Pissed with my husband's negativity
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Just ignore him. Do what u think is best for u. If u are feeling great this is what is worth sty. And if he has problems with u feeling good, than the problem is in him, not u.
This is a marriage, not a science project partnership.
In a marriage a spouses problem is your problem.
The more I read this board the more I'm beginning to think that:
A. Quite a lot of unmarried people are giving marital advice.
or
B. Quite a lot of unsuccessfully married people are giving marital advice.
No, in a healthy, loving marriage you don't just get to say "this is YOUR problem, I'll do what I want".0 -
All I can say is you should take the advice given on this platform with a grain of salt because they have only heard one side of the story. Even if everything you posted is true, discussing your marital problems in this forum is not healthy either. I've been a pastor and chaplain for many years and would suggest you find a good counselor or pastor to discuss these matters. That's all I'll say, hope the both of you can resolve these issue.s0
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Just ignore him. Do what u think is best for u. If u are feeling great this is what is worth sty. And if he has problems with u feeling good, than the problem is in him, not u.
This is a marriage, not a science project partnership.
In a marriage a spouses problem is your problem.
The more I read this board the more I'm beginning to think that:
A. Quite a lot of unmarried people are giving marital advice.
or
B. Quite a lot of unsuccessfully married people are giving marital advice.
No, in a healthy, loving marriage you don't just get to say "this is YOUR problem, I'll do what I want".
With your own body? I really will do what I want with my own body, even if I were married now. Maybe that's why I'm not particularly interested in marriage, though (I'm not huge on running everything through someone else; it's true!)
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Just ignore him. Do what u think is best for u. If u are feeling great this is what is worth sty. And if he has problems with u feeling good, than the problem is in him, not u.
This is a marriage, not a science project partnership.
In a marriage a spouses problem is your problem.
The more I read this board the more I'm beginning to think that:
A. Quite a lot of unmarried people are giving marital advice.
or
B. Quite a lot of unsuccessfully married people are giving marital advice.
No, in a healthy, loving marriage you don't just get to say "this is YOUR problem, I'll do what I want".
So she should gain some weight back just because her husband wants her to? That's not exactly a healthy loving marriage, either.
God help anyone that turns to an internet message board for serious marriage advice and follows through with it instead of hashing it out with their spouse in private and/or in counseling if need be.
/married.0 -
He might be jealous of your progress. I would say that for your own health you probably should work to maintain yoru BMI rather than try to loose more. I know how you feel. I'm in a similar situation. Be proud of yoursef for your hard work and don't let him get you down.0
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First off, congrats on accomplishing your goal! Secondly, you look fantastic! All that being said, you and your husband are in a partnership for life, it is not realistic for you to just say, "oh, I am to emotional" and "I just do no matter what he thinks". You are not to emotional, you set and reached a goal and that joy should be shared by both of you. Granted, you do workout for your own benefit, but if he is having some insecurities about his own weight, that will not go away. Your continued success in your fitness goals will only make his insecurities stronger and will inevitably lead to issues.
I wish you much luck and ANYTIME you need a "Great job" let me know!0 -
OMG I would love to have a body like yours and I dont think I ever have or ever will but still I have an ideal goal weight for myself which I know I'll be happy with. You're gorgeous. It's what you think of yourself that matters the most. The person we are wanting to impress the most I think is that person who looks at us in the mirror each day. I won't diss ur husband or even tell you what I think of his comments, suffice to say there are 3 things that people want and need from their partners. The 3 A's and that is Acceptance (within reason, we should not accept abuse and that's including verbal with put down comments), Admiration (compliments), Appreciation. I did find this interesting though:
http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/for-women/whats-a-normal-body-mass-index-for-a-female.html0 -
Everyone seems to be on a downer at the husband, i feel sorry for him, seems like a good lad to me, anyone who likes KFC can't be all bad0
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First off, congrats on accomplishing your goal! Secondly, you look fantastic! All that being said, you and your husband are in a partnership for life, it is not realistic for you to just say, "oh, I am to emotional" and "I just do no matter what he thinks". You are not to emotional, you set and reached a goal and that joy should be shared by both of you. Granted, you do workout for your own benefit, but if he is having some insecurities about his own weight, that will not go away. Your continued success in your fitness goals will only make his insecurities stronger and will inevitably lead to issues.
I wish you much luck and ANYTIME you need a "Great job" let me know!
His personal issues about his mental state or his body are his issues, however, and if he is having difficulty dealing with the fact that his wife is pursuing a healthy lifestyle and body composition, he needs to seek some counseling with a professional who can help him process his feelings and learn better coping and communication strategies.
They may benefit from counsling together, but his behavior, assuming it was as she described, is a fairly typical maladaptive coping mechanism. It's unlikely that it's confined to this one relationship in his life, and the consequences of dealing with insecurities in this manner can be devestating, especially if it manifests in the workplace. For there to be any hope of him having healthy relationships with anyone, including his wife, he needs some healthy coping mechanisms for his feelings.
What she did, she did for her own well being. How he handled things with her was cruel and even emotionally abusive. That's not a way to go through life, and it's unlikely this was any less painful for him than it was for her. He just may not know how he should deal with those feelings.0 -
Just ignore him. Do what u think is best for u. If u are feeling great this is what is worth sty. And if he has problems with u feeling good, than the problem is in him, not u.
This is a marriage, not a science project partnership.
In a marriage a spouses problem is your problem.
The more I read this board the more I'm beginning to think that:
A. Quite a lot of unmarried people are giving marital advice.
or
B. Quite a lot of unsuccessfully married people are giving marital advice.
No, in a healthy, loving marriage you don't just get to say "this is YOUR problem, I'll do what I want".
With your own body? I really will do what I want with my own body, even if I were married now. Maybe that's why I'm not particularly interested in marriage, though (I'm not huge on running everything through someone else; it's true!)
Uh, no. I did not say you couldn't do anything you want "with your own body".
The OP said the husband's problem isn't the wife's problem. Go back and reread what she wrote.
And I said that in a marriage, a good one at least, your spouse's problem IS your problem to. That's the point of marriage.
So the OP, who looks amazing and has done a great job, loses weight, but her husband has internalized some issue with it, his problem IS her problem. That's something they'd have to work out together.
Nobody said you had to "run everything through" your spouse. I love my wife, love being married to this woman, but I didn't sit down with her and ask permission to lose weight. Jumping to conclusions.0 -
Everyone has a preference, i think one's partner can have a say if your body changes significantly with the exception of health reasons and child birth. If your husband suddenly decided he wanted to look like a sumo because it made him happy, i'm sure you would have a thing or 2 to say. We're all here wanting to lose weight because we want to look better and improve our health, so if looks did not matter, we try so hard?
It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way0 -
It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way
First, you're assuming that she was always heavier than she is now and that this is the fittest he has seen her. That's a big assumption.
You are absolutely entitled to your own proclivities as far as phsyical attraction, but if you base a marriage on that, forgetting that the other person is always free to alter something as mealleable as weight, you may not really be understanding the requirements of LTRs.0 -
It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way
First, you're assuming that she was always heavier than she is now and that this is the fittest he has seen her. That's a big assumption.
You are absolutely entitled to your own proclivities as far as phsyical attraction, but if you base a marriage on that, forgetting that the other person is always free to alter something as mealleable as weight, you may not really be understanding the requirements of LTRs.
I'm sorry but your only definition of voluptuous equals heavy? Seems like im not the one supposedly making assumptions. Not just in marriage but people will always have something to say about your weight and the impact of their negativity or positivity all depends on how important that person is to you.
Yes, OP is free to lose weight to be happy, i already established that but then according to everyone on here, her husband is not entitled to an opinion unless it's of a positive note. Did he ask her to sign divorce papers because she has lost too much weight? No! He has only said he thinks she lost too much weight0 -
It's alright to just jump on the bash wagon without looking at it from his point of view, i'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with OP but her husband married a more voluptuous woman, so he has a right to object he if thinks she's losing some of her curves but that of course, doesn't mean the OP should not do what makes her happy either. It's all about communication and compromise, only problem here is that your husband could have put his objections across in a more positive way
First, you're assuming that she was always heavier than she is now and that this is the fittest he has seen her. That's a big assumption.
You are absolutely entitled to your own proclivities as far as phsyical attraction, but if you base a marriage on that, forgetting that the other person is always free to alter something as mealleable as weight, you may not really be understanding the requirements of LTRs.
I'm sorry but your only definition of voluptuous equals heavy? Seems like im not the one supposedly making assumptions. Not just in marriage but people will always have something to say about your weight and the impact of their negativity or positivity all depends on how important that person is to you.
Yes, OP is free to lose weight to be happy, i already established that but then according to everyone on here, her husband is not entitled to an opinion unless it's of a positive note. Did he ask her to sign divorce papers because she has lost too much weight? No! He has only said he thinks she lost too much weight
There you go again with the assumptions. Next time read what I wrote before you respond.
As a human being, you are entitled to your own feelings, healthy or not. He is entitled to his and she is entitled to hers. If you're in a relationship and would like to remain in a relationship, however, you express feelings, needs, desires, etc. in menatlly healthy ways, not mentally abusive ways - at least if you would like to remain in a healthy relationship. He didn't ask her to sign divorce papers. He just lashed out in a mentally unhealthy way that indicates he either doesn't have or doesn't use healthy coping mechanisms. If he doesn't learn the healthy way to express feelings, he won't have to worry about being the one to serve papers.0 -
I'm wondering if I should leave my man after reading all of this great advice, or at least refuse to cook him dinner for a week, or maybe just give him the silent treatment. There are all these horrible things:
He LOVES a meaty woman. (I haven't always been one.) He told me he thought I was "scrawny" when we met. (I wasn't, I was really fit, like 50 or 60 pounds fitter.) He said he hopes I don't lose that much so I can keep my boobs--they're always one of the first things to shrink and he's a bit bummed. (For some odd reason he likes boobs. Crazy, I know.)
I may or may not have told him I think David Duchovny is insanely sexy, and kissed my computer screen in front of him when I saw a Californication update on Facebook. It's OK for me to do it, not for him like when he goes nuts over that one movie scene where you can see up Mila Jovovich's skirt.
Once I dyed my hair a lighter shade and he said it made me look old. He also told me I have the ugliest feet in the world. (This is actually true.)
Another time I told him his hair looks thinner on top when his hair is too long, and that I love his hair when it's short. He's a rocker, so this was hard for him to take.
This is a tough one, because he is absolutely my best friend and we have tons of fun together, but I'm worried now that we are both just two insecure, jealous jerks.
:brokenheart:
OP, many of the comments in this thread are WAY out of line. This is not that huge of a deal if you love each other. Talk it out, forget the Internet, and keep on loving each other.0 -
You forgot to show him the picture of David Duchovny and tell him he should look like that, even though he's better looking than David Duchovny...
And, your feet can't be worse than Shrek's feet... (and I hate feet...)
The big difference in what you posted and the OP's situation is all in the presentation. Her hubby is entitled to like whatever he likes and to express something she might find hurtful, he just should do it in an emotionally healthy way, like you and your man.0 -
My crystal ball says you leave him for an even older doc in about 3 years. One who snaps even more pics of you on the beach and what not.0
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You forgot to show him the picture of David Duchovny and tell him he should look like that, even though he's better looking than David Duchovny...
And, your feet can't be worse than Shrek's feet... (and I hate feet...)
The big difference in what you posted and the OP's situation is all in the presentation. Her hubby is entitled to like whatever he likes and to express something she might find hurtful, he just should do it in an emotionally healthy way, like you and your man.
Very, very true. But we haven't always done it well; we all have to learn things like this. My point, which I hope I got across in the last sentence, is that much of the advice here just sucks. They should work it out themselves, off the Internet, and learn how to have a healthy relationship.0 -
I'm wondering if I should leave my man after reading all of this great advice, or at least refuse to cook him dinner for a week, or maybe just give him the silent treatment. There are all these horrible things:
He LOVES a meaty woman. (I haven't always been one.) He told me he thought I was "scrawny" when we met. (I wasn't, I was really fit, like 50 or 60 pounds fitter.) He said he hopes I don't lose that much so I can keep my boobs--they're always one of the first things to shrink and he's a bit bummed. (For some odd reason he likes boobs. Crazy, I know.)
I may or may not have told him I think David Duchovny is insanely sexy, and kissed my computer screen in front of him when I saw a Californication update on Facebook. It's OK for me to do it, not for him like when he goes nuts over that one movie scene where you can see up Mila Jovovich's skirt.
Once I dyed my hair a lighter shade and he said it made me look old. He also told me I have the ugliest feet in the world. (This is actually true.)
Another time I told him his hair looks thinner on top when his hair is too long, and that I love his hair when it's short. He's a rocker, so this was hard for him to take.
This is a tough one, because he is absolutely my best friend and we have tons of fun together, but I'm worried now that we are both just two insecure, jealous jerks.
:brokenheart:
OP, many of the comments in this thread are WAY out of line. This is not that huge of a deal if you love each other. Talk it out, forget the Internet, and keep on loving each other.
Save your man! Get implants! Lots of women start saving now and it's their treat for losing the weight. :drinker:0 -
I don't know what to say. I wish I had advice. I hope you will be able to work things out and find a good resolution to this. You are very beautiful, fit, and healthy.0
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