Can cheaters change?

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  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,129 Member
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    Holy crap people are judgmental.

    As a former cheater, I say that no. Cheaters can not change.

    I guess I say that as a current cheater as well, come to think of it.
  • Celtic_Ace
    Celtic_Ace Posts: 62
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    Change can and will only occur when pain and then fear of pain is greater than the pain and then fear of pain of not changing. This goes for all change.

    Booze
    Drugs
    Cheating
    Health
    Lifestyles
    etc etc

    IMHO
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
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    former cheater right here.

    yes I know I've changed as a person from the time when I used to do that. I cheated on past boyfriends but would never cheat on my husband. Our relationship is so important to me and my mindset is different than when I was young. I Cherish him and respect him as a person - I think that has something to do with it.
  • timbrom
    timbrom Posts: 303 Member
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    People can change.

    You cannot change another person.

    /thread
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Are you asking for input? Because you post a question, and then answering it.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    Of course they can! Alcoholics can give up booze. Fat people can get skinny. Cheaters can become monogamous. It just takes wanting to change and some motivation to do so.

    I think its funny that you're comparing a cheater to someone with an addiction.

    In any case, I find the main difference between people who do cheat and those who do not is that people who cheat are generally (at first) able to rationalize their actions -- "oh I was so drunk.." or... "It was just the one time..." or... "I just needed someone to make me feel important..." or some such reason. Whether or not a person can change? *shrug* Probably? Maybe? I suppose it all depends on the circumstances.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I personally don't think they can, to me it's a character flaw. In my case it doesn't matter, cheating is a deal breaker to me.
  • m_johannes
    m_johannes Posts: 72 Member
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    I stopped cheating because I realized there are too many women to cheat with.
    Women are just every where, I was getting tired of cheating.
    Hahaha, oh god I died! :-)

    Us cheaters never change. Old habits die hard. The trick is avoiding temptation altogether. You have to find out what triggers your addiction and squash it. For me, I have to cut off all contact with the opposite sex. Hence my lengthy hiatus from MFP this year! Ever notice how alcoholics brag about how long they'vs been sober? A lot of them can never have even one drink, or it sends them into a quick downward spiral.

    True story.
  • cadaverousbones
    cadaverousbones Posts: 421 Member
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    I read something about people who cheat. They said that it changes your brain chemistry when you cheat to make you think its okay to do that. I would say they can't change unless they went through a lot of therapy to work on it. All the guys and girls I've known who were cheaters were repeat offenders.
  • RickNeedzToGetShreaded
    RickNeedzToGetShreaded Posts: 293 Member
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    The answers yes. But the real question is why bother? If someones cheated on you what's the point in wasting your time and effort, just my opinion.
  • tristaj90
    tristaj90 Posts: 330 Member
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    I believe it depends on age. When I was 17 I cheated on a boyfriend. I figured that it was more or less a "dating around" situation but was so naive at the time. I haven't ever cheated since..

    Do I like feeling attractive to guys aside from my husband? Sure, who doesn't want to feel desired by others? But would I actually do something with them? IM MARRIED. that means a LOT to me.

    I think anyone can change, but depends on their age. If they're a 40 year old who's only ever been a player--I don't think theres any hope.
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    Why would you care.
  • Kevalicious99
    Kevalicious99 Posts: 1,131 Member
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    As a former cheater, I say that no. Cheaters can not change.

    Don't buy this one. I was once a questionable cheater .. but once I got married, no more cheating. It is possible.
  • Pandora_King
    Pandora_King Posts: 153
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    Can murderer's change? Can paedophiles change?

    You are the actions you commit upon this world.
  • lLionMindl
    lLionMindl Posts: 76 Member
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    No
  • Rav3n1022
    Rav3n1022 Posts: 77 Member
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    of course they can. Just because cheated on someone in the past, that doesn't mean that they will cheat on someone in the future. I hate to admit this, but I have cheated in the past. On someone I was with once. It was a convience relationship and I really had no desire of being with him physically. Now, the thought of cheating on my current love makes me sick to my stomach. I am not proud of cheating, but I have no intentions on doing it again.
  • allylbrown
    allylbrown Posts: 71
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    Yes!!!! But it depends on the person, the circumstances and the consequences. I think that if it was only once and the person was truly remorseful and has proven themselves then who are we to judge...No one is perfect!
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,129 Member
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    As a former cheater, I say that no. Cheaters can not change.

    Don't buy this one. I was once a questionable cheater .. but once I got married, no more cheating. It is possible.

    Only after you got married? So you cheated on your current wife before you got married to her?
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    yes, they can, for one thing, you can't categorize everyone as the same, everyone has different reasons, not everyone lives a fairytale life.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    People can change.

    You cannot change another person.

    /thread

    So this is my take from it:

    People can change but persons can't.

    People can change when they want to. People cannot change other people.

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