Fun for thought Only...Opinions Requested!

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  • faithfirst
    faithfirst Posts: 138 Member
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    ^^^^^^^ well said! Go for it! Be bold.... what do you have to lose... nothing at all.
  • Cali_Chica
    Cali_Chica Posts: 895 Member
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    Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.


    Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.

    But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?

    I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.

    For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.


    Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.

    But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?

    I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.

    For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.

    I suck at all forms of flirting, eye contact, and otherwise generally accepted forms of body language. So my options were sit and wait or just get my butt up and handle it myself. I'm a direct person, some guys were ok with that, my husband being one of them, admittedly a lot of guys weren't, but my dating experience was limited mostly to highschool so that probably had more to do with that issue than anything else.
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
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    I think women approaching is fine. I never once viewed it as desperate. Approach away ladies.

    I've gotten approached a few times at bars. Unfortunately, I was never interested in the women who approached me. I've always had much better luck being the pursuer and not the pursue.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.


    Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.

    But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?

    I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.

    For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.

    So pawning off the responsibility is not settling.

    Check.
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
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    Honestly? You'll probably get various, contradicting replies from people of both genders. This is why dating in this modern day is tough. :grumble:

    I approach girls if I know for sure they're les/bi. Guys? I've never approached guys. I tend to let him subtly know I'm interested. Though, if he approaches me, I'm not beyond a little flirting. :blushing:
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I haven't read all responses ---

    I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.

    I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.

    This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
    So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
    They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.

    It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).

    A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.

    I like this. Well said.
  • vafitnessguy
    vafitnessguy Posts: 1
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    I think.....
  • tammys_changing
    tammys_changing Posts: 657
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    I think.....

    ......I already know! Thanks :)
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    I never approach. Not because I doubt a female would be interested, I am aware I am moderately attractive and in pretty good shape. So I would make it past most women's "looks" filter I think. And my cowboy hat seems to work miracles lol. But I am horrible at carrying on a conversation if I don't know someone. I blame it on being very shy and introverted. So beyond "hello," I would have no idea what to say.

    That being said, I get approached pretty much every time I go out to a bar to listen to live music. I don't see anything wrong with it. And I will usually chat with the person as long as they want to chat. But not like I am going to pick up anyone in a bar anyway, regardless of who approaches.
  • JessieGurlJb
    JessieGurlJb Posts: 441
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    Clear signals and flirting can usually encourage him to make the first "move". And it never hurts to not rush things
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    I haven't read all responses ---

    I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.

    I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.

    This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
    So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
    They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.

    It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).

    A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.

    Eh, screw that pursuit crap. Tried that for a little while, was nothing but frustration. If I ask you out, and you are interested, say yes. Any other response is a lack of interest no matter what bull chit accompanies it. So move on. Leave the games for kids.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    A classy lady should never approach a man!! It's looks like she is desperate.

    A smile while making eye contact is enough and a real man will approach the woman!!

    pffft! guess i'm not classy. i go after what i want, i get it, and i like it that way. i've never had any complaints on my approach. guess guys don't like classy ladies either... :huh:

    i'm like a heat-seaking missile when i want something. nothing keeps me away from the target. go cold on me and i'll go away. and i won't have my little butt hurt over it either. i'm not afraid to try, and not afraid to get shot down.
  • tammys_changing
    tammys_changing Posts: 657
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    A classy lady should never approach a man!! It's looks like she is desperate.

    A smile while making eye contact is enough and a real man will approach the woman!!

    pffft! guess i'm not classy. i go after what i want, i get it, and i like it that way. i've never had any complaints on my approach. guess guys don't like classy ladies either... :huh:

    i'm like a heat-seaking missile when i want something. nothing keeps me away from the target. go cold on me and i'll go away. and i won't have my little butt hurt over it either. i'm not afraid to try, and not afraid to get shot down.

    Awesome attitude and confidence. Love it!
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
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    Many men (note: not all) would appreciate a woman taking the first move. Men like to feel wanted and pursued too.

    I also imagine there would be far less bitter, alone women, sitting at home upset at the world if they did take the initiative more often. A lot of people are alone because they CHOOSE to be by living with some antiquated idea that some guy is going to just come up to them one day, see their unique awesomeness, and they don't have to lift a finger to make it happen. Might work for you if you look like Halle Berry or Olivia Wilde, but chances are you don't, so why not get out there, shuck off tired "norms", and meet some great guys.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
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    Some men are too shy to approach women. A family member of mine is like that. He is very attractive according to all of my female friends, but he is too insecure to approach girls. He says they have to approach him.

    I personally will ask a guy out if I'm interested. We either go on a date or I move on and find another guy.

    It's scary but fun, so give it a try. (:
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
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    Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.

    Are you saying that you would like a man to continuing pursuing you indefinitely, with thoughtful and romantic gestures, but you have no intention to ever do the same?
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
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    Some men are too shy to approach women. A family member of mine is like that. He is very attractive according to all of my female friends, but he is too insecure to approach girls. He says they have to approach him.

    I personally will ask a guy out if I'm interested. We either go on a date or I move on and find another guy.

    It's scary but fun, so give it a try. (:
    where in the hell does this happen!?

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