Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.

QuietBloom

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

QuietBloom

If he's into porn, don't think you can change it. Accept it or do not accept it. I think porn is unacceptable (because people should make their own!!!) so it would be a dealbreaker. End of story. You cannot control or change another person.

THERE you go. A post I can really get behind. Heheh.

arc8706

I watch porn with my husband (it helps we're both into the same stuff...)

I have never understood why so many women ask their husbands/boyfriends NOT to watch porn and then are surprised to find porn in their browser history. lol. Close to 100% of guys watch porn, and if you don't think they are, they are hiding it from you well.

_errata_

I just want everyone in this thread to know that I am looking at porn. Right. Now.

ldrosophila

Yeah, except being a liar is his problem. If he felt the demand was "ridiculous," he should have sacked up and said so. I don't have a prob with porn; hubs and I watch it together and apart sometimes... But I have a huge issue with being sneaky and lying. If I were her, I'd be upset too. While I would agree as long as the porn isn't nasty or illegal, she may as well just accept that he likes it , the fact that she can't trust him to be truthful IS an issue.

that's what bothered me the most the lies and broken trust

elyelyse

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

Men (edited to add: and women) tend to be relaxed and feel good after the endorphin rush and orgasm that usually goes along with watching porn, yes? I don't need a study to tell me that's good for mental health.

Dino_bacon2112

Anybody with experiences like this?

Porn every so can be normal for guys and girls. When it becomes a regular occurrence it can be part of an addiction and cause issues. I have had some experience there.

best you both define what you want in regards to it and see if things will work out.

This. I don't think it's because you're inadequate or because he's craving something else. Just that people watch porn sometimes. Maybe you should ask to watch with him and become more comfortable with it.

PikaKnight

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

Men (edited to add: and women) tend to be relaxed and feel good after the endorphin rush and orgasm that usually goes along with watching porn, yes? I don't need a study to tell me that's good for mental health.

From Psychology Today:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/homo-consumericus/201001/pornography-beneficial-or-detrimental

n their survey of 688 young Danish adults (men = 316; women = 372), Hald and Malamuth found that respondents construed the viewing of hardcore pornography as beneficial to their sex lives, their attitudes towards sex, their perceptions and attitudes towards members of the opposite sex, toward life in general, and over all. The obtained beneficial effects were statistically significant for all but one measure across both sexes. Now here is the kicker: A positive correlation was obtained between the amount of hardcore pornography that was viewed and the impact of the benefits reaped. This positive correlation was found for both sexes. In other words, the more that one watched porn, the stronger the benefits (for both sexes)! There you have it.

ETA:

Porn: Good for us?
Scientific examination of the subject has found that as the use of porn increases, the rate of sex crimes goes down.
http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/28803/title/Porn--Good-for-us-/


***Also to say I'm not trying to start a research link war. This was posted in answer to the one who said she'd never seen a study saying porn was good.

gmthisfeller

Nine pages for this crap?

Up to eleven.

lisalsd1

I didn't scroll through 11 pages of responses, but I'm sure they are this: dump him. He had pics of an ex on his phone? I would ask what kind of pics, but it doesn't matter since he seemed to say he would get rid of them. That's not breaking a promise, that's a straight-up lie.
I don't think the porn is the issue. I think the lying is the issue.

TheSlorax

I just want everyone in this thread to know that I am looking at porn. Right. Now.

Glad to see you're getting good use out of that spank bank material I sent you! You're welcome!!

Jersey_Devil

the internet is for porn

It's true, there's even a song about it!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg

I have nothing against porn. Like everyone is saying, watch it with him. or just tell yourself he's watching it for the interesting story...

haha Avenue Q is the best

aliencheesecake

Nine pages for this crap?

Up to eleven.

I consider this crap a good deal better than "Friendly or Not Friendly."

Sinisterly

Eh, I watch it.
Try and stop me.

Alex

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