What would push you to divorce?

Iceberg_Simpson

Lack of back scratchings. It would be a breach of contract. Unacceptable.

MuscleAndMascara

Just sucks.. I don't want to be a failure.. My poor daughter. I don't know what is better, growing up with divorced parents or growing up with parents who hate each other?

My parents were married for 43 years and they loved each other so much. My father was such a good family man. I never, ever even heard that man raise his voice to my mother.. I guess my standards are too high? Maybe I think my husband should be like my father...

Looks like we will try marriage counseling seeing this is the only thing we haven't tried.

Thank you for the advice.

animalrane

Death is tuff to not want to stay married.

MuscleAndMascara

If she had a penis. That's a deal breaker for me.

HAHA ya that might be an issue

kristen2713

Just sucks.. I don't want to be a failure.. My poor daughter. I don't know what is better, growing up with divorced parents or growing up with parents who hate each other?

My parents were married for 43 years and they loved each other so much. My father was such a good family man. I never, ever even heard that man raise his voice to my mother.. I guess my standards are too high? Maybe I think my husband should be like my father...

Looks like we will try marriage counseling seeing this is the only thing we haven't tried.

Thank you for the advice.

I think you have many valid reasons, but I would give the counseling a try....IF that doesn't work and you give it 100% from YOU at the very least, then it may be time to leave. I've seen quite a few families who have separated and have stronger relationships with their children and exes than ever before. It just didn't happen to be the right relationship for either person. Your daughter will learn from you...what you're willing to put up with, how happy you are as a person..she'll see right through if you two are miserable together. She will be better off in the long run with a happy mom and dad separated, than miserable together. I completely understand wanting the fairy tale of happily married for x years...but there are other ways to do it too! And NO, do NOT lower your standards!!! Ever. :flowerforyou: Best of luck!!

Mainebikerchick

If I found out he was a murderer, had hurt our child, or found out he was destroying us financially.

MuscleAndMascara

Just sucks.. I don't want to be a failure.. My poor daughter. I don't know what is better, growing up with divorced parents or growing up with parents who hate each other?

My parents were married for 43 years and they loved each other so much. My father was such a good family man. I never, ever even heard that man raise his voice to my mother.. I guess my standards are too high? Maybe I think my husband should be like my father...

Looks like we will try marriage counseling seeing this is the only thing we haven't tried.

Thank you for the advice.

I think you have many valid reasons, but I would give the counseling a try....IF that doesn't work and you give it 100% from YOU at the very least, then it may be time to leave. I've seen quite a few families who have separated and have stronger relationships with their children and exes than ever before. It just didn't happen to be the right relationship for either person. Your daughter will learn from you...what you're willing to put up with, how happy you are as a person..she'll see right through if you two are miserable together. She will be better off in the long run with a happy mom and dad separated, than miserable together. I completely understand wanting the fairy tale of happily married for x years...but there are other ways to do it too! And NO, do NOT lower your standards!!! Ever. :flowerforyou: Best of luck!!

thank you so much

BeachIron

She didn't make me a sandwich when I asked for one.

^ this. I'm not sure I could recover from this level of emotional abuse

PennyM140

I guess I won't know until I get there. I do know that marriage isn't all roses and butterflies all of the time. I think people in general should try a few things like getting to know their spouse before getting married and trying to work things out instead of just throwing in the towel when everything isn't perfect.
Not saying some people don't have legitimate reasons for divorce. I just think most people don't put much effort into saving one.

Timshel_

I guess I won't know until I get there. I do know that marriage isn't all roses and butterflies all of the time. I think people in general should try a few things like getting to know their spouse before getting married and trying to work things out instead of just throwing in the towel when everything isn't perfect.
Not saying some people don't have legitimate reasons for divorce. I just think most people don't put much effort into saving one.

Gotta agree. It is fun to think it is all black and white, but when something comes up with a spouse or SO you've shared a great deal of time with, the are too many variables that make it gray. At least for me.

You really get to know someone and look at the depth understanding and forgiveness when life throws you certain curves. If you don't watch out, you learn more than you ever wanted to know about yourself too.

But most people don't want to go there.

k8blujay2

Abuse.... that would be automatic divorce.... all else it would have to depend on what happens afterwards.

JoRocka

What about selfishness, addiction to videos games and lack of emotion or communication? One who will have his mother watch his one year old daughter so he can play his video game first thing when he gets home till he falls asleep.. doesn't pick up after himself. Takes his wife for granted working a full time job, coming home to be mommy and house wife at the same time? One who can't buy a simple card for his wife on her birth day when the month before his wife bought him a 800$ tool he isn't using because of a video game. One who snaps at his wife for tryin to go to bed for work in the am, asking to get off the game. So his wife sleeps in another room. One who say he knows he has things to work on but does nothing? One who is 30 years old and has do much potential but choses to throw it away? Or a spouse that has had good conversations with you on positive Change who doesn't even bother to nag anymore?

I'm just curious... would this be a cause or am I the selfish one?

That would definitely do it for me! And you are not alone in this situation. I know other young wives facing the same crap. Way past time for him to grow up.

I thought 30 was a bit old to be still growing up..

this describes my roommate to a T- 30 something plays games all day long- complains about not sleeping- insists on keeping a ridiculous sleep schedule- likes to "drink himself" to sleep and if he isn't at work or upstairs he's at the bar. He just got his licence back from his DUI.

Seriously- he's the most useless lazy piece of chit EVER. he's walked over blood stains on the floor before. I spent HOURS cleaning up after his dying dog. He just makes a mess up stairs in his room and drinks and plays games constantly.

he used to tell his X that he was too busy to do things... then he tried pulling that crap on me... I was like really? You work the night shift- where you either sleep all night- or study for class- and then you go to school- sometimes.
I work 4 jobs *****. tell me again how busy you are that you can't clean up after yourself?

that's toxic- I would seek therapy- for yourself on your own- and with him for marriage counselling.

And then if that doesn't work leave. 30 years old behaving like that is 150% unacceptable.

RonnieLodge

A lot of people, from what I've seen, would automatically divorce because of a cheating spouse. Understandable, but what other things would you "call quits" for?

Him cheating - I am not so bothered with. Good luck to anyone trying to replace me in his life! (and I would get a free pass)

Communication issues - that's what counseling is for.

Physical abuse - ah, well. They'll only ever get to do that once. Then they had better sleep with both eyes open.

My husband serving me with divorce papers would probably be the only thing to push me.

Aleta7

@tboscamp if you want forty years of this then stay.

BrunetteRunner87

Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.

BinaryPulsar

Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.

I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with time. I have known my husband for 18 years (half of my life). I was friends with him for two years (which was really a form of dating in a way, but we were dating other people) before I realized I was in love with him and started dating him. Then we dated for two more years before we got married. We have been in relationship for 16 years. We are still happy.

MuscleAndMascara

Wow this is all so scary. For all the people who are divorced or want to be because of problems, were there really no signs before you were married? I'm asking because I really am curious and for my own good. How can you be perfectly happy with someone for four or five years, and then they change? It seems like there should be no reason to get married at all if people just change and there was nothing there before to tell you that it would happen.

I don't feel like I'm settling at all for the person I am with, he treats me very well and while he's not perfect I can accept his flaws and don't expect him to ever change them. We always communicate about things that are bothering us and make efforts to change or compromise. I have no doubt in my mind about him, but reading all of this is so disheartening.

People CAN last. Like I said, my mother and father stayed happily married for 43 years until my dad passed away. People do change. Some for the worst, some for the better. I knew I was going to have issues in the future.. Just by the past we have had. A lot of heart ache and broken promises. He did ask my father for my hand in marriage... come to find out he told him no (too late).. I should of taken my time... It was not a game to be played. I ended up being the loser in this. I was and maybe still am, very young and naive.

Time, that is what I should have taken more of. We have been married for two years. Together for five. (off and on)

MuscleAndMascara

@tboscamp if you want forty years of this then stay.

I do not!

Jerrypeoples

why does divorce cost so much?

cause it's worth it

smelius22

if they lead a double life of any kind. cheating can be worked through but a whole other family, nuh-uh.