Do you "check" your spouse?

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  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
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    Being prone to fits of rampant dumbassery, I'm incredibly happy with a wife who will keep me in check, and who welcomes the same from me.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I think every relationship has its own rules and it's own "normal." As long as you and your SO are agreed on the terms of your relationship then it's all good.

    It doesn't sound like you agree with the article, and that's fine as long as your SO agrees with your outlook. If someone else wants to approach their marriage that way and their spouse agrees then that's fine too.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,071 Member
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    Why would someone be in a relationship with someone that they have to "check"? Maybe I didn't understand the meaning of "check" here, but I assume it means nit picking your spouse? If your husband/wife is a good person, which they should be, why would you check them? Otherwise, why get into a relationship with someone you have to 'change' to be to your standards? Just get a girl/guy who is already at your standard. Right?

    That seems very naïve - of course you can get into a relationships with someone who is a good person and 'at your standard '- but people change over time and even good people do things the other partner finds annoying or doesn't agree with - in a long term relationship there will be times you need to speak up about these.

    Nicely and in a non hurtful way, sure - but keep quiet and don't communicate your concerns, No.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    I think in order for any relationship to actually work, both parties need to be willing to say how they feel AND willing to listen to the other person. If I have a problem with something my boyfriend is doing, I feel comfortable talking to him about it and explaining my issues. If I do something upsetting to him, he is comfortable talking to me about it. We are always willing to hear the other person out, disagree calmly and compromise when we have differing opinions. Neither one of us feels the need to beat around the bush, sugar-coat and (least of all) stay quiet about our problems. This has made for a strong bond between us. I think the practice of minding your own business in a partnership takes the "partner" part out of it. I want to be with a person where I feel like I'm on their team and my opinion matters... and vice-versa.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,071 Member
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    I believe that woman want to be loved and men want respect. Usually if that happens everyone is happy.
    Both deserve love and respect. It's not a gender thing.

    I agree. But I also think there are very specific gender things. We are different in some very basic and complicated ways. We are not the same.

    I think the need for love and respect in long term relationships is not something different between men and women - love and respect needs to be given/received by both partners for a relationship to work.
    There is no gender division in this.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    sounds like something someone would say who hasn't had a long term relationship.
  • Nimnyn
    Nimnyn Posts: 69 Member
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    I recently read an article that says that women should check women and men should check men. The wife needs to focus on being a great wife and not say anything to the husband about how he should act and the husband should do the same for his wife. How do you feel about that? Do you check your spouse?
    Check for what? Contraband?

    enlarged prostate was my first thought.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I think every relationship has its own rules and it's own "normal." As long as you and your SO are agreed on the terms of your relationship then it's all good.

    It doesn't sound like you agree with the article, and that's fine as long as your SO agrees with your outlook. If someone else wants to approach their marriage that way and their spouse agrees then that's fine too.

    I think your post and the one above you highlights this point quite well. I was once in a relationship with a childhood friend of a cousin who was all over the place. When my cousin who is a male hinted that his friend might need some more reigning in ( I forget how he put it) I realized that his "good heart" was not for me. I like a man who knows right from wrong and has an inner compass. I don't want to become a nag to anyone just to get by in life. So for me that was so far from normal and so I left that guy. My cousin seemed apalled that I would not welcome the chance to boss around such a handsome and charismatic charmer with a famously big shalong, but nah, to me that's not a man. I need to be with someone more self reliant and if less charming is part of it then so be it. But notice I'm not compromising on other things? We all have our priorities:wink: . To me not having to babysit a grown man is one of them.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    I recently read an article that says that women should check women and men should check men. The wife needs to focus on being a great wife and not say anything to the husband about how he should act and the husband should do the same for his wife. How do you feel about that? Do you check your spouse?
    Check for what? Contraband?

    enlarged prostate was my first thought.

    at first I laughed, then felt the need to cough.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    My husband already has a mother who nags him. He doesn't need me to add to it.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    My spouse downvotes everything I do.

    upvotegis2.gif
  • Bennysammysofie2
    Bennysammysofie2 Posts: 137
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    Sometimes ya gotta smack a ho
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I recently read an article that says that women should check women and men should check men. The wife needs to focus on being a great wife and not say anything to the husband about how he should act and the husband should do the same for his wife. How do you feel about that? Do you check your spouse?
    Check for what? Contraband?

    enlarged prostate was my first thought.

    at first I laughed, then felt the need to cough.

    Wrong test.

    For this one, you place your elbows on the table and try to relax.

    #GettingOldSucks
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    All couples are exactly the same and should do everything the same... eat dinner at precisely the same time of day, wake up at the same time of day, use the same number of squares of TP per day, etc.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Only when we play hockey or chess. Otherwise I let him walk all over me like the doormat I am.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Only when we play hockey or chess. Otherwise I let him walk all over me like the doormat I am.

    That's right, bish. Now bodycheck me again, I like how you hit.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Only when we play hockey or chess. Otherwise I let him walk all over me like the doormat I am.

    That's right, bish. Now bodycheck me again, I like how you hit.

    Would you like a sandwich first?
  • sklarbodds
    sklarbodds Posts: 608 Member
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    If you're asking what I think you are then I do believe it's on each spouse to try and make themselves better in the relationship. It is NOT a woman's job to fix the man or vice versa. That doesn't mean that concerns or ideas shouldn't be brought up, it just means that your attitude should not be "how can my spouse be better" it should be "how can I be better for my spouse".
  • Bennysammysofie2
    Bennysammysofie2 Posts: 137
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    If you're asking what I think you are then I do believe it's on each spouse to try and make themselves better in the relationship. It is NOT a woman's job to fix the man or vice versa. That doesn't mean that concerns or ideas shouldn't be brought up, it just means that your attitude should not be "how can my spouse be better" it should be "how can I be better for my spouse".
    Wrong. It's the husbands job to point out all that is wrong with his wife to make her better.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    If you're asking what I think you are then I do believe it's on each spouse to try and make themselves better in the relationship. It is NOT a woman's job to fix the man or vice versa. That doesn't mean that concerns or ideas shouldn't be brought up, it just means that your attitude should not be "how can my spouse be better" it should be "how can I be better for my spouse".
    Wrong. It's the husbands job to point out all that is wrong with his wife to make her better.

    Actually I think it's hundreds of internet strangers' jobs to point out all that is wrong with whichever spouse isn't present to give his/her side of the story.

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