She's fine, but seriously what do you think scale says?

DymonNdaRgh40

I will say this though, I think it's important that you take care of yourself and your body.

It's NOT everything, but I would expect my partner to work to stay nice for me, and I for them. I (my opinion) see doing otherwise as taking them for granted in a way.

Case in point, if she was physically attracted to me for my build, covering all that with fat or letting myself go and expecting her to still like me THAT way isn't really fair to her, is it? If she does, excellent. If she doesn't, it's not really her fault. (important point, I'm assuming a reasonable person here, not someone who is abnormally shallow).

I have to agree with you on this. I would always encourage and support my partner with this because it is good for the both of us

Oh and :flowerforyou: thanks for this post.

FindingMyPerfection

Is graying out of his control? He could color his hair, and get hair plugs.

Is gaining weight really always 'something we do to ourselves'? What about the stretch marks from having kids? We could go childless or have plastic surgery.

At some point I think you have to accept that maybe you and he both are probably doing all you can to battle it and just support each other instead of being judgmental and blaming and disapproving.

Nothing was ever said about blame or disapproval coming from SO, but taking responsibility for what can be controlled and having realistic understanding if what your weight aim does to them and their visual attraction to you.

I think values just differ and also change across time, and so do ideas about what we can control and to what extent we should have to control some things, especially for the benefit of someone else's sexual preferences.

The older I get the lower 'abs' gets on the wish list and the higher 'earning ability' gets. :laugh:

By the above post I don't understand why you mocked the fact that I said my husband loved me in-spite of my weight gain. Sounds like that is the evolution of any long relationship. Loving in-spite of the flaws that develop or are uncovered is exactly what you are advocating.

What we value most does change, but that someone else's sexual preferences I am worrying about is my SO's and I won't allow it to slip as a priority. It is one of my ways to show him that I care about us as a couple as much today if not more than I did the day we met.

I think the disconnect with us is I feel I have more power over what happens to my body than you do.:flowerforyou:

WalkingAlong

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

FindingMyPerfection

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

I workout for me, but I choose not to become overweight again for him. I workout to find my perfection, but love the fast that he has that spark of sexual desire towards me again. I choose to better myself and in doing so have bettered our sex life.

I still don't see how this is a bad thing. Shrug*

JoRocka

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

I wish my BF would work out for mine!!!

guess I have no problem objectifying his squishy butt!!! =D

seriously- I guess what bothers me- is I take time to make sure I look good- I work at this- it's not free. I put in the time and pay for it.
He likes the way it looks. Great (I'd be doing it regardless).

But if you like it so much- why do you think I don't care what you look like? Because guess what... I do. If I put this much effort in- perhaps you should think about putting in some effort for me.

FrnkLft

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

Yeah, but I'm saying that I would workout for her as well. It's like this for me (within reason of course), at the beginning of a relationship you do everything you can to impress the other person, put your best foot forward. Of course that will slow a little bit, naturally, and there needs to be understanding (I'm assuming this is a worthwhile, healthy relationship) but why not keep trying to bring your A game as time goes on? lol

alywei37

I love the statement about the you lift so we can eat hahaha.

Personally, i think everyone has their own point of view on the subject. People visually enjoy different body types. If a person is looking for a very particular body type in a partner that is their choice. If the person who is being asked to change their body wants to, great...if not, that is great too.

Melissa_mojo

Nice try but this presumes most women really care more about what men think than what other women think about them...

This is an unfortunate truth. There is a reason things sold to both women and men, have women on the cover. Female sex appeal is what sells.

so true

KnM0107

I still have yet to figure out how girl clothing size works. A girl could be like "OMG IM A SIZE BLAH BLAH I NEED TO BE A SIZE BLAH" and I try to figure out what that even means as I look at her.

I honestly don't have it completely figured out...

ItsCasey

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

God, I hope not. The older I get, the more important it should be. My body (not just in terms of appearance but also physical ability) has a lot to do with my quality of life. If I want to maintain said quality of life for as long as possible, then it's going to require even more diligence as I get older.

I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I completely agree that we deserve to be loved for who are, but your appearance absolutely speaks to who you are. I'm not talking about things you have no control over, like going bald or being short or getting stretch marks from pregnancy. I'm talking about things you can control, like your weight, the way you dress, how you groom yourself, etc.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure

I don't know if "pleasure" is the right word. That makes it sound like you must strive to look exactly like your husband's favorite porn star or something.

But why shouldn't a wife strive to maintain whatever physical attraction her husband first felt towards her, and vice versa? I don't believe in taking it to a level where you are having plastic surgery to turn yourself into your husband's dream woman. And I think most men understand that when you grow a baby inside you, your body is likely to change in some irreparable ways.

But what is so unreasonable about a woman expecting her husband to stay in shape or a man expecting the same of his wife? What often gets left out of these discussions is that when a woman lets herself go, it is not always the husband who loses interest in intimacy. It is often the wife being so disgusted by and ashamed of her own body that she doesn't even want to be naked in front of him, let alone have sex with him. And if he even hints that maybe working out and losing some weight would make her feel better, he gets called a pig and told that he doesn't really love her.

WalkingAlong

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

God, I hope not. The older I get, the more important it should be. My body (not just in terms of appearance but also physical ability) has a lot to do with my quality of life. If I want to maintain said quality of life for as long as possible, then it's going to require even more diligence as I get older.

I'm not saying women should feel free to let themselves go physically. We should care for ourselves for our health, for our own self-esteem, for all kinds of reasons including appearance. I think the older you get the more you see your ability and quality of life aren't tied to being a size 2 or even 10. Even if you remain a size 2, 4, 6, whatever, you're going to find you look less and less like the woman he married every year and that's ok. You can be healthy and worthy of love and even desire and physical attraction at sizes larger than you were on your wedding day.

*For me*, someone loving me 'despite how I look today' (regardless of who's 'fault' it is) would be unacceptable, and I hope my daughter never feels that way. I have unconditional love. The people I love could get hate messages tattooed across their faces and I'd still love them. I would never let them think for a second that I judged them on their appearance and rated love with their weight as a factor.

Ed98043

When I read the topic I thought it was going to be a parody of "What does the fox say?" :laugh: My scale says "You be, you be, you be FAT."

I do think some guys care what their girlfriends/wives weigh, just for bragging purposes if nothing else. Also (maybe not so much on this forum where women of all sizes post their pictures and weights) it seems like a lot of guys out there have no clue what women of various looks actually weigh and so they default to the idea that only under 130 is properly feminine and aesthetically acceptable.

FindingMyPerfection

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

God, I hope not. The older I get, the more important it should be. My body (not just in terms of appearance but also physical ability) has a lot to do with my quality of life. If I want to maintain said quality of life for as long as possible, then it's going to require even more diligence as I get older.

I'm not saying women should feel free to let themselves go physically. We should care for ourselves for our health, for our own self-esteem, for all kinds of reasons including appearance. I think the older you get the more you see your ability and quality of life aren't tied to being a size 2 or even 10. Even if you remain a size 2, 4, 6, whatever, you're going to find you look less and less like the woman he married every year and that's ok. You can be healthy and worthy of love and even desire and physical attraction at sizes larger than you were on your wedding day.

*For me*, someone loving me 'despite how I look today' (regardless of who's 'fault' it is) would be unacceptable, and I hope my daughter never feels that way. I have unconditional love. The people I love could get hate messages tattooed across their faces and I'd still love them. I would never let them think for a second that I judged them on their appearance and rated love with their weight as a factor.

I see where we are being misunderstood. You are talking about love and I am talking about physical desire. Yes aging happens bit we choose how we maintain our appearance.

WalkingAlong

The reason I began on MFP is because I no longer felt desired by my husband. I had had 2 kids and gained 45lbs! Don't get me wrong he still loved me but I could feel the shift from uncontrollable desire, to I love you inspite of the weight you gained.

At first I felt hurt by this shift but quickly realized that it was my own doing.

This is not to say fluctuation in weight is bad, but that we must realize what we choose to do to our bodies will influence the way our SO feels towards us on a physical level.

I see your point about physical 'love'.

But I think a smart husband, if he did feel less desire for his wife due to her weight, would hide that thought very carefully! Turn out the lights, pretend he's with JLo or something if he has to, and man up! Especially if It was his babies that got her heavy, not her laziness or self-neglect! :bigsmile:

Ok, I'll drop it.

pcastagner

i like thigh gaps.

not exclusively, but I do kinda want to sneak in there sometimes

SrJoben

Also thigh gap... wtf...

Don't be a hater. Some of us just have wide-set hips.

We don't hate the thigh gap thing it's fine. Most of us just don't have it on our mental list of sexy features.

I wasn't even really aware that it existed or that some women had it and some didn't until I heard the term sometime this year and had to look it up to figure out what the heck it meant.

I mean I guess technically I had seen it's presence or absence but I didn't CARE or remember. Considering how incredibly interesting the whole area where it exists is that says a lot...

jwdieter

I mean I guess technically I had seen its presence or absence but I didn't CARE or remember.

Yep. It's completely irrelevant from my perspective as well. Simply not a factor in attractiveness.

SezxyStef

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

I workout for me, but I choose not to become overweight again for him. I workout to find my perfection, but love the fast that he has that spark of sexual desire towards me again. I choose to better myself and in doing so have bettered our sex life.

I still don't see how this is a bad thing. Shrug*

It's not how you look...it's your confidence...that has made that better.

FindingMyPerfection

Yes, you're probably right. I think you might get more accepting of your body and your weight the older you get, but who knows, maybe not. It's all a matter of values and priorities.

I didn't mean to offend. I meant it more as 'we all deserve to be loved for who we are period', not 'who we are despite our flaws in appearance'.

I find it a little objectifying when women say they workout for their husband's pleasure but who am I to judge.

I workout for me, but I choose not to become overweight again for him. I workout to find my perfection, but love the fast that he has that spark of sexual desire towards me again. I choose to better myself and in doing so have bettered our sex life.

I still don't see how this is a bad thing. Shrug*

It's not how you look...it's your confidence...that has made that better.

I know looks have nothing to do with sexual desire and if they are even slightly considered than the person is shallow.:noway:
#sarcasm

uconnwinsnc

Anyone who says that confidence has everything to do with sexual attractiveness is just making things up. It isn't shallow, it is just how things are.