The Beautiful People

Iwishyouwell

I participate on those threads. And yeah, they are a confidence booster. A few years ago I was borderline morbidly obese. My husband was embarrassed to be seen with me, and made that very clear. I felt horrible about myself, and who I saw in the mirror.

So I started working out. Slowly at first. I did the Couch 2-5k. Some of the weight started dropping off. I started running races. I started going to the gym. I was still fat. Very fat. But less fat than I had been.

Then my husband left me. Rocked my world. Turned it upside down. He hooked up with this tiny little blonde girl, literally half my size, and 15 years younger than him. For the first time since high school, I was alone.

I hit the gym with a vengeance. And you know what, I came through it. I think I look pretty damn good. I feel confident in showing off all that hard work. Piss and moan about all you want about the "narcissistic asshats". But I worked goddamn hard for this. And I'll show it off any time.

Today I'm working out twice, because I can, and because I still have more hard work to put in. Stop cry babying about it, and put the hard work in yourself.

I don't think your last statement was very fair. While I do agree that hard work pays off and you should feel proud and be able to show it off, it's not cool to tell someone to stop cry babying. Just because someone has a moment where they are feeling defeated doesn't mean they are giving up. Just because someone looks at themselves in the mirror and feels ashamed of what they see, doesn't mean they are being a cry baby.
Allowing someone to recognize their faults and pointing out their strengths is far more motivating than telling them they are a cry baby. Good for you for having that drive. Good for you for getting it done and bettering yourself. You do look fantastic, but other people may not have the same strength you have. Some need to be uplifted a bit to get past their heart aches.

It was in response to the narcissistic asshat comment thrown out there. I do think that's crybaby behavior.

Believe me, I totally understand how hard it is. I was overweight for YEARS. I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis and PCOS. I've had two kids. I convinced myself that no matter what I did, it was impossible to lose anything. I let myself stay fat. But I didn't shame other people who did work hard and who did look fantastic. My issues were mine. And ultimately I was the only one responsible for both gaining the weight, and losing it.

I'm not shaming those who,work hard and got a rocking bod. I'm shaming those who that's all they have going on in their life. And if all you (not you personally, the generic you) can talk about is how hot you are, you are a narcissist.

You have no idea what is, or is not, going on in anybody else's life but your own.

You assuming anything about a stranger on the internet's life, no matter what they post, is your first mistake.

A great way to avoid this is minding your own business, not taking everything at face value and dealing with your own issues.

PatheticNoetic

There's a difference (in my opinion) between an appreciation of some kind of physical societal standard of beauty and real appeal. I can look at a lot of these posters and appreciate their appearance like any other aesthetic item of art or creation. My real crushes though have always been different. Personality and conversation has always trumped appearance.

FindingMyPerfection

When I started here I had real insecurity issues. At first the "beautiful people threads" intimidated me. As I became familiar itch this community I became more comfortable sharing my successes. I posted pics and got overwhelmingly positive feedback. The first time I posted a pic I was at 175#'s. In the beautiful people threads I have relearned to display confidence in my self. It took some time but that confidence began to spill over to my real life. The beautiful people threads helped me heal my self-image as I changed my form. I am still years from my ideal, but I can say with confidence that I truly am one of the beautiful people, because I choose to see myself that way.

BonecrusherBrews

Great words OP. Thanks for the wisdom.

kgeyser

I used to weigh 365lbs the first time around when I used MFP. I'm about 240 now (didn't gain anything back, just making another push to go lower). It was a lot of work for me to lose a whole person basically. However, all you have to do to completely discount all that work is put me next time an ab guy from one of those beautiful people threads. Some guy who's lost a couple pounds to go from mildly fit to more fit will always be worth more than the guy who's lost 125lbs until the second guy ends up with abs. I'm sure that's just some karmatic punishment for getting fat in the first place so I accept it. Kissing some pretty persons butt though because you think they've worked so hard is just silly though. I've worked hard too. I just didn't get the same result.

I do not agree with this at all (or at least that it is the case the majority of the time). One of the most respected people (imo) on this site does not have visible abs. He has lost over 300lbs though and is extremely helpful and a truly nice person. He is respected for that and not 'worth less' than someone who does have visible abs...at all.

Ok, I'm going to be honest, I've been on here for a few months, and I have no idea who you are talking about in this post. Not saying this person doesn't exist or that they are not super awesome, I just have no idea who it is. From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss. Obviously, this could be a function of several things: they've been here a long time and people know that they know their stuff, they have lots of people on their FL so people know their backstories and are more apt to come out in support of them, they're just more talkative on the forums in general, etc. Not saying that anyone is a bad person or that they haven't worked hard for it, but as someone on the outside, there is definitely a feeling, at least to me, that the flattering picture people do get treated differently. I don't know if that's what the above poster meant (not sarahuk2sf, the poster she quoted), but the sentiment resonated with me from a community standpoint.

As someone else said, there's a lot of emotion associated with weight loss and I'm not going to discount that playing a role in how I interpret things. And while we all know logically that a person's worth is not determined by the number on the scale, it can be difficult to turn off those emotions. I'm not saying this is anyone's fault, or that people shouldn't show off their achievements, or that anyone is responsible for another person's emotions, it was just something I was thinking about as I was reading this thread.

sickofbeingfat1986

lmao no

sickofbeingfat1986

Am I the only one who has a Marilyn Manson song stuck in my head now??

lmao no

Sreneesa

There's a difference (in my opinion) between an appreciation of some kind of physical societal standard of beauty and real appeal. I can look at a lot of these posters and appreciate their appearance like any other aesthetic item of art or creation. My real crushes though have always been different. Personality and conversation has always trumped appearance.

Well said and dead on in what I was trying to convey. lol

loddie26

Great post!

Sarauk2sf

I used to weigh 365lbs the first time around when I used MFP. I'm about 240 now (didn't gain anything back, just making another push to go lower). It was a lot of work for me to lose a whole person basically. However, all you have to do to completely discount all that work is put me next time an ab guy from one of those beautiful people threads. Some guy who's lost a couple pounds to go from mildly fit to more fit will always be worth more than the guy who's lost 125lbs until the second guy ends up with abs. I'm sure that's just some karmatic punishment for getting fat in the first place so I accept it. Kissing some pretty persons butt though because you think they've worked so hard is just silly though. I've worked hard too. I just didn't get the same result.

I do not agree with this at all (or at least that it is the case the majority of the time). One of the most respected people (imo) on this site does not have visible abs. He has lost over 300lbs though and is extremely helpful and a truly nice person. He is respected for that and not 'worth less' than someone who does have visible abs...at all.

Ok, I'm going to be honest, I've been on here for a few months, and I have no idea who you are talking about in this post. Not saying this person doesn't exist or that they are not super awesome, I just have no idea who it is. From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss. Obviously, this could be a function of several things: they've been here a long time and people know that they know their stuff, they have lots of people on their FL so people know their backstories and are more apt to come out in support of them, they're just more talkative on the forums in general, etc. Not saying that anyone is a bad person or that they haven't worked hard for it, but as someone on the outside, there is definitely a feeling, at least to me, that the flattering picture people do get treated differently. I don't know if that's what the above poster meant (not sarahuk2sf, the poster she quoted), but the sentiment resonated with me from a community standpoint.

As someone else said, there's a lot of emotion associated with weight loss and I'm not going to discount that playing a role in how I interpret things. And while we all know logically that a person's worth is not determined by the number on the scale, it can be difficult to turn off those emotions. I'm not saying this is anyone's fault, or that people shouldn't show off their achievements, or that anyone is responsible for another person's emotions, it was just something I was thinking about as I was reading this thread.

It could be me, but I just do not see what you are seeing at all. The person who I was referring to is Ed Davenport - he even has a stickied thread about him - the sticky was requested by the community. How many 'ab people' can you say that about?

Iwishyouwell

From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss

If that is true, and I can't say it is one way or another as I don't delve into MFP social politics much, isn't that less an MFP phenom and more a life in general one?

People with traditionally accepted good looks, fit, lean bodies, tend to garner more attention. That's life. The accepted attractive, the fit, the outwardly "beautiful" tend to get attention on mere looks alone.

So someone with a killer six pack, on a fitness and weight loss site no less, surely is likely to have more followers than the 400lbs person who admirably cut down to 250lbs, but is still...250lbs. Most people's ultimate look isn't 250lbs, so we can't be surprised if folks gravitate toward the kind of people who have the bodies they either want, or want to be with.

delicious_cocktail

Ok, I'm going to be honest, I've been on here for a few months, and I have no idea who you are talking about in this post. Not saying this person doesn't exist or that they are not super awesome, I just have no idea who it is. From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss.

Really????????

I call total B.S. and am nigh upon crying troll.

This is the internet. I'm comprised of a 95x95 pixel image over there to the left, and a brain. That little picture over there is at a massive, massive disadvantage regardless of how hideous or beautiful I am. Because right now, these thoughts I'm thinking are going onto my computer via my keyboard. I'm going to click 'Post Reply' and they're going to shoot through a series of tubes to your computer, up on your screen, and you're going to be reading to yourself what I've typed. At that point, while that is happening, you will have my thoughts in your brain.

And if those are meritorious you will know, and if they are garbage you will know, and I can't imagine that tiny picture making any kind of difference when that sort of exchange is going on.

WeepingAngel81

Ok, I'm going to be honest, I've been on here for a few months, and I have no idea who you are talking about in this post. Not saying this person doesn't exist or that they are not super awesome, I just have no idea who it is. From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss.

Really????????

I call total B.S. and am nigh upon crying troll.

This is the internet. I'm comprised of a 95x95 pixel image over there to the left, and a brain. That little picture over there is at a massive, massive disadvantage regardless of how hideous or beautiful I am. Because right now, these thoughts I'm thinking are going onto my computer via my keyboard. I'm going to click 'Post Reply' and they're going to shoot through a series of tubes to your computer, up on your screen, and you're going to be reading to yourself what I've typed. At that point, while that is happening, you will have my thoughts in your brain.

And if those are meritorious you will know, and if they are garbage you will know, and I can't imagine that tiny picture making any kind of difference when that sort of exchange is going on.

QFT

And once again we go back to my point that people see only what they want to see. You only see people with flattering profile pics getting attention. Why is that? Possibly due to your own insecurities? I don't know...just asking a question. Not only that, but those with flattering pics are usually the ones who have the most awesome story behind how they got there in the first place, and THAT is what gets them respect.

VBnotbitter

I used to weigh 365lbs the first time around when I used MFP. I'm about 240 now (didn't gain anything back, just making another push to go lower). It was a lot of work for me to lose a whole person basically. However, all you have to do to completely discount all that work is put me next time an ab guy from one of those beautiful people threads. Some guy who's lost a couple pounds to go from mildly fit to more fit will always be worth more than the guy who's lost 125lbs until the second guy ends up with abs. I'm sure that's just some karmatic punishment for getting fat in the first place so I accept it. Kissing some pretty persons butt though because you think they've worked so hard is just silly though. I've worked hard too. I just didn't get the same result.

You are wrong. Neither person has intrinsic worth because of their physical appearance.

Although on the other hand, I would go out tonight but I haven't got a stitch to wear.

This man said "It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care"

for The Smiths quote :flowerforyou:

VBnotbitter

I used to weigh 365lbs the first time around when I used MFP. I'm about 240 now (didn't gain anything back, just making another push to go lower). It was a lot of work for me to lose a whole person basically. However, all you have to do to completely discount all that work is put me next time an ab guy from one of those beautiful people threads. Some guy who's lost a couple pounds to go from mildly fit to more fit will always be worth more than the guy who's lost 125lbs until the second guy ends up with abs. I'm sure that's just some karmatic punishment for getting fat in the first place so I accept it. Kissing some pretty persons butt though because you think they've worked so hard is just silly though. I've worked hard too. I just didn't get the same result.

I do not agree with this at all (or at least that it is the case the majority of the time). One of the most respected people (imo) on this site does not have visible abs. He has lost over 300lbs though and is extremely helpful and a truly nice person. He is respected for that and not 'worth less' than someone who does have visible abs...at all.

Ok, I'm going to be honest, I've been on here for a few months, and I have no idea who you are talking about in this post. Not saying this person doesn't exist or that they are not super awesome, I just have no idea who it is. From what I've observed being on this site, it seems to be the people with the flattering profile pics who get the most respect and attention as posters, even compared to those who have also had great achievements in weight loss. Obviously, this could be a function of several things: they've been here a long time and people know that they know their stuff, they have lots of people on their FL so people know their backstories and are more apt to come out in support of them, they're just more talkative on the forums in general, etc. Not saying that anyone is a bad person or that they haven't worked hard for it, but as someone on the outside, there is definitely a feeling, at least to me, that the flattering picture people do get treated differently. I don't know if that's what the above poster meant (not sarahuk2sf, the poster she quoted), but the sentiment resonated with me from a community standpoint.

As someone else said, there's a lot of emotion associated with weight loss and I'm not going to discount that playing a role in how I interpret things. And while we all know logically that a person's worth is not determined by the number on the scale, it can be difficult to turn off those emotions. I'm not saying this is anyone's fault, or that people shouldn't show off their achievements, or that anyone is responsible for another person's emotions, it was just something I was thinking about as I was reading this thread.

I've been here a similar length of time to you, with a similar number of post etc. I have a very limited FL and know nothing about people's back stories except what they choose to share over forums. I do not see it the way you are seeing it AT ALL. The people who get most respect are the ones who not only have some degree of personal success (be it achieving a desired physique, improving their health or reaching part way to goal) but are always willing to help others and share what they have learnt. Even if they get abused and called trolls or bullies as a result, they still keep trying to help.

I think you are correct though that you are viewing it through your own emotional blinkers.

msf74

I've found that it's best not to assume anything about someone about the way they look, lean or fat, or the challenges they may face or have overcome.

That said it is undoubtedly true that attractive people get the benefit of "The Halo Effect" whereby they get automatically attributed other positive characteristics even in the absence of evidence that such traits exist simply because of the way they look. That is as true of MFP as it is in real life.

mccindy72

I've found that it's best not to assume anything about someone about the way they look, lean or fat, or the challenges they may face or have overcome.

That said it is undoubtedly true that attractive people get the benefit of "The Halo Effect" whereby they get automatically attributed other positive characteristics even in the absence of evidence that such traits exist simply because of the way they look. That is as true of MFP as it is in real life.

I don't know that this is necessarily true. I've known beautiful girls who were pretty well detested because they had such an attitude about it.... and one of the most well-liked girls I've ever known is a very heavy girl with a fabulous attitude. She's smart, hilarious, and a great dancer. Everyone who meets her likes her and wants her as a friend. People might like to look at a pretty face or a figure but most people don't want to hang around a narcissistic *kitten*. If you're pretty and you act like that's all that is important, you're likely to be alone and pretty.