Moving In Together..

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  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    Up to the couple. For us there is no need to marry.
  • Heronimos
    Heronimos Posts: 26 Member
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    If you want marriage, moving in before marriage will not encourage him to marry you. What for? LOL.

    Speaking from experience, sista. Not until I left his *kitten* did he break down and propose.

    Why was that so important to you?? Just curios

    I'm dutch and marriage is very optional here. Almost very couple moves in together before marriage. If they even marry at all (most of my friends didn't). Legally there is little difference over here if you marry or not. Only when you have children there is a bit more paperwork, but that is it. So I think that is also depends on what kind of surroundings you are in.

    And "formal" divorce or not.. Breaking up is never a pick-nick. And always a problem for the kids. Legally married or not.

    By the way.. I can't marry anymore... I don't believe in having sex before marriage. :):)
  • Luci_Green_Eyes
    Luci_Green_Eyes Posts: 32 Member
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    Personally I'm all for living together first!

    My partner and I were together 18 months before moving in together (while I was living with a friend). After 2.5 years renting that place we bought a home together, and are now hoping to get married in the next few years. I believe you don't truly get to know a partner until living with them; appreciating their odd habits and little quirks. It's the best way to learn how to compromise.

    But each to their own! What works for one couple will be completely inappropriate for another. Just do whatever you think will make you happy :-)
  • iLOVEbabySARA13
    iLOVEbabySARA13 Posts: 88
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    Moving in together is a great way to test the waters. I lived with one serious boyfriend for about a year and realized he was a sneaky, manipulative, sleazy, abusive butt hole. I might have married him had I not been exposed to that beforehand...that would've sucked.

    I also lived with my husband before he put a ring on it, and clearly, we got married.

    I don't think that moving in with somebody delegates whether you're more likely to, or not to get married. All depends on the specific relationship. As for those who bring up the divorce rate, that's just ridiculous. Divorce rates are so high, because a lot of people (especially of my generation) are all about the here and now and how it will benefit them. Pure selfishness, a lot of the time (although not ALL the time).
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
    Some things should be special to just your husband.
    If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
    Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Don't worry, I'm sure he'll propose after you get pregnant.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
    Some things should be special to just your husband.
    If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
    Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.


    Married people don't break up along with all the problems that goes with sorting out children, finances, the house etc.
  • Heronimos
    Heronimos Posts: 26 Member
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    My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
    Some things should be special to just your husband.
    If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
    Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
    Funny thing is in my family the people who got married are now divorced and the ones that didn't are still together?
    With the modern divorce-rate, it looks that even somebody who does get married is more sure that it is permanent.
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
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    My husband and I lived together for almost 3 years before getting married. I'm really glad that we did. To be honest, I wouldn't have ever needed to get married (we did to make military life a bit easier). At that point we had already committed our lives together. This is just my personal relationship and I'm not saying it would work for everyone. But marriage was never important to me. Even after getting married, things didn't change too much. Although he helps with dishes a lot less now. But it's a big step for sure. Only you can decide what's the best choice for you self and your relationship.
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    Good, it's been a bit chilly here as of late. Could use some warming up.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    60% of couples live together before getting married, and people are still divorcing like crazy. Compare that to the first half of the 20th century when nobody lived together before marriage and divorce was highly uncommon.

    All due respect, what you're citing has more to do with evolving views on both marriage and divorce, and the fact that since a much much greater percentage of women have jobs outside the home so they don't have to stay in crappy marriage strictly for financial reasons.

    You forgot about the technology boom...since men have internet porn they don't have to settle either.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE

    My take: It probably depends on how both people view marriage. If they both are keen on the idea, it very well could lead to marriage. If one is not, then it can feel like being lead down the garden path while the other will feel under pressure. If both are not fussed about marriage, it would probably work well too.

    I tried it, it lasted about a year, realized he wasn't going to propose then I moved out and swore I would never live with a partner again unless we were engaged first.

    In delightful 20/20 hindsight, I also see that I took him suggesting we live together to mean he would propose in the not so distant future, whereas he saw it more as convenient living arrangement.

    While the actual packing and shifting was managed in under 3 hours from the time I decided to go (I have some wonderful friends) it was hideous having to extricate myself from shared legal documentation over the next few weeks - the bank accounts, the lease, the other utility bills etc.


    Next time I lived with a partner was after we got engaged.
  • Nissi51
    Nissi51 Posts: 381 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    ^^^^ This!

    and: " Premarital cohabitation has increased significantly, and more than 70% of couples in the USA now cohabit before marriage. The major reason supporting premarital cohabitation is that it enables the couple to get know each better and to see whether they get along well enough to embark on marriage. However, counter-intuitively, many studies have found that premarital cohabitation is associated with increased risk of divorce, a lower quality of marriage, poorer marital communication, and higher levels of domestic violence. But there are also studies (although less in number) that refute the negative correlation between premarital cohabitation and divorces" Psychology today 2013
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    My take is to not move in together until you are married. Break ups are so much more complicated and messy especially if you begin buying things together or share a bank account.
    Some things should be special to just your husband.
    If you move in and out again and then marry someone else, they will not be the only special one you have had that experience with. Seems people today want to have it all without the permanet committement marraige is intened to provide.
    Simply my opinion as the OP asked for.
    What about people who don't want to get married anyway, is it ok for them to leave together in your opinion? Or do you think everyone who plans to commit for life should get married?
    Not trying to bash your opinion, just curious on your thoughts really :)
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    I'm dutch and marriage is very optional here. Almost every couple moves in together before marriage. If they even marry at all (most of my friends didn't). Legally there is little difference over here if you marry or not. Only when you have children there is a bit more paperwork, but that is it. So I think that is also depends on what kind of surroundings you are in.

    And "formal" divorce or not.. Breaking up is never a pick-nick. And always a problem for the kids. Legally married or not.

    hear, hear! the dutch always seem to get it right. :flowerforyou:
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    Hell fire and brimstone shall rain down on you fornicaters!!!!

    ^^^^ This!

    and: " Premarital cohabitation has increased significantly, and more than 70% of couples in the USA now cohabit before marriage. The major reason supporting premarital cohabitation is that it enables the couple to get know each better and to see whether they get along well enough to embark on marriage. However, counter-intuitively, many studies have found that premarital cohabitation is associated with increased risk of divorce, a lower quality of marriage, poorer marital communication, and higher levels of domestic violence. But there are also studies (although less in number) that refute the negative correlation between premarital cohabitation and divorces" Psychology today 2013

    oooooo, but that hellfire is gonna burn!!!!

    *shakes head*

    naughty, naughty, naughty
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    I think it's a very personal decision and it is different for everybody. I've been living with my boyfriend since December of 2011 and we still haven't discussed marriage seriously. It was sort of unintentional... the moving in together. I had to leave where I was living due to an emergency and he said I could crash at his place for a week or so until I sort things out (after only 4 months of knowing each other... way too soon in both our opinions...). Fortunately, it worked out and I ended up moving in for good. We now have our second lease together and our relationship rocks!

    Before him, I was engaged to somebody after dating for 3 1/2 years. I spent the summer with him to be closer to work and after living together for just a couple of months I realized that there was NO way I could do that permanently. Moving in with him caused our relationship to end way earlier than it otherwise would have. Because of that, I will NEVER get married until I live with the person for an extended period of time first.

    I don't think living together is always a step toward marriage. With cost of living these days, at least from what I see in my peers (early-mid 20s) it's more about financial situations than marriage. A couple of friends of mine had moved in with each other since "we practically live together anyway." I mentioned something about moving in and getting engaged to one of them and his response was "We actually haven't talked about marriage at all. We just moved in to save money on rent."

    EDIT:: As for whether or not there is a need to get married: I've always looked at marriage as a religious thing... I do not believe in a god. Marriage via law/government comes with a lot of financial benefits. I would like to get married someday for those benefits, but just because I live with somebody doesn't mean I want to marry THAT person. I feel there is a WHOLE lot more to marriage than just cohabitation. IF and when I get married, it will be forever.

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