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    Can cheaters change?

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    • Posts: 468
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      I can think of a few junkies that people once called nonredeemable, but they have changed and went from being thieves/takers to being employees and full-time parents, volunteers even.

      addiction and immorality…two different things
    • Posts: 27,167 Member
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      I have broken up with girlfriends before. I knew that it would hurt. Somethimes it happens.
      I never, ever cheated on one.
      As a matter of fact, I never broke up with a girl just to go out with a different one.

      I do believe that it is a matter of caracter and there really is no excuse to cheat on someone.


      Good for you. :flowerforyou:

      I do believe that it is best not to apply broad generalizations to everyone and judge people I don't know. I also believe that one can't really judge a situation unless you have been in it. There are lots of things I don't agree with but I prefer to know the person before actually deciding on their character. I don't believe there is an excuse to apply sweeping generalizations especially classifying a large group of people as garbage or just above a child molester. I do believe that is a matter of character.
      :drinker:
    • Posts: 2,130 Member
      People can change their behaviour if they want to.
    • Posts: 84 Member
      This thread needs to lighten up. Please enjoy this on topic NSFW (language) video: http://youtu.be/qjPBMAmNH14
    • Posts: 5,214 Member
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      Thank you for this!….. Someone was trying to convey that since you can sign up on mfp and lose some lbs then you can also stop being unfaithful. Hence this thread… The consequences of a cheater are pain, distrust, hurt, trauma, etc..on his spouse and his children and the rest of family and friends…being overweight is not the same thing. :)

      I thought the issue was if cheaters could change? Does cheating ruin relationships because trust cannot be regained? Sure. But that doesn't mean cheaters don't change.
    • Posts: 872 Member
      aged 18-40 multiple cheating
      aged 40-54 zero cheating

      yes they can

      (naturally I'm referring to a friend) :wink:
    • Posts: 338
      Nope
    • Posts: 15,228 Member
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      addiction and immorality…two different things

      No... they aren't really. Illegal substances are illegal, and therefore, using them is wrong. We live in a generally accepted monogamous society, and therefore, cheating is wrong.

      Both have a tendency to cause harm in the lives of the people we love (or don't love depending on how completely narcissistic you are).
    • Posts: 779 Member
      Can they? Sure. What are the odds? Well.... that much isn't easy to say. I think that someone who was busted the first time they tried might have better odds of reversing the trend, but that's more a matter of personal opinion than anything based on impartial analysis.

      I do definitely think that those who have done it repeatedly have lower chances of success. Like one of my friends said: "A mistake is subtracting instead of adding in your math homework. Affairs take PLANNING."

      Plus there's the issue that the cheating may strain their future reltionships. From the cheater possibly wanting the thrill or the freedom to the other individual wondering if the cheater is cheating, again, it's going to change how they approach things.
    • Posts: 7,963 Member
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      I thought the issue was if cheaters could change? Does cheating ruin relationships because trust cannot be regained? Sure. But that doesn't mean cheaters don't change.

      Non sequiturs are valid!
    • Posts: 468


      No... they aren't really. Illegal substances are illegal, and therefore, using them is wrong. We live in a generally accepted monogamous society, and therefore, cheating is wrong.

      Both have a tendency to cause harm in the lives of the people we love (or don't love depending on how completely narcissistic you are).

      …a child grows up and experiences pain and tries to hide from the world using drugs…a male/female with a job, health, family cannot control his/her impulses and just satisfies them when and where he/she sees it fit….I don't see the similarity. So, being in a car accident then or getting terminally ill is also like cheating on your spouse I guess.
    • Posts: 7,963 Member
      show previous quotes

      …a child grows up and experiences pain and tries to hide from the world using drugs…a male/female with a job, health, family cannot control his/her impulses and just satisfies them when and where he/she sees it fit….I don't see the similarity. So, being in a car accident then or getting terminally ill is also like cheating on your spouse I guess.

      "...a child grows up and experiences pain and tries to hide from the world by using sex to mask the negative emotions"

      Funny how you excuse one and not the other. :laugh:
    • Posts: 15,228 Member
      show previous quotes

      …a child grows up and experiences pain and tries to hide from the world using drugs…a male/female with a job, health, family cannot control his/her impulses and just satisfies them when and where he/she sees it fit….I don't see the similarity. So, being in a car accident then or getting terminally ill is also like cheating on your spouse I guess.

      Getting in a car accident or getting a terminal illness are not intentional actions.

      And sex addiction is just as real and valid as drug addiction.

      Look, I don't want to go too deeply into my personal experiences, but I was once a drug addict and a cheater. I'm no longer either. How are you going to explain that one? I decided that I didn't want to be those things and took actions that would help me deal with the issues to change those behaviors. Why would I do that? Because I found the right motivation.

      Anyone can change anything about themselves, including cheating, addiction, narcissism, weight management, etc., with the right motivation.
    • Posts: 27,167 Member
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      "...a child grows up and experiences pain and tries to hide from the world by using sex to mask the negative emotions"

      Funny how you excuse one and not the other. :laugh:

      what-you-did-there-i-see-it.thumbnail.jpg
    • Posts: 468

      Look, I don't want to go too deeply into my personal experiences, but I was once a drug addict and a cheater. I'm no longer either. How are you going to explain that one? I decided that I didn't want to be those things and took actions that would help me deal with the issues to change those behaviors. Why would I do that? Because I found the right motivation.

      Anyone can change anything about themselves, including cheating, addiction, narcissism, weight management, etc., with the right motivation.

      I am very proud of you, that you stopped. I believe stopping is not changing. We must live with the consequences of our actions. Nothing can change. Having the courage to stop is laudable and commendable. But the past hasn't changed.
    • Posts: 15,228 Member
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      I am very proud of you, that you stopped. I believe stopping is not changing. We must live with the consequences of our actions. Nothing can change. Having the courage to stop is laudable and commendable. But the past hasn't changed.

      I never said that the past changed. I said that I changed because now I make better choices.
    • Posts: 27,167 Member
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      I am very proud of you, that you stopped. I believe stopping is not changing. We must live with the consequences of our actions. Nothing can change. Having the courage to stop is laudable and commendable. But the past hasn't changed.

      Again, I thought the point of the question is "will they continue to cheat". The phrase 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is used to express the opinion that the person will continue to cheat, whether or not their past has been erased.
      I guess I was answering the wrong question.
    • Posts: 6,239 Member
      It's only cheating if you get caught.
    • Posts: 10
      I believe anyone can change. If they recognize their problem and want to fix it then they can succeed.
    • Posts: 468

      Funny how you excuse one and not the other. :laugh:

      I am just being compassionate in a situation where a child (a child, not a full grown man) is coping with pain. Being compassionate sometimes generates laughter.
    • Posts: 4,966 Member
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      I am very proud of you, that you stopped. I believe stopping is not changing. We must live with the consequences of our actions. Nothing can change. Having the courage to stop is laudable and commendable. But the past hasn't changed.

      I can't decide if you are intentionally trolling or just really, really, bad at logical reasoning.
    • Posts: 104 Member
      You all make me laugh talking about cheaters. Most of you flirt on here and I'm sure send naked pics too. So, for those of you thinking cheating is just physical, you're all wrong.
    • Posts: 4,966 Member
      OP Please do not PM me with other non sensical things.
    • Posts: 2,065 Member
      For the people that say cheaters can't change, that's not what your SO told me in bed last night:devil:
    • Posts: 16,414 Member
      show previous quotes

      I am very proud of you, that you stopped. I believe stopping is not changing. We must live with the consequences of our actions. Nothing can change. Having the courage to stop is laudable and commendable. But the past hasn't changed.

      You keep using the word "change." I do not think it means what you think it means.
    • Posts: 16,414 Member
      You all make me laugh talking about cheaters. Most of you flirt on here and I'm sure send naked pics too. So, for those of you thinking cheating is just physical, you're all wrong.

      lolwut?
    • Posts: 874 Member
      I'm sure they probably could; would i give a cheater that opportunity....Nah!
    • Posts: 3,128 Member
      For the people that say cheaters can't change, that's not what your SO told me in bed last night:devil:

      so brave.
    • Posts: 1,260 Member
      I'm not sure what to say to this post.. My husband was a cheater when we were dating. (yes I was the young dumb girl who took him back) But we've been married for two years now and he refuses to even look at a woman.. He did it himself.. He just decided one day he didn't want to anymore or I am not sure. I keep expecting him to and that's kinda ****ty on my part, but I have always heard the same thing. Once a cheater always a cheater. He gets angry when women talk to him in a flirty matter and he even stopped looking at magazines? I don't go through his personal things or sneak about looking for issues. I have even told him to go ahead. I think I broke him some how? I'm not sure what "changed" him.

      I do believe you can change, but only if YOU want to.
    • Posts: 4,323 Member
      ONCE A CHEAT....ALWAYS A CHEAT...PLAIN AND SIMPLE

      sorry you got cheated on? a lot?
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