Punishment for my son. I need ideas!

iamspdd

Ask him, "What do I need to do to get you to do your homework?"

Then suggest a tutor? Perhaps a tutor (someone near his age) can help persuade him to get his homework done?

bperkins88

I would go to school with him for a day in your pajamas & go class to class with him. Tell him either he does his work or you'll keep doing things to embarrass him

Embarrassing your child is a great idea for developmental issues. Just think how much he/she will get ridiculed in school. Just do like my father did to me. Either do your homework, or go in the back yard and pick your own switch. lol``

redheaddee

BURPEES.

I would have been a straight A student.

mrsfyredude

Show him a pamphlet for a Military School and tell him if he doesn't straighten out, that's where he will be going.

LOL! We've (father = former Marine, me= former Air Force) already begun teaching my soon to be 12 yr old how to fold his shirts!

One of my 6 year old's chores is to fold his own clothes!

I guess I should have qualified, I don't know how it is now, but when I was active duty we had to fold our t-shirts in 6" squares, my son is practically an expert now! :happy:

2dogzrule

If you have a lawn, outside work. Vacuuming is good and how about some sort of community volunteer work which you could use to turn the whole thing into a very positive experience.

rew05d

<b>Possible ACTUAL Problem:</b> You know he may just be struggling in school. It may not be refusal, but fear because he doesn't understand the content. At that age, it is more terrifying to fail and be labeled stupid by classmates rather than be a hardcore rebel.

1. I second sitting down with the kid and doing homework with him
2. OR if you really want him to succeed with school work, get him a HOT older female tutor... He would try to impress her!

If all that fails and he is just being a teenage boy and a **** while trying to assert his independence:
I would change the wifi password daily and not give it until the homework is completed!

lsegatti

Not sure you are saying one task for every homework missed,etc,etc......blast it hard and heavy. Pick 5 daily tasks that are hard to do and he does them every day all five every time he misses nor assignment. If there is a full week of all done, the. One task is removed but it becomes an agreement of which task to remove. Choice and a feeling of power must be retained for him.

So in a month or so things should be on track.....too many families use reward, tokens and stars. As an educator for over thirty years, they do not work but we keep trying!

lambchristie

I would totally make him wear bum outfits to school, until he starts doing his homework.

Not acceptable to humiliate as a form of punishment.

19TaraLynn84

My 12 year old son has decided that, now that he's in 7th grade, he knows everything and no longer needs to do his homework.

Ok, not really. He's just doing that stupid pre-teen, hormone-driven thing where half the time they don't do their homework and the other half of the time they do it, but forget to turn it in.

I have taken away everything I can think of. The kid has no life anymore. I am out of things to take away unless I'm going to start denying him necessities such as food and shelter--which I haven't ruled out entirely if this continues. This kid just won't budge. So, I have decided that the next thing to try will be to show him what a lack of basic education will get him in life by forcing him to perform manual labor around the house for free. I am thinking I will assign 1 task per missed homework assignment on top of making up that homework assignment. In addition, 1 task will be assigned per class which has a grade of C or below.

This is where you all come in. I need ideas. What sorts of chores can a 12 year old boy do that will make him prefer to do his homework over performing that task? Here's my list so far:

1. Clean the dog kennel.
2. Clean the bathrooms.
3. Fold laundry (everyone's; not just his own).
4. Do the dishes.

Aaaaaaaaaaand.....GO!

The things on your list of punishments would not have been punishment to me, as I was required to do these things on a regular basis. I don't have teenagers yet, and I'm kind of dreading it, so I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm just going to relay to you my own experience as a teenager. We had regular chores and this taught us responsibility. My parents didn't have trouble getting any of us to do our homework, as it was something we just had to get done. Perhaps it will help to give him chores that he does routinely instead of as punishment. This may help him see that in life, there are just things that we have to do, so may as well make the best of it. It's just a thought!

ritoosh

I was like that, it got to the point my mom worked half a day and pick me up and then sit there and help me with my homework, I was never good in school, I snapped out of it right before my senior year when my cousin whom I looked up to talked to me...maybe do something like that or if not something even worse that might have some kind of affect on him

gogoboobzilla

My dad had some creative punishments.
Off the top of my head:

Doing the "dying cockroach" while he drilled me about what I did wrong

Wearing an armband made out of a tube sock with what I did wrong on it (liar, etc)

Sitting on a bench by the back door/just inside and telling everyone who came by what I did wrong. I just had to sit there and then tell my story. Back then we had kind of a lot of visitors on weekends so it sucked.

Reading some book out of his collection he assigned me (History of Ford, Randy Weavers account on the happenings at Ruby Ridge, misc stuff by Bo Gritz) and writing a book report. This happened more than once as you can tell and was usually coupled with manual labor and house arrest. I was allowed computer etc, but I couldn't go anywhere and the labor would go on until I was done with the book report.
Physical tasks:
Sweeping the driveway
Powerwashing the driveway
Detailing cars
Laying giant chunks of broken concrete in the mud to make a "road" to the back of the 4acre property
Splitting logs
Dragging/burning brush

Mommybug2

Make him volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. In this economy not having an education likely means not having a job and not being able to support a family. Let him see how those people live - let THEM tell him their story. Coming from you it's "blah blah blah" Mom's exaggerating to make me do what she wants. Seeing it for himself lets their be no denial.

Mr_Bad_Example

OP - you should have your son create an account here and then direct him to spend the day replying to nothing but detox and cleanse threads.

Problem solved.

wendybirdgirl

This happened with my son too. But for him, it was 8th grade.

He is a pretty good kid, but got overwhelmed with the changing classes every hour and managing all those different assignments. He was getting a few Cs and a few Ds. He was previously an A student.

I have the opposite recommendation to the other folks weighing in....

I first visited all his teachers to find out why he was behind, and how we could resolve it. This had the consequence of totally embarrassing him. Because it was in front of his cool friends. Then he had to write a letter of apology to the principal, and beg to be allowed to stay in soccer. He had to write a contract, or they would have kicked him out.

Then my husband had to teach him how to make a big spread sheet to log all his assignments. Every week he got a new copy for the week, and we got one. We made sure everything was checked off once a week.

This is the hardest part: Either myself or husband sat at the kitchen table with him while he did his homework. For 3 hours sometimes!!! But we have laptops, and kind of did our own work while he did his.

Now he is sooooo much better at managing all his work, following a spreadsheet, asking teachers for more information, etc. He is getting all A's and one B in 9th grade.

For him, he just did not have the skills or emotional maturity to deal on his own. Boys can be like that.

Good Luck! Hang in there. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted!

Sinisterly

OP - you should have your son create an account here and then direct him to spend the day replying to nothing but detox and cleanse threads.

Problem solved.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Only problem, he'd have to be 18+ hehehe.

19TaraLynn84

I would go to school with him for a day in your pajamas & go class to class with him. Tell him either he does his work or you'll keep doing things to embarrass him

That would just humiliate me if I did that to my children!

JoRocka

So one question to everyone suggesting positive reinforcement. I've read a couple places that this can be dangerous too, as kids will start expecting to be rewarded for everything, which certainly isn't the way life works. Any one ever run into that issue?

I expect to be paid at work.

Okay. A little joke, but if punishment isn't working then it is time to consider other options, rather than just getting more creative with punishment. Kids aren't easy to raise, there are a variety of tools available, and as others have said, each of us has to figure out the combination that works for our own kids. They are certainly not all the same.

but you don't get expect to get paid to maintain your dwelling do you?

nope- dishes- laundry- all these things must be done anyway.

he's part of the house- then they are part of his problem too. I have no issue paying for outside things that aren't house maintance- but paying for stuff that needs doing- trash- laundry- sweeping vacuuming whatever- nope nope nope nope.

snowbear1005

How about setting aside a time for him to do his homework and helping him?

My oldest son, now 13, has had trouble with school since the first grade. He has trouble with reading comprehension and attention span. ADD/ADHD was ruled out, I think the distractibility comes from getting overwhelmed with the work and shutting down. I had him in private tutoring for two years when the school stopped providing extra assistance with reading in the upper elementary grades (budget cuts), had him stay after school for study hour (he does better in a more structured environment with on-on-one assistance available although I do help him at home as well), and Saturday school. This summer, he will be attending a private summer school program to prep him for high school next year.

I see no benefit in punishing him or letting him fail.

ziggyc

I love this thread. There are a lot of good ideas on here and it's always nice to know you're not the only one going through something hard.

sethwdyer

Sit down with his every night and make sure that he does his homework. Do it with him if that is what is needed.