Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.

LiftAllThePizzas

. It's the age of the internet, and I think finding a guy who doesn't look at it is going to be a hard task.

This is incorrect. I know dozens (literally, dozens) of men who find it distasteful and don't watch porn. Not saying NONE of them have experimented or tried it once or twice, as I'm sure a fair number have, but as a whole they avoid it. It's a little silly to assume EVERYBODY watches it.

How refreshing to hear that at least some of the younger generation have not bought into the lie that EVERY man watches it. Sounds like you found a good one.

Because anyone who likes it is a bad guy?

anna_toffee

firstly, i don't know why nearly every response on the first page of this was "then you're a bad girlfriend", because that's a seriously mean thing to say..

secondly, if he agreed to stay away from it because it bothers you, you have every right to be kind of upset. it's a broken agreement and it's caused a rift between you, so obviously something needs to change, whether it's your perception on porn or how much he views it.

if he refuses to give it up, or continues going behind your back, i can understand how this is going to make you feel insecure. from the responses on here, it's obvious that people do like porn (women like myself included), so try watching it with him and see where it goes if it makes you both uncomfortable, then talk it through. if you both like it, well, enough said!

Unknown

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elyelyse

THANK YOU! Believe it or not, there were more successful marriages before the internet porn came along. Magazines were for single guys. Once you found a wife, you didn't need to look at other naked women. Those who continued with it after marriage, usually ended up divorced.

The need to frequently look at other women, when you have a real woman there for you in person, makes no sense to me. But I guess I may be old school. My ex had a severe addiction to magazines, before the internet, and it got to the point that he couldn't function normally without it. It is a self-centered act, whereas shared marital love is giving to each other, not only taking.

I have been with my husband now for 16 years, and we don't need anyone else to be fulfilled. Still going strong!

I used to look through my parents stuff when I was a kid (hey, I was a curious kid!) and I found tons of porn. On VHS tape. In my mother's underwear drawer next to her toys. Also, my dad had girlie magazines, kept them in his bathroom. 1985... before everyone used the internet to get their porn.

My dad also LOVED looking at other women...and my mom was freakin HOT. She's also got a freaky side, if you know what I'm saying, and dressed sexy and he adored her, so it's not that he was not satisfied with her...he just liked looking at women. He really liked tits, lol.

They were married almost 30 years, and they'd still be if he hadn't passed away. To claim that men who looked at porn after they got married ended up divorced is a bold statement, got resources for that fact?

I'm sure porn it's a problem for a small percent of the population, but like alcohol, it's no issue for the grand majority and there's no reason to demonize it.

Some women don't like it, and some men don't like it..but frankly, if you ask a guy who likes porn to not look at porn, he's still gonna find a way to watch porn, but now he's gonna be keeping secrets. If someone dislikes porn that much, they're going to have to seek a like-minded mate, not try to change the one they have.

gypsyGIRL159

Hardly anyone has any good moral standards anymore. Most people think "anything" is Ok, as long as they don't get caught. HE IS DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.... APPARENTLY! Actually, its time for you to take a look at yourself.... and ask yourself the hard questions. Like, if I will put up with this - what else will I let slide? And what next? And what's the real deal breaker?

IS IT WORTH IT? Is this guy REALLY Mr. Right? Or Mr. WRONG?

Just saying - it took me FOREVER to admit I was attracting losers. Now, I truly am doing what I want to do with my life. When we compromise our values and put our heart out there, and get it walked on Sooooooo MUCH - we have no moral compass anymore, and need to really step back and clear our heads, heal, and get focused on where we want to go, and what we want to do with our lives.

NOT JUST EXIST. We deserve soooo much better.

If you confront him.... be careful, and understand that you will NOT be happy with anything he really says. He is making his choice. You might consider making yours.

YOU HAVE OPTIONS.

EMBRACE THEM. :-) SEIZE THE DAY.... YOUR DESTINY IS CALLING.

PikaKnight

Hardly anyone has any good moral standards anymore. Most people think "anything" is Ok, as long as they don't get caught. HE IS DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.... APPARENTLY! Actually, its time for you to take a look at yourself.... and ask yourself the hard questions. Like, if I will put up with this - what else will I let slide? And what next? And what's the real deal breaker?

IS IT WORTH IT? Is this guy REALLY Mr. Right? Or Mr. WRONG?

Just saying - it took me FOREVER to admit I was attracting losers. Now, I truly am doing what I want to do with my life. When we compromise our values and put our heart out there, and get it walked on Sooooooo MUCH - we have no moral compass anymore, and need to really step back and clear our heads, heal, and get focused on where we want to go, and what we want to do with our lives.

NOT JUST EXIST. We deserve soooo much better.

If you confront him.... be careful, and understand that you will NOT be happy with anything he really says. He is making his choice. You might consider making yours.

YOU HAVE OPTIONS.

EMBRACE THEM. :-) SEIZE THE DAY.... YOUR DESTINY IS CALLING.

How does porn relate to losers?

LiftAllThePizzas

Isn't "dating" (or whatever you want to call it) supposed to be a process of figuring out if someone is compatible with you? If your hangups about porn are such a big deal to you, then find someone who isn't into it.

Why do people try to get with someone who they know is a bad match, and then try to change that person into what they wanted, and then act surprised when it doesn't work?

Probably because when they started going out with that person they didn't know those certain things.

Right, but that's what "going out" is for. Figuring those things out before deciding you want to spend your life with someone and making a permanent commitment.

Or one could just assume that their personal preferences are morally superior and everyone should change to match their tastes.

LiftAllThePizzas

Hardly anyone has any good moral standards anymore. Most people think "anything" is Ok, as long as they don't get caught. HE IS DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.... APPARENTLY! Actually, its time for you to take a look at yourself.... and ask yourself the hard questions. Like, if I will put up with this - what else will I let slide? And what next? And what's the real deal breaker?

IS IT WORTH IT? Is this guy REALLY Mr. Right? Or Mr. WRONG?

Just saying - it took me FOREVER to admit I was attracting losers. Now, I truly am doing what I want to do with my life. When we compromise our values and put our heart out there, and get it walked on Sooooooo MUCH - we have no moral compass anymore, and need to really step back and clear our heads, heal, and get focused on where we want to go, and what we want to do with our lives.

NOT JUST EXIST. We deserve soooo much better.

If you confront him.... be careful, and understand that you will NOT be happy with anything he really says. He is making his choice. You might consider making yours.

YOU HAVE OPTIONS.

EMBRACE THEM. :-) SEIZE THE DAY.... YOUR DESTINY IS CALLING.

Apparently my internet connection has gone through a time-traveling wormhole again, to perhaps the Victorian era?

aliencheesecake

It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway.

Yeah, except being a liar is his problem. If he felt the demand was "ridiculous," he should have sacked up and said so. I don't have a prob with porn; hubs and I watch it together and apart sometimes... But I have a huge issue with being sneaky and lying. If I were her, I'd be upset too. While I would agree as long as the porn isn't nasty or illegal, she may as well just accept that he likes it , the fact that she can't trust him to be truthful IS an issue.

almonds1

Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?

He looks at porn 3x a day .. hmm, interesting.

There is a big difference between 3 x 4 min sessions and 3 x full movie sessions lol

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spamantha57

Seems like you have 2 simple choices:
1) Get over the porn.
2) Break up with him.
End.

Howdoyoufeeltoday

the internet is for porn

It's true, there's even a song about it!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg

I have nothing against porn. Like everyone is saying, watch it with him. or just tell yourself he's watching it for the interesting story...

uconnwinsnc

We like porn. We also like naked pictures of girls. It really is that simple, don't think too much into it.

elyelyse

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

QuietBloom

Hardly anyone has any good moral standards anymore. Most people think "anything" is Ok, as long as they don't get caught. HE IS DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.... APPARENTLY! Actually, its time for you to take a look at yourself.... and ask yourself the hard questions. Like, if I will put up with this - what else will I let slide? And what next? And what's the real deal breaker?

IS IT WORTH IT? Is this guy REALLY Mr. Right? Or Mr. WRONG?

Just saying - it took me FOREVER to admit I was attracting losers. Now, I truly am doing what I want to do with my life. When we compromise our values and put our heart out there, and get it walked on Sooooooo MUCH - we have no moral compass anymore, and need to really step back and clear our heads, heal, and get focused on where we want to go, and what we want to do with our lives.

NOT JUST EXIST. We deserve soooo much better.

If you confront him.... be careful, and understand that you will NOT be happy with anything he really says. He is making his choice. You might consider making yours.

YOU HAVE OPTIONS.

EMBRACE THEM. :-) SEIZE THE DAY.... YOUR DESTINY IS CALLING.

How does porn relate to losers?

I don't think she is saying that. The loser part is where he promised her not to do something, yet continues behind her back.

I see the whole 'is porn bad or not' as a whole 'nother topic, though the OP was interested in what people thought.

QuietBloom

This is worse than my Boo-Boo thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1143529-boo-boo

Sweetie, I thought you were off to watch porn!

QuietBloom

i'm sorry but i disagree with most of these so called 'threads'.

there were more porn threads?

More importantly...is this not really a thread? So called "threads"...if they aren't threads, what are they? I'm pretty sure creating a new topic makes it a thread, but I could be wrong.

I think the poster meant 'posts' not 'threads'. Just my interpretation.

jamiem1102

Yeah if a clip counts as "one time" then sign me up for Pornwatchers Anonymous

Hi, my name is Jamie and I... wait a second.... :noway:

Akimajuktuq

If he's into porn, don't think you can change it. Accept it or do not accept it. I think porn is unacceptable (because people should make their own!!!) so it would be a dealbreaker. End of story. You cannot control or change another person.

QuietBloom

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

QuietBloom

If he's into porn, don't think you can change it. Accept it or do not accept it. I think porn is unacceptable (because people should make their own!!!) so it would be a dealbreaker. End of story. You cannot control or change another person.

THERE you go. A post I can really get behind. Heheh.

arc8706

I watch porn with my husband (it helps we're both into the same stuff...)

I have never understood why so many women ask their husbands/boyfriends NOT to watch porn and then are surprised to find porn in their browser history. lol. Close to 100% of guys watch porn, and if you don't think they are, they are hiding it from you well.

Unknown

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_errata_

I just want everyone in this thread to know that I am looking at porn. Right. Now.

ldrosophila

Yeah, except being a liar is his problem. If he felt the demand was "ridiculous," he should have sacked up and said so. I don't have a prob with porn; hubs and I watch it together and apart sometimes... But I have a huge issue with being sneaky and lying. If I were her, I'd be upset too. While I would agree as long as the porn isn't nasty or illegal, she may as well just accept that he likes it , the fact that she can't trust him to be truthful IS an issue.

that's what bothered me the most the lies and broken trust

elyelyse

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

Men (edited to add: and women) tend to be relaxed and feel good after the endorphin rush and orgasm that usually goes along with watching porn, yes? I don't need a study to tell me that's good for mental health.

Dino_bacon2112

Anybody with experiences like this?

Porn every so can be normal for guys and girls. When it becomes a regular occurrence it can be part of an addiction and cause issues. I have had some experience there.

best you both define what you want in regards to it and see if things will work out.

This. I don't think it's because you're inadequate or because he's craving something else. Just that people watch porn sometimes. Maybe you should ask to watch with him and become more comfortable with it.

Unknown

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PikaKnight

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your partner to stop doing something that is hurtful to you & erodes your self confidence. If you are sharing your life with someone, that is the person who should be building you up & who should definitely care more about your feelings than about watching porn.

Another perspective...this is something the man has been doing since he was old enough to know what porn is. He likes it, it's relaxing, it's a way to de-stress, it makes him feel good without having to think about anything or anyone else. Now, you come along and you don't like it and therefor it's ok to ask that he stop a behavior that's been part of his life since he's an adolescent. I think it IS unreasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that is pleasurable and harmless and good for his mental health, because you're uncomfortable with it.

I'm not saying a woman has to accept that a man watches porn, I'm just saying if you don't like it, then that man who watches porn isn't a good match.

There have been lots of studies on humans, porn, human relationships and porn. I have yet to see one that says porn is good for mental health.

Men (edited to add: and women) tend to be relaxed and feel good after the endorphin rush and orgasm that usually goes along with watching porn, yes? I don't need a study to tell me that's good for mental health.

From Psychology Today:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/homo-consumericus/201001/pornography-beneficial-or-detrimental

n their survey of 688 young Danish adults (men = 316; women = 372), Hald and Malamuth found that respondents construed the viewing of hardcore pornography as beneficial to their sex lives, their attitudes towards sex, their perceptions and attitudes towards members of the opposite sex, toward life in general, and over all. The obtained beneficial effects were statistically significant for all but one measure across both sexes. Now here is the kicker: A positive correlation was obtained between the amount of hardcore pornography that was viewed and the impact of the benefits reaped. This positive correlation was found for both sexes. In other words, the more that one watched porn, the stronger the benefits (for both sexes)! There you have it.

ETA:

Porn: Good for us?
Scientific examination of the subject has found that as the use of porn increases, the rate of sex crimes goes down.
http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/28803/title/Porn--Good-for-us-/


***Also to say I'm not trying to start a research link war. This was posted in answer to the one who said she'd never seen a study saying porn was good.