'Tis the season to be insulted by family members?
Replies
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Yes, it is too much to ask.Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
Why on earth would you do that because of what a child says?Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding.0 -
Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
Yes, it is too much to ask.
Truth.0 -
Is it an insult if someone, particularly a child, is telling you the truth?
The kid is preparing for a future career as a member of the MFP Meanies.0 -
Yes, it is too much to ask.Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
Why on earth would you do that because of what a child says?Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding.
I have severe social anxiety and other problems - it doesn't take much.0 -
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Yes, it is too much to ask.Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
Why on earth would you do that because of what a child says?Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding.
I have severe social anxiety and other problems - it doesn't take much.
I'm very sorry to hear that. It's unfortunate, but kids are going to do mortifying things all the time.0 -
children are rude
And modern parents are complacent. Scary stuff.0 -
Last Christmas my 3 year old niece called me pregnant. I laughed it off & told her no I'm just fat! I made an embarrassing situation funny. Its hurtful, but try to make the best of it. Hang in there0
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I'm sorry of this comes off as too blunt, but if you're fat...then you're fat. The kid was tactless, of course, but it isn't like you are unaware of it, so why let it affect you so greatly that you'd go and hide and let your holiday be ruined over it?
I'm sorry that you feel bad, but you're being overly sensitive about it. Time to accept that you are the way that you are and also accept that you're changing it, so that isn't the way you will always be.0 -
Yes, it is too much to ask.Is it too much to ask to go through one holiday season without a family member commenting on weight or food intake?
Why on earth would you do that because of what a child says?Needless to say, I spent the rest of the weekend hiding.
I have severe social anxiety and other problems - it doesn't take much.
I'm very sorry to hear that. It's unfortunate, but kids are going to do mortifying things all the time.
Yes, OP, take heart! I am quite certain your niece has embarrassed your aunt more than once. THIS is why parents need to be careful what they say around their kids, and nick any hurtful talk in the bud. They also need to own what their kids say. Your aunt was wrong not to apologize, and/or have your niece apologize to you.0 -
i take it as a compliment when my family members make fun of how much i eat...bulking season ladies and gentlemen0
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Omg my almost 5 yr old said this to an aunt on saturday. It was the first time I ever heard her say it. We felt so bad. We call her baby brother fat boy all the time he's 1 is a cutesy nickname. We did explain it not nice to say those things. Idk if she got it from me talking to her brother or from preschool. But I know she didnt know better. I think she gets it now she says not nice it hurts feelings. Depending on age n experience of kid it may not have been said out of meanness. Talk to the parents I'm sure they will correct it.
Dont take what kids say to heart. Or anyone really. You know your trying to change that's all that matters.0 -
This makes me weep for humanity.
OP, if you can't stand a child telling you bluntly something factual about yourself, then I really think the problem lies with you and not the child.
Children say things without thinking. You can''t go into hiding every time someone says something negative for the rest of your life.
You need to find a better coping mechanism.
I find laughter is a good one.0 -
You're niece may be a brat or might have some issue that causes her not to "have a filter" by age 10. (my nine year old nephew would never say such a thing, but his little sister is close behind him and I can't say for certain if she would by that age b/c she comes up with some doozies, and just has a different mentality in general but seems to be getting it albeit more slowly.)
I was drawn to this thread b/c my kid was being rude (much younger) about food being served to him over the holidays and of course hubby called him on it, that's how they learn we grown ups HAVE TO TELL THEM. I'm glad you mother did. Her reply was just showing that she is either testing or totally unaware of social cues and may have a problem that needs looking into.
Regardless, you're aunt probably didn't need to know what went on but I can accept you may have been so hurt you needed to vent. Even if your aunt did not console you from sheer shock at what your niece said and how hard you took it or your need to repeat it, that doesn't mean she didn't give someone a finger wagging later, niece or niece's parent.
Finally, take heart that your own mother stood up for you (and your learning niece) instantly. It tells me your family has a strong base (matriarch) and your niece's antics will soon go by the wayside. Your only job then is to focus on you and getting yourself to where ever you want to be physically, independent of your niece's remark or what is behind them, extra touch of brattiness, mean girl in training, or some serious issue that is not known or addressed yet. All of which are not in your wheelhouse of control so they are best put out of your mind for now. I'm sorry you were insulted for xmas:flowerforyou: but if it makes you feel any better so were my brother-in-law's potatoes.
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Assuming she doesn't have a disorder that causes lack of a filter, she sounds like an incredible 10-year-old brat. I remember them! 10 was hard with the little s#$%heads at that age running around.
I'd probably have warned her that if she does that in front of people all her life, she'll eventually get punched in the nose and I'm worried about her, hee hee. I'd make her promise to stay safe and not do things that really piss people off, especially with a smirk on her face. Pinky swear to that! Then I'd ask her mom if she's been checked for any disorders (only if I knew she didn't have one, of course). I can't stand families that let kids get that old with 'mean girls' and the like and do nothing about it. It's completely different if there is something up, of course.
But mine was pretty funny, even though it stung a bit. I was leaning over in shorts catching crabs in a tidal pool and some kid several yards behind me said, "Mommy, that lady has a big butt!" This was before folks of certain backgrounds liked big butts at all. I was very self-conscious about it, because my brother gave me crap for it, too. That brother didn't stop that sort of thing until he was much too old to be doing it. His nickname for me was Teela (the original, for my thighs, along with 'Thunder Thighs'), and he didn't stop calling me that until he started lifting and couldn't grow his thighs. Ha! Karma 0 -
kids are pretty terrible honestly
I feel you op im sorry
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I'm just sorry that you let this ruin your holiday. Kids do not always have/use the correct social filters at 10. But honestly, she was saying this to another adult, the other adult gave her a corrective response, and you overheard the exchange. It's not like she is running around saying it to your face to be hurtful.
Focus all your energy on changing the things in your life that make you unsatisfied. There will always be people that will say unkind things. If they are truly rude people, they will always find the ammunition to hurt others. It is not so much about you, as about their insecurities.
One of the best skills we can learn in life, is to love ourselves. It's also very instrumental in the process of losing weight and getting healthy. Best of luck to you.0 -
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Even if you are on the right road then it won't affect you0
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I probably would've treated the little squirt to a lecture on what's wrong with basing someone's value on their weight, doubling down if they only seemed to do this with half of humanity. If they're old enough to get a glimpse of a fashion magazine that message has already entered their life and someone needs to tell her that she doesn't need to get on every bandwagon.0
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My son who was 5 years old at the time said "Dad, you're too fat!" This was a big motivator for me to lose weight. At the time, I was over 400 pounds and now I'm at 190 pounds. I say turn that comment into a motivator to live healthy.0
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As harsh as it all is ( I fully understand how you feel) the reality is even if you came in with a body of a godless there will ALWAYS be someone there, ready to make a derogatory comment.
F%£k them and use that anger to drive you on. Amazing what a p@ssed off person can achieve!0 -
This makes me weep for humanity.
OP, if you can't stand a child telling you bluntly something factual about yourself, then I really think the problem lies with you and not the child.
Children say things without thinking. You can''t go into hiding every time someone says something negative for the rest of your life.
You need to find a better coping mechanism.
I find laughter is a good one.
If this makes you weep for humanity, then it's safe to say that your response would make a well adjusted person weep as well. It's really not all that difficult, or dramatic. I am simply sharing something with "Motivation and Support" - something that woke me up, something that stung deep.
I'm sensitive, but not overly so. I've had issues with social anxiety since childhood, so there was a lot building up to this. Of course, I should always expect a couple of people who get off on being contrary to reply.
I'm not blaming the child for anything, and have already stated that I will not hold this against her. It is not about the child, or about the fact that I am indeed overweight. Yes, that is a fact, and yes, I am aware of it.
It hurt. Okay? It really isn't that difficult to understand.0 -
You're niece may be a brat or might have some issue that causes her not to "have a filter" by age 10. (my nine year old nephew would never say such a thing, but his little sister is close behind him and I can't say for certain if she would by that age b/c she comes up with some doozies, and just has a different mentality in general but seems to be getting it albeit more slowly.)
I was drawn to this thread b/c my kid was being rude (much younger) about food being served to him over the holidays and of course hubby called him on it, that's how they learn we grown ups HAVE TO TELL THEM. I'm glad you mother did. Her reply was just showing that she is either testing or totally unaware of social cues and may have a problem that needs looking into.
Regardless, you're aunt probably didn't need to know what went on but I can accept you may have been so hurt you needed to vent. Even if your aunt did not console you from sheer shock at what your niece said and how hard you took it or your need to repeat it, that doesn't mean she didn't give someone a finger wagging later, niece or niece's parent.
Finally, take heart that your own mother stood up for you (and your learning niece) instantly. It tells me your family has a strong base (matriarch) and your niece's antics will soon go by the wayside. Your only job then is to focus on you and getting yourself to where ever you want to be physically, independent of your niece's remark or what is behind them, extra touch of brattiness, mean girl in training, or some serious issue that is not known or addressed yet. All of which are not in your wheelhouse of control so they are best put out of your mind for now. I'm sorry you were insulted for xmas:flowerforyou: but if it makes you feel any better so were my brother-in-law's potatoes.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply.
There is history with the aunt, so her silence said a lot.
When I lost weight the first time, years ago, I went from 202 pounds to 120 pounds. After I lost that weight, she felt relieved that she could finally say what she thought of me when I was fat.
"You looked like the Michelin Man!"
"You looked like bread dough!"
"You looked like a fat doll, kind of plastic-y with a pretty little face buried."0 -
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. There is history with the aunt, so her silence said a lot.
When I lost weight the first time, years ago, I went from 202 pounds to 120 pounds. After I lost that weight, she felt relieved that she could finally say what she thought of me when I was fat.
"You looked like the Michelin Man!"
"You looked like bread dough!"
"You looked like a fat doll, kind of plastic-y with a pretty little face buried."
Awww see now we're all going to feel bad for the kiddo. Wonder what she's hearing. Poor thing!0 -
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. There is history with the aunt, so her silence said a lot.
When I lost weight the first time, years ago, I went from 202 pounds to 120 pounds. After I lost that weight, she felt relieved that she could finally say what she thought of me when I was fat.
"You looked like the Michelin Man!"
"You looked like bread dough!"
"You looked like a fat doll, kind of plastic-y with a pretty little face buried."
Awww see now we're all going to feel bad for the kiddo. Wonder what she's hearing. Poor thing!
Kiddo wasn't exposed to any of that. Her mother is overweight, and quite confident. She doesn't do "fat talk", that is for sure. 0 -
I will say 10 is too old to not be held accountable for what comes out of her mouth.
I had my uncle give me the riot act once for saying some pretty derogatory things about a group of people about that age. I'm glad he did it taught me how to keep my stupid mouth shut.
At any age though if my child said something that could be thought of as hurtful of course I'd quickly correct it.0 -
Kiddo wasn't exposed to any of that. Her mother is overweight, and quite confident. She doesn't do "fat talk", that is for sure.
Oh, I thought that was her mother saying awful things. That's good she's not getting that. Maybe it's the opposite situation then-the child just sees "fat" as a descriptor since it isn't a "negative" in her house.0 -
Kiddo wasn't exposed to any of that. Her mother is overweight, and quite confident. She doesn't do "fat talk", that is for sure.
Oh, I thought that was her mother saying awful things. That's good she's not getting that. Maybe it's the opposite situation then-the child just sees "fat" as a descriptor since it isn't a "negative" in her house.
I wish that was the case! Her mother knows it is an insult, she is just complacent and uninvolved. The girl is trying to test the waters - it is understandable. She insults her mother too, in different ways. Sadly, only her father explains to her why it is wrong.
She was calling my mother old and ugly, too, and following up with "Just kidding!" *cheeky grin*0 -
People say hurtful things all the time. If it's not about weight, it will be about hair, clothing, style, etc. It probably just hurt more because it was a family member.
People who are successful have thick skin. It may take time to "grow" it, but it gets thicker when one doesn't let outside negative influence deter them from reaching whatever goal they are trying to achieve.
I like being like a rhino.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Don't take it personal... I know that's easy to say and hard to do... but the truth is that the comment reveals more about her low self esteem than it does anything about you...
Confront her about that!0
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