I'm dying, 18,000 cal binge, final tommorow? :(

STLBADGIRL

I've never heard of anyone eating like this until your post. Thanks for opening my eyes. I really don't have nothing to add but a big ol :hug: I am a praying woman, so I will keep you in my prayers! Take care of yourself hun!!!

msf74

I've never heard of anyone eating like this until your post. Thanks for opening my eyes. I really don't have nothing to add but a big ol :hug: I am a praying woman, so I will keep you in my prayers! Take care of yourself hun!!!

It's more common than a lot of people think. Many people suffer in silence and think there is something wrong with them or that they are broken or that it is shameful behaviour - none of which is true.

It's a big issue and I think it will get worse in the short term, not better, unless we start discussing BED more openly and constructively as this thread has mostly done.

janeite1990

You really, really, really need a new therapist. If therapy isn't working, find someone who can help you make it work. Have you told your therapist that you don't think it is working?

Don't starve yourself. You don't need to punish yourself any more than you have, and eating normally isn't going to make that much difference over a one-day starve. Eat some healthy things, avoid any binge food triggers, and find a good way to study.

I am a professor, and I'm surprised how little students know about studying. There are good ways to study that will make you feel in control of the material. You should feel like you are in the driver's seat for your classes. If you don't feel that way, you should try some new methods.

brevislux

OP, you're a very intelligent young woman. I hope you manage to find a way to live on your own and won't have to deal with such negative comments that are obviously effecting you...

AsaThorsWoman

Make a grocery list with all your snacks, goodies, treats, coffee, teas, plenty of extra salad ingredients etc... buy your stuff, buy a gas card for your fuel, then give your credit/debit cards/ebt cards (please god don't let this be the case) to a trusted friend or family member who promises not to give them back until your test is done.

I've learned that if I can't practice self control, I can have a loved one practice it for me.

Nascha333

The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. I know how you feel, i've been there and will be there many, many times.
You feel horrible after, the utter disappointment, the shame, guilt and helplessness. I hate feeling like that but the truth is, you can't change what happened, it's in the past but you can move forward.

I have only been binge free 13 days now. Before that, i refused to acknowlege i had a problem with binging. Finally, one night after binging for the second time that week i addressed it and am moving forward one step at a time.
I think what has really helped me is keeping track of my binges. I have started posting about it daily to keep myself accountable for it.
Also, finding out what your trigger is. Mine is i like to reward myself with food when i am happy. My binging happens in the evening when i am watching my fav. shows.
I start with snacking, lose control, stuff my face. Half way through i realize what i am doing, (then comes the shame, guilt, blame, helplessness) then i think, oh well, you already screwed up everything, just continue. I do and then i end up eating until i feel sick to my stomach.
I also noticed that when i was trying to eat 100% clean and cutting out all junk food, i binged waaaay more. Now that i allow myself to have the stuff i enjoy but in moderation, it makes all the difference.

Learning to avoid triggers, or manage them. I am managing mine, i still eat when watching tv (even though originally i wanted to cut it out) but i plan my snack ahead and if i feel the urge to eat more i drink water instead.
Having support helps a lot! Weather you can confide in a friend, or your buddies here on mfp.
I know i will binge again, from what i've learned/read it's not something that i can overcome but something i can manage.
Best wishes, your on the right track! If you need a friend, i'm here.

AlongCame_Molly

It's not likely that your body will actually absorb all 20,000 of those calories. Your body will probably pass a large amount right through. Difficult to determine exactly how much, though, unless you want the entirety your next *kitten* analyzed. Good luck finding someone willing to do that for ya! :sick: :laugh:

Chalk it up to experience, eat sensibly for the next few days, and maybe go for an extra run or two. You will be fine.

SKINNYsupermodel

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I understand some of what you are going through. I did a lot of the same thing earlier this year, and I am trying so hard to stop. So far it has been pretty successful. What I would suggest is this; do not fast unless you honestly feel no desire to eat. Eat healthy portions of satisfying food, but do not force yourself to fast. I used to do this and it only made me feel deprived and more inclined to binge because I felt like I would never eat again (weird, I know). Also, keep your blood sugar levels up, so you never feel like you have the urge to eat tonnes of food. And also, be forgiving to yourself. It was one slip up, tomorrow is a new day. If you ate that much, perhaps it was because you were restricting too heavily before? Just a thought. Be kind to yourself and remember that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it All the best. Feel free to friend request me if you need some more support! I'm happy to help.

fitfreakymom

Good God! You haave way too much time on your hands. Get busy with friends and family and why are those things at your reach in the first place?

I would guess food is at her disposal because she's an adult human in a first-world country.
I think you should probably re-think that whole, "I'm a Christian" thing based on this post, ma'am.

FYI: Jesus associated with people who made much worse choices.

?? um I don't think her response had anything to do with god lol

_happycats_

I'm glad to hear you've been feeling better in the last few days :flowerforyou: I have been a university student for almost a decade now and I totally understand the stress can drive you crazy! I've always found that exercise helps but you might want to look into some other activities that help to calm you down when you start getting overwhelmed (without taking up too much of your study time); or to have a friend or family member you can call and talk to when you get the urge to binge. Then maybe you can get out of the house and go for a (quick) walk and vent to them. I have no experience with binging disorders so it's a pretty basic suggestion.

One of my best friends had a problem with binge eating when she was stressed or upset, and found that seeking a counsellor, and anti-anxiety medication worked wonders for her. Again, this is not my area of expertise, and everybody is different, but maybe it's helpful to add another story to the "you aren't alone" pile. You are ok

fitfreakymom

You guys are so awesome, thank you for standing up for me!

So yesterday I got done about half of my studying and fell asleep. I did overall end up eating more food than I usually do and didn't workout but I purposely ate whatever I wanted to because I didn't want to binge again. I overate a little, maybe 2,000-3,000 calories total, but thats way better than 20,000 calories. I felt kind of bad, but I do think I need to fix my relationship with food before anything. I can't binge everytime I eat something with sugar or excess sodium or food that is not "clean". I need to learn moderation, as well as to put aside studying and all my other problems when eating. Eating intuitively felt good, I wish I could do it more often without it leading to bingeing though.

I'm alone at the moment and almost binged on granola, but I just ended up have a single serving of yogurt and fruit. I just kept thinking IF I start eating the granola I know for sure I will end up eating buffalo wings in the freezer, cookie mix, etc and wasting all my time on eating food instead of studying.

For anyone that did read my other post, the bingeing isn't really super recent. I've had it since the end of high school when I got comments about my weight from my family (I was maybe 120 lbs, not even fat) and became super selfconscious. I know there is more to me than just my weight or how I look, but I've become extremely critical of myself as a result of living with them. They mostly believe fat people are disgusting, they "shun" them, think they have no chance at life. If you're fat, you're "ugly". No one will hire you, you'll never get married, you're lazy, you'll die of disease, you probably are prediabetic etc. And growing up, I always thought this was soooo wrong! Its not even true (atleast in my experience) When I was first called "fat" is when my food issues started, I hid food, ate it at night, but also counted calories. I never probably ate over 3,000 calories total at that time but it escalated to maybe 4/5,000 cal, then dieting back and forth and they're just getting bigger and bigger. I went a couple months w/o bingeing and got my a super low weight of 114 (my family loved me more than ever even though my ribcage showed, its sick) and then I started bingeing again 1 time per week, then 2x per week etc...You would not believe how much I go through to eat the food though. I get shouted at when its gone, my entire family points fingers at me, hold grudges etc. When I go out and binge, its even worse though b/c I can eat way more junk (ice cream, pizza). There are none of these things at home, my family is made of health nuts. The junk that is there is "for" my underweight brother, and its "hidden". But there are days where I call in sick from being too stuffed to the point I cannot even move. I spend the entire day eating and reading.

Anyways a couple hours of studying, and plan to work out after exam! And will respond to you guys, thanks for all the support

maybe they felt more comfortable around you when you were at your lower weight because they may have felt your issue with food is done with, it is very stressful living with someone who has a mental health issue and eating disorders it puts a tone of stress on all living in that environment. In our house I am the one who eats healthy and am getting my daughter on board with it and I can tell you from experience that when I see my husband in the kitchen making something to eat I have gotten after him for eating a loaf of bread in less than a day, or most of a plate of dessert , tub of ice cream in the matter of a few hrs ect because for me not only do I believe in portion control I am also a bit of a numbers person so when I see him say eat that entire loaf or tub of ice cream I see money being blown on food that should have lasted us more than 2 days and I can be stressful. He does not do it as much because I have told him that I meal plan so when I buy food things like fruit and veggies are for the most part fair game but other stuff is planned for certain meals. I also used to be an emotional eater so I know where you are coming from as far as wanting to eat when stressed and I was 220 pounds at my worst and decided that I never want to even come close to that anymore. Try not to be to upset with your family for their views they may just be stressed out and scared of the road you could go down and don't know how to stop it from happens. You may want to go to your health clinic at your school to see what they can do to help you an do your best to try to talk to your family about it and maybe they can try to help get you the help you need to deal with this, eating disorders suck *kitten* to have and are really hard to battle on your own.

azyzzam

UPDATE

Sorry for taking so long, it was a really busy week.

I'm going to be 100% honest with you guys on what is going on no matter how horrible it is because I appreciate your help and also I'm sure there are other people out there in a similar situation.

I ended up with a B+ for my physics exam and A+ on the practical. I'm proud of the practical but need to study more for physics I guess. But...

I binged horribly on Thursday last week before my exam. It was terrible. I was taking a study break and decided to have just one serving of granola, which turned into two, and then I opened a packet of cookie mix and ate about 1/3 of mixed up with eggs and coconut oil microwaved. I tried to stop myself but after the exam I ended up getting a whole pint if ice cream, soda, and a giant slice of cake. I ate that, plus a 3-4 servings of the buffalo wings, ramen noodles, cups of milk, the rest of the cookie mix, a whole packet of pudding, and whatever else I could find. (This was all at night, around 10-11pm)

After that day on Friday, I decided to do whatever it takes to stop bingeing. It feels so beyond my control but I know I can do it. For the past 2 months, I've never been able to eat normally for more than 3 or 4 days. It's always eat normal 3 days, binge 2 or 3 days, then repeat again and again. It's so depressing.

But I am on day 5 of eating 'normally'!!!! And working out everyday too!!! But I did weight myself and was pretty horrified that I have gained more weight than I thought I've basically undone 5 months of really hard work.

My struggles at the moment are my appearance. I know you guys have helped a lot already but I honestly keep thinking about how much weight I gained. It's sick but I'm disgusted by the stretch marks and I hate having to wear my moms clothes. I should be proud of breaking the 3/4 day binge diet cycle but instead all I can think about is how long it'll take to look like I did before (atleast a couple months) I know my weight doesn't define me, but it's so hard to change the way your think. I know I can learn from my mistakes, this weight gain is a lesson to learn from, but I feel like my mind is stuck, almost frozen.

Diet wise, what helped me not binge was adding a lot more veggies and not eating any oatmeal/granola or anything like peanut butter or Nutella that isn't a single serving. What I am having a hard time with is not eating at night. I'm eating enough but sometimes end up eating a snack around 200-300 cals at night and then feel guilty and add it to the next days cals. I'm still a little under/near maintenance at the moment despite having weight to lose (almost overweight bmi) but I'll focus on eating and working out consistently first.

I avoided a binge that would have been terrible just before writing this by thinking about what happened last time. I have class again tommorow and the day after and I knew if I binged I would be too sick to go to class and would fall behind, I would add more pounds to my weight gain, and would also not go to the gym tommorow morning (I love going there but not when I look pregnant)

I have a quiz tommorow and after taking a quick nap after which to study, I ended up eating a huge bowl of yogurt and protein bar (total 600 cals but still under daily cals) I was pretty much heading into the cupboard to get some oatmeal but I ended up drinking water instead. It would have easily been around a couple thousand if I had gone for it though because my stomach isn't stuffed already from bingeing the past couple days. Basically 2-3 cups of oatmeal, some milk and sugar, granola, Nutella, buffalo wings, and there is also a whole block of mozzerella cheese in the fridge. Trying my best to just eat normal, and hopefully I can be strong enough.

Thanks

Dewymorning

Glad to hear that most days you are eating near maintanence. I think to avoid triggering a binge you will have to lose weight at a very slow and steady pass, with only small deficits and increased exercise.

While it is great to get support from MFP, I think it might also be beneficial to seek professional help as it sounds like you have a compulsive eating disorder.

*hugs*

All the best at getting help.

onleethestrong

Good God! You haave way too much time on your hands. Get busy with friends and family and why are those things at your reach in the first place?

Real Christian thing to say!

OP, Ignore that please.... Do things to take care of yourself!

ironanimal

UPDATE

Sorry for taking so long, it was a really busy week.

I'm going to be 100% honest with you guys on what is going on no matter how horrible it is because I appreciate your help and also I'm sure there are other people out there in a similar situation.

I ended up with a B+ for my physics exam and A+ on the practical. I'm proud of the practical but need to study more for physics I guess. But...

I binged horribly on Thursday last week before my exam. It was terrible. I was taking a study break and decided to have just one serving of granola, which turned into two, and then I opened a packet of cookie mix and ate about 1/3 of mixed up with eggs and coconut oil microwaved. I tried to stop myself but after the exam I ended up getting a whole pint if ice cream, soda, and a giant slice of cake. I ate that, plus a 3-4 servings of the buffalo wings, ramen noodles, cups of milk, the rest of the cookie mix, a whole packet of pudding, and whatever else I could find. (This was all at night, around 10-11pm)

After that day on Friday, I decided to do whatever it takes to stop bingeing. It feels so beyond my control but I know I can do it. For the past 2 months, I've never been able to eat normally for more than 3 or 4 days. It's always eat normal 3 days, binge 2 or 3 days, then repeat again and again. It's so depressing.

But I am on day 5 of eating 'normally'!!!! And working out everyday too!!! But I did weight myself and was pretty horrified that I have gained more weight than I thought I've basically undone 5 months of really hard work.

My struggles at the moment are my appearance. I know you guys have helped a lot already but I honestly keep thinking about how much weight I gained. It's sick but I'm disgusted by the stretch marks and I hate having to wear my moms clothes. I should be proud of breaking the 3/4 day binge diet cycle but instead all I can think about is how long it'll take to look like I did before (atleast a couple months) I know my weight doesn't define me, but it's so hard to change the way your think. I know I can learn from my mistakes, this weight gain is a lesson to learn from, but I feel like my mind is stuck, almost frozen.

Diet wise, what helped me not binge was adding a lot more veggies and not eating any oatmeal/granola or anything like peanut butter or Nutella that isn't a single serving. What I am having a hard time with is not eating at night. I'm eating enough but sometimes end up eating a snack around 200-300 cals at night and then feel guilty and add it to the next days cals. I'm still a little under/near maintenance at the moment despite having weight to lose (almost overweight bmi) but I'll focus on eating and working out consistently first.

I avoided a binge that would have been terrible just before writing this by thinking about what happened last time. I have class again tommorow and the day after and I knew if I binged I would be too sick to go to class and would fall behind, I would add more pounds to my weight gain, and would also not go to the gym tommorow morning (I love going there but not when I look pregnant)

I have a quiz tommorow and after taking a quick nap after which to study, I ended up eating a huge bowl of yogurt and protein bar (total 600 cals but still under daily cals) I was pretty much heading into the cupboard to get some oatmeal but I ended up drinking water instead. It would have easily been around a couple thousand if I had gone for it though because my stomach isn't stuffed already from bingeing the past couple days. Basically 2-3 cups of oatmeal, some milk and sugar, granola, Nutella, buffalo wings, and there is also a whole block of mozzerella cheese in the fridge. Trying my best to just eat normal, and hopefully I can be strong enough.

Thanks

Your weight doesn't mean ****.

It's not stamped on your forehead, and the only people that and/or care about it are you and your overbearing mother.

Your weight is also not a direct correlation to your appearance. You can look ****ing awesome and be overweight, and you're not at that. You need to appreciate yourself for more than the number indicated on a piece of plastic (or whatever your scale is made of...). You're young, bright, the world is at your feet, and I'm pretty willing to bet you're a pretty young woman, too.

And now you're overcoming something that can hold a deathgrip over people for years.

Your weight doesn't mean ****. It doesn't affect your value. It doesn't even really have much of a bearing on how people perceive your overall appearance.

With that said, keep doing what you're doing. You have a lot to be proud of recently.

DianaAmorim

Just read this now. I know this words were not for me, but even though they made my day! I came up with this topic, 'cause I am feeling very stressed and lacking motivation, and on the edge to binge eat. But after reading your words, some of the weight in my shoulders is just gone. So, thank you!!

ScottF83

Still with us?

beth4dieting3

You have lots of good advice here and it all sounds healthy. I used to be a binge/purge person and no longer am. Feel free to friend me if you want and we can talk openly about this. I also recommend that you read my blog - 1fatchick2another.blogspot.com. I tackle weight loss, yes, but also everything that goes with it for someone who struggles with food - acceptance, forgiveness, self-sabotage, binging/purging, etc., etc. If you do read it, go allllllll the way to the first article and work your way up. All the best. Beth

Mydailytrack

Dear, don't hate/hurt yourself.. forgive yourself & move on.. I didn't read through each & every post written here.. My only advice is for you to try & get rid of junk from your pantry after your exams.. rest will fall in place.. on the brighter side, I see your ticker shows that you are around 130 (may be some plus or minus).. one very important tip is to get rid of that food which doesn't satisfy you in one small portion & which makes you go for several repeats..

Iwishyouwell

If somebody truly binge eats on 18,000 calories in a day, which is nine days worth of calories for some grown males, why are so many people cheering them on to ignore natural hunger cues and continue eating "normally" the next day?

A human body that has been subjected to that level of caloric overload in one day will NOT become genuinely hungry the following day. The mind might crave more of the type of food you binged on, but it will not be genuinely hungry for additional calories after that kind of haul.

Telling somebody to "eat normally" the next day, regardless of whether their body is actually truly hungry, is so irresponsible. A person dealing with out of control eating needs to move into a direction of learning what true hunger is, not just eating for eating sake because, on a societal level, we're foolishly so terrified of going without food...regardless of whether our bodies need it or not.