Do I tell her she's gaining?

ctalimenti

I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

What to do, what to do???

Ready2Rock206

Why do you believe she's completely unaware that she's gained any weight? I'm sure she knows. If you don't think she'll take it well then what is your motive for telling her?

MileHighFitness

Just tell her, then offer to workout with her...

pseudomuffin

Bring it up gently! She asked you to tell her after all, so say something like, "Hey ____, remember last year when you asked me to..."

SLLRunner

I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

What to do, what to do???

Nope. She knows if she's gaining weight. It is not your responsibility to be her "weight keeper".

That's even strange she asked you to tell her if she's gaining weight.

SLLRunner

Double post

red_road

yes

1capybara

Just tell her, then offer to workout with her...

this guy is one smart dude!

Em_runs_away

If she asked for your help telling her when she's gaining then yes, I'd mention it. I wouldn't otherwise. I might say "I wondered if you'd like someone to walk/run/gym/swim with, I remembered you asking me to offer support last year" then await the response. It's a bit unfair of her to ask you to tell her if she will then take it badly though!

TheRealParisLove

You don't have to tell her she's gaining. Just tell her how proud you are of her weight loss, then ask her how much she lost and what her goal weight is/was. She'll remember and realize that she has started to put the weight back on.

jerbsod

You DO NOT want to have that conversation with a women EVER...
NEVER EVER tell a woman she is getting well... fat

djc315

I think since she asked - I would bring it up but in a nice way. I would not say "hey you are getting fat again" or anything along those lines even mentioning her weight. Instead, I would mention working out and if she wants to join you. Or just start talking about your work-out routine with her. She would probably pick up the subtle hint. I am SURE she knows she is gaining - if you are noticing it, her clothes are fitting differently at this point. I think it was unfair she put you in this situation, but she might not have been even serious to begin with (serious about you telling her, I mean).

sloth3toes

What to do, what to do???

Yep, it's a conundrum all right.

ldrosophila

she told you to tell of course you tell unless she's just one of those people who are just all talk and don't like the truth

I've asked my BF to hold me accountable and there are times he has to look at me and say why are you eating that? My first instinct is to get pissed, but then I have to remember he's just doing what I asked.

lizfiz50

just tell her

33Freya

Ask her how she's doing on maintaining and what she's doing for working out and/or keeping track. She'll probably volunteer that she has been slipping. Then you can ask her how you can support her! Good luck.:flowerforyou:

NavyKnightAh13

I told my husband to tell me if I started gaining. The reason why: because I need the blunt honest truth. Honestly, just tell her.

Searching44

You don't have to tell her she's gaining. Just tell her how proud you are of her weight loss, then ask her how much she lost and what her goal weight is/was. She'll remember and realize that she has started to put the weight back on.

I was thinking the same thing!

SLLRunner

Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?

No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.

acogg

I have told a bunch of people (I lost track) that if I ever did something, just shoot me. No, I don't actually want to be shot.

Wetcoaster

People who are gaining weight back know it.

SLLRunner

People who are gaining weight back know it.

Exactly.

turtleball

Just say "look yo, your getting fat again".


and then if she looks at you like shes all mad, just say hey you told me to tell you.

MileHighFitness

You could try the old "<cough> gettin fat <cough> <cough>"

Jk!

cowgalsarah29

I would not advise to tell her. She knows she is gaining weight.. BUT you could ask how she is feeling and how the diet is going

WalkingAlong

I wouldn't, because I would assume if someone told me that they didn't really mean it literally. Because who doesn't notice they're gaining weight until a friend tells them? Even if you don't weigh, your clothes tell you. Or the mirror.

arcticfox04

You should, I see no problem. She told you if she did.

jennifer_417

Well, if you agreed to tell her, then you should keep your word. Will she like it? Probably not. But just say that she asked you after all. Make sure you tell her with kindness and compassion, as well.

Edited for typo.

Nicolee_2014

People who are gaining weight back know it.

Exactly.

Yup! I'm sure her clothes are getting snug & the scales are showing different numbers. I wouldn't tell her, she's a grown adult. If she can't work it out for herself, something is wrong.

AllOnMeWOL

People who are gaining weight back know it.

Yep.

ctalimenti

Starting to think not to tell her. I don't think it was fair of her to put me in this spot in the first place. It's not my responsibility to tell her the obvious. She tends to put things on others a lot and this is just one of those things.