Do I tell her she's gaining?

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  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    People who are gaining weight back know it.

    Exactly.
  • turtleball
    turtleball Posts: 217 Member
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    Just say "look yo, your getting fat again".


    and then if she looks at you like shes all mad, just say hey you told me to tell you.
  • MileHighFitness
    MileHighFitness Posts: 2,298 Member
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    You could try the old "<cough> gettin fat <cough> <cough>"

    Jk!
  • cowgalsarah29
    cowgalsarah29 Posts: 15 Member
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    I would not advise to tell her. She knows she is gaining weight.. BUT you could ask how she is feeling and how the diet is going
  • WalkingAlong
    WalkingAlong Posts: 4,926 Member
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    I wouldn't, because I would assume if someone told me that they didn't really mean it literally. Because who doesn't notice they're gaining weight until a friend tells them? Even if you don't weigh, your clothes tell you. Or the mirror.
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    You should, I see no problem. She told you if she did.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Well, if you agreed to tell her, then you should keep your word. Will she like it? Probably not. But just say that she asked you after all. Make sure you tell her with kindness and compassion, as well.

    Edited for typo.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    People who are gaining weight back know it.

    Exactly.

    Yup! I'm sure her clothes are getting snug & the scales are showing different numbers. I wouldn't tell her, she's a grown adult. If she can't work it out for herself, something is wrong.
  • AllOnMeWOL
    AllOnMeWOL Posts: 26 Member
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    People who are gaining weight back know it.



    Yep.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Starting to think not to tell her. I don't think it was fair of her to put me in this spot in the first place. It's not my responsibility to tell her the obvious. She tends to put things on others a lot and this is just one of those things.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    What she was really asking was for you to tell if her if becomes *obvious* that she's gaining weight - because it's so, so easy to pretend it's not happening or that no one has noticed. Look at how many people on this site admit they were walking around in denial, thinking they somehow "carried it well" or "weren't that fat" until a long-avoided weigh-in or an unflattering photo opened their eyes. She sounds to me like a woman who knows herself well enough to ask for a little tough love.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    If friends can't be honest with each other, it's not much of a friendship. You were asked to do it - go ahead and do it.

    Gently, of course.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Oh wow, the above two posts make good sense.

    Ugh
  • maybeazure
    maybeazure Posts: 301 Member
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    Since she asked you to...yes you should. But just once. If she gets upset just remind her that you only mention it because that is what she said she wanted. Then drop the subject and don't bring it up again.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?

    No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.

    Why would it be her responsibility? Because her friend asked her for help in the matter. Why not use all the tools we have...not just the things we do ourselves, but also the support of those who care about us. Sometimes we need a little push from outside forces...that doesn't make us weak, or mean that we aren't holding ourselves accountable...in fact, it shows strength and courage to ask for help...to admit that some things are easier with the support of others.

    I'm sure the person is aware of the weight gain, but a supportive friend who says "I can see you're struggling...what can I do to help?" might be just what she needs to get back on track.
  • Searching44
    Searching44 Posts: 53
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    Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?

    No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.

    Why would it be her responsibility? Because her friend asked her for help in the matter. Why not use all the tools we have...not just the things we do ourselves, but also the support of those who care about us. Sometimes we need a little push from outside forces...that doesn't make us weak, or mean that we aren't holding ourselves accountable...in fact, it shows strength and courage to ask for help...to admit that some things are easier with the support of others.

    I'm sure the person is aware of the weight gain, but a supportive friend who says "I can see you're struggling...what can I do to help?" might be just what she needs to get back on track.

    +1:flowerforyou:
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    Send her a gift basket with workout wear, gym membership, fitness magazine subscriptions, protein powder(s) et al ~ you may place a card in it or not ~ your choice. If she fails to get the message or ignores it outrightly, something has triggered your family member to revert to her former self ~ the escalation of her calories in, which has directly affected her expanding measurements.
  • RoyBeck
    RoyBeck Posts: 947 Member
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    You know your friend better than any of us so do as you see best.
  • MaritzK
    MaritzK Posts: 66 Member
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    If she asked you to tell her I think you should.. Maybe she needs that to admit it to herself or she wants to know when it's become so 'bad' that other can see it. Whatever the reason is she asked you and as she's a grown-up I think she was well aware of what she said then and what it could mean for the future. If someone approaches you and asks you to do that for her, she's not asking because she wants to be nice, she really wants you to tell her. The only thing is: be really really careful on hoe you tell her. And think of in what way you would like to be told that kind of news. I'm sure it will turn out fine for you both :) Good luck!
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    since you agreed to be her diet police, then you should tell her ONCE (be direct but kind, don't beat aroudn the bush) and then tell her "listen jane, I know this is about you and your diet but your asking me to let you know that you've started to gain weight put a lot of unnecessary stress on ME and I am opting out".

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