'Tis the season to be insulted by family members?
SerenaKitty
Posts: 142
Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
I had family staying with me for the holidays last weekend, which included my young nieces. One of my nieces is going through a "You're fat/ugly!" phase, and her mother does nothing to stop it. I overheard her saying some pretty hurtful stuff: "I think Aunt *me* is fat." My mother told her that such things are rude to say. My niece responded with, "Oh...even if she really is?"
Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding. My aunt came down to check on me and I told her what happened. She just looked embarrassed, and didn't console me in any way. I realize this may not seem so bad, but it stung! It also reminded me of past holidays - I refuse to revisit those, but let's just say my family has a history of mentioning my weight (either too fat or too thin).
Does anyone else here struggle with putting on a happy face during the holidays, due to judgments about weight or food intake?
Thank you!
I had family staying with me for the holidays last weekend, which included my young nieces. One of my nieces is going through a "You're fat/ugly!" phase, and her mother does nothing to stop it. I overheard her saying some pretty hurtful stuff: "I think Aunt *me* is fat." My mother told her that such things are rude to say. My niece responded with, "Oh...even if she really is?"
Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding. My aunt came down to check on me and I told her what happened. She just looked embarrassed, and didn't console me in any way. I realize this may not seem so bad, but it stung! It also reminded me of past holidays - I refuse to revisit those, but let's just say my family has a history of mentioning my weight (either too fat or too thin).
Does anyone else here struggle with putting on a happy face during the holidays, due to judgments about weight or food intake?
Thank you!
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Replies
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Ouch. It doesn't sound like the child meant to be malicious, which in some way hurts more. Hopefully her parents will help her understand why that behavior hurts others.0
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Is it an insult if someone, particularly a child, is telling you the truth?0
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i feel you. i was told today i can only get a boyfriend if i'm skinny(by an aunt..)- even though i've been engaged for a year.
all i can say is to ignore them, honestly. or go to the child's mother and talk to her about it.0 -
kids are mean suckers my nieces pretty much called me fat and that i scare the neighbours eyes when i go out side with out a shirt. it stung and hurt like crazing but them saying that got me mad to do some thing about it. so it saved my life. i didn't have the freedom like kids thiese days i would of gotten belted for sure. for disrespecting an elder0
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Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.
It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support".
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i feel you. i was told today i can only get a boyfriend if i'm skinny(by an aunt..)- even though i've been engaged for a year.
all i can say is to ignore them, honestly. or go to the child's mother and talk to her about it.
I am sorry to hear that. I honestly don't get it...some people seem to lack the ability to censor themselves.
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kids are mean suckers my nieces pretty much called me fat and that i scare the neighbours eyes when i go out side with out a shirt. it stung and hurt like crazing but them saying that got me mad to do some thing about it. so it saved my life. i didn't have the freedom like kids thiese days i would of gotten belted for sure. for disrespecting an elder
That is a great way to turn a negative experience around and make it work for you. It can be a very hurtful wakeup call, that's for sure!0 -
Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.
It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support".
Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.0 -
Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.
It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support".
Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.
I wholeheartedly agree! I'm not one to acknowledge feeling hurt - it may seem silly, but I believe that openly admitting the effect her comments had on me is a good first step. Usually I brush these things under the rug and stay the same.0 -
Yes, it was an insult. Insults can be truthful - what is truthful is not always respectful or proper to say.
It hurt. I am trying to find support and similar stories from members. Didn't think it necessary to spell out, we are in "Motivation and Support".
Use that hurt to keep you focussed on your goal. When I was told that I looked fat I thought 'never again' and made changes to my life. You can either get stuck on feeling insulted or move on and kick *kitten*; the latter is much more productive.
i total agree look at my pics i was a big guy battleing type 2 diabeies high blood pressure and i was on meds for the type two thing. i've since got off those meds my type two thing is under controle. and i'm doing thing that would of killed me back then. its not easy but its do able. you have nothing to lose except the weight. i promise. use her word to fire you up. karma will get that brate0 -
Yes, I have a grandmother who for years, every time I saw her she had something to say. It hurt so badly. She would say things in front of other family too. I am "older" now and havent seen her in many years, but to this day I can still remember how it made me feel. Why people cant keep their damn mouths shut, is beyond me
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I kinda hid from my family because this year I gained over 50lbs. I went to see my granny in San Antonio and I felt the need to explain why I looked the way I did because of an instance the week before (I will get to that in a bit) but I gained my weight by the birth control shot and quitting smoking. My granny is dying of cancer and she said this to me which made me feel better. You quit smoking which is great (her cancer is from smoking she quit 12 years earlier but it was too late) you can lose the weight later. You can do it.
After this I felt better. The week before I was at Walmart and this woman who hasn't seen me in a long time pointed to my stomach and asked what was that. I knew she thougbht I was prego and even after I rudly said fat she kept going saying how I gained so much weight and I need to eat better and even said how my body looked prego. I was blessed with my fathers genes where all my weight is carried in my midsection. I left out of there in tears. But that lady hurt my feelings and I was gonna start the diet on New Years but I started earlier and so far I lost 10lbs.
But my point is, your here on myfitnesspal and your trying. Let them make their comments this year so next year you can WOW them. Add me so we can motivate each other for next Christmas.0 -
I had people saying things to me all my life about either how fat I was or how much weight I should lose. I still remember the last time someone said a particular comment. That was early last year. Now that same person often asks me for advice about diet and exercise. It didn't make me feel good then but I feel a hell of a lot better now.
Ignore it and move on. You can't change them, only yourself.0 -
Ps. I live my healthy lifestyle for myself and not anyone else. Once I worked this out I realised that what anyone else says about the way I look doesn't really matter. :-)0
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story
No one can make me feel insulted or have hurt feelings without my consent either.0 -
how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.0
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no one said anything to me about it.
I have to admit though I was a tiny bit annoyed by that.
I have seen people who I haven't seen in a year and didn't get any comment on being 60 lb smaller.
I posted some photos of myself looking drastically smaller than this time last year and I just got one "You look amazing!" on facebook. I have friends who are around my start weight and any time they post a photo of themselves (with 0 lb loss) people are like, "OMG did you lose weight?" I am starting to think some people are jealous of me or that once you reach a certain point, getting close to normal and no longer morbidly obese, people are less complimentary. That's fine but geez.0 -
To be completely honest, you know exactly where your niece picked-up the "you're fat" thing from. She's heard her mother say it. I have heard my 5 year old son repeat a few things I have said...I have been mortified (thank god, he didn't repeat what I had said to the person's face). I have really started to censor myself in front of the kids (and just in general). Luckily, I have been able to curb a lot of that with my son before he started school.
The saying is "haters gonna hate." I've been "too fat," "too skinny," "look like I had an eating disorder," blah blah. For some reason, people think that it is okay to say some of the worst things to family...things they would NEVER say to a stranger!0 -
no one said anything to me about it.
I have to admit though I was a tiny bit annoyed by that.
I have seen people who I haven't seen in a year and didn't get any comment on being 60 lb smaller.
I posted some photos of myself looking drastically smaller than this time last year and I just got one "You look amazing!" on facebook. I have friends who are around my start weight and any time they post a photo of themselves (with 0 lb loss) people are like, "OMG did you lose weight?" I am starting to think some people are jealous of me or that once you reach a certain point, getting close to normal and no longer morbidly obese, people are less complimentary. That's fine but geez.
I can see how that would hurt just as much, if not more. Sometimes silence is the worst.0 -
how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.0 -
time to change those negatives.
let me help you out and get your sexy back on! add me and I will show you a meal plan, workout plan...and I will wear my friends cheer outfit and wave pom-poms to cheer you on!
lets work it!0 -
time to change those negatives.
let me help you out and get your sexy back on! add me and I will show you a meal plan, workout plan...and I will wear my friends cheer outfit and wave pom-poms to cheer you on!
lets work it!
Ummm.....and how much does your meal and workout plan cost? :laugh:0 -
how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.
She's 10...she's a kid. Kids will say it as it is and what's rude/shouldn't be said is something her parents need to teach her. But again she's 10 and you're the adult. And if you get hurt (or rather, how much you let it hurt/bother you) is all on you.
If it's the truth, it's the truth. I'm fat but I'm not going to let something someone (especially a child) says get to me. I'm doing something about me being fat and I'm proud of that. If you are actively doing something about it, then you are doing something about the problem and that should be enough for you to get over what anyone else says.0 -
When I was eating an extra piece of cake on my 16th birthday my father top me nobody was going to take me away and marry me if I kept eating like that and called me fat like he frequently did as I grew up. At that time I was at my tiniest which was a size 5. I'll add that I got there in a very unhealthy way. I had become bulimic and worked out in my room 14 hours a day. Nobody noticed and I was still called fat. I decided it didn't matter anymore and ballooned back up. It hurt a lot and it still does. I now use that memory do give me that extra drive to work out harder. But this time I am doing it right with people who support me. My family is far away now and can't hurt me anymore because I won't let them.
Sorry for the long story but that is my experience with mean family members.Children learn from their parents so your nieces mom is the one who needs a swift kick in the butt. Just remember you are stronger and will meet your goals.
And use this as a comeback: I may or not be a little weight challenged but you are mean and I can lose weight.0 -
pics of cheer outfit pls.time to change those negatives.
let me help you out and get your sexy back on! add me and I will show you a meal plan, workout plan...and I will wear my friends cheer outfit and wave pom-poms to cheer you on!
lets work it!0 -
When I was eating an extra piece of cake on my 16th birthday my father top me nobody was going to take me away and marry me if I kept eating like that and called me fat like he frequently did as I grew up. At that time I was at my tiniest which was a size 5. I'll add that I got there in a very unhealthy way. I had become bulimic and worked out in my room 14 hours a day. Nobody noticed and I was still called fat. I decided it didn't matter anymore and ballooned back up. It hurt a lot and it still does. I now use that memory do give me that extra drive to work out harder. But this time I am doing it right with people who support me. My family is far away now and can't hurt me anymore because I won't let them.
Sorry for the long story but that is my experience with mean family members.Children learn from their parents so your nieces mom is the one who needs a swift kick in the butt. Just remember you are stronger and will meet your goals.
And use this as a comeback: I may or not be a little weight challenged but you are mean and I can lose weight.
The OP heard her neice making an, apparently true, observation and you feel that a proper response is for the eavesdropping OP to confront and then accuse a child (who didn't say a word to the OP about her weight) of being mean.0 -
I guess it's old-fashioned thinking to teach your children "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." So sorry your family is making you feel awful. And yes, it is still an insult even if it's true. There is a world of difference in a concerned loved one taking a person aside and expressing concern for their health and a child being allowed to call someone fat.0
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omg yes! my family constantly tease me about my big butt and thunder thighs! then tonight i ate so much food that my stomach stuck out and i heard someone say i looked prego! WTF?!0
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how old is the little girl? she's either at that age of innocence where kids just blab out whatever they see or the family talks about being fat all the time.
She is 10, almost 11. Plenty old to understand the effect her words have on others. I see that she is struggling to push boundaries and feel people out, and that is okay. I am more than happy to help her through that. It makes me sad, though, because she seems to get quite the kick out of it. At that age, it is not acceptable. A six year old? Yeah! I can see that. But 10-11? Nah.
She's 10...she's a kid. Kids will say it as it is and what's rude/shouldn't be said is something her parents need to teach her. But again she's 10 and you're the adult. And if you get hurt (or rather, how much you let it hurt/bother you) is all on you.
If it's the truth, it's the truth. I'm fat but I'm not going to let something someone (especially a child) says get to me. I'm doing something about me being fat and I'm proud of that. If you are actively doing something about it, then you are doing something about the problem and that should be enough for you to get over what anyone else says.
Yeah, it isn't really about her - it hurt my feelings and made me stop and think about my eating issues. I have been numb and ignoring my physical self for months, and her comments made me feel something again. It isn't really about whether she is a child or not, I am merely sharing the effect it had on me and asking for similar experiences to be shared.
Sometimes things get to us, no matter how resilient we like to believe we are. Sometimes something breaks through that wall, and sometimes something good comes of it. I'm going to make the best of the sting. 0 -
When I was eating an extra piece of cake on my 16th birthday my father top me nobody was going to take me away and marry me if I kept eating like that and called me fat like he frequently did as I grew up. At that time I was at my tiniest which was a size 5. I'll add that I got there in a very unhealthy way. I had become bulimic and worked out in my room 14 hours a day. Nobody noticed and I was still called fat. I decided it didn't matter anymore and ballooned back up. It hurt a lot and it still does. I now use that memory do give me that extra drive to work out harder. But this time I am doing it right with people who support me. My family is far away now and can't hurt me anymore because I won't let them.
Sorry for the long story but that is my experience with mean family members.Children learn from their parents so your nieces mom is the one who needs a swift kick in the butt. Just remember you are stronger and will meet your goals.
And use this as a comeback: I may or not be a little weight challenged but you are mean and I can lose weight.
The OP heard her neice making an, apparently true, observation and you feel that a proper response is for the eavesdropping OP to confront and then accuse a child (who didn't say a word to the OP about her weight) of being mean.
I wasn't eavesdropping. It was in the den, and our entire family was sitting in the room. And I don't plan to hold this against her in any way. Again, it really isn't about the child.0
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