposition of two facts. I am not saying correlation equals causation. The person I quoted said there would be fewer divorces if more people lived together before marriage. The stats do not bear that out.

    Personally, I agree with a previous post that said the success of a marriage is dependent more on the spouses' views on love and marriage. People viewed marriage differently in the time period I referenced.
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
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    Personally, speaking from my own experience, I don't think stats and whatnot and speak to much of anything. It's always a personal thing when you are talking of relationships. Each one is different. It would be comforting to be able to say what works and what doesn't depending on certain social norms and so on, but it is just a couple by couple thing. What works for two people may not for two different people. Even if one of the persons involved remains the same.

    For example, for my first marriage, we didn't live together first and that marriage didn't last long at all. My second marriage I did live with him first and while that marriage did last longer it still resulted in a divorce for along the same lines as the first. I am now living with a man whom may be considered my common-law husband (religious ritual but not legal) and have been together happily for many years.

    Every combination of people is different, I truly don't think there is any way to really slap a probability on the chances of their success based solely upon their living arrangements or marital status or combination thereof.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    We didn't live in the same country, so no we did not live together before getting married. I moved country and into his apartment after it.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    I think it's better to experience independence before going from the parents to moving in with the boyfriend's/girlfriend's. This way you move in together and both have had that sense of accomplishment/responsibility and a good base of experience.

    Other than that marriage all depends on what it means to the idividual. If one person desires it, and the other doesn't... It's not going to last.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE


    I agree with keeping separate bank accounts. Along with this DO NOT have joint credit cards, this could come back to bite you in the *kitten* big time - mess up your credit for years.
  • icyeyes317
    icyeyes317 Posts: 226 Member
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    My husband and I didn't live together before we got married....actually we never dated either. We were friends (and fwb) for years, secretly in love with each other.

    We also didn't live together at first after we got married. We were in separate states and both had things to finalize before moving to the same location. He is Navy, and I'm prior AF, so we know how to make LDR work.

    With that all being said...for US...it would have worked either way. There are times when I get pissed off and tell him I'm gonna move out and get my own place, because the house is gross after I come home from a long-as-**** day at work, or if he doesn't want to do stuff on the weekends. Then I think about all the times we weren't able to be in the same house (or state, or even continent), and realize that no matter how annoyed at him I am, I like sleeping beside him way more.

    It is really an individual thing. It depends on the couple, and what they want in the long run.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    I also think its a great Idea.If people Moved In together before getting hitched there'd be Less Divorces.

    I highly doubt that....I don't think it makes any difference whatsoever whether you live with someone first or not. I personally lived with my wife before we got married...but really, I don't think it makes any difference long term.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.

    Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.

    anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. I lived with my wife before we got married...we both ultimately wanted to get married and we didn't have to give each other ultimatums or leave each other or anything to convince each other of that fact.

    The whole, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" bull**** is just that...it's not 1952 anymore.
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    I'd note that it leading to marriage is not always a good thing. Looking back on it now, I can easily see when my ex-husband and I would have broken up if we weren't living together while we were dating. But living together makes breaking up complicated, and there's always that urge that it's easier to make it work.

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