Punishment for my son. I need ideas!

mathjulz

When they were little, I would give my kids "the blackout" ... Nothing electronic (except a lightbulb) for x amount of time. Small things would get a 2 hour blackout. Big .. maybe even a 48 hour blackout.

Now that they're in high school, they dont get the WiFi password of the day until homework is done.

This is a good idea.

The other thing I could think of would be going to school with him to make sure the homework gets turned in. One or two days of this might be enough.

IPAkiller

My parents had a grade/freedom chart. Down the left side it had all the things I did: watch tv, have tv in room, be out past dark, have car, drive car, play sports, go to friends etc etc etc. Across the top was GPA (from 0.0 – 4.0). Depending on what the freedom was, I had to maintain a certain GPA. I might only have to have a 3.0 to own my car, but I would have to have a 3.7 to actually drive the thing. Every quarter, we’d take my report card, figure the GPA and lay a ruler down the chart to see what I could and couldn’t do, what I was going to get or get taken away, how cool my life was going to be or how bad it was going to suck. I hated that effing chart but looking back I think it was an excellent approach. It gave a clear explanation of consequences vs. expectations. It was way better than having something happen, my parents get pissed and randomly select a punishment. I knew that if I didn’t keep my grades at a certain level, exactly what I was going to lose. It sounds like you’re taking his stuff away when he does badly. This only allows him to react to the sudden change and possible just get pissed at you instead of accept he did this.

fbmandy55

Show him a pamphlet for a Military School and tell him if he doesn't straighten out, that's where he will be going.

LOL! We've (father = former Marine, me= former Air Force) already begun teaching my soon to be 12 yr old how to fold his shirts!

One of my 6 year old's chores is to fold his own clothes!

Sharon_C

With my kids, if I needed a severe punishment, they had to be at my beck and call. They had to do EVERY chore and when I tell them to do it. None of this "I'll do it at xx time." If I needed something done they had to drop whatever they were doing and be there to do it for me. It cured them. They hated it.

jackpotclown

Show him a pamphlet for a Military School and tell him if he doesn't straighten out, that's where he will be going.

This is the plot of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

\m/

tlacox1

As a seventh grade teacher myself, let me tell you that, unfortunately, this is normal. It makes me want to pull my hair out most days. I applaud you for wanting to step in but I also caution you because sometimes that can make it worse. I am by no means saying to just butt out because he needs to understand what the big deal is and needs to know that you won't just let it go. Set consequences and make sure they are consequences that you can stick with and ones that he actually cares about. Be firm and consistent. Also, and I am in no way saying you do this, make sure you're not just yelling at him all the time. All you're doing is wasting your breathe because it seems as if they develop some type of chemical in their brain at that age that just blocks an adults voice out.

There are so many things that he can be involved in at that age so you may need to find something that he likes and use that. Sports is usually one they love to get into at that age but if he isn't passing his classes then he won't be eligible.

Also, as a teacher, I thank you for being so concerned and involved. You would be surprised at the lack of parent participation these days. There are a lot that do but even more that don't so thank you.

SugarLou57

I would suggest that you check online if you can each day (or call his advisor / teachers if not) and find out what his homework is.
If you can monitor his homework this way, you can also see if it was turned in. Then the remedy for not turning it in would be you now go with him to school and ensure he delivers his homework to his teachers. Maybe only the threat of this would work, but don't make any threats you can't follow through.

While some of the other manual labor ideas are suitable for a lot of things, I like to keep the consequences close to the problem. This is about school, so keep it school related. Homework not turned in, no school functions. Failing or poor grades, no school sports (or no travel teams) or whatever makes sense according to what he likes to do.

Good luck!

PlanetVelma

Have him write a short essay describing the benefits he hopes to gain by not doing his homework... and he should read the essay to you after he completes the essay!!:glasses:

I had done this for certain infractions.

Although if you're looking for a nice manual task....scrubbing trash cans is a favorite of mine to assign! Or I would task him with mowing the neighbors lawn (disabled old guy). My neighbor would call me "I see you're pissed at your boy again, my yard looks great!" LOL

UsedToBeHusky

Don't be a helicopter parent. There are natural consquences for him not doing his homework. He'll experience them and make changes. It's hard to sit back and let him do that but in the long run, both of your lives will be much better and less stressful.

The all-knowing, all-powerful Max

(pay no attention the man behind the curtain)

I agree, helicopter parents make life difficult for their children. Let him fail. What happens to you when you don't do something you are supposed to do.....there is a consequence. Let him learn about consequences. There is no better teacher than failure.

Are you serious right now? Providing consequences for your children so that they can avoid setting their lives up for failure is actually what a parent is supposed to do. Do you really think he will care if he flunks math now? He might care when he is 30 and flipping burgers, but not right now.

I am very serious.

Okay... so he flunks 7th grade because he won't do homework. You just cut his post-education options in half. Now he is in a class full of kids younger than him and he's pissed off so he gets the reputation of a trouble-maker that follows him through high school. Now the likelihood of him furthering his education is even more greatly reduced, reducing his potential future income. With the rate of inflation, it is pretty likely that he will not be able to make a livable wage... so now he must lean on you. At this point, it's too late to teach him responsibility and independence.

But hey... you didn't make his education a priority to you, and therefore, it never became a priority for him.

lillivewire87

I grew up on a farm...I didn't usually get things taken away because I was often too busy with chores to really use things anyway...HOWEVER...I never wanted to get myself in trouble because I had the "Respect Pile"

The Respect Pile just so happened to be the cow stanchion where they get fed, and needless to say things pile up quickly. My dad usually cleaned it out every other week or so with the tractor. If I did something, I was assigned a certain number of hours and handed a shovel, a wheelbarrow, and some muck boots the amount of time depending on the level of disrespect I showed. This was assigned on top of all of my regular chores. In addition however, I also had a reward system. If I did something well, got a good test score, did my chores without having to be reminded, instead of an immediate monetary award I earned RAOK chips (random acts of kindness). I could eventually earn enough to turn in for things that I wanted...a digital camera, clothes, etc...or I could turn them in for lessening respect pile time, or having the night off from chores. While the Respect Pile is daunting...I truly think the reward system is what helped keep me from getting in trouble. I wanted to please my parents and I wanted to earn those things...

I understand you might not have a cow stantion to use, but there are many things that are unpleasant to do around the house...or find something like a Horse Riding Charity/Therapy or a vet's office and have him go there to help for whatever hours he merits..they can always use "volunteers" to help muck out stalls/clean kennels, and that has the bonus of being something he could eventually put on his resume/college application as a "volunteer" activity.

rattleh3ad

Send him to the coal mines.

9kitsune

My parents used to take my bedroom door off as punishment. Weird, but it did work. Hated not having that privacy. Also, when I was grounded I wasn't alowwed to stay in my room. I had to stay in the family room with them. I was also made to do community service, and spent saturdays at my church cleaning and helping with projects.

I was so stubborn, and did anything I could to get a rise out of my parents. He's just wanting attention. Don't give up on him, he's probably just as upset and sad as you are that this is going on.

ooh i would do anything to get my door back, thats a good one

Jersey_Devil

Show him a pamphlet for a Military School and tell him if he doesn't straighten out, that's where he will be going.

This is the plot of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

\m/

sweetpea03b

Yard work; (if he has someone to show him how) change the oil on your car next time it needs it.... you could have him change the tires too... not saying there is anything wrong with being an auto mechanic... but honestly... he'll be doing stuff like that if he doesn't stay in school. In COLD WEATHER.

Clean the oven... I hate to do that. You can send him over to my house to do mine too

MaryJane_8810002

Whip his *kitten*

/thread

parys1

Just a clarification. I am an active and involved parent and I know what my son is capable of. I also know that he is planning on being an engineer, so he has ambitions to go with his abilities. Failure wasn't going to happen, but not getting something he wanted (honours), but had to work for, made a huge impact. Learning from our mistakes is hugely important. Mind you, he is only 13, so I don't know what the next few years of teenagerhood will bring. But so far, he has learned that hard work pays off and that his honours marks are all his own doing.

ETA: We are also rewarding his excellent marks :-)

Capt_Inzane

I didn't read everything but I have a 12 year old daughter and she started doing the same thing. Since I don't live with her it was difficult for me to enforce anything but every night I would call my ex-wife and ask if she had done her homework and if she hadn't she stayed on the phone with me until it was done.

Then we started having issues where she wouldn't turn it in. So now everyday she has to get something signed from the teacher stating she turned it in. If she doesn't then she sits at the table staring at her homework for the entire night. Nothing else!


To everyone saying take things away,etc while these may be effective honestly sitting down with your son and not moving until he does the homework will ensure it gets done. As for not turning it in, if I lived with my daughter or lived a little closer to her school I would go to school every morning and during class walk in and be like "Ok, class I'm here because my daughter won't turn in her homework. Can we please take a moment for me to turn it in for her?"

Do that a few times and I promise it'll be turned in.

12skipafew99100

Threaten to go to school, with one tooth blacked out, curlers in your hair and mismatched holey clothes and eat lunch with him everyday he has late assignments. Promise to stop when he gets caught up.

KxCoyote

As someone who was like that in school, and rather recently too. I can say taking things away, did not work for me at all. Just made me madder at my parents and want to do less to spite them.
For me, my counselor switched it up and started giving me incentive to do my homework.
Reward them for doing their homework, make homework a positive thing. (My dad tempted me with horseback riding lessons. if i did my homework, the right way for a certain amount of time, i got to go once. if i kept them up, i could keep going. It was an xmas gift, but he tied it into my grades.)
But before that point, My dad just made me sit in the garage and forced me to do my homework, wasn't allowed to get up for any reason until it was done, which, because most of the time i didn't understand the work, resulted in me sitting in a chair for over 12 hours often with a full bladder.... so i wouldn't recommend this.
(Also note, I missed a LOT of school for medical reasons, so I was quite often VERY far behind)

T_Roc

Yard work; (if he has someone to show him how) change the oil on your car next time it needs it.... you could have him change the tires too... not saying there is anything wrong with being an auto mechanic... but honestly... he'll be doing stuff like that if he doesn't stay in school. In COLD WEATHER.

Clean the oven...

Good idea, find chores that your friends need to have done. Since he has some much time on his hand.